DFKNL

in a world where I constantly feel like I'm out of time

so let me tattoo your name to the walls of my skull

that way I won't forget what it feels like

to have you as something permanent again

in my mind, at least

Somehow we met again today and it took everything within me not to look at you the way that I used to, to stop myself from noticing that everything between us felt so different and so much the same, that it made my heart turn and my legs weak, that I could feel my knees shake out of habit maybe that was my body trying to  stand up for itself after already being broken, maybe those butterflies in my stomach are just what countless nights spent trying to swallow the thought of you leaving feels like, maybe that lump in my throat is pride trying to claw its way back out to tell you that maybe all of this  is because of you, that maybe I still miss you the way that I used to

The same way you get over someone you have dated; endless nights binging on cheesy netflix rom-coms, a shit load of strawberry cheesecake ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s, you can thank me later), copious amounts of time confiding/pouring your heart out to your closest friend/s and getting closure from said ‘someone’ (although I totally understand this is not always possible but it’s definitely a helpful bonus). Also a creative outlet or hobby does wonders. Try writing, or picking up a new book or learning an instrument!

who were so much the same

could hurt so differently

and it came down to the fact that

at the end of it all

You had left a void -

And I had filled one

and never have I so badly wanted

to taste the Devil

I used to think we completed each other

because we were so alike

but you can't finish

a puzzle

made up of all the

same pieces

I want to learn how to catch

fire with these hands

so that on the days it feels like

your heart is but a soft glow

I can set your soul alight once more

You are a garden of sweet things and bitter things and the nervous strum of butterfly wings beneath my chest.

You are lilac and gooseberries and cherry blossom hues smeared across sunsets, that settle against your skin.

You are a mountain that I cannot move; so instead I make a home of you. I set up camp at the base of your rib but I keep getting lost trying to find my way to your heart.

You are an entire universe compressed into a woman and I drape myself in your existence. You smile affection like a daydream and wear it like a halo. You chuckle and it sounds like music. You laugh and it sounds like the next 60 years of my life. You speak as though there are constellations stuck to the roof of your mouth and although there's nothing but space between us, I hang onto every stardusted word that dares to leave its print in the sky.

You are all of these things

And none of them.

I still think about us sometimes through the “thank you’s” and “best wishes” And I still keep a box of all the things you gave me tucked away in a spare room behind my smile. It’s filled with all of the habits that I keep forgetting to return to you,  like the way you can’t look love in the eye or the way your words tremble, and fall,  in the face of affection. I wear them as my own now and I’m not really sure if I should give these back because you look so beautiful without them.

One day that little light inside will start to dim and you’ll likely find yourself huddled around smoke and embers of  something that was once ablaze And so we make the mistake of lighting fires in other people hoping they’ll share some of the warmth. Instead she gave me wings, let me fly too close to the sun and watched as I fell, wondering if she placed these stars in the sky.