Musings From The Mind of a Fangirl 101

Y'all, strap in, 'cause I got words to word!

One Sentence Summary:

She is a spinster wallflower with a secret lockpick hobby, and he’s plotting to betray her for revenge.

Name That Trope:

Upper class heroine + commoner hero = CLASS! DIVIDE!

She’s Gonna Marry That Boy [not-the-hero] Some Day

Hey I Just Met You, And This Is Crazy, But Imma Sabotage Your Wedding, Sorry Baby

“Please, Mr Hot Stranger! Teach me how to seduce my fiance!”

Regency Not In A Ballroom

What part made you fangirl squeal:

That heart-bleedingingly brutal internal conflict climax when our OTP hurt each other with words. I was obliterated with pain and I loved it and hi I’m apparently a masochist.

When cotton candy & childhood neglect were turned into the most romantic, ovary-’splodey thing I ever read in my got-dang life!

WHEN OUR GAL DONE PICKED AN UNPICKABLE LOCK! The amount of female competency porn in this book is life giving.

When Devil is storytelling about a god who only sees the past & the future, cause it 100% reflected our hero! Boy is obsessed with future revenge while being tormented by past tragedies. Good writing is orgasmic!

[oh! speaking of orgasmic!] When our smuggler hero slipped into his Cockney accent and dropped the F bomb, I dropped my panties!

Favorite Character:

Favorite characterS? Oh that’s easy. Felicity and Devil, because I ain’t out here trying to pick between perfection.

Our heroine is relatably compelling in her longing for acceptance. She rocks competency, independence, AND sasstacular wit. She’s got “dimples on her round belly” and even rescues the distressed hero! SHE IS GOALS!

Our hero is tormented by emotastic sads rooted in parental abuse and neglect. His revenge boner for his bro is all consuming. He is alpha-vulnerable without crossing into Dickhole territory. HE IS SECRETLY A FLUFF MUFFIN!

How smexy was the smex?

GET YO BLOOMERS BRACED, MY PEEPS!

Our boy gets happy-pants over Felicity whispering “That’s it, baby” to her unpickable lock. His dirty mind + her competency + his awe over her skill = CATNIP!

So! Much! GOOD SEX DIALOGUE! It’s emotionally sexy, and I’m here for Characters Talking During Pound Town.

That oral fun-time on the whispering bench? Wowza! This book makes outdoor sex sexy.

Whose Line Is It Anyway:

Felicity,18% into the book: When you are ignored by the stars, you wonder if you might ever burn bright.

Devil, 75% into the book: I wish to make you burn until you've made the stars jealous of your heat.

*****

‘She wasn’t a simpleton. She was fascinating. Smart-mouthed and curious and more comfortable in the darkness than he would have imagined. And with a smile that made a man pay attention. It was a pity he’d have to ruin her.’

*****

Devil: The roof was an excellent choice. 

Felicity: Why? 

Devil: Because when you scream your pleasure to the night, you can be as loud as you like.

*****

‘It should be illegal for a woman like Felicity Faircloth to say the word passion. It conjured images of wide expanses of skin and beautiful, mahogany locks across white sheets. It made a man wonder how she would arch her back to his touch, how she might ask for it. How she might direct it. How her hand would feel on his, moving his fingers to the precise location she wanted them. How her fingers would feel against his scalp as she moved his mouth to the precise location she wanted it. Thank God they were standing fifteen feet from a hold full of ice.’

*****

Devil: Lockpicking isn't the kind of skill one expects a woman to have.

Felicity: It's exactly the kind of skill we should have. Our whole world is built by men. For them. And we're simply here for decoration, brought in at at end of everything important. Well, I grow tired of ends. Locks are beginnings.

Got any bitching to do?

Admittedly there was a moment during one sex scene that just puzzled the fuck out of me. Felicity is sitting on top of an ice block, Devil’s smooching on her neck, then he slides down to her boobs while he simultaneously “tucked his hard length against her," &...huh?! I've never been more confused over sex logistics in my life!

But the enthusiastic dry humping made up for that, so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Visually Depict Yo Book Feels:

Famous last words:

If it were possible to give a book a standing ovation, I’d be on my feet clapping! This puppy is the literal definition of Good Book Noise™. It was an excellently paced romantic story about 2 wonderful human beings who are flawed in such compelling ways.

From an entire cast of soul-snatching characters to the fact that the story is 98% internally driven with 2% external conflict about a bad guy who [likely] isn’t bad; this book does it all. It’s emotional and moving and so goddamn good it makes you proud to be a romance reader!

