Diary Of The USWNT

Dear Diary, Surprise. I'm pregnant.

Dear Diary, I don't normally like to get into team politics, but as a co-captain, it's hard not to. In other words, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JILL, YOU'VE LEFT ME ALONE TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE AND ALSO KELLEY? SERIOUSLY? YOU LEFT ME WITH KELLEY?! Ok, remember what Hope told you. Deep breaths, Rebecca. In and out. Deep breaths.

Dear Diary, Long time no see! It's been hard keeping track of you over the last few crazy months...turns out you got lost among all the boxes of my new books. Oh, did I tell you? My new book came out. Yea, the one I wrote. I'll sign a copy for you, it's a great read! Should be on the best sellers list any moment now.

Dear Diary, Today I put birthday cake in my recovery smoothie. I love camp in July.

Dear Diary, Happy Carli Lloyd Day! …wait, what? What do you mean July 5 isn’t my national holiday yet?

Dear Diary, Word on the street is that Hope's running for office soon, so I think this is the perfect time to announce that I will be running for VP right by her side. Hope and Carli 2k20!

Dear Diary, Whenever March ends and April rolls around, everyone begins to avoid me like the plague. It's weird and it happens every year and I just really want to know why I don't have friends today.

Dear Diary, I don't know what's worse- Carli nonstop singing "Rain, rain go away, Carli Lloyd just wants to play" or the fact that I'm soaked because Kelley "accidentally" took my umbrella.

Dear Diary, Kling's not the only one around here who's got jokes. What do you get when you combine NWSL preseason and pi day? PRIDE DAY!

Dear Diary, No one appreciates my jokes as much as I think they should, but I know you do. So here's another punny I came up with today: You'd have to be IRRATIONAL not to celebrate pi day AND the NWSL preseason.