[bad joke]

best part of running games of jackbox for random library teens was definitely all the times when jackbox would prompt them to be vulgar and i would be like i hope everyone can really impress me with how clever and not obvious their jokes are and this completely worked on them they were like i must find a joke even better than cum. but is it possible...? i must try. for Her. a woman who i just met who works at the library

i just never want to see elon musk happy

i think he should be torn apart by lions.

electric stoves aren’t real btw they’re placebo stoves. your food cooks because of the placebo effect

Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends 

theres not a single fucking program id want to run on startup. as soon as i turn on my computer i want quiet silence to stare at my desktop wallpaper for a bit. if anythint else pops up im shooting it on sight

Opened the door for a short man today. After you, babygirl

pretty sure that shrimp knows teleportation

All shrimp are skilled at teleportation.

anyone else remember being a child and seeing the very neat handwriting of other little girls and somehow knowing that you were a different genre of person than they were

literally no…i remember seeing bad handwriting & thinking “oh these other kids must be orphans or something”

fascinating to hear from the other genre, thanks for your contribution

I miss working at the sex store people would really walk up to me and say shit like "I need help making my wife cum" and I'd be like yeah. I know just the thing brother

#carcinisation (via @penroseparticle)

when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people’s names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them

lower case (derogatory)