Duty calls.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

~

Bianca had had so many thoughts and feelings about everything, both leading up to a during their conversation, that losing herself in this kiss stood in such stark contrast to how she had felt only moments ago—her brain no longer overcrowded by ‘what ifs’ and trains of thought that tumbled into each other until they no longer made sense. She didn’t want to pull away, but she could acknowledge on some level that oxygen was a thing that they both needed.

Laughing softly, she opened her eyes to look at him, pulling back just far enough so that she could see the giddy smile on Bernard’s face. “You look cute,” she teased, even though she knew that her cheeks were probably flushed too, and that an equally goofy smile was playing on her lips. “You always look cute, but you look extra cute when you smile like that. It makes me happy.”

It wasn't like he'd never kissed anyone before, he was 32 not dead. But he'd never kissed anyone after so much tension and built up. It felt a bit like whiplash with how drastically the feeling in the room had changed. Kissing her felt like adding color to his world, made him realize just how complacent he'd become. Sure he was happy and satisfied with his life, but this, this made him feel over the moon. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or kick himself for not realizing just how deep his feelings for her ran.

He could face flush more glancing down sheepishly. "You're," licking his lips he wondered how any man managed to actually flirt with her when she looked at them like that, "Now you're just being a tease." Eyes flickering back up to her face he felt his smile widen, "I'm glad, I enjoy making you happy. I prefer it when you're smiling."

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Until now, Bernard had been so decisive and sure of himself that she was starting to wonder if he would ever seem as giddy and nervous about this as she felt—which was a strange feeling in and of itself, because while she was used to Bernard being more confident than he was when she first met him, she wasn’t used to him being more confident than her. But then she caught the flush on his cheeks, and it sent the butterflies in her stomach into a flurry of activity that was wild and wholly unfamiliar to her. She’d never felt this way about someone before. And she couldn’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else.

“Yeah, it’ll definitely be… Something…” She trailed off, parting her lips slightly as he leaned in to kiss her, her heart practically beating out of her chest as she buried her her hand in his hair and pulled herself closer to him. It was like any residual panicked thoughts or hesitations that she might have had melted away when she felt his lips move against hers and she found herself wondering how she had gone so long without doing this. It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before, several times, but this was different. It was affectionate and passionate and filled with four years worth of unsaid emotion and anticipation.

Liquid courage was a hell of a motivator, that and being so confused for a minute you said everything that came to mind made him seem more confident than usual. While he'd meant every word he'd said, it had been all said less eloquent than he usually would. A lot faster as well, without his usual overthinking to hold him back. He could feel his face redden as what exactly was happening between them fully registered.

For a minute he almost pulled away just to have a break to collect himself, but then he was kissing her and the buzzing in his head stopped. His heart was racing and he wrapped his arm fully around her waist. For a minute he had a bit of deja vu when tasting gin on her lips, but the small bit of fear faded when she pulled herself even closer to him. Reluctantly he pulled away, lips hovering over hers and trying to regain his breath. "Well that's...a lot better than New Year's," he said face flushed and a giddy smile on his face.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca rolled her eyes in return, and there was something oddly comforting about that. She knew that she’d missed him, of course, but she hadn’t realised exactly how much she’d missed how they normally were around each other—sass and teasing and eye rolls and all. But then his tone shifted again, reassuring her of something that deep down she had been worried about since this conversation started, and she found herself smiling at him in relief.

“I trust you too,“ she responded, and just saying the words made her feel increasingly grounded in their decision and what was happening between them. Her mind might have been all over the place, and her gut instinct might have decided to go AWOL for now, but Bernard was here and he wasn’t going anywhere. And she trusted him. “I don’t… I don’t know where we go from here, to be honest. But I’m less worried about it somehow. Because…” Pulling herself a little closer, Bianca bumped her nose against his playfully, before letting her lips brush over his in the faintest of touches. “Because I know that no matter what happens next, I’ll have my partner by my side.”

God he'd missed her, just being around her already had improved his mood. Even when it was awkward it was still better than not seeing her at all. There was no one else who kept him guessing and pushed him the way she did.

