i am both wound and knife

Author's note (PLEASE READ): so I have been working on this for months and it's been a slow process because it was a collab. a crossover collab. There was a lot of back and forth to make sure things aligned nicely and we all liked the ideas and world we built. Some of the 8 of us kept our stories pretty solo and some, like me, wanted to include others. So keep in mind that every other member and oddly named character is one of the other writer's! It's their reader and the member they curated for this piece. This also means you can see THIS Mingi in the other fics. There are going to be scenes told from multi POV's and there are also going to be some inconsistencies we did our best to smooth out. Each story can still be read as a standalone but please feel free to read the others. In fact, to better understand the Mingi here, I highly recommend reading the others! This entire 22k is from reader's pov. There are aspects I wrote about Mingi that didn't get showcased. I enjoyed writing this so much. The slow burn, the world, the crossover's. I know it's a chunky fic for tumblr. I know it's not the usual cup of tea (the spice isnt until way later and pretty brief) I really hope you all enjoy this and pls please PLEASE give feedback and check out the other's for a better, more amazing picture!

Last but not least: Dividers by me, Banner was made by @yourfatherlucifer , beta reader was my lovely @bunnliix and biggest shout out to @sanjoongie for making this one of my favorite pieces to work on! if you see any mistakes pls ignore. I suck at editing and this was a big piece im so tired bruh will link the Adrenaline Anthology masterlist as soon as it's available!

Fear is a powerful motivator.

Like gasoline in your blood, pumping through your veins with each ragged breath, ready to explode at any second. Every step further and further. Every paranoid glance around.

Blood pumping so viciously it felt like a physical drumming on your skull and chest as you darted down another alley in search for freedom.

But freedom isn’t for you. There was a time when you might have thought so, that you were free to an extent. Yet it had been shattered and spewn across the dusty sands along with the blood and chunks of human flesh that had been your parents.

Nights like this was just another reminder of how much freedom you lacked. How it came at such a high price, instilling the fuel of fear into your blood like a drug.

Most raids you had lived through were stealthy, though you can count on both hands the amount of raids you had lived through in your twenty something years of life. Or was it thirty now? You would be lying if you said you knew what year it was, let alone just how old you had been when you had lost both parents and freedom alike.

Needless to say, not all raids were stealthy and quiet and easy to avoid. Those ones ended as soon as they found whoever they wanted, and it was never you. But these ones? Where gunfire and explosions and screams could be heard around the rubble turned town? They had no specific target. These were the raids you were sure were attacked just because of the sheer amount of people living there. Or lack thereof. Like they just had a hunch the population held what they wanted.

You didn’t want answers, if only because you thought it would steal any remaining freedom you might still have. To keep yourself from being tethered to whatever these strange men were looking for- that they thought you had.

A nearby yell told you that your current hiding spot in this alley was not safe, so quickly you scrambled up and rushed across the cool sand to the other end of the alley, hissing when you tripped over buried debris that wasn’t deep enough in the sand to avoid.

Somehow you managed to roll out of sight and into the shadows of the stone and metal half destroyed construct, realizing too late that beyond the large slabs of broken wall and concrete there was no escape from this alley. Not without climbing too high on wavering debris where you would surely be seen in the moonlight up there, no guarantee the other side was safe. For all you knew it could be a chasm in the earth, small ones littered all over the wasteland from the occasional earthquakes over the years, sometimes too subtle to notice until the ground was sinking beneath you.

No, it would be best to turn around and- shit.

You had a split second to sink yourself further into the shadows of the debris, glancing over your shoulder at the mountainous rubble to see if perhaps a hiding place would work. Your one saving grace was that the masked men now standing a few yards from you had their attention elsewhere.

Well at least they didn’t see me when I crossed the path, you bemused in your head, pulling your hood up and over your face more to try and hide in the shadows. It was both a blessing and a curse that the moon was full and free tonight, guiding your way but making it hard to hide.

Maybe you should have stayed where you had been sleeping since the men hadn’t scoured the buildings as you had thought. No, you just had to run, fear of being caught and dragged to who knows where causing you to flee.

Why is it that when the intense urge to flee over takes your body you always seem to make the wrong decision?? 

Holding your breath to try and still your rapid heartbeat- that you were sure the men would be able to hear if they tried- you could only watch wide-eyed as they charged.

Not at you, but another group from the other end. They had taken off after a deep… bark? And from your spot attempting to become one with two pieces of wall and shadow, a fight ensued.

At first you only saw the masked men in all black, and a second group of men. Shirtless, heads and faces covered with masks, bandana’s, and hats. What weapons there were found new homes in the sand beneath their feet, turning the fight into an all out brawl. It was clear the shirtless men weren’t trying to kill like the masked men were.

When one was tossed face first into the sand at the entrance of your alley your blood burned with the need to run again. They were so close. They just had to look up and-

Shaking from the fear and need to flee, you risked a glance over your shoulder again to look for a better hiding space. The man was dragged off without noticing you and you were quick to climb a bit deeper into the mountain of debris, small enough you could fit almost completely behind another section of wall. 

Terrified of being discovered, you situated yourself so the top half of your head was peaking over the wall, gripping the stone with trembling fingers. 

Fate was cruel to have this battle right where you could see. Why couldn’t they just move on already?

Another deep bark, this time closer, drew your attention to the left. A new figure stepped into the scene, moonlight illuminating his back and casting his front in shadow. Pale blue hair was slicked back wildly down over his nape and into a black military type jacket with worn golden accents fluttered as he moved with surprising ease between the men fighting.

He was tall, dark, and fierce. And you had no idea which side he was on.

Something told you that it didn’t matter, he was dangerous.

He moved like the eye of a sandstorm, the chaos continuing around him but left him untouchable. As if he was above it all, or the others around him were so beneath him they were just that unworthy of a glance.

