I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in

Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. when a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love i can imagine. dying for someone is easy – you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. but living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. we deserve more credit for it.