not in need of saving

<18

it starts off like this: babydoll hits a growth spurt and your weight doesn't keep up the change in height

some adults start noticing and compliment babydoll on how you look better, nicer, skinnier

having been the only real positive adult attention babydoll has had you're devastated that when your weight catches up to your height they no longer get those compliments

in fact those same adults complimenting your figure start nudging them that maybe you could stand to lose a few pounds

so with your health class knowledge that weight is all based on calories-in calories-out you start decreasing the amount of calories-in

this quickly spirals into intense restriction, leading to weight loss, which gets positive attention again but will eventually break

sure enough there's a point where babydoll can't take the restriction anymore and binges hard

all that positive attention turns into negative attention again leading babydoll to return to restriction

this becomes babydoll's regular eating pattern

restrict -> lose weight -> binge -> regain weight -> repeat

since no adults are monitoring you or your eating you get away scot-free with this, allowing you to yo-yo between weights over and over again

18 (homeless)

being kicked out of your home means that now you have a new food issue, you don't have any

before even during the worst of the restrictions you'd eat something everyday, now you might go days before having enough money for food

and when you do get food you're getting as much in as fast as possible

it isn't uncommon for you to walk into the nearest fast food place with a handful of bills and order the best calorie per dollar value on the menu

it also isn't uncommon for you to end up in the establishment's bathroom because you ate too much too fast and your body is rejecting it

you get better at not overeating as time goes on, but there's still bad binges

you aren't actively trying to lose weight but as a by-product of this poor diet you reach your lowest here

something you rapidly flip flop between being proud of (i'm so small now!) and ashamed of (it took me being homeless to get this small)

19 (w/ ways, pre-babydoll)

lindsey and gerard catch a glimpse of how skinny babydoll is and immediately try to get you to gain weight

this is pre-anything so they're purely acting out of the goodness of their hearts

they insist babydoll has at least one meal on days they're working, get food anytime the three go out, has family dinner every night and gives babydoll seconds, generally encouraging you to eat

for a while you're totally chill, it's nice to have consistent food again, till you look in the mirror and realize you're gaining weight

it's been a great time with the ways and you want to continue it, but given your past experiences with adults you believe gaining weight will take away their love

so babydoll refuses seconds or desserts and tries to avoid eating while the ways are out of the house, claiming you had lunch when asked

but the ways are smart and notice when the fresh loaf of bread is still unused after you said you had a sandwich

after being confronted once you promise to eat while the ways are out, if only for their peace of mind

and usually you do, it's just you purge afterwards if you eat or toss the food out instead

and gerard and lindsey are aware of your eating issues, and they know a therapist is probably a good suggestion..

...but at the same time their plan to make you babydoll is taking shape, and as bad as it is it'll be easier if you're malnourished

20+ (babydoll)

mommy and daddy are much stricter about food once you're babydoll

they're fully in charge of taking care of you, which includes making sure you're eating enough and eating health every day

this is when purging really becomes a regular occurrence

mommy and daddy catch it twice within the first few weeks and realize it must be a pattern

again, they know the right thing to do is to take you to a therapist, but given what else has been happening the past few weeks that's not a feasible option

so instead they monitor you for an hour or two after you eat, ensure you're not going to run to the toilet the second you're finished

you still try to, but it's two on one and punishments aren't worth the chance to purge

so instead you return to restricting, especially because they're more lenient, as long as half your plate is cleared they're happy

it's nice in a way, to set yourself a goal and stick to it, a form of control in a life where you don't have much

till you lose that control and binge, putting more food away in the past 24 hours than the past week

which brings you all the way back to the start of your eating disorder

restrict -> lose weight -> binge -> regain weight -> repeat

and mommy and daddy hate to admit it, but they kind of like it that way

it keeps you weak and reliant on them, plus the sight of you regaining weight takes them back to those first few months