The fact he stared ahead as he effortlessly pushed the men out of the way, every step like an effortless dodge or defense, the feeling running through your veins was even more painful than before.

Like alarm bells going off in your skull, positive if you so much as breathed he would be on you like a hell hound tearing into his next meal.

The apprehension in the pit of your stomach only grew when a few men charged at him from behind and he effortlessly turned as if he sensed it. They stumbled, your heart skipped a terrified beat, both in response to the fierce and cocky expression now illuminated by the moonlight.

The shirtless men around tried to back pedal as if they knew what was coming. The others charging the stranger finding out first hand what that was.

As if he knew just how to kick the man closest to him for maximum damage, you watched in cold awe as the man flew back right into his comrades, all of them falling like a domino effect. One or two of the shirtless men got pushed down in the way, but they were all quick to disarm and restrain the men in black.

The blue-haired man watched with something akin to cold nonchalance and you were certain he had known that was going to happen.

Just like that the fight was over. This stranger swooping in and ending it with such natural ease it was something to admire.

You would hate to be on his bad side.

No sooner had you thought that, exhaling the breath you had definitely held too long, that the air seemed to shift. It was easy to miss if you weren’t still so high strung and on high alert.

Like a wolf that had smelled its prey, the man’s head snapped in your direction. Dark eyes locked onto yours, his sharp jaw clenching hard enough you could see it from where you were hidden. High cheekbones, hard angles around his eyes and the sharp and straight nose; everything about him was hard edges and fierce danger. You swore his eyes reflected the moonlight, or like they glowed from within.

Before you could even process if you were seeing things, he was already marching directly your way. As if your body finally registered that you were in danger and needed to move, you quickly started scrambling up the debris behind you even if it would result in a dead end. He was bigger than you, maybe he wouldn’t follow-

With a cry you were pulled back so suddenly and thrown through the air behind you. Vaguely you registered that he had yanked you by the back of your jacket but before you could think of a reaction, that same fabric was hitting the packed sand. 

Unlucky for you the same debris beneath the sand you trip over earlier found your head with a harsh thunk. It left you further disorientated and unable to do anything as you were suddenly pinned down, arms at your sides and legs pressed tightly together between two knees.

You could only stare up at the twisted and fierce features above you, even more sharp angles from the shadows of the moonlight. The skin around his eyes a deeper shade like makeup or some discoloration of his skin, making the fierce narrow blue gray of his eyes feel as if a dragon was staring you down.

The snarl on his wide lips only intensified that feeling.

“Who are you?” The deep timbre felt like a piercing knife.

And under all this, with your head throbbing from the pain of injury, your lungs felt like closing in. This was how you die. By a beautiful warrior ready to kill you for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Your lips moved soundlessly, attempting to get something out. A name, a purpose, but none came to mind.

None but the soft plea of “please don’t kill me”.

Pain shot out from your skull down your neck as the man above you slammed you back on the ground, your head once again hitting the buried object, the sand making the impact blunt enough to do more than bruise and jar your brain. Suffocating on your own fear at the impact, you barely noticed his eyes taking on a glow as if from within.

“I will if you don’t give me a straight fucking answer! Do you work for them?! Are you spying on us?!” Spit hit your cheek as he screamed mere inches from you, jostling you further.

“No! I was just passing through. T-the fighting woke me up and I just ran! I swear-” You gasped.

The man above you didn’t seem pleased, snarling back his lip as he yelled “lies!”

It was by some luck one of the shirtless men was nearby and tried to vouch for you. “I saw her earlier at the market.”

“Oh yeah?” The stranger’s head snapped up to turn his fierce glare on his companion. “Was she wearing the mark of that blasted place then?!” He grabbed at your jacket, paused to glance down and then started patting the dark fabric. Each pat had his brow furrowing more and more in confusion. “Why the fuck can I not touch it? What’s your fucking ability, rat?” The bystander tried to see what his companion saw, only to tremble and step back. He let out a panicked yell and then ran.

Your fear felt ten times more weighted on your chest now, eyes burning as if they were full of gasoline. You were just as confused as they were. “Please- let me go-” Your voice trembled, trying to reel in your fear, knowing that when your emotions were high it was hard to understand what was going on. Hell, half the time you didn’t understand even when you were once again level headed. It didn’t even phase you any more when someone just ran when you were scared. Were you a scary sight as a tiny trembling woman?

Because what did he mean mark that he can’t touch? What ability? You were nobody with nothing important, could he not see that?

Just someone at the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Please…” You tried again, noting his paler complexion now.

He seemed to be at war with himself over your plea, his expression softening for a moment, just the barest, before hardening back into a scowl.

“Like hell I’m letting a rat run back to it’s master’s.” A deep snarl before he was yanking you up onto your feet.

With a yelp you could only go along with him, his large hands enveloping your smaller wrists, making you feel as tiny as a rat. But you weren’t a rat, or a mouse or an animal. The sudden pull to your feet had your head spinning, your fear so suffocating that you realized you hadn’t been breathing right.

Not that the other cared as you swayed on your feet, instead wrapping an arm around your waist and yoinking you up and over his shoulder. The motion was so sudden and jarring that your vision was spotted for a moment. “Take care of the other rats.” He barked out, moving in the direction that he had originally come from.

Resigned to your fate you shut your eyes, hands grabbing the back of the jacket just to steady yourself. He moved fast, long legs gliding over the sands beneath his feet as if no grain dared to mess up his gait.

There were murmurs as he passed the others, fear and other such tones heard even if the words weren’t as clear. 

“- not scared?” “So much bl-”

“-not what I see.”

“Creepy.”

