I had a dream recently. Much of itâs escaped me by now, but I remember that I ran into someone I didnât think Iâd ever see again. Someone I knew years ago who ended up being an entirely different person than they let on to the outside world. Someone who Iâd left when I found what they were hiding. Someone harmful. Someone bad.
And it came by surprise. I walked into a room and suddenly he was there. He noticed me, said hi, and suddenly I was trapped by means of social convention.
He asked me why Iâd left: his voice calm for those that had come with him, his eyes locked on me as though he were making a threat.
Iâd known him years ago, Iâd known him for years, and I knew heâd heard it before a thousand times by a thousand different people. Iâd met them. Now I was one of them. Another person heâd hurt, another person telling him how and why, another person to be ignored as if it were he who had cast me aside.
And he snickered and sneered as if Iâd said a joke. Correction: I was the joke.Â
He looked at me with the amusement and contempt of a rage that was only kept back because there were other people in the room, and said I shouldnât try to pretend like Iâm better than them. Weâre all human, we all have our flaws, none of us can be âperfectâ. He said I needed to come off my high horse.
And, in that moment, I came to peace that this was who he was- who heâd always been. That it wasnât my fault I hadnât noticed when Iâd first met him. That heâd always try to hide this because he knew he was in the wrong.
So I corrected him.
I said no. I am nobody. I am no one but those I surround myself with, and nothing but what I do. When I see the truth I act on it because others deserve whatâs true. So see, I would never want- I could never stand- to be you.
And once again I left, but this time it felt final.