He felt like a weight was off his shoulder as he could feel her relax in his arms. Wrinkling his nose he rolled his eyes in amusement st her antics feelings his face flush. It wasn't like they hadn't been affectionate before but now that he had more time to process, the new added layer to their relationship was flustering him now. When her lips brushed his he held his breath eyes widening. He barely managed to keep from making a noise of disappointment. "Work will be interesting," he said eyes flickering down to her lips. Leaning forward he kissed her bringing a hand up to cup her cheek as he did so.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca didn’t stop him, and she didn’t want to stop him either. On some level, she knew that she’d had her reasons for thinking the way that she did when they started this conversation, but that smile on his face and the warm feeling that spread through her chest made it difficult for her to remember what those reasons were. Maybe Bernard was right, and all of those other things didn’t matter. Maybe the only thing that mattered was how they felt about each other.

“I don’t know how you didn’t notice,” she retorted with a soft chuckle, resting her arms on his shoulders and crossing her wrists behind his neck. “Honestly, there were times when I was scared that I was being really obvious about it and that you were going to figure it out. Like that New Year’s Eve when we kissed at midnight and I lingered just a little too long.” Or a few weeks ago, when she had literally told him that she was in love with him. “I tried to get over it, but I just… I couldn’t. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop feeling like this. I love you, Bernard Newhart.”

"You know I'm starting to understand why you had mistletoe in your apartment," he said a goofy grin spreading on his face. Chuckling he rolled his eyes, "It's new years everyone's lingering after a few drinks." Speaking of he felt his smile start to slip a bit, "For the record I'm not..I'm not drunk, I mean I'm not totally sober either but...I love you. I'm still going to want and love you tomorrow and...do this."

There was a bit of fear that come tomorrow, without the liquid courage they'd be back at square one. It wasn't like they didn't say I love you but this, this was different. He was in love with her and wanted more than friendship with her. "I know you're worried, but I trust you. So where do you want us to go from here?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca was scared. She was scared, and confused, and completely out of her depth, and so stupidly and madly in love with the man in front of her that she didn’t know what to do with herself anymore. Especially when he was saying all of these things that made her heart ache with affection for him even though she scarcely wanted to believe that they were true. But he sounded so sure of himself, and there was nothing or nobody that she trusted more in the world than Bernard when he sounded sure of himself.

“I feel the same way,” she said softly, before quickly backtracking in order to clarify. “I mean, it’s not nearly the same thing, but you’re… You’re what I think about when things are difficult and I need to remind myself of what’s good in this world. And you’re the first person I want to talk to when I get good news and I want to share it with someone. And you’re… You’re the only person I’ve ever met who can just… Completely…” Moving closer, Bianca stepped into the space that he had created with his hands around her waist, a small smile tugging at her lips. “… Catch me off guard.”

When she moved closer he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her. He pulled her closer to his chest slowly giving her the option to stop him at any moment. "Good, payback for how you've kept me on my toes during this whole partnership," he quipped a small smile on his face.

His heart felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest, but looking at her he felt that familiar calm that always came from being around her. Leaning his forehead against her he let out a soft sigh as he looked at her. "I don't know how you...how you managed for four years but I don't think I can do another four minutes of this. I want you Bianca Gabor, you said we make a good team, and I want to see this through with you."

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bernard wasn’t thinking this through. Clearly, he wasn’t thinking this through. He was only saying all of this because he was tipsy, and running high on emotions, and trying to prove a point, and it was all coming out in completely insane statements that terrified Bianca and made her extremely worried about him, but also made her want to… To…

“But I would never ask you to do that,” she replied firmly, shaking her head at him for what must surely have been the fiftieth time that evening. He was standing right in front of her again, but she couldn’t find it in herself to take a step back. She didn’t want to take a step back. “I don’t want you to do that. I love my job, but I only love my job as much as I do because I get to do it with you. I don’t want to do it without you. I don’t want to do any of this without you.”

Whatever alcohol had been in him, Bernard had slowly been sobering up during all this. Was he be rational, no, but he meant everything he was saying. He kept  clenching and uncleching his hands, wanting so badly to hold onto her but he wasn't sure he could handle her pulling away again.

"Which is why I'd do it," he replied calmly. His tone was soft and firm, he needed her to be able to see him and see how he felt about her. "I don't want a life without you Bianca, I don't want..I don't want us four years from now regretting what we already lost out on. I want you, I want us."   His hands had slowly come up hovering near her waist still unsure if he could touch her. "You know when my OCD gets bad and I...I can't think straight and I'm at home trying not to panic over forgetting a check. You're what I think about, your voice and just..you being there with me and it's like I can think again. Like the fog clears up and I can actually breath again."