They were afraid of you for some reason. How did you appear to them? When you looked in the mirror you thought you were the least threatening person out there. Right?

It hurt to think about and your head was pounding. The tears wanted to fall and the fear burned in your veins.

Years you had run, avoiding capture though you never understood why anyone would want to capture you. Now that you were caught, you were just so tired.

Your only hope was that the man who held you on his shoulder like a sack of junk wouldn’t kill you. The ones he had fought had no problem killing people after all.

They killed your parents.

So maybe, just maybe, you would be fine.

That spark of hope loosened the knot in your throat to finally let you breath enough to relax. Just enough to let that insistent throb in your head take over and consciousness to leave you.

When you woke, it was due to getting thrown from your seat. If you could call it a seat. 

Your head hit the rough metal roof, limbs tangling themselves as you found yourself in a cramped space, half on a worn seat. A loud rumble vibrated the seat and space, which you quickly realized was a vehicle. 

Another jolt had you realizing that it was moving and you were in the backseat. Your hands had done a good job of keeping your head from bashing into the roof again, gaze taking in your surroundings a bit better.

The windows were all missing save for the front one, and even that was cracked to bits and barely holding on. Sand flew in from all the windows and you had to quickly pull your own goggles down to save your eyes, the man in front of you wearing shades himself and some black military hat with worn gears sown into it. The jacket was now removed and the white tee shirt he wore was covered in sweat and sand from the hot sun. One long muscled arm was on the makeshift steering wheel, the other moving the gearshift with ease.

The “jolts” were the vehicle going over the sand dunes, the half buried settlement no longer in sight behind you but you could make out some sort of old broken road for miles just over the last couple dunes behind the vehicle. So the two of you had been going for awhile? Truthfully you hoped he had rested before taking you away.

Where was away anyways? “Um… where are we going?” He shot a glance over his shoulder and smirked. Suddenly your stomach was swooping from more than just the jostling of the car. “So it finally wakes up."

Okay, ouch. You weren’t an it. “Hard to sleep when you get pelted into a metal roof.”

“Oh I imagine.” Did he just pick up speed?

Holding onto the door as tightly as you can after the vehicle flew over another dune, you felt sick to your stomach. Maybe you were wrong and he really was going to kill you.

He didn’t say anything after that, and you were too sick and disorientated to attempt speaking again. Instead you held on, whining in pain any time your still throbbing skull hit the roof or your butt hit the uncomfortable worn leather seat beneath you. You swore you could feel the springs of it poking your ass every time it came down.

The sun was high in the sky but had already started its descent by the time the desert dunes gave way to the road again, and then shortly after a settlement came into view. Vaguely you remembered it, you had been to so many over the years after all. Another small one but it was more well built than the one you had just been at. In the distance you could see a larger settlement. Maybe one of the city ones. 

Maybe you were being dramatic when the vehicle stopped just outside the small settlement and you opened the door with the intention of hugging the ground. “Sweet land~”

The man who had taken you was a lunatic. Who drives like a mad man? Like he would drive right off a cliff if one was in his way?!

You didn’t even mind the bit of sand that got in your mouth, spitting it out and wiping off the grains with the back of your hand. 

Like the madman he was proving to be, he just picked you up as if you weighed nothing and tossed you back on his shoulder. With a whine you accepted your fate.

Maybe that made you a coward or a quitter to not fight back, but you weren’t a fighter and he certainly was. Running was your usual go to and that was out of the question, so you would just have to go along and hope everything makes sense eventually. Most of all, you hoped that you weren’t in any danger.

Unsure when the man was going to let you down - or if he would let you speak- your eyes darted around. There were a few merchant stalls in what looked like the town square. The couple dozen buildings boarded up and protected with the wall wrapped around the settlement made of debris of metal, cement, and anything large. There was even a large old neon sign that said “Drive-In” as part of it.

No different than most small settlements. A lot of them were areas that weren’t completely destroyed, usually off main roads that were still intact even after a century or so. And never too far from larger settlements like the city just on the horizon. Small settlements were with people that didn’t want to deal with the self appointed government or the rebellion, or any powerful movements.

At least that’s what you gathered. Most people didn’t pay attention to the forces building around them, just trying to survive in the wasteland that was the world.

What was a bit strange though, was that small settlements weren’t the nicest to strangers. Not with fear of bandits or the raids. And yet it was not lost on you how a few of the merchants called out to the man carrying you. “Welcome back! I have new supplies if you’re interested.” One of the traders said as the two of you passed, just for his eyes to land on you and widen considerably. 

All you could offer was a shy wave and smile, jostled with every step of the body holding you up. Honestly you were starting to get light-headed from all the blood running to your head.

Before you could mention it, suddenly the two of you were inside and you were set down at a booth, ass nearly missing a loose spring. That would have hurt like a bitch.

“Stay right here.” His deep voice rumbled with a warning glare before he was turning towards someone at a makeshift bar.

He crossed the distance with considerable ease, said something to the older woman behind the counter, and then set a few bits of payment down before immediately making his way back to you.

In all that short time you definitely let your eyes wander. With the daylight it was easier to make out his features; just as fierce as you expected but the plump lips were definitely a showstopper. Wide shoulders accentuated by the white tee that had a light dusting of sand on the fabric, and a gaudy golden sash around his small waist, hanging down to his knees. It wasn’t the only thing on his waist, two belts at different angles holding a water skin and dagger, all hanging over dark pants that showed just how long his legs were.

It was entirely unfair that he looked like a damn wet dream and nightmare at the same time.

He paused on the other side of the small rickety table that had some stained cloth as a poor tablecloth. One eyebrow lifted as he stared you down and you were positive he looked almost amused. The expression was gone after a mere second and he easily slid into the booth next to you, throwing his arm over the back as a silent threat.

