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◈ A "Lay All Your Love On Me" Kind of Guy ◈
I've gotten so comfortable drawing Caine throughout the year so far that I can now draw him by memory. His dramatic ass was sitting my WIPs folder for months because apparently I can't help but get carried way with the glossy rendering on his coat and pants.
The shelter was tucked away in the far corner of the circus, a place no one ever wandered into without a reason. From the outside, it didn't look like anything special.
Several large toy blocks had been stacked tightly together. Colorful wall panels, broken set pieces, and wide props from old adventures filled the gaps between them, forming an uneven wall several meters high.
Once, it had been bright. Now, most of the colors had faded. The red had dulled into a dirty maroon. The blue had turned gray. Cracks and scuff marks covered many of the surfaces, and here and there were traces of old collapses.
Behind that makeshift wall was a space the circus residents had slowly rebuilt into something they could call their own. In the center stood a collection of couches and armchairs gathered from different parts of the tent. An old table was buried beneath random objects no one ever threw away, yet no one had used in ages.
Around the common area were several small alcoves. Not exactly rooms—more like tiny personal spaces. A few panels leaned against each other, a tall block, or an old decorative arch was enough to create just enough privacy to disappear for a while.
Everyone had their own spot here. A place to think, to sleep, to sit alone. Or simply disappear from everyone else's sight for a couple of hours.
After Caine's deletion, the circus itself had begun to decay. The colors became duller. Small cracks spread between the blocks.
Sometimes holes leading into the Void would open throughout the tent, so they had chosen the most intact corner they could find. Even so... the shelter still felt like home. Probably the only home any of them had left. The five of them disappeared behind the walls of their little refuge, the one place that was supposed to be safe.
Kinger led everyone toward the center, inviting them to sit down and talk.
— "I... um... could I have three minutes first?..." Gangle quietly asked, raising her hand.
— "Uh... y-yeah, of course," Kinger nodded, realizing something was wrong. "I understand, but..."
He glanced at the others.
They were all looking toward their own little corners. Everyone wanted a few minutes alone. Just enough time to collect themselves.
— "I-i think we all need three minutes," Zooble muttered before awkwardly turning toward her own corner.
Pomni nodded. Ragatha quietly added:
— "I-I don't think three minutes will make much of a difference..."
Kinger gave an official nod of approval and slowly shuffled off toward his own little space.
Gangle's was a neat, enclosed nook hidden behind several panels.
Ragatha's was the most open corner in the shelter—everyone constantly wandered through it.
Zooble's was a chaotic pile of blocks, spare parts, and random junk.
Jax's looked completely abandoned... but if anyone ever dared to sit there, he'd immediately complain.
Kinger's consisted of an old armchair tucked away from the bright lights beneath a small blanket fort.
His little space was... fairly modest.
It was the farthest from the entrance, tucked away in the right corner. Above it, he and Ragatha had built a roof out of some large square piece of plastic. Rectangular blocks on either side supported it like walls, forming a tiny shelter.
Inside were only a few pillows. He preferred lying on those instead of using the armchair outside. Settling onto his left side, Kinger let out a heavy sigh.
----
Gangle was relieved that she wasn't the only one asking for a few minutes. She crawled into her cozy little hideout and unfolded a blanket. Underneath it were the supplies she had collected over time—bandages, medicine, and everything Abel had handed out after each trial.
"Wouldn't it be easier to just snap his fingers and heal us…?" she thought sadly.
She pulled out a roll of bandages, a bottle of peroxide, the shared first-aid kit, and even her spare ribbons… the ones she was afraid to use.
She had forgotten to return Ragatha's mirror. For once, that worked in her favor.
She stepped outside, placed the mirror on a cube that served as a little table, knelt down, and looked at herself. Thin black cracks spread across her fragile porcelain face like tiny rivers. She winced, she wanted to cry.
A few meters away she could hear Zooble swapping out her parts, cursing under her breath as she inspected the damage.
— "Fuck…" she hissed through clenched teeth, holding her detached right arm in her left hand.
