Tell Me Something Good

Stop pretending you understand And I can stop pretending I don't want to punch you in the face.

Tonight you told me you couldn't imagine your life without me I smiled and mirrored your sentiment We hugged You dont know this but that was the closest I'd felt to another human being in a long time I've been drowning as of late Drowning in my own sea of unknowing Hiding my terror from you With smiles for your triumphs And laughter at your jokes You can't see me drowning But I am Slowly Agonizingly Tonight you told me you didn't want to be without me The most wonderful words I've heard in a long time A life saver in the middle of my tempestuous ocean You pulled me to shore Allowed the water to drain from my lungs Reminded me how to swim How to keep my head above water Tonight you reminded me how to feel Reminded me how to feel alive Tonight you reminded me I am alive I watch the tumultuous waves crash behind me as I dry on the sand Your words are ahead of me I follow them Shaking water away from me like I was oil Tonight you told me you couldn't imagine your life without me And I don't have to force the smile It comes all on its own Tonight you reminded me how to do more than survive Tonight you taught me how to be alive

You didn't say "thank you" But you're welcome anyway You're welcome for the tireless hours So you can yield effortless results You're welcome for the sleepless nights And anxiety ridden days All to bring you your bottom line without delay Without a hitch Without a scratch Everything perfect at the top Even as we buckle under the weight of your expectations You didn't say "thank you" But you're welcome anyway For all the bridges we built so you could burn them down For all the times we stoked the fires of your ego So you could remind us of our place Remind us of why you're so much better You didn't say "thank you" But you're welcome anyway And while you sit in your ivory towers Atop the wealth that others made for you Congratulating yourselves on being masters of the universe We are the ones below the pile Bearing it's weight and holding you up We are the ones behind the scenes Planning and artfully executing Making sure your shit never hits the fan You didn't say "thank you" But that's OK No need to thank us You're welcome anyway.

"Turn off the stove, that food's ready!" She shouts from the room down the hall Except no one is cooking anything She's smelling a memory Buried in the past But still front and center for her Even as everything else left her Even as the madness descended Forcing her to forget Her home address Her children's names How to tie her shoes It still hadn't figured out how to take this memory This smell The smell of a dish Her favorite dish She loved it so much She learned to remember how it smelled the minute it finished cooking Her mother calling down the hall "Baby girl, turn off the stove, that food is ready. Go eat" Her mother used to make it special just for her And she always recognized that smell When the rest left her As her life faded from her mind This remained "Momma always made it just for me" She says to her granddaughter But she doesn't know the woman sitting with her is her granddaughter She's forgotten her along with the rest Her granddaughter doesn't ask what the dish is That memory has been gone for a while Soon the smell will be too She doesn't want to confuse her grandmother Instead she let's her hold that memory of the smell For as long as she can Even if only a little bit longer No use in spoiling the moment Instead she leans in and says "I bet it'll be delicious, let me get us some bowls."

I’ve just given up

I could try to paint your picture as I remember you Problem is, I don’t remember you I never knew you And you never knew me You had already gone before I was born They say we have pictures as a way to remember those who passed before us Your pictures are the only thing I have to know you I have your nose and your hair And I wish I could really know you Hear your voice Listen to your stories But we can’t live forever Instead I have pictures And the things other people tell me about you People who knew you I drum up my picture of you in my mind I wonder if it’s similar to the real you I can’t know So I talk to the image I've created of you Ask you my questions Problem is, you can’t answer So I stare at a picture of you from when you were young I look just like you I think this is why I’m so curious about you I wish we knew each other.