That left you stuck between the towering gorgeous captor and the rusty, painful looking spring. It made the top ten of uncomfortable but not horrible positions you have been in.

It was worse that he didn’t say anything. You had no idea why you were here, where here was, or his intentions. Meaning you had to pull your big girl panties on and ask “Um… Sir?”

“Shut up.” He hissed, not even looking in your direction.

Instantly you stiffened, hands on your knees as you worried your bottom lip in between your teeth.

“But I would like to know what is going on? I won’t run off or anything just- eek!” You jumped when he slammed the side of his fist on the table, fear shooting through down your spine to make it ramrod straight.

“Didn’t I say to shut up?!” He growled- growled- like a damn dog as he narrowed his eyes on your much smaller figure. Another squeal left you as his hands grabbed at your jacket again, positive he probably could smell your fear at this point. “This wasn’t there a minute ago. What the fuck are you doing? Stop it!” Sounds escaped your too tight throat as you tried to explain you weren’t doing anything, just scared. You didn’t know what he was seeing. His words made no sense. No sound you made seemed to appease him, the leather clad fingers of his now wrapped around your throat as if it could make your pathetic sounds make sense.

At a loss on what to do your eyes darted around the room for help. Anyone. Surely someone would be willing to- ah the bar lady! She was watching across the room, eyes wide but clearly confused by the two of you. She caught your gaze, and all you could do was try and plead with your eyes.

Desperate for her help.

Her expression shifted in an instant, her footsteps like thunder mixing with the rush of blood in your ears. And then- “Mingi! What are you doing to that poor girl?! She’s clearly frightened!” “She works for them! See? The logo right here, that’s from the lab!” The man hissed out, tightening his grip on your throat. The pain burned as much as the tears building up behind your lashes. Keeping your gaze on the woman and pleading was all you could do, mouthing help as if she really could.

She did. A gun was pulled on him, holding it up while the woman looked absolutely furious. “You’ve finally lost your fucking marbles, Min. There ain’t no logo  there. I just see a scared, injured little woman who is terrified of you and blue in the face. Now get. The fuck. Off her!” She cocked the revolver, surprisingly in good condition, and that finally gave him pause.

Your gaze met his- Mingi’s- and you pushed down your fear as much as you could to show your sincerity that you were not a threat. This close you could see the shift of emotion in his blue-gray eyes; the anger and fear to confusion. They searched yours for any sign of… well you didn’t know what but judging from the way his fingers loosened and the shame the momentarily colored his face, you didn't think he found it.

Gasping for breath when the hand was finally off your throat, your own fingers gingerly touched the now bruised skin. Mingi seemed to adjust himself a bit further from you and turn his attention to the woman. The woman who had just saved your life, earning a raspy “thank you” from your throat. You hadn’t realized he had been choking you that hard, too caught up in your own fear and desperation.

Assured there was no more immediate danger the woman put her gun away and offered you a small smile. “‘Course sweet thang. I don’t know why this brute tried to wring your pretty neck after he just paid for a meal for ya both but I’m sure he is gonna tell you as I go get your food. If he tries it again, he won’t be living this little hole without a hole in his head. Understood?” She aimed the last word at the ‘brute’ next to you.

“Yes.” He grumbled, almost dejectedly.

Satisfied that he listened, the woman turned on her heel and headed back to a door behind the bar. There was no one else in the place at the moment so you were sure there was nothing stopping him from finishing the job he just failed at, but several moments passed without any threat. 

You were starting to think he wasn’t going to explain like the bar woman had told him to, resigned to it even when he did speak. It caught you off guard enough you jumped again, earning a look from him you couldn’t decipher.

“I swear you work for them. The fuckers who do the raids. Kidnap people. I wouldn’t be surprised if they used someone with adrenaline as a spy out here, like a dirty fucking rat. If it’s useful enough.”

Okay that answered literally zero of your questions and just gave you more.

Adrenaline?

He thought you were a spy? To help the people that murdered your parents?

A soft chuff-like laugh escaped you, making you wince from the pain in your throat. “She’s right. You really lost your marbles.”

He didn’t seem to like that judging by the flash of fury over his features. Immediately you shut up. Whether he was insane or not, he was powerful and capable of ending your life whenever he wanted. You might be safe for the moment but once you left this settlement with him -which you were sure was going to happen- he had nothing stopping him.

Attempting to appear sheepish from your outburst you turned your attention back to your hands and the worn and holey gloves that covered them. “I don’t get what you mean, like at all, but if it clears my name or whatever, I’ll go wherever you need me to go to prove my innocence. I also don’t like the suggestion I work with those mask men. They- they have been nothing but a source of pain for me and I would rather not be associated with them.” Hesitantly you spared him a glance. “So- I’ll do whatever you ask of me until you believe me when I say I’m nothing you claim I am.”

Another undecipherable expression, shifting over and over again, like circling through the same thoughts. Until finally- “I am taking you to a contact of mine. I trust that he can properly determine if you belong with them or not.”

“And if he proves I am innocent?” something told you that it wouldn't be enough to be set free.

The gaze he fixed you with all but confirmed it. “Then we figure out what the fuck you are doing to throw my sense off. It's never wrong.”

“Your… sense?” Would anything he says not confuse you for once?

He was saved by the woman returning with two metal plates of food. Some kind of meat, potatoes, even some bread. Your mouth watered at the sight even if it looked dry, there was water set down as well.

Mingi didn't bring it up again and you were too distracted by the food to do so yourself. However, for the first time, you didn't like that it was left unanswered.

For the first time you did question your reality. Not to know why the raids were done. Or what made you similar to the ones they were after.

You wanted answers just so you knew why your captor thought so low of you. You wanted to know what he saw, and why he did. And most of all, you wanted to know if he would ever look at you as something else than an enemy.