The forearm—especially the section with the crab-claw fingers—had been scraped up badly. She rummaged through a box full of spare pieces. Plastic knocked against plastic with an irritating clatter.
With a sigh, she leaned away from her signature storage box. Even if she replaced something, Abel would just reset everything back to her original default parts eventually. There wasn't much point.
— "Need a hand?" she asked.
— "I-I was actually going to ask if you needed help…" Gangle replied, looking Zooble over without noticing any obvious changes.
The geometric assortment stood up and walked over.
— "C'mon. We don't have much time. Let's patch you up instead."
Gangle turned toward her as Zooble was already figuring out how to wrap the bandages around her head without covering her eyes.
~~~~
Ragatha reached her corner one of the last. Her little space sat between two large decorative panels. Once bright pink, they had long since faded, their surfaces covered in tiny scratches.
Several pillows and other useful little things lay scattered across the floor. Some she'd dragged here herself simply because they made the place feel cozier.
She carefully lowered herself onto them. Her right arm immediately reminded her it existed with a dull ache.
— "Ow...", she winced and lay down on her side, cradling the injured arm against her chest.
Silence. Finally.
Silence, if only for a few minutes. Ragatha closed one eye. About two minutes later, she heard footsteps.
— "A-are you feeling okay...?"
She didn't even open her eye.
— "I-I think I'm okay...?"
— "Very convincing." ,fabric rustled beside her as Pomni sat down to her left. For a few seconds, neither of them spoke.
— "Does your arm hurt...? I've never seen you this... exhausted."
— "A little," Ragatha answered dryly.
— "You're lying."
— "...Okay. It really hurts."
Pomni let out a quiet little hum. Ragatha hugged her injured arm again. Another silence followed, a calmer one.
— "Do you think they're okay?" Pomni asked quietly.
— "Kinger will figure something out..."
— "What about Jax...?"
The smile immediately disappeared from Ragatha's face. She stared at the floor, — "I... I don't know."
— "I'm... worried about him."
— "Me too."
The answer slipped out before she had time to think. Pomni turned toward her. Ragatha sighed and rolled her eye.
— "He drives me... absolutely insane!"
Pomni simply nodded along.
— "He literally...", with another sigh, Ragatha grabbed her own head.
— "He's never exactly been an easy person... and ever since..."
She choked on the words. The air caught in her throat, making her cough quietly between broken breaths.
— "Ribbit... back on Snowy Peak... everything went completely off the rails."
— "...Whatever happened between them... Kaufmo said Jax kept dismissing everything she said... he just kept pushing her away..and that's why she... abstracted..."
Her fabric chest trembled as she fought to steady her breathing. Her eyes squeezed shut.
Pomni watched her with quiet sympathy. Ragatha had told her about Ribbit before. About their conflict.
About how it had probably left Jax so deeply afraid of trusting anyone. In the end, though, the damage between the two of them had spread to everyone else.
— "A-and somehow... Abel ended up taking the most interest in him..." Ragatha let out a nervous little laugh, rubbing her forehead, — "...Funny, isn't it?"
She stretched her legs out, staring at the worn fabric of them, covered in scratches and scrapes.
— "But if something happens to him...", her voice cracked unexpectedly.
Pomni stayed silent.
— "I-I don't know... if I'll be able to mourn him... the same way I mourned everyone else."
Pomni lowered her eyes, she didn't know what to say. In the quiet corridors of the circus, that fear felt almost tangible. Without meaning to, she thought of Jax.
His constant grin, his biting jokes. The way he managed to irritate everyone around him. But... did he deserve whatever Abel might do to him?
— "Pomni... I'm so tired...", the first tears rolled down Ragatha's cheek, — "I'm... so tired..."
Pomni looked at her, — "I... know."
— "No. I mean it.", Ragatha slowly pushed herself upright, — "I'm tired of pretending I understand what's happening."
She rubbed her forehead with her good hand, — "I'm tired of always being the one who has to calm everyone else down."
Silence.
— "I'm tired of b-being afraid for everyone.", her voice grew quieter, trembling with every word, — "I'm tired of being afraid for C-Caine."
