of a decade

"... the jail here—which recently began stripping female water protectors of their clothing when booked into the jail and then allowing male guards to ogle the women arrested for nonviolent civil disobedience. ONE YOUNG NATIVE WOMAN WAS EVEN MADE TO REMAIN NAKED ALL NIGHT IN HER JAIL CELL AS AN ATTEMP TO SCARE, HARASS AND HUMILIATE HER WHILE PATHETIC GUARDS TAUNTED HER."

As a white person, it is a luxury to drive with relatively little fear of police. (I say relatively because police oppression is very real for us all.) But I have the luxury of coming to a stop sign and not practically roll backwards before proceeding. I am allowed to proceed without a thought as to this endangering my life. If i was driving while black and rolled through that stop sign with a cop around, at best i am probably less likely to get a warning and slapped with a fine. At worst I may lose my life. And there are a lot of possibilities between those two scenarios that are degrading and debilitating to living a life free of oppression. And the majority of these encounters happen off camera, without a critical eye. I am saddened when i think of the magnitude of those encounters.

I have the luxury of dressing comfortably. I have the privilege not to worry about my appearance and the risk of being harassed. Well as a woman, that’s not entirely true. I do have the awareness of the risk of being sexually assaulted. But as a white person I am painfully unaware of the fear of harassment or worse getting shot because of a hoodie. Or the fear of my child, father, brothers, sisters getting shot. I do live with the fear of my black friends getting shot, more and more. But it doesn’t permeate my whole existence. It doesn’t force me into fight or flight stress every time i leave the house. Or give me perpetual anxiety over the possibility that one of my loved ones will be next. Blissful ignorance to that kind of existence is white privilege. Acknowledging  white privilege is not blaming white people, it is simply acknowledging what black people experience and what white people experience. Those experiences, or that of any specific group of people, will never be exactly the same. But they can evolve to a healthier balance. We can all evolve.

We can evolve by calling out our own. BUT with compassion and education. Can we all try to have more healing communication rather than polarizing language? We can challenge one another without being threatening. It uses empathy not judgement. Let’s try to lift ourselves and each other to a better way of interacting.

Like, “Hey I get that you are angry, but you know that targeting and lashing out at all police officers is only going to increase fear among police and reinforce negative reactions to fear that you are angry about.”

Or, “Hey man, catcalling a woman usually has the reverse effect you are hoping for. She is less likely to smile at you, much less talk to you or take you seriously. It also makes her less receptive to men’s compliments in general, widening the gap of communication between men and women, and kind of screwing it up for all your fellow men here too.”

Anger is a natural emotion and should be allowed to be felt. Believe me I have as much rage in my heart as anyone and it’s not useful to repress feelings. But take them as a cue where to channel your most productive energies. Know the difference between needing to vent and adding constructive dialogue. Ask yourself, am i ranting because i need to let off steam? That’s fine, then do so without harm to others or to the cause you are fighting for. If you are trying to be part of the solution then separate your emotional triggers from the message as best you can, and make a constructive case that has the actual ability to change minds and hearts of those who do not already agree with you.

We can also start examining our part with an open, honest heart. Calling out ourselves as we go through our daily routines and unconscious habits. Everyone has a role in the problem and in the solution. When we throw so much blame around the conversation it makes everyone defensive. And let’s be clear, this could be said for any disagreement, for any hot issue. For every crisis we are facing in this world right now, we are each playing out our part. And these crises are all woven together. There’s a lot of progress to be made on many fronts that we can do within ourselves. Owning our own shit.