Tennessee Girl Sweeten my own iced tea Tennessee Girl Smells like honeysuckle Tennessee Girl Secret recipe for the perfect BBQ sauce And, no, you can't have it Tennessee Girl Wears cowboy boots to actually ride horses Tennessee Girl Not afraid to shovel shit in the barn Tennessee Girl Never been in a beauty pageant Tennessee Girl Not a debutante Tennessee Girl Says fuck junior league Tennessee Girl Wears shoes daily Tennessee Girl Don't own a pair of overalls Tennessee Girl Yes, a thick accent Tennessee Girl But, no, not stupid Tennessee Girl Learned to to speak with a non regional dialect Tennessee Girl Graduated college with honors Tennessee Girl Far more liberal than your prejudgment expects Tennessee Girl Thinks equal rights should actually be equal Tennessee Girl Believes in the rights of gay marriage Tennessee Girl Supports the right to have an abortion Tennessee Girl Thinks marijuana should be legal Tennessee Girl Believes in God Tennessee Girl Believes in faith and prayer Tennessee Girl No tent revival Tennessee Girl Not a hick Tennessee Girl Not a redneck Tennessee Girl Never fucked my cousin Tennessee Girl Not inbred Tennessee Girl Not ignorant Tennessee Girl NOT a racist Tennessee Girl Highly educated fuck you very much Tennessee Girl Smarter than you think I am Tennessee Girl Much smarter than you think I am

If a boy teases you it does not mean he likes you Do not fall into this trap An age old school of thought that has women thinking: "Underneath it all he really loves me." This is fucking bullshit When he is dictating the very clothes you put on your back so that you don't look "slutty" He does not love you. When he is ditching your date night to get lit with his derelict friends He does not love you. When he tells you you're unattractive He does not love you. When you come home to find your key to his apartment no longer works He does not love you. When you find him in bed with another woman He does not love you. When you find him in bed with two other women He does not love you. When he tells you you're lucky to have him He does not love you. When he tells you no other man would put up with you He does not love you. When he makes you cry on purpose He does not love you. When he tells you you're ugly and fat He does not love you. When his fist is connecting with the skin on your face He does not love you. When he swears it will never happen again He does not love you. When it happens again He does not love you. When he tells you it was your fault as you smear makeup on to hide the bruises He does not love you. When you defend him to your worried friends He does not love you. When he yells at you in front of company just to embarrass you He does not love you. When he drags you out of bed in the middle of the night and makes you sleep on the couch He does not love you. Every time he convinces you to take him back He does not love you. When you say he didn't mean any of it You do not love yourself. Mistreatment does not mean he likes you and it definitely does not mean he loves you.

You who slapped my face until I was stunned You who ran away and left me broken in the street Rape is not a crime committed by my clothes It is a crime committed by people People who think they are above the law People who think I am below it Don't blame the clothes I wear Telling me that my short skirt or high heels are the reason this happened When you push blame on me Push blame on the victims You only make it easier for the guilty to walk free For the guilty to justify that they did nothing wrong Rape is not a crime committed by our clothes It is a crime committed by those who think no one will stop them

Please eat something. I made dinner for us I thought we could sit at the table together Like we used to I made something healthy Salad With chicken and fresh veggies I'm sure the calorie count is low You don't have to put dressing on it I know that's too many calories for you Just, please, eat some salad with me Promise me you'll have a few bites of the chicken Please, please have dinner with me It's just dinner I promise I'm not trying to poison you Or make you fat I just want to eat a meal with you Your bones are sticking out too far Doesn't it worry you? Don't you feel sick? Don't you feel hungry? You can't keep explaining away the fainting Can't keep making up reasons for why your hair is falling out It's not a bad bottle of shampoo It's the starvation We both know it I can count each of your ribs through your shirt Every vertebrae in your back looks like they're about to jump out of your skin. The purple bruises under your eyes are getting worse You don't just look tired anymore You look like you're dying. Please eat with me Just one meal Just a few bites I swear you'll like it It's only a salad I made it healthy I made it for you Please don't go into your room Don't shut the door Don't shut me out. Please Just have dinner with me Like we used to I miss hearing you laugh You don't laugh anymore Just sit at the table with me Just eat a little something with me Please, Please, Please.