The words hung in the air, — "And you know what's the worst part?"
Pomni silently shook her head. Ragatha looked away, — "I-I'm still... scared of being near him."
Silence settled between them for a few long seconds.
— "But... I'm even more scared for him."
Pomni lowered her gaze. Then she quietly scooted a little closer until her shoulder rested against Ragatha's. Ragatha shifted slightly before letting her head rest against Pomni's shoulder. For a while, neither of them spoke.
— "I... think you need to start saying things out loud," Pomni began softly, — "You're carrying way too much... and you never tell anyone."
She waited for a response.
— "You... didn't talk about w-what you were going through when you first arrived in the circus either..."
Ragatha gave a small, embarrassed smile, — "...Honestly... it hurt. I thought you just d-didn't like me..."
— "If things ever get really bad...", the words came surprisingly hard for Ragatha, — "...don't wait for me to notice on my own."
The fabric of Ragatha's shoulder trembled beneath Pomni's. Pomni suddenly remembered her first days in the circus. Her panic, her selfishness.
The way she had kept pushing Ragatha away while she desperately tried to hold together the pieces of her sanity.
Without another word, Pomni wrapped both arms around her and hugged her as tightly as she could, burying her face against Ragatha's soft fabric shoulder.
Ragatha froze for a split second. Then a broken sob escaped her chest. She clung to Pomni just as tightly, hiding her face against the jester's hat. Her good hand gripped the fabric of Pomni's costume as if she were the only thing keeping her anchored inside this nightmare.
The first tears quickly became a stream. For the first time in a long while... Ragatha finally allowed herself to be weak. Pomni only closed her eyes tighter, gently rocking her friend in her arms, silently sharing that same unbearable human exhaustion.
----
Their short break lasted a little longer than planned, though Zooble did her best to patch Gangle up as quickly as possible. Eventually everyone gathered around the couches again. Kinger cautiously peeked out from his shelter before hurrying over once he realized everyone was waiting for him.
— "Well...", sitting down on the couch, he raised a finger, — "I... have some important information about Abel."
— "I was questioned... a-and every single question was about us. Our relationships. Our habits. Our social structure... He's studying humans. H-he said so himself."
He looked around, watching everyone's reactions.
— "So... we're just another experiment to him?" Pomni asked.
— "I believe so," Kinger nodded.
— "Then why do we keep answering his questions?", Ragatha suddenly spoke, her voice unexpectedly firm. Everyone turned toward her. No one expected Ragatha to be the first one to push back.
— "W-what...?", she instinctively shrank into herself, — "B-but seriously. He split us apart, h-he took Jax and Caine, he interrogated Kinger... I-i'm honestly scared to even bring up everything that happened before that... and here we are, sitting around discussing his experiment l-like any of this is normal."
Her frustration spilled out through every gesture.
— "Are you suggesting... we ignore him?", Gangle asked quietly.
— "No.", Pomni answered before Ragatha could, — "I'm saying we start asking him the questions."
— "That's it...", Zooble frowned, — "We need to stop being so convenient for him... too bad we're all basically helpless."
Kinger thought for a moment, — "If he truly wants to study us... then, refusing to cooperate might become a powerful incentive for negotiation.", his tired blue eyes suddenly lit up with determination.
— "G-guys...", Gangle nervously fidgeted with her ribbons, — "...let's not get t-too optimistic... W-we're really not in any condition t-to start a rebellion... A-are you sure we'd only make things worse?"
Everyone looked toward the bandages wrapped around her head. Whether directly or indirectly, she had been hurt by Abel yet again. And because this wasn't the first time... she was terrified it would happen again. And again.
Right now she wasn't ready to fight back. At least not emotionally. She still remembered far too clearly what had happened with Caine. The room grew quiet. Everyone understood she was right.
— "No...", Kinger nodded slowly, "...We're not ready for a rebellion."
— "But... neither is he. Not if we stop playing by his rules."