Being carried like a sack of junk was a running theme at this point, but he didn't seem to mind that you held yourself up to stare at more than his ass- if he hadn't tried to strangle you, you would admit it was a very nice ass.

After the meal, which he had been scolded for the duration of by the bar woman- who had introduced herself as Mox-, Mingi had carried you back out. He stopped at the trader who had called out earlier, looking at his wares and making a purchase you couldn’t see since you were once more just trying to make sure your face didn’t collide with the other’s rear end.

He was definitely less scary like this, being face to bum.

You were getting lightheaded again by the time you were unceremoniously dropped into the passenger seat of his vehicle, wincing as your butt met more than the seat. He just pulled you forward to take the item- some communicating device by the looks of it- and then set you back in the seat. 

The drive to the city(because of course that’s where he’s going) was silent and only a little less scary than the ride to the settlement. It was spent mostly keeping the sand out of your face and not swerving out the window when he made a sharp turn to avoid a hole in the road. Reckless and dangerous.

It would be a scary fact if you didn’t think it came from some sort of confidence he had. Which, sad to admit to yourself, was attractive.

He didn’t take the vehicle into the city though, stashing it by some rubble just outside after he had roughly deposited you on some rock to wait. Then it was back over his shoulder as he headed right in.

You lost track of time as you glanced around as best you could, constantly having to adjust your hood that got in the way. The city was busy, and much nicer than surrounding settlements.

That was until you had presumably gotten to the slums. 

While there was technology throughout most of the city, from speakers to some cameras and working lights and appliances, it was much less lit up and much more run down. There had been a lot of construction in what you thought was the city center.

Here it did look like most other settlements just with the addition of power. Probably working water. Would you be able to bathe or shower? Now that sounded like a grand time.

The deeper into the slums you went, the more you noticed everyone looked at you two in the same two different ways. Either with suspicion or wary; or a nod of acknowledgement. Well, they looked at Mingi that way. Everyone just gave you a look of suspicion. Or dare you say disgust.

It was starting to get really uncomfortable being on his shoulder like this, especially after another near miss with a cart passing by. “Hey Mingi?”

“What?” Well at least he didn’t tell you to shut up this time.

“You said we are meeting a contact of yours right? Are we almost there? I’d like to be able to use my own feet again.” There was only some hope that he would find your joke humorous, but it was met with the same brick wall that was your captor.

He didn’t reply or react until a bit later. “Here.” He pushed through some doors, down a hall, and then into another door. Music is what you heard first, low enough you couldn’t make out where it was coming from, but it was nice none-the-less. Pushing yourself up you took in where you were and-

It was a bar. He brought you to a bar.

Odd place for a contact to prove you weren’t some secret spy but he was an odd guy so nothing off the point yet. The strangest thing is the place looked trashed, like a storm had come through or a- no, no way it was a raid, right?

Getting used to this by now your bum didn’t hurt that bad when he set you down on a stool at the bar. “Stay here.” He grumbled but not like you had any plans to move. This seat was actually the comfiest one you’ve sat on all day.

Without waiting for a sign you were going to follow his order he was off, heading down the bar and towards a door that was half behind it. Just as someone stepped out. “Watch where you're--Silver?!”

The woman who had collided with his chest looked up and her face fell. “Mingi?”

He did not seem to like the other and for a moment your heart went out to them. You knew first hand what it was like to be on the receiving end of his ire and it was a scary thing.

Before the woman could say anything, you noticed someone else next to them. They seemed happy to see your captor even. “Hey, Mingi, what can I do for you?” The gorgeous man greets Mingi with a half hug. Of course he’s friendly with gorgeous people- no, you didn’t let that thought spiral either.

“I’ve got this rat that I need you to look into,” He jabbed a thumb in your direction and you tried not to flinch at the action.

“Rat?” His eyes followed the direction Mingi pointed before landing on you. “Her?”

“I found her when I was trying to break up a--” Mingi’s eyes shoot towards the silver haired woman, which on closer inspection you recognized. How could you ever forget the one woman you spent a whole raid with hiding out. That sort of camaraderie was not easily forgotten, even as a wanderer yourself. Mingi did not seem to share the sentiment considering the glare he shot her way, “Can we talk somewhere else?”

The too-gorgeous man tilted his head in answer. “Certainly. Silver, my office is--”

“Without her?” Mingi cut him off rather rudely in your opinion. You shot the woman, Silver, a smile of understanding. Did this Mingi dislike anyone who’s been a victim of a raid before or something?

The other shook his head. “No can do, Mingi. If you haven’t noticed, the bar just got raided. I’ve got to keep Silver close by.” Ah so you were right. A raid. That was- your anxiety spiked a bit, head falling to hide your expression. Maybe you should ask why they-

Mingi scoffed. “She’s probably the reason you had the raid. Not exactly conspicuous, an invisible girl.”

His animosity was clear and you could hear how it made Silver guarded from her tone “That’s literally the definition of inconspicuous, Mingi.”

“Hey.” You lifted your head at the deep warning word to see the man put a hand on Mingi’s chest as if to hold him back. “She’s with me, whether you like it or not. But we should go back to my office.”

Realizing that they were leaving you glanced up, meeting eyes with Silver first and offering a wave and a shy smile as if that could encourage her. Just for Mingi to snap at you. Really you didn't mean to flinch but he sounded so pissed off.

“Don’t fucking move, I’ll be right back.” He barked out before following the two out of sight.

You stayed right where you were, playing with the bar and taking it all in. There was a pool table in good condition, and even under the debris it looked like a nice bar. Maybe when all this is over you could get a drink? Right here in this bar? Maybe talk with Silver? 

What if…?

