Whatever Forever

(Long story ahead)

This was a dear friend who started dating an ex right after I broke up with him (Scary time because he was abusive towards me and I didn't want the same for her) He turned me against her by talking shit and then turned her against me by doing the same. His friend and him pulled some dumb sneaky shit. Idk. It was a fucked up, dumb, and disgustingly toxic situation. I still hate him to this day and think he doesn't deserve any kind of happiness because of what he took away from me and made me go through and what he turned me into.

Anyway- I still followed her on social media of course and viewed her stories and posts as usual like anyone else and out of nowhere she posted this. It crushed me because I thought we were okay and that's when she showed me old messages from myself repeating what I heard from exs friend. He and his friends would talk badly about her while I was around and for some reason I listened because if not I would be coined an "attention whore/ rave slut/ island monkey bitch" by him. I should've stuck up for her and left then and there but I was a teenager who didn't know any better. He kept telling me no one would love me like he did and my dumb ass believed that. I think about all that nasty shit I've said back then because of him and his friends just out of fear. I wish I could apologize to her about it and apologize for not sticking up for her and the other girls they talked shit about. She's such a sweet person and because of this guy we turned into such nasty people who had to relearn who we were.

I still struggle with my eating disorder from this but I still understand why it happened. I'm relieved knowing that we both grew and escaped but I still literally debate on messaging her to apologize even after several years. Thats how much her friendship meant to me.