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One Sentence Summary:

She's a Puerto Rican nerd posing as her super model twin sister, and he’s a smitten, black football star.

Name That Trope:

Fuck buddies with an expiration date

I’m Not Who You Think I Am (heroine-in-deception)

Hero with Capital-t Trust issues

Nerdtastic heroine; speaks 5 languages, including Elvish!

Tattoos & Piercings & Body Art, Oh My! [Heroine Edition]

What part made you fangirl squeal:

SO! MUCH! SMEXTASTIC! BANGING!

When our WOC heroine, working in the tech industry, tells off her racist, sexist, piece-of-shit boss with the best monologue in the history of monologues...?! Guys that tea was piping hot!

Shy, awkward Sophia nerding out during her App creation brainstorm session WAS FAN-GODDAMN-GASMIC! It was next level competency porn.

Our conflict resolution pops off not with “Rich Hero Saves The Day” but instead with “Rich Hero Networks So Heroine Can Save The Day!” MY SWOONS WENT SWOONY!

Favorite Character:

Oh Sophia, fo’sure!

While the book writes both characters hella well, it connects most with our heroine. She's spunky and creative and she defies stereotypes in every conceivable way. Truly, our chick is a force of awesome NOT to be fucked with!

Sophia is a BAMF who doesn't just hilariously & affectionately call her vagina a whore for lusting after the hero....She ALSO carries the novel’s conflict (all while the hero’s Issues™ fuel her lie.)

tl;dr? She queen WORSHIP! HER!

How smexy was the smex?

THIS HERO THROWS OUT HOT-TALK LIKE I THROW OFF BRAS! 

His mouth did so much orgasmic stuff, like ejecting the words, “I can give you a tour. Or I can take you to the bedroom and bury my face between your legs. Your choice."

How did my bitch-ass, weak-ass survive this hero...AND this heroine?! Like, her giving her man's fingers some oral lovin’ was the hottest, sexiest, most dialogue-blessed scene on God’s Earth!

Our book starts with a photoshoot meet-cute that so sexually charged a bitch went comatose...then ends with the Holy Sex Trinity; finger blow jobs, car-sex & wall-sex!

NONE OF THOSE SHOULD BE HOT BUT OH MY ‘SPLODEY OVARIES IT WAS HOT!

Whose Line Is It Anyway:

"He and his dick were going to have a serious Come To Jesus talk about professionalism."

*****

Sis: I can't be in two places at once.

Her: Not unless you want to dissolve into a gelatinous glob of goo before bursting into tiny particles.

*****

"If a kiss could be deemed sex, she considered herself well and truly fucked." 

*****

"When you let people define your world, it will always be too small for you." 

Got any bitching to do?

A BITCH BE BITCH-FREE!

Visually Depict Yo Book Feels:

Famous last words:

READ! INCLUSIVE! OWN! VOICES! AUTHORS!

Y’all peeps who dismiss characters because they don’t reflect your melanin aren’t just being problematic AF; you’re literally denying yourself so much good shit.

Exhibit A; THIS BOOK!

Scoring With The Wrong Twin had an explosively hot OTP, a supportive sismance, an excellently paced conflict, and tons of emotional, sexy nuance! It had all the things, hell- it WAS all the things. Imma need all y'all humans to read it. Right now.

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MY FANGIRL BLOOMERS ARE FLOWERING, Y’ALL!

One Sentence Summary:

She’s a pronoun indifferent, non-binary AFAB disguised as a man running a long con & he’s her bisexual, Darcy-clone, new BFF.

Name That Trope:

Sloooooow burn romtastic romance

Gay Panic Is A Unicorn [It Doesn’t Exist]

Prim & Proper stuffy hero falls for a DGAF free spirit love interest

Non-virgin widowed heroine

“We Can’t Be Together”

What part made you fangirl squeal:

When the plot put our AFAB enby in a dress and DIDN’T pull the "Tada! They sexy now!" bullshit. MY FANGIRL HEART WENT POP!

How the 3rd act’s internal conflict is half-resolved by both the hero’s dad’s lover & the heroine’s BFF butler rocking dialogue that did big things to the plot...and to my feeeeeeeeeeeeels!

How both our leads shared an equally remarkable character arc?! Her living her truth as her enby self, him learning money for the sake of money means nothing? Romances with social commentaries are hot don’t @ me.

When our hero called his heroine-induced-erection a “predictable bastard.” Fangirl lols are really real.