Maybe you did want to move now, suddenly restless with thoughts and feelings you realized you never let yourself have. What if you had friends? What if you had someone to laugh and cry with? Make memories with? Someone you could come to a bar like this and just enjoy being alive?

Why couldn’t you do that? Just enjoy being alive? For once?

The memory of your parents dying for you flashed in your head as a reminder. Because that’s what happens when you don’t worry about dying. 

The sound of raised voices- Mingi’s voice- drew your attention. You looked up to hear a door slam and then Mingi was in sight marching in your direction with a fierce expression, much like when he had when fighting those men. “Everything alright?”

He paused just before you, chest heaving and glare sharp enough to feel like daggers piercing your skull. Despite that, the fear you expected didn’t rise. Not until he snapped his hand out and grabbed your shirt, yanking you close enough his breath fanned your face. “I will kill you if you really aren’t innocent. Understand?”

A spike of fear shot down your spine because you believed him. You believed him and that he would kill you even if you are proven innocent, just doesn’t meet his standards.

“Y-You have to actually give me a chance first you know?” You choked out, hands coming to rest on his in an attempt to pull him off or appease him- really you didn’t know which.

“Why should I?! You have that logo! I don’t trust what Silver said about knowing you- maybe you bugged her?”

There was a crazy look in his eyes, like he wasn’t seeing you, or even the present. 

“Mingi-” He jostled you, dropping you back down on the stool for a moment and looking away. You recognized that same battle on his features from before and it occurred to you that his blatant hatred for you wasn’t for you at all, but something you reminded him of.

Once more your parents faces flash in your mind, knowing damn well what it feels like when the past haunts you. “I want to prove my innocence, not manipulate you or anything. I- I want to know why you dislike me so much or are so convinced I am out to get you. I don’t know why those raids happen, just that those men are bad and they hurt others. They killed my parents for getting in the way once. A long time ago. And I’ve just been trying to get by since. I swear I have nothing to do with them if you think I am with them. And if you just… just give me a chance. And let your friend prove it I-” You swallowed hard, not sure what you could offer outside of your life.

Nothing else needed to be said though, he no longer looked ready to rip your head off. Your desperation to be heard must have reached him. “Fine. I will… consider you innocent until Yeosang tells me otherwise. Until then we are laying low.” He grabbed your arm then and pulled you off the stool.

Even if his grip hurt a little, he was letting you walk with him, right out the door. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a step in the right direction.

Hopefully it didn’t take too long for his friend- Yeosang he said- to tell him that you were innocent. But maybe long enough for you to figure out just what it is about you that makes your captor so quick to anger. 

What in his past was he running away from too?

He was quiet on the trek back out of the city, only making one stop at a street vendor grabbing food. Rice balls and some meat on skewers that you couldn't name for the life of you. It was a lesson long ago not to try and guess what you were eating as long as it was edible and didn't taste like dung. He didn't say anything as he gave you a small portion, pulling you along once more but now out of the city.

Back in his vehicle, more silence. It was almost unnerving by now, though you should take it as a good sign since he wasn't sneering in your direction or making accusations. You weren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, eating the food given to you as quickly as the other.

It took the water bottle handed to you for you to realize just how parched you were. The heat was no joke in the wasteland, water scarce outside of cities and settlements that have made due. It was an effort not to down the bottle, and to ignore the unreadable expression on Mingi's face.

You weren't sure what to make of him when he wasn't glaring or cautious of you, and that expression was neither. Best to ignore it, hold some small hope in the back of your mind it was a good sign.

It was silence once more when he started driving, this time in the opposite direction the two of you had come from. You didn't bother asking where he was taking you now, only hoping that it wouldn't end with your head rolling.

He didn't bother offering an answer either, just drove.

And drove.

And drove.

Not nearly as maniac as before but you were starting to miss the back seat as you were jostled left and right in the small space, too afraid to jostle towards the other and receive backlash that would shatter this fragile truce the two of you seemed to have.

So by the time the sun was setting on the horizon and a small settlement much like the one this morning pulled into view, you had hopes of meeting the ground again.

And much like the morning, you did face plant into the rough sand as he pulled to a stop, adding some dramatics under your breath. "I will never take solid ground for granted again."

"Can you shut up?" Mingi barked from the other side, getting out and making his way around the car in quick strides thanks to his long legs. "Get up, we're staying here for the night."

Ah so not a permanent stop? Though the locals seemed to be friendly with Mingi here too, a guard of sorts waving in his direction and a young teenager running up and babbling something to him about gas and a room.

They paid you no mind, not even when Mingi yanked you up by your bicep, apparently too impatient to wait for you to stand up yourself. Rude, but your mouth stayed shut.

You couldn't forget your life was in his hands. Maybe you could fight back. Take the weapon he had in his holster and use it against him, but you had the feeling that just the thought alone of doing so would have your head bashed into the ground. Instinct said Mingi was not a man to try and fight. You had no chance of winning.

Not like you were a fighter either. You were, as ironic as it was, a mouse. You hide and run and make yourself as small as possible to avoid conflict and pain. How fitting he would call you a rat, even if you didn't like it.

You were pulled into a rundown shop front, dragged along as he caught what looked like a key tossed in his direction before you were pulled down a narrow hall, last door on the right. The rotting wood beneath your feet creaked with every step until you were both stepping into a small room.

Small room, one bed, no window, and just a rickety wooden chair next to the smallest table you had ever seen. It was more an armrest for the chair than a table.

"Sleep. We leave first thing in the morning." He nudged you towards the bed and shut the door. He had to squeeze past you to the chair, groaning as he sat down and dropped a small bag on the floor next to his leg. You hadn't even noticed that he had brought a bag.

But you noticed the gun he set on the narrow table, finger on the trigger as he jutted his chin to the bed.