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

He was right, of course. As loathe as she was to admit it, he had a tendency to be right most of the time. And as much as Bianca liked to joke about the fact that she was always right, when push came to shove, when shit got serious and it really mattered, she didn’t just trust Bernard’s opinion as much as she trusted her own—sometimes she trusted it more. Because he was her partner. They were partners in crime solving and in life, and that was what they had always been to each other, no matter what form that took or what label they put on it.

Of course he would save her. And she would save him. Always.

“You don’t—you don’t mean that,” Bianca replied, not even half as confident in her own tone as Bernard had been in his. But that couldn’t be true, right? It didn’t make sense, but he sounded so sure of himself that it made her honestly wonder how she had been so wildly wrong about how he would feel about all of this. “You’ve worked toward this job your entire life. You’ve earned it. You can’t just… You can’t just say that I’m more important. That can’t be true.”

Was it selfish to admit he'd save her over anyone else, maybe but he was only human. He'd do his best to save everyone but when it came down to it he knew what his choice would be.

"Yes...yes I really do," he replied looking at her. Maybe he should have thought this through but for once he was going on pure instinct. He took a step towards her, "And yes you're right, I did work for it for a while but," running a hand through his hair again he sighed before chuckling. "Meeting you was probably the best day of my life at the job, but," he had taken another step to be in front of her again, "I can get a new job, I can find another one and be just as happy. I love you as my partner but if I can have more with you then I'd give it up." His hands twitched wanting to pull her towards him, "I love you, if that means turning in my badge then I'll hand it in tomorrow."

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca0

Bianca hadn’t realised what she was saying until she said it, and she definitely hadn’t realised how much it was going to hurt until she looked at him and saw his entire demeanour change. He didn’t push back, and solely based on past experiences of disagreements between them, that should have felt like a victory. But it didn’t. It just left her feeling sad and empty and confused about where to go from here. She had been so sure of herself, and now she didn’t even know if she wanted to continue down this path. But she also had no idea how to turn back now.

All she knew was that the man that she loved, that she admired and respected and thought the world of, was standing in front of her asking what part of him was the problem. As if he could ever be the problem in this situation. “Bernard…” Bianca wanted to take a step forward, wanted to reassure him, comfort him, just be close to him, but she found herself glued to the spot. “It’s not… It’s not you. It’s not us. It’s… It’s everything else. I can’t just pretend that we don’t work together and that our jobs aren’t dangerous and that us giving this a chance wouldn’t change things. It’s already bad enough that I care more about your safety than I do about anyone else’s out there. What do you think’s going to happen if we’re together and I have to choose between saving you and saving someone else? If I’m with you, who do you think I’ll choose, Bernard?”

"Would that even change if we weren't in a  relationship?" He knew how it sounded and what it meant. "You think I'm not terrified about losing you? That you charging head first doesn't terrify me? You're my partner Bianca, you're my best friend. Platonic or romantic it's you, it's always you. You're the one I'd save." Running a hand through his hair he couldn't hide his own frustration. Licking his lips he was trying to think through what to say but whatever logical mind he had was failing him.

He thought about his job and what it meant to him, before looking up at her. He hated seeing her so panicked, it hurt something deep in him to see her like this. "Fuck the job," he blurted out without thinking. It caught him off guard how much he meant it when it slipped out but he pushed forward, "If it's between you and the job, then it's you, it's always you Bianca." He felt like it should have scared him how confident he was in that answer. But once he said he knew it was true and it was as easy to admit as saying the sky was blue.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Nothing that Bernard was doing was making this any easier for her. It wasn’t that he was doing anything wrong, but rather the exact opposite—he was doing literally everything exactly right. He was being Bernard, the same caring, considerate, incredibly patient and stupidly thoughtful and wonderful Bernard that she had fallen in love with four years ago, and had stayed in love with since then. And the fact that she couldn’t think straight when he was standing right in front of her and stroking her cheek and wrapping his arm around her waist had her going down a panic spiral that she didn’t know how to get out of.

She had thought about this moment before. Of course she had thought about this moment before. She had daydreamed about it, looking over at him from her desk and allowing herself to imagine what it would feel like to have him feel the same way that she did, to stand in front of him and hear him say that he loved her and wanted her too. But that was only a fantasy, a silly little game that she played with herself from time to time, safe in the knowledge that it could never happen. It wasn’t actually supposed to be real life.

