monster

diego’s temper doesn’t grow like it used to. his impulsiveness is quieter now along with scathing anger. but in the face of his son wanting to give his life over to the club, well diego finds it difficult to see it as admirable. and he finds it difficult to keep his cool. once xavier yells, diego cuts through the nonsense with his own booming voice. ‘this right here is why you’re not ready, xavier!’ he points, gesturing to the attitude his son is showing. ‘you wanna prospect? you need to learn how to listen to people higher than you, and there’ll be a lot of people higher than you, xav. if hunter needed you for something, cruz needed you. you’d have to listen to them. hell, even the members that have been around for longer. and what i say goes, so if you’re already telling me to go fuck myself for saying no, then you’re not ready. you’re nowhere near.’ he doesn’t wish to be the father that shouts and diego forces his tone into a clear and direct one. ‘i said not now. and after i said that the first time, should’ve been the end of discussion.’

carina’s words are comforting to a point, allowing diego to feel hopeful for whatever the future holds and knowing that he can reinstate his importance of family in his life. it doesn’t make the years missed any easier so he nods to carina appreciatively. ‘i’ll make sure i’m here for everything. whatever any of you need, always.’ he promises easily because there’s no doubt in his mind that he will keep it. laughter follows as he remembers carina and his very premature venture into parenthood and he shrugs because hindsight always clarifies a lot of things. ‘we did good, i think. we got three good kids, which is the proof, right? makes all the worry worth it.’ he sings their praises with a warm smile. ‘well, you did most of it and i’m sorry.’ diego then adds, reaching out a hand to touch her shoulder comfortingly. he doesn’t like to think of himself as a failure but where their children are concerned, it’s hard not to. carina held down that fort much more than he did. ‘oh i don’t think there’s telling xav anything. he got the strong silva mindset for sure.’ diego laughs slightly, not wanting to dive into the matters of prospecting their eldest suggested. ‘he’ll come around though, cari. it was just a year back on the ranch, it wasn’t like you kicked him to the streets to fend for himself.’ 

‘why do you think they think that?’ diego’s brow raises and he wears a spirited grin to his cousin. he pretends to not listen too closely to rigo’s return because it has been expected. it’s easy to assume diego is as happy as can be now that carina and the rest of the family are returned to lockwood. of course he is, but he doesn’t quite like the gloating that seems to follow rigo’s words so he gives the other silva a little tap against the cheek with the back of his hand. ‘shut the fuck up, rigo. it’s not like that. you’d know what i mean if you had a family.’ he decides to fight with and then falls into a light sigh. ‘i didn’t mean a fucking military operation about what she’s doing, i just wanna know she’s alright.’ diego states again, chopping the air with the side of his hand down to his palm. ‘the kids are alright.’ he corrects.

he laughs louder to his sister’s misfortune, their sibling relationship becoming childish in that exact moment. diego has to stop himself from pointing at sofia while his laugh gloats. ‘you know that’s becoming a silva memory story for the bonfires, huh? sofia got so stressed she became the lockwood cougar.’ he cackles before diving into a story telling tone. ‘it was a dark night, the streets empty, with nothing but a wild she-cat roaming for her next prey.’ he laughs again, and diego tries to not eat any more from the pot but his finger does do it’s third dip and this time he’s brazen with it, perhaps because he forgets himself from laughing too much. ‘like we’d even be able to tell? there’s so many people in this house i keep forgetting who’s who anyways. i mean the blond hair makes it easier but even then, he could be one of those hunter’s kids nobody knows about. or another blond one. or another.’ he grins before returning more serious at the mention of carina. he shrugs, to play it cool even though sofia will see right through it. she’s more of a witch than a she-cat. ‘it’s nice, you know? i always thought she was better off staying with the kids in lockwood. but it’ll be easier to see abril and isaac now.’