You scrambled over to it and climbed onto the lumpy mattress, though it was still better than the hard floor you had slept on often.

Laying on your side, up against the wall, there was probably enough room for him to lay down if he wanted, but with the way he was looking at you, like the slightest wrong move he would shoot, had you believing he wouldn't take you up on the offer if you spoke it.

Worth a try though right? He clearly hasn't slept since he found you. And you had no idea how long before then he had last slept.

"You should sleep too Mingi. You need rest."

His eyes lowered from your frame to empty spot on the bed. For a moment his gaze wavered, his exhaustion apparent.

You pushed.

"I won't do anything. But if you don't trust me you can tie me up or something. You just… you should sleep." It wasn't lost on you that he could have tied you up to the chair and slept himself, but he had given you the bed to let you sleep. "It wouldn't do you any good to be sleep deprived." Mingi was silent, appearing as if he was mulling over your words. So you didn't expect him to stand up and start removing the sash.

What?

Squealing, you quickly backed up, hands floundering in front of you. "Please keep your clothes on!"

He scoffed- or chuckled- kneeling on the bed and grabbing both of your wrists. "I'm not a monster, I wouldn't force myself on my enemy. I have no need to force myself on someone if I want them."

That stung, though you couldn't pinpoint why. Just whimpering as he tugged your wrists in front of you and started looping the golden sash around them. Soon enough they were tied together, tight but not digging into your flesh. That's all you could ask you suppose.

It still puzzled you why the words stung. Maybe his insistence that you were some harmful person? When you haven't done anything to really earn such a view.

Maybe you took his words to heart more as a woman than as a person. Why would you want him to want you though?

"Face the wall." He ordered before rolling you over anyways. He adjusted your body with a clear disinterest, chipping that ache deeper. There was a dip in the bed as he got up, the small, buzzing light in the room was turned off the next second, and then another dip in the bed.

Despite facing the wall, you were hyper aware of his every movement. Every shift of his body as he got comfortable. His large hand found your waist like a heavy weight that knocked the breath out of you.

It burned even through the clothes. His grip was tight, breath on the back of your neck as he let out a few huffs in his effort to situate himself. The bed wasn't long enough for his legs and they ended up bent and pressed against your own, one over top yours.

You had never laid so close to someone before, your heart racing in your chest and heat burning your cheeks. Was this normal? While your legs were entangled, there was distance between your torsos, like it would physically burn him if he got too close.

That odd stinging was back in your chest.

"How do you know her?" His deep voice practically vibrated the air, blowing heat onto your back.

"Who?"

"That bi- the woman earlier. Silver."

"Oh." Licking your lips you thought back to the closest to a friend you had before. "We hid together during a raid. When we weren't quite yet adults. It was an accident really. We both slid into the same rundown shack to hide from the other men, too scared to speak since we could hear them right outside."

The moon had been bright that night, much like the night Mingi had found you. Even to this day the striking silver of her hair was so easy to remember. Over the scars you glimpsed, and the wounds you were sure she carried, it was the silver hair that was first to your mind.

Like liquid moonlight.

A stark contrast to the dull gold of your own hair.

Pushing those thoughts aside- and pushing your hair out of your face with your bound hands- you continued. "It was a tight fit, and even when we could no longer hear the men we didn't move. Some time during we had grabbed each other's hands, shared our cloaks like blankets. I remember hoping they didn't find us, if not for me than for Silver. She was so scared she trembled." You had pushed your own fear down as best you could, wanting to reassure her more than anything that she would be safe. That they would make it out.

You had hoped the smiles you had given in the moonlight provided comfort.

If she still remembered you, then maybe you managed that at least. "We said a few words to each other in the morning. Neither saying our names or where we were going. Not out of distrust though! I just… if I got caught I didn't want to know where she went. I heard they have ways of getting that information out of you even when you don't want to tell them."

Having rambled a lot you tried to turn to apologize- make sure he wasn't upset with you even- but his hand tightened on your waist when you tried, his head pressing against the back of yours. "They do." He had whispered it so softly you weren't sure you had heard him right.

But you had. You hadn't mistaken that vulnerable shake in his tone. You hadn't misheard the emotion that belied experience.

When he didn't say anything else, you swallowed a growing lump in your throat, pushing down your fear and stealing the courage from the memory you had just recited. "If you… if you are scared… I would like to be a comfort for you. However that looks. Everyone needs someone who will keep them safe." Even to your own ears, it sounded as if you were about to cry.

His exhale was shaky against the nape of your neck, fingers bruising against your hip but you stayed strong. This was a moment to understand him and why he was so dead set on making you an enemy. He could drop the key to the answers at any second.

Perhaps he did, with the rough way the words left him. "I lost them."

You didn't know what to say to that, what could you say? Talk about your parents? How they died to keep you safe? He could probably understand, but this moment was vulnerable enough. You didn't want to push him, it could just be his sleep deprivation getting him to open up like this after all!

Instead, with great effort, you moved your hands down to his. It was a bit awkward, but you managed to wrap your hands around four of his fingers. A gentle squeeze, then just holding them.

Not long after, the steady breath against your neck and the loose hold in your hand told you that he had fallen asleep. It wouldn't come easily for you though, as your mind was plagued by the enigma of a man behind you.

And the urges to turn and comfort him in your arms, even if he would find it unwelcome.

Somehow you had fallen asleep, though it didn't seem to be for long, as your body was still quite heavy and demanding rest when you awake. Mingi is shaking you by your bicep, even going so far as to pat your cheeks a few times.

Which was odd for you. Years of wandering had made you a light sleeper especially with the constant threat of those raids. This was proving false ever since you met Mingi, finding yourself harder to wake and in deeper sleep than normal.