His questions were valid. They were extremely valid, but that didn’t meant that she had answers to them. And even if she did, that didn’t mean that she knew how to verbalise them. “We can’t, because I decided,” Bianca blurted out almost in a panic, pulling away from him and shaking her head repeatedly. “I thought about this, and I weighed the pros and cons, and I was reasonable and rational and responsible and I decided. I decided that we can’t do this.”

His arms dropped down to his side and he couldn't stop the flinch when she pulled away. Part of him wanted to pull her back but the other part kept him in place unsure of what do to. His hands clenched and uncleched as he looked at her. "You decided," he repeated voice hollow. 

 "So the cons outweighed any pros," he said eyes flickering to the ground. Swallowing thickly he nodded because of course he didn't measure up. "So that's it then? You get to decide without even talking to me?" Glaring at a random spot at the ground he shrugged before glancing up at her face blank, "So level with me what part of me was too much of a con? What part of us was so bad we can't even try?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca looked up in time to see him slowly walking toward her, her heart racing almost as fast as her thoughts were spinning around in her head, neither of which gave her any semblance of stability or direction. Even in the most confusing and most complicated situations she had faced in the past, she had always been able to rely on her gut instinct to tell her what to do, knowing that she would feel like she’d done the right thing as long as she followed her heart. But her heart wasn’t telling her anything at the moment. Or rather, it was telling her way too many things at the same time, and she didn’t know which one of them was the right one.

She resisted looking up at him at first, knowing that her stubbornness would waver as soon as she did; but she couldn’t help herself, in the end. Meeting his gaze, Bianca’s breath practically caught in her throat when he cupped her cheek, her eyes flickering down to his lips just as much as his were to hers. “I can’t tell you that,” she whispered, shaking her head slightly. “I can’t tell you that I’m not in love with you or that this isn’t something I actually want. Because that’s not true. But I can’t… I can’t just… We can’t just do this. We can’t just say that we love each other and be together. That’s not how this works.”

The tension was thick enough that it could be cut with a knife. With everything out in the open he realized what the pull she had on him really was. His thumb was stroking her cheek needing to have some type of connection to her. He wasn't the type to go with gut instinct, he was logical and thought things out. But this, it felt right, this made sense even if he hadn't had the chance to completely think things through. The idea of losing what they had was terrifying, but the feeling that they could have something even more was stronger than his fear.

"How does it work then?" He asked eyes flickering down again before back to her eyes. Wrapping his free arm around her waist he kept it there, letting her pull away if it was what she wanted. As much as he wanted to pull her closer, he wasn't that bold and he really wanted them to be on the same page. "I love you, I'm in love with you Bianca and I...I want you...and you want me, so why can't we? What are you afraid of?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

What if I want something to happen? Bianca stopped in her tracks, blinking at him from the other side of the coffee table as she finally understood that maybe he was trying to tell her something important, and that maybe she should actually listen to him. Not that she hadn’t been listening to him before, but she had been so wrapped up in getting her own perspective across that she hadn’t really taken the time to consider where he was coming from. Or that he even had a different point of view.

“I—” she started, staring at him for a couple of seconds as she tried to process what was even happening. He wanted her. He wanted her, and there was a part of her that really wanted to throw caution to the wind and just go for it, consequences be damned. But she couldn’t do that. Because she had decided that they couldn’t do that. “Of course I want you,” she said quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I… We can’t just… You can’t just say that’s the only thing that matters, because it isn’t, and you know it isn’t.”

He was use to watching her go on tangents, use to watching her pace as she vocalized her thoughts. More for her own benefit than his, but he'd never been such a focal point in these talks. Slowly he stood up and walked around the coffee table to stand next to her. His fingers twitched afraid if he moved to quickly she'd run or worse keep flinching from him. She was beautiful, he'd been aware, but damn was it painfully obvious now.

Did he really think this was going to be simple, no not really. It would change things and then there was work. He loved his job, he'd worked hard to reach the point he was at. They both had. "You're what matters to me, tell me we're not worth the risk," he stated softly, "Tell me you're not in love with me, and I'll..." He had trailed off swallowing the lump in his throat, he couldn't imagine going back to normal but he'd try if it was what she really wanted. Reaching forward he tilted her head up to meet her eyes, cupping her cheek in his hand, "I need you to tell me this isn't something you actually want," he said eyes flickering down to her lips and then back up to hers, "Because I want this. I don't think it's simple but God Bianca there's no  else I'd rather be complicated with."