Dear Mom, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Before deployment created the distance Before it separated me from you I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much. Never knew the space between could feel so expansive. I never knew nights could be so dark So long So empty So lonely I never knew what it was to cry at random Or be unable to get out of bed I didn't know a person could have this kind of ache I didn't know how painful missing part of your soul could be Before the distance I had no clue But the distance is now And I guess I am learning Sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly breathe Sometimes the crying comes and won't stop Every morning I have to push myself out of bed And into the day Before the distance I never knew what it really was to feel sad It's an ache that settles itself into your bones Sets up camp in your joints Creates its own zip code in your mind Every day that ship carries you further away from me The sadness roots itself deeper Becoming a little bit more painful A little bit more unbearable But I bear it What else could I do? It's either this or not having you at all Not having you at all would hurt worse That's a distance with no end A separation of forever No before or after Just an unending now… At least this distance is finite Won't last forever But they never tell you Before you experience deployment That one month One week Even a single day apart Can feel like their own kinds of forever Deployment is like a canyon You can see the other side just fine But there is no easy or quick way across All you can do is take your time Climb down the canyon walls slowly Walk through the distance Until you reach the end of it at the other side.

The next time you look at me with those eyes that judge, I’ll know you can’t see me, but I won't really care. Try finding yourself a new hobby. My large behind and I ain’t got time for your silly little eyes or their silly little judgments.

You think you are hiding yourself away for the benefit of others You think you are avoiding confrontation by not speaking at all You think no one notices you But everyone notices the "weird girl" Everyone notices the loner who purposefully keeps herself separate They make you the target of their snarky jokes But you let them do it Instead of confronting the situation You retreat further into the small corner of life you've chosen for yourself Continue to keep your vocal cords under strict lock and key You tell yourself that if you just stay in your corner Just stay quiet The others will eventually leave you alone And you might make it out alive But, Quiet Girl, what's the point of life if you're not really living? Sitting in your corner in silence You let the world pass you by No, you let the world pass over you Burying you beneath everything it has to offer Everything you tell yourself you cannot rise to Quiet Girl, get out of that dark corner Quit sitting in silence Remember that no one puts Baby in the corner Know that you have something to say and you have something to offer Learn to raise your voice But try not to raise your fists If you do have to raise your fists Make sure it's always to end something And never to start something Quiet Girl, don't be the quiet girl anymore Come out of your corner Leave its dark recesses behind you Instead of enveloping you Do not keep yourself in the corner anymore The corner can't save you Because there's nothing you need to be saved from Except maybe that damned corner Quiet Girl learn to use your voice Claw your way out of the corner Kick Scream if you have to Use your voice Don't keep yourself locked in your own chains anymore Don't worry about what the rest will say Bring yourself out of the shadows Quiet Girl, don't go back to keeping yourself in the corner Work hard Fight harder Push through the muck Push through the barriers Push yourself out Expand into the world Do not retreat and curl up in the dark corner And stop using your excuses You don't want to be the victim anymore? Then quit playing the part You want to be a leading lady? Fight for the role Take it if you have to Quit forcing yourself to be soft Just so others won't judge you They already judge you for being too soft Wouldn't you rather be judged for being yourself? Or are you content with being judged  For the wallflower you've let them make you? Quiet Girl, don't be quiet anymore. Get out of the corner! I'll drag you out myself if I have to Just get out of that damned corner!

Why can't you ever call me by my name?

When he touches me His hands don't lie When he runs his fingers through the strands of my hair Gently tugging I suddenly know truth I suddenly feel his truth When he touches me those hands don't lie His palms are steady as they trace their way along the insides of my thighs His hands are firm as they run the length of my body His hips are strong as they settle themselves at the apex between my legs He says "Baby, I wanna have a religious experience with you..." "Wanna have a religious experience, inside you" He touches me and I come alive When he touches me I feel electric My body electric My skin alight with fire The flames licking their way towards the sky He takes me higher, higher He touches me and I feel... Over the moon Beyond the stars I feel inter-galactic I feel... stellar When he touches me I'm like a supernova Spiraling out of orbit Somewhere past the recesses of Pluto I hear him whisper... "Baby, I wanna know you... Biblically." And he touches me And when he touches me My God, when he touches me His hands Those hands My God, his hands They never lie.