Books|Coffee

I’ve been wanting to talk to you.

When I watch K=dramas with old people, I cry a lot; remembering you.

When I had my first salary increase, I thought of you.

Nostalgia hits a lot. 

I miss you too much. 

I’m sorry I didn't meet you for the last time.

I’m doing well now. Still lost in my dreams. Still lost in chase of love. 

But I’m not lost in remembering how much you love me. 

2020 is a year that has been making us feel all over the edge. It has questioned our sanity, our purpose, life long dreams and also our faith. It has been a year that made us realize a lot of things that we couldn’t even phantom if we are going to be experiencing it differently. 

Rather than being negative about it, I’d like to make few points about how I saw it positively of course, this is my own experience.

The pandemic gave me time to experience how to become a teacher for kindergarten (my alternative dream), help primary students and even teacher research. It also didn’t stop in that, I experienced making things work for my students; from the cute science projects to theses🤦‍♀️! More so, I experienced what it feels like to see smiling faces everyday first thing in the morning because of my students. If you wish to see a little sunshine in this cloudy weather (see the stupid pandemic) then look at the faces of the students who are more resilient that we adults. They are my sunshine, those I love yous helped me get through the harsh reality that the pandemic has been looming over us. 

Next, the new found camaraderie that I had with other colleagues. I am an introverted person, I love to keep to myself, but I had to crack my shell, adjust my personality and let everyone in since they needed emotional support as I needed. We fought through a lot of storms in order to deliver quality education through distance learning.

Third, music. It has been my sanctuary, period. My recommendations are two albums that dominated my life upon their release, well before them I’m still into KPOP, ten years and counting: FOLKLORE 💯 AND EVERMORE. They are my life long jams. SHOUTOUT TO #TAYLOR SWIFT, you made 2020 a lot better. Thank you for your masterpiece!

Fourth and importantly,  I need to give all my kudos and my hats offs to my family and friends.

DEARS, through and through, you girls and guys have been the rock of my sanity. Well and also my insanity. We had witness love--- proposals, engagements and wedding, loneliness (let’s not go here), failures and triumphs. I’d really wanna see you girls and guys. I LOVE YOU.

JOHN AND JESSICA, my wind sails, every single thing under the sun is no secret to the both of you. Words will not do justice in how you saw my daily and filial struggles. You know me in my anxieties and my problems; my demons. Thank you.

LACSON-SUPAN, I will always be indebted to my core, my life.  You have given faith another meaning. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for talking to me always. Thank you for being there when I was not there for me. I will always dedicate my sucess and life to all of you.

and finally, I am thanking MY SAVIOR AND MY LORD, There hasn’t been a month that God has given me His grace. From my flight back in United Arab Emirates back in January to my negative tests results in COVID-19 swab tests, God delivered me in all the troubles. He triumph over my sins and my lacking personality. I lift up my life and dedicate everything to Him.

I’d like to welcome 2021 with a thankful heart and a hoping one. I’d like to pray for all the people who needs God in this very moment to give them their leap of faith and metanoia. I pray for their pains and their struggles that I hope this 2021 will be a year of healing. Well as for me, I pray that this year is a year of love and understanding and peace. 

You always know how to express my feelings.

Thank you.

Ive been jealous, angry and frustrated.

I keep seeking but answers are not coming.

I feel empty.

I feel shitty.

Please help me figure out.