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca didn’t know what to say. In the few times that she had allowed herself to imagine this moment, she had never once imagined that he wouldn’t agree with her reasoning; hell, she had imagined scenarios in which he would say that he felt the same way, but she had never imagined that he wouldn’t agree with her on how to handle it. It left her feeling lost and completely unprepared for where this was going.

“I do love you,” she confirmed, her restlessness reaching a point where she couldn’t sit still on the sofa anymore. Pulling away, Bianca stood up and started pacing back and forth in the room, words tumbling out of her mouth before she could consider them for more than a second. “And I didn’t tell you because I knew it didn’t matter. Because it’s not going to happen, and it’s not going to change anything, and I didn’t want to make things weird between us. But then things became weird between us anyway because I couldn’t keep pretending anymore so I decided to tell you anyway. I didn’t… I didn’t tell you to try and start something here. I told you so that you’ll stop thinking this distance between us is your fault. Because it’s not.”

Leaning back into the sofa he watched her pace back and forth. Was this normally how love confessions worked, was it always this complicated? He sighed rubbing his temples a bit, "What if I want something to happen?" He blurted out. Looking back up at her he clutched his knees in his hands. The idea had always seemed so far away, but now that it was staring him right in the face it hit him. He wanted her, he wanted this, God he wanted so bad it felt like he was burning up inside.  "Why did you even need to pretend, why couldn't you just..." He trailed off the thought of four years repeating in his head.

Four years she'd kept this hidden from him, he couldn't even imagine going another 5 minutes without blurting it out again. "If you told me then we could have," could have been together already he thought at the end. Maybe he was partly to blame for not ever acknowledging his own feelings, but he hadn't ever let himself go down that route. She was his partner and he never wanted to make her regret choosing him. He had been grateful for her friendship and felt satisfied. Now though, the selfish part of him wanted everything with her. "Tell me you don't want this, that you don't want me, because I want you. Doesn't that count for something?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

This was not going according to plan. This night was not going where she thought that it would, this conversation was not going where she thought that it would, and Bernard definitely wasn’t reacting the way that she thought he would. It confused her, and that confusion was evident on her face as she bit her bottom lip and dropped her gaze to their hands. She didn’t have it in her to pull away again, but the feeling of his hand in hers wasn’t helping her think any clearer about the situation.

“But you care about the rules,“ Bianca insisted, looking up at him and shaking her head again. “And it’s not… It’s not that simple, Bernard. Our jobs aren’t just what we do, they’re who we are, and we can’t just… It doesn’t make sense to just… It’s not rational to jeopardise that. I thought you’d agree with that. Don’t you agree with that?”

He almost let out a sigh of relief when she didn't pull away. While his voice was shaky he was grateful his hands were steady. "I care about rules when it comes to procedure," he said more than a bit exasperated. He was still slightly drunk and was starting to get heated the way he always did when arguing with her.

"How is it not simple, I love you, and you...you said you love me," he said, "I love my job, but I wouldn't love it damn near as much if you weren't there. Every highlight I have from work you're apart of." Rational. He couldn't remember the last time he didn't carefully think over his words but  like most thing with her, rationality went out the window. "I..I don't Bianca, how...four years? Why didn't you tell me?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

I’m in love with you. Bianca had been so focused on trying to tell him that how she felt about him didn’t have to change anything, on trying to think of ways to explain how important his friendship and partnership was to her and how she would never let anything get in the way of that, that she almost didn’t register that Bernard was telling her that he was in love with her too. She heard the words, and they caused her to stop in her tracks, but she couldn’t seem to process them in a way that made them understandable to her. Even when he repeated himself it didn’t feel quite real.

“No, you’re not,” she retorted almost reflexively, shaking her head. “You don’t mean that. You’re just saying it because I said it, or because you don’t want me to feel bad about it, or because you… Because you think that you have to feel the same way… Or… Or…” Bianca trailed off, looking at him and somehow understanding, deep down, that he would never do any of those things. Because Bernard wasn’t the kind of person to say things that he didn’t mean. He wasn’t the kind of person to lie to her at all. “Or even if you are, it doesn’t matter because we can’t, Bernard. We can’t date. They won’t let us work together if we’re dating. It’s against the rules.”