‘well we got the feeding of the five thousand over at ours at any given time. i can’t tell if sofia invites everyone because she wants to or people just turn up anyways.’ diego laughs, shrugging because the offer is always there but he knows ethan would never pack his family up and ship them down the road. ‘don’t speak too kind, don’t want colorado to randomly spit up a summer storm that would fuck us all over.’ he adds bleakly despite joking about their temperamental weather. ‘oh i know, don’t think i remember the last time i talked to the sheriff. always send you and blaze if it’s important.’ he smiles and enjoys his drink, happy to hear ethan is supportive of the slower moving plans. ‘i’m not saying much because one spark can ignite, y’know? but things will happen, i promise. i don’t make ones i can’t keep, ethan.’

‘we can’t tell her.’ diego says abruptly, hating lying or keeping things from his sister but he knows it’s for the best...just until things settle. ‘not yet, not until we know for sure if he is or isn’t.’ diego wants to say no and leave the conversation at that, but he also wants to do the right thing. the fair thing by their own rules. ‘i don’t think he’s ready. he’s young, but he’s not the only young one...it sometimes does them good, you know?’ it’s clear diego is in a dilemma with his own thoughts. wanting his son to be safe but will he be? even without a patch, he’s a silva. ‘that’s why no one needs to know this right now. i don’t want anyone to jump at the chance to be his sponsor and make this harder. and definitely don’t tell carina.’ 

‘when i say keep an eye on her i mean just your eyes, primo.’ if diego doesn’t have enough work, rigo will always find a way to give him more problems. he has to prevent cruz and ghost being in the same room at any given time, not sure why arguments can erupt so easily between the two but rigo is an acquired taste. but he’s useful, the outward craziness he exudes is a beautiful trick to pull on an enemy at times. and having rigo watch over carina in southside puts diego’s mind at ease, knowing nobody will be getting in that house. ‘until xav and her and whatever all sorts itself out, she can’t come to the ranch but that’s my goal.’ he speaks freely, noticing the small choice in his words. ‘for abril and isaac, you know? i don’t want them cooped up here for longer than i can help it.’

‘it goes by fast.’ diego hums as he looks to the stairs. even faster when the last time he saw isaac, the boy was just ten years old. now, almost a man. ‘nineteen was a weird age, right? we definitely didn’t know if we were kids or adults.’ he laughs, thankful isaac didn’t have a two year old to be responsible for like they did at his age. diego’s head tilts, laughing at his own misunderstanding as carina explains. ‘no wonder why she looked at me like i was the devil. thought i was being a good dad the whole time.’ he circles for a moment in the living space before deciding to get comfortable on the couch. ‘think you’re all gonna be okay here? there’s plenty of room at the ranch if you ever need it.’ diego mentions but he’s not sure how sofia would feel about that, or xavier. there’s not exactly bad blood between anybody but it’s tense...fractured. ‘i’m sure xav would get his head around it, i’d talk to him anyways.’ diego adds, even though xavier isn’t exactly happy with him either recently. but that reason can’t be talked about to carina. not yet.

diego wants to allow xavier’s words to sink in but the passionate energy emitted from his son instead makes him raise a finger. ‘watch your language, xav.’ he points and reminds him firmly and quietly. there’s guilt there too, making him wonder if he has accidentally glorified the life to his son. made it look easy, or something to be proud of. ‘i just think nows not the time, xavier. a lot is happening, a lot has happened. what would you say if isaac or abril were asking right now? you’d laugh at them, right?’ diego uses the younger two as an example, hoping to show xavier his own reasoning. ‘i’m not saying no, i’m saying not now. let’s think on it.’

diego listens, thinking it serves him better to talk less in this moment. to try and hear exactly what his son is feeling. so, the father nods and gives xavier a sympathetic shrug. ‘i appreciate that you don’t want something for nothing but that’s not how that works.’ he schools him quickly with a warm tone. ‘we don’t have each other’s backs because we’re gonna get something out of it, we do it because we give a shit about each other. no one here will just let you struggle just because you haven’t got a title.’ diego walks with him, drawing closer to the main home and pausing. ‘xav, you can do anything you want. we’ll help you get there, all of us pulled together to help little teddy get to college, it’s what we do. you don’t see her coming to the clubhouse asking to prospect. or us not checking in on pheobe because of it.’

