Fucking ghouls and synths since 2287

i like how apples are like. the default object

truly an honor and a privilege getting to witness everyone's first time in public ever every single time i go grocery shopping

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

love when i see something for me #mebait

when a couth mutual sees your uncouth post..

mirar el agua con mama

i’ll be real, kitten, daddy needs multiple wealthy and powerful folks to die in a painful, drawn-out, and generationally humiliating manner

people make jokes about how people who weren’t allowed to watch spongebob as a kid are always talking about how they weren’t allowed to watch spongebob but as one of the aforementioned people who wasn’t allowed to watch spongebob my insight on the matter is: you would not BELIEVE the amount of times spongebob comes up in normal adult conversations. i don’t often think about him of my own accord but people reference him and i have to say. what? and they say. it’s from spongebob?? and i say. oh i never watched spongebob. and they say why? and i say. i wasn’t allowed to. and then a few weeks later it happens again

“He would not fucking say that” except its the badly written source material so he did, in fact, say that

he did fucking say that but they don’t know him like i do