No, you're not. It felt like his mind was on overtime trying to catch up now. He thought back on how close he felt to her, feelings he had assumed were just strong from her being his first real friend in Andromeda. Hell she was probably his first real friend in general, he'd been a loner for so long he hadn't realized how lonely he'd been before her. But he wasn't a loner anymore, he had friends, and how he felt about them couldn't even compare to how he felt about her.

"Yes I am, I'm in love with you Bianca," he repeated voice shaking a bit. It made sense now why she had been weird, the idea of losing her was even more terrifying now. He tried to reach for one of her hands, "Since when have you ever cared about the rules? Why is anyone else even getting a say in this?"

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca was surprised by his reaction, and then she was surprised that she was surprised by it because she hadn’t really thought about how he would react. She’d been so focused on making her way through the confession that now that he was asking questions, and she had to explain herself further, the floodgates were open and she couldn’t seem to spend even a single second thinking through her words before she said them. “Yeah, like four years,” she mentioned in passing, practically waving it off like it wasn’t an important part of the conversation. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t feel the same way about me, and we’re best friends and partners and that’s what’s important, that’s what I care about. I care about what we have now.”

"Four years," he repeated more than a bit stun by how casually she said it. A frown formed on his face at how quickly she was dismissing all this, her feelings always mattered to him. And yes they were best friends and partners, but she was also the other half of him. It was why it had been so strange not having her these last few weeks, at least not having all of her. She was...oh. his eyes widened as he looked at her and he realized slowly what was bugging him about how quickly she dismissed them. "I'm in love with you," he said repeating her own words back to her.

The second the words came out, it felt like he was letting out a breath he never realized he was holding. He loved her of course he did, but more importantly he was in love with her. Running a hand through his hair he couldn't understand how she had kept it in for a full four years when he could barely keep it in now. "I'm in love with you Bianca," he repeated because now that he had said, now that he knew, he couldn't imagine not saying it.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

What the hell are you talking about? Well, that was a good question. That was a very good question. What the hell was she talking about? She was almost tempted to take it back, to look at him and laugh it off and say that she was just kidding, and that she wasn’t really in love with him. But then she would be lying. And she didn’t want to lie to him.

“I’m in love with you,” Bianca repeated, finally looking up at him. She was terrified to look at him, but she managed to keep herself together by reminding herself that she knew where this was going, and she simply had to get through it. “I mean… How could I not be? You’re…. You’re you. But… I love what we have, and the work that we do together, and I know how important that is to both of us, so when I realised how I felt about you all those years ago I just… I didn’t want to tell you at first. Because I know it can’t go anywhere, you know?”

Bernard felt his face heating up, he wanted to say it was the booze but that be a lie. She was in love with him, this wasn't how he expected this to go. "I.." pausing as the rest of her words registered he couldn't help but frown. "Wait back up, did you say years?" He asked more than a little dumbfounded. That couldn't be right, why not tell him? "It..who said it can't go anywhere?" he questioned trying to make sense of everything she was saying. She had only recently been distant, he had to have heard her wrong. Or else she would have pulled away a while ago, not a few weeks ago.

Just say you won’t let go || Bernard & Bianca

Bianca almost flinched at how forced his laugh sounded, and it only brought home for her even more that this situation wasn’t just hard for her. She was making it hard and hurtful for both of them. And she didn’t want to do that anymore. She did not want to have this conversation either, but it was reaching a point where having this conversation felt like the preferable option to sitting next to him and feeling his presence and just knowing how worried he was about all of it.

“I'minlovewithyou,” she said in one breath, staring down at her hands and instantly wishing that she could reach into the air and take back those words. But she couldn’t, so she might as well just go for it at this point. “I… I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years. And I know that we work together, and that we both agree that we should keep things professional and platonic, but that doesn’t… That doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.”

I'minlovewithyou. He almost instinctively said it back, thrown off by why she had felt the need to say something that was obvious for both of them. But as she continued he felt his brow furrow more confusion forming. It didn't help that he was a few drinks in and she still wasn't looking at him.

Sighing he rubbed at his face before slowly bringing it back onto his lap. "B...what the hell are you talking about?" He'd blurted it out without thinking but he felt like he was the one lost now.