love doesn’t go away. like life, it can only change into something that looks different and feels different but unlike life, it doesn’t stop. helping carina settle into her new home is the least diego can do, even if he hates feeling like a stranger after the previous nine years he was inside. being able to be a part of all of their lives again is the reward even if it serves a reminder of his stupidity. ‘ab loves her new room...isaac just kinda grunted which i think means he likes it.’ he sighs, after helping each child unpack the last of their boxes. he returns to carina to see if there’s anything else that needs organizing but he’s certain she’s got it covered. ‘what’s led strip lights? i immediately thought abril wants her room like a strip club so i said no and she told me off. i feel like i missed something.’

‘i never wanna hear you say the word milf again.’ diego’s head falls back with laughter. ‘don’t care you calling me ugly but calling yourself a milf is where i draw the line.’ he snickers the words before he sighs gently. then he shifts so he can take a look out of the window, using the new angle to be able to take another taste from the pot as he moves. he acts like he’s surveying the land and it’s only the smack of his lips that gives him away. ‘unless getting a cold ass is suddenly all the new thing the kids are doing, i think he’s fine.’ dieg’s famous last words are uttered as the pink haired sister comes strolling out and he makes a small oop in revelation. ‘does she think we’re stupid or something? that hippie is basically her if she was our brother.’ diego mentions, gesturing to the two love birds. he spins back around to help grab the silverware, counting how many sets they’ll need this time. it’s hard to keep track of who stops by but a full home has always been normal to them. ‘i don’t even wanna know what hunter gets up to, but hey, he works hard which i guess he takes to his personal life too.’

‘ah come on, nothing will stop that. that’s why we love ‘em.’ diego’s laugh is heartfelt as he brings his hand to a brotherly tap onto ethan’s back. the jones live a similar life to the silvas and running parallel to one another, always means they see eye to eye. ‘we weren’t too bad, just hope nothing else comes rolling through that makes us stuck in a damn school again. thought i was gonna go stir crazy.’ it reminded him too much of the previous ten years, and diego once again was thankful to be able to breathe fresh air. ‘yeah closer than nothing, only problem is callahan is out for himself. never know who he’s in the pocket of. sometimes he’s with us, othertimes against us. don’t trust everything he says.’

‘i wouldn’t ask if i didn’t wanna hear your thoughts about it.’ diego laughs to his cousin, who’s similar age grants him a place in their lives that’s more brotherly in many ways. the president grunts in response, thinking through xavier prospecting. the dangers that surround his life regardless of if he’s wearing a patch or not. he knew the day was coming but he thought it would be a while yet. ‘guess i’m just worried, y’know? he’s young, but we say there’s no special treatment just because of your name.’ diego reminds cruz, and that goes for anybody not just a silva. prospects or members who have family within the club aren’t granted special access. ‘does this count as special treatment? even though i’m saying no?’

diego laughs and wiggles his fingers. ‘oh for sure, i don’t miss her tapping my knuckles with the wooden spoon.’ he grins but truthfully he would love to hear either of their parents reprimanding them from tasting the pot or running through the ranch home too quickly. it feels like yesterday and another lifetime all at once. ‘when did we get so old and ugly, huh?’ he chirps, tearing off some bread to throw into his mouth as he teases his sister. he turns to learn against the counter, smiling at sofia with a half proud smirk about xavier but she’s right that their ranch is bursting at the seams. ‘well, he’s been smart and not bringing them back here, right? so i think we’re good. no daycare yet.’ diego frowns, knowing their vast land houses many opportunities for intimacy. ‘me? oh come on, i don’t even know how to talk to women anymore. i guess xavier might have to teach me something.’