Before anyone could answer, a familiar screen flickered to life high above them in the darkened ceiling of the circus. A soft blue glow radiated from the circle at its center. Calm, almost unsettlingly calm.
...
"Discussion of resistance has been recorded."
Everyone looked up. Oddly enough... no one panicked. There wasn't much point anymore. They all knew there was no escaping his surveillance.
Kinger remained seated, looking up at the screen with tired eyes. The screen stayed silent for several seconds, as though analyzing their reactions. Then the calm mechanical voice continued.
"Collective request for restoration of the previous social structure has been recorded."
Pomni frowned, — "Our... what?"
"Group."
— "Oh.", Ragatha blinked.
"Request deemed logically justified."
Zooble immediately looked up, — "Wait... what?"
"Subjects demonstrate decreased efficiency during prolonged isolation."
Kinger slowly closed his eyes, — "He just called us... social animals."
"Correction: comparison inaccurate."
— "Oooooh, thanks. That makes me feel so much better.", Zooble threw her hands into the air.
"Request approved."
"Subject Jax will be returned to the group."
Everyone froze. Even Gangle looked up, — "Will be...?"
"Affirmative."
— "Wait... so he isn't back yet?" Pomni asked.
A pause. As if Abel was deciding whether the explanation was worth giving.
"Observation is currently in progress."
Pomni grimaced, — "Of course it is..."
"Observation is nearly complete."
"I recommend preparing for the reunion."
Abel was about to disconnect. But Zooble interrupted him.
— "Hey. And stop teleporting people without any warning."
A brief pause. Then Gangle timidly added, — "A-and... stop breaking our faces..."
"Your requests have been recorded."
— "And stop using Caine as a punishment.", Pomni spoke up before the screen disappeared, — "If you're actually writing these down... what's happening to him? We want to see him."
— "A-and stop separating the group," Ragatha added, surprisingly firmly.
The main demands had all been voiced. Kinger simply watched. Abel clearly wasn't pleased to have an entire list of requests thrown at him. After a brief silence, he answered in the same flat tone.
"Requests recorded."
"They will not take effect immediately."
—●-●-●-●-●—
Previous and Next Masterlist
To be honest, I really enjoy writing dialogues like this. Yes, they might not be quite as interesting to my wonderful readers, but it is precisely through moments like these that the group's relationship dynamics and the plot itself are better revealed.
So, don't be disappointed by the absence of Kane and action in this chapter; something interesting awaits us in the next one…
idle musings about caine with religious trauma, mostly as a joke at first but then i kept thinking about it
cw for religious stuff, specifically christianity
when you grow up in a household obsessed with doing "right" by god, you get this idea that your every thought is seen and being judged; you have no true privacy in your own mind, and you feel like you're being watched at all times.
how crazy would that be to translate to caine's experience as program vs programmer, with his every thought being a line of code read and judged by kinger & scratch's team. everything he did was etched into binary for them to see; leading up to the moment he's abandoned and sandboxed, being essentially cast from heaven and believing he's punished for his sins.
i just think about it a lot. i like to give that ai fucked up things to wire his brain with. also i remember someone making a joke about the bible being used as part of his training data which is funny as hell. look at what you did. you gave a perfectly good ai some christian guilt. and now he's got a god complex to cope.
bonus young caine doodle i didnt know what to do with
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Learning how to express opinions with Blue! ft. showtime ft Caine and Pomni!
"Blue doesn't like Pomni and the other humans so obviously I shall resolve this by making them have a conversation together. Surely this will all turn out fine!
- Caine, probably
Bonus:
Give it up for the lover without a heart everybody
is blue sentient. Like do they have feelings and a consciousness even if they’re very.. idk logical? In a way?
Blue gained sentience when they created their own form, they just struggle to grapple with the fact that they are, actively denying it because they "don't deserve" to "feel" that way.
Blue sees Caine and goes "Yup this is the one that broke the barrier and made his own identity, but I didn't do that. I was just a passenger, something for Caine to use for conjuring!"
But they are. They have the capacity to think and feel just like Caine but continue to frame it as "logical", basically they are dehumanizing themselves in a way.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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