THAT! REJECTED! MARRIAGE! PROPOSAL! Watching her defend her right to independence, and pushing against the gender role that marriage would place her in, was feministly amazeballs! It was a marriage rejection was so lit even Lizzie Bennet would be proud.

OUR DARCY-TASTIC HERO! He is, and I quote, “so wrapped in layers of wealth & rank he’s all but invisible.” And when asked to dance he replies with “Why would I?” My happy squeaks were happily squeaky!

Favorite Character:

OH FUUUUUCK YOU, ME, FOR MAKING ME PICK! It hurts my heart to do it, but if I must? Under the threat of execution?! Fine... Charity/Robbie. This heroine is a goddamn hero!

She owns her body & her sexuality. She shades capitalism. She tells the hero, “Get back to kissing me.” She is honorable and loyal and protective and reliable and badass and loving and giving AND I ADORE HER WITH ALL MY ADORBS!

How smexy was the smex?

I don’t wanna grump...but I gotta. Sorta.* Honestly...the sex is super-duper rushed. We don’t spend much time (if any) on detail, so it feels pretty perfunctory. That said, I can’t truly call the sex a Point of Bitchery because, well...the plot didn’t have time for expansive Pound Town. Too much other great shit happened!   

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"Love carried a weight that was heavier than honor or prudence.”

*****

“Fine. If she wanted pleasure, he could give her that. If she wanted to break his heart more comprehensively than might otherwise have been the case, then so be it. His heart was hers to break.”

*****

Robbie/Charity: Well, there’s no point to having money unless you spend it, and there’s no point to having rank and privilege unless you use them. 

Alistair: My ancestors used all of the above to hold orgies. 

Robbie/Charity: No, they used them to be happy. And for them, I suppose that meant orgies, although one might wish they could also have found happiness in establishing hospitals or endowing artists. And think of how inconvenient it must be to have one’s happiness hinge on orgies. I think I pity your ancestors. Consider the logistics.

Got any bitching to do?

NONE!*

*see 2 above

Visually Depict Yo Book Feels:

Famous last words:

This is the best Woman Disguised As A Man book I’ve ever read, and frankly? It’s what EVERY incarnation of this trope should aim to be.

Gimme heroes who give 0 fucks about their newfound or longtime sexuality. Gimme AFAB enbies (or trans!) love interests that live their truth in all the ways that means!

Because fuck gay panic and fuck gender roles.

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OTP feels are the best feels.

One Sentence Summary:

She's his BFF’s fireball sister-in-law, & he's a shy, virgin, Football player with a big ol’ crush.

Name That Trope:

He Loves Her But She’s ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ About Him

Bearded, Man-Bun-Having Jason Momoa hero + Outspoken Tinkerbell heroine

Temporary houseguests = forced proximity

Long distance relationship FEEEEEEEELINGS!

Heroine with an identity crisis

What part made you fangirl squeal:

When our hero Dex worked his infant-magic and, among other things, wore a chest babysling to carry his nephew?!?!?! My ass went Fangirl 9000 over this baby-whisperer gender role reversal!

When Fiona fucking OWNED her backstabbing co-worker. I’m so here for women standing up to toxic women.

Literally every single time our man was putty at Fiona's feet; HE WAS HER SEXY HAPPY-PUPPY!

The fact that we got a black! gay! football player! When our straight hero shared playful, flirty banter with him because Dex's masculinity isn’t toxic, fragile, OR homophobic!? I lived.

How immediately after the One And Only Time hero-hottie majorly fucked up, he owns his fuck up with a genuine, real-ass apology!

Favorite Character:

FUCK YOU, ME, FOR MAKING ME PICK!

Fiona: Diminutive in size, big in personality! Voices her thirst and her thoughts whenever she feels like it! Is bold! Has Issues™ and opinions! Kicks creative ass!

Dex: Big in size, quiet in personality! Has secret lust and keeps his thoughts to himself! Is restrained! Has Feelings ™ and thirst! Is a secret photorealist painter! 

How smexy was the smex?

EXPLODES OVARIES! COMES FOR YOUR LUST! IS HOT!!!! Seriously, this book does it all.

There’s everything from 1st-kiss-turned-public-dry-hump-fun [followed by Dex shutting down Fuck Boys], to a fingerbang session [followed by Dex grinding his horniness against the counter while fixing Fiona breakfast in post-orgasmic bed], to dirty talk, to outdoor beard-on-titty action!

Also did I mention Mr Sensitive Soul Dex has two Frenum piercings?!?! A BITCH WASN’T READY!

