I think itâs best I take this opportunity to tell you a story.
And because Iâve been asked to share my thoughts about resistance.
I think itâs best that the story be mine.
I was born of parents who were themselves children of refugees.
A generation who had no voice.
And didnât expect one.
My parents were, then, immigrants.
Who had no voice.
And didnât expect one.
My inheritance is wrought in silence.
A kind of sharp muteness
First alivened by the words of others.
Novels and poetry. Incisions into the dense cloth of consciousness.
I first felt that flash of recognition in dark rooms squinting at yellowing pages.
My motherâs marginalia cluttering the sides of her books that breathed life.
When her life was unbearable.
My inheritance, you see, is resistance.
My birth might as well have come with a small note of apology.
It might well have said âweâre sorry for taking up more brown space, weâll try our best not toâ
Itâs not that I was unwanted. At least, I donât think so.
Itâs more that they were unwanted. My parents. My grandparents.
Unwanted by the countries who took them.
Unwanted, in some way, by each other.
It turns out quiet runs in the blood.
I was raised in resistance.
A cloudy negation of life itself.
Itâs what I learned.
As a considerate child, I reviewed my options.
And felt it best that I say nothing.
Nothing came to feel natural in my throat.
(They took my tonsils anyway)
So I didnât speak. For a long time.
Until someone put me in a chicken costume.
On a stage.
I began to speak and it was a torrent.
All the lines in the school play flying out of my mouth.
Iâd stolen them from the other children.
Like the best thieves, I was a quiet one.
The revelation that I could speak brought the house down.
My body told me it was okay to speak when I pretended no one was there.
And so, willfully, I pretended. I pretend.
I pretend about a lot of things.
Creativity is the opposite of resistance.
I learned this. From Rilke first.
Then from a friend who saw me in my cage.
Who hauled me out with her teeth.
And smacked the breath back into me.
If you resist who you are, it comes for you anyway.
Words came for me, dragged me out of my sleep.
But resistance, well, itâs in my nature.
Like an alchoholic, Iâve come to depend on it
As a way of understanding myself.
I have a lot of liberty now.
But I know that silent, darkened place of no
As well as I know my waking body.
All this to say, I have a long acquaintance with resistance.
And have some thoughts Iâd like to share, if I may?
I think resistance is a fact.
Like fear, it exists.
Itâs best to know that you are not dealing with a malleable thing.
You may have to move other things around it.
So if we are collectively, in our resistance, hard, like a fact.
Then the hope is, other facts will change around us.
That our given circumstances will mold around our intractability.
The problem though, as we now know, is that facts are no longer real.
Our subjectivity changes what we are looking at.
(Remember Schroedinger?
And then thereâs all that fake news business.)
So if resistance is an attitude and not a fact.
And I am wrong and it is, in fact, malleable.
Then itâs our subjectivity thatâs important.
What is the correct way to see resistance?
Is it a living force of opposition?
A dense muteness?
An inheritance?
Or as Gandhi said, passivity.
To resist, he said, is to lay down resistance.
To stop fighting.
In stopping, you change the terms of the conversation.
In stopping, you cease to locate the subject of resistance as an outside force.
The subject of resistance is not the opposition.
It is resistance itself.
So, now I think this is really the key to our survival.
Not just mine.
But all of ours.
Trust Gandhi to solve a paradox. And make it actionable. Smartypants.
This is a long process.
We have to give up reacting.
And anger.
And judgement.
And say yes, to whatâs coming at us.
Even to whatâs coming for us.
Because the best resistance is acceptance.
A radical disengagement, a revolutionary breath in.
Unhooking from the hooks that trigger us.
This is how weâll win the war.
This is how weâll win the peace.
Our peace.
Justice.