dirtgrub

everyone thinks i’m okay until i start asking what makes that sandwich so goddam good? like WHAT specifically?? and now they freak out

you remember when you were 17 and were talking with your bestie about the logistics of ACTUALLY becoming pirates thinking that it was a legitimate career option until you realized the problems with hygiene and also with being a woman surrounded by men in a place with no laws (not that it’s much better at a place WITH laws) and then you let that dream die only to become a cog in the corporate machine? yeah… me too…

you know when you watch a scary movie right before bed and you’re subconsciously freaked out by ghosts or whatever for the rest of the night? well last night i watched one of those jurassic world movies and in the middle of the night i had to get up for some water but i hesitated with one blaring thought in my mind …what if there’s a dinosaur in my room…

new coworker bonding trust exercise just dropped: have them hold on to your feet while they dangle you down the trash chute as you dig head first in the dumpster to try to retrieve the $1200 price gun you accidentally threw away