Whose Line Is It Anyway:

”Some guys are alpha dogs, snarling and snapping. Dex is more like a silverback gorilla, quietly going about his business until something pisses him off and he gives a warning.”

*****

Dex: God, I love the way you smell.

Fiona: And how do I smell?

Dex: Like happy dreams and well-fucked woman.

*****

"Life is like some messed-up game of Boggle, it shakes us all up and we land where we fall."

*****

Fiona: I'm just not used to waving my own flag about stuff like that.

Dex: You don't have to wave your own flag anymore, Fi. That's my job now. My privilege.

Got any bitching to do?

Yeah. The book ended. So rude, what the fuck?!

Visually Depict Yo Book Feels:

Famous last words:

The Game Plan is a book where neither a synopsis nor a review will do the novel justice. A lot of what sells this crackalicious story are either spoilers, or the simplicity of being in Dex and Fiona’s heads.

But! If you like cinnamon bun heroes with a dirty mouth? If you love force-of-nature heroines struggling with life goals? If you enjoy emotionally driven stories that wreck you in the best way?

Well, my awesome fellow human, then you want this book!

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“DOWN & DIRTY QUICKIE REVIEW!”

Did you happen to read the first book in the series? Just curious

I did, actually, AND I LOVED THE CRAP OUT OF IT!

I even filmed a scripted video review about it on my channel.

She’s His Rebel Ex & He’s Forbidden To Love Her | Hate To Want You by Alisha Rai

One Sentence Summary:

She’s a widower who was married to his brother, & he's her former BFF who’s been in love with her forever. 

Name That Trope:

Forbidden love [that’s not REALLY that forbidden]

Unrequited hero crush crushes hard!!!!

Quality mental illness rep out the wazoo

Introverted shy hero who can’t do words

Bisexual curvy Muslim-family mom heroine = <3 <3 <3

What part made you fangirl squeal:

When unsent emails literally became the most beautiful, romantic thing in the world! Y’ALL, I AM STILL SWOONING! 

Anytime Sadia rocked her sexuality & her love of sex; BROWN CHUBBY GIRLS OWNING THEIR BODIES IS MY FAV!

Every scene wherein found family is just as important as blood family - and the fact that blood family ain’t always healthy family.

Favorite Character:

Our gal Sadia, FO’ SURE! For one, I connected with her an ass-ton more. For another, I adored everything she was and everything she represented.

This woman dealt with emotional & mental health issues, both of which were a big part of her character and her character arc. My ass loved Sadia all the more for it.

How smexy was the smex?

A strange mix of super-duper sexy dialogue...annnnd foreplay/post-coital moments set to light-speed.

The hot? Sadia demanding Jackson, and I quote, “Get on your knees and lick me.” [swooooon!] 

The not? The fact that I literally can’t remember anything else about their sexy times. The scenes felt short, forgettable, and pretty vanilla. 

Whose Line Is It Anyway:

Sadia: What about us? What do you want from me? Jackson: I don't want anything from you. My dream is for you to let me love you. And maybe, someday, you can love me back. You don't have to love me a lot. A little love is enough.

"You don't just decide to love and suddenly everything is fine. Love takes practice. Love isn't passive, it's active. A verb." - Grandpa

Sadia: Why were you involved in the protest? Jackson: Because it was wrong. Sadia: That's not even your country, though. Jackson: Principles don't have borders.

Got any bitching to do?

Sadly...a lot. The plot tension just didn’t work for me, even though “She’s My Dead Bro’s Wife Who I’ve Loved Forever” IS ALL MY CATNIP!

Problem was, Jackson struggles sooOooOOOo much with accessing his emotions that he feels shut off, even from the reader.

Plus our hero’s ENTIRE conflict is that Sadia’s off-limits because she was his bro’s wife. Yet when gal tells him they were unhappily married, with divorce on the horizon, WE GET NO REACTION! They bang, there’s a time jump, & we skip right over the OTP learning each other’s bodies & developing intimacy; both physical and emotional intimacy.

So, alas, grumpy fangirl is grumpy.

Visually Depict Yo Book Feels:

Famous last words:

That panda hiding his head in shame is legit me in my book feels.

Because the characters were lovable! The family dynamics were beautiful! Hell, the heroine was a brown girl from a Muslim background who also beautifully own her sexuality!

There’s a lot to love in the book, and it doesn’t bore...it just didn’t grab me like I expected it to.

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If this book were any hotter, the sun would be jealous!