It would be an issue if you didn't have a dozen more blaring issues to handle before it. Like how impassive Mingi's sharp features were when you finally looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

Had you imagined the vulnerable talk the two of you had last night?

He made no sound or indication that you had, instead pulling you up a bit roughly. It had you wincing. "I can get up myself." Voice groggy, you protested the treatment for perhaps the first time.

His posture stiffened as if struck, breath halted as he just stared. You almost believe you imagined it with how quickly it passed. The next second he was tugging the sash off your wrists, freeing you just to immediately put distance between you two. "Let's go."

You had to scramble out of bed to catch up to him with how fast he left the room. You didn't even see him pick up the bag or gun, but neither were there.

"Wa- Mingi!" His long legs made quick work of the distance while your own short ones struggled to close the growing distance. He made it down the hall and out of the inn before your own limbs stopped stumbling and were fully awake.

Part of you wondered if he intended to leave you behind. If he no longer cared about your innocence, just wanted you out of his sight. That same part of you ached at the mere idea of him leaving you behind.

Which was foolish to say the least. He had been nothing but abrasive towards you. He gave you no reason to like his presence, to care for his opinion.

And yet… chasing after him through the sand, past the vehicle, you did your best to close the growing distance as your footing became unsure once more. You reached for him, panting out his name as you identified the reason for the fear in your chest.

You didn't want him to leave you behind. You wanted to know him. To know why he seemed so afraid of you. What had made him prickly like a cactus, what was he protecting?

Mingi was an enigma you wanted to know all the ins and outs of, despite his poor treatment of you.

Despite how out of reach he was, both physically and figuratively.

The sand moved wrong under your foot, your tired limbs caving under the sudden movement, knees hitting the still cool sand as the sun was just barely peaking over the horizon.

That was when he finally stopped. When his broad back turned so he could face you. His expression was twisted as if wounded by the sight of you. How did you look, for him to have such a pained glaze to his eyes?

With a shake of his head he seemed to shake off the emotions, features blank as he closed the distance with three easy strides. "What a nuisance, can't even keep up little mouse?" He huffed, hauling you over his shoulder the next second like a sack of potatoes.

You should be upset that he was carrying you like this, but you weren't. His large hand on the small of your back wasn't as rough as it was before. He adjusted your body so it wasn't so harsh on your stomach.

Most importantly, he wasn't leaving you behind.

He walked for a moment, the sun a bit higher now and warming up the wasteland once more. You could see the settlement that the two of you had just left straight behind you, and the city was off in the distance, parallel to the current path. He seemed to be going deeper into the wasteland, a dangerous thing to do if you don't know where you are going. So easy to get buried under sand dunes or find yourself in a sandstorm. Let alone sink holes.

"Where are we going? Why did we leave the vehicle?" You decided to ask, much more awake and alert now.

Surprisingly, Mingi answered "a friend's place. He doesn't like it when I bring it."

"What's he like?" Did Mingi treat him the same way he would treat the two at the bar?

"Annoying." He scoffed immediately, but you could feel the fondness in his tone. You were sure he might be smiling even, not that you could see.

Your view consisted of his ass in his jeans, his white shirt getting pulled up by your hands holding onto it for dear life, afraid to go lower. Your social interactions with people were on acquaintance level basis, so to think of someone's rear end- even if it's the majority of your sight right now- had you quite flustered.

The fact it was a nice one, a good size with his muscular thighs right under, made you even more conscious of it. And your own. It was right there next to his face, right by his hand. He could-

"Is he just annoying?" The words slipped from your lips like a serious of chirps, hiding your face in your hands as you willed yourself to be a civil woman about your… captor's ass. Because he was still your captor, even if you were a willing victim. Even if you wished he was much more than that.

That was a statement you would not be thinking about in further detail at all.

"He talks a lot. Loves the sound of his own voice. Pushes himself like an idiot. Just as reckless in his own right. Too friendly if you ask me. Always calls on me to verify if someone is safe but still takes them in first. Like what if they hurt his weak ass before I get there? There is no need for him to be so fucking friendly. He can take care of himself, yeah, but I rather he not." It was a lot more than you expected to hear from him, the fondness much more evident the more he talked about this person.

Like a distraught mother nagging out of care.

The comparison had laughter bubbling from your throat before you could help it. His feet stopped on the sand dune beneath you both, turning his head to glance down at you- though you felt it more than saw.

"What the fuck is so funny, mouse? Would you like me to go on about how much of a pain in the ass you are?" He barked out, grip on your back tightening for a moment.

Maybe the heat or the constant rush of blood to your head was making you delirious, but it had the bright idea of pinching the man's ass in retaliation. "There, now I really am a pain in your ass." You giggled, shifting your body enough to try and grin back up at him, pinching again just a bit harder to earn a barely there yelp from the man.

"I will fucking drop you." He hissed out, yet you didn't feel any real malice in the words. Like it was just for show.

Odd that.

Instead of calling him out on it, you circled back to his friend. "It just sounds like you care about him, nagging about how he isn't taking care of himself the way you wish he would."

He turned his face away quickly, robbing you of seeing his reaction to your words. Yet you felt it. In the way his shoulders relaxed, his grip on your shirt that didn't feel threatening or harsh, more like resignation.

"I do." Soft, barely caught over the wind blowing sand around you, somehow missing your face- quite strange out in the open like this. It always felt impossible to fight off the sand, thus the permanent goggles on your head.

That you hadn't needed once since meeting Mingi, outside of the vehicle.

"So don't try anything funny with him either." He growled out, starting the trek once more.

The rest was left in silence. Him as he focused on moving over the dunes while adjusting your weight on him. And you kept pushing yourself up to take a look around. There was a lot of debris around, but it was some structure that he came up to. It looked no different than the rest of the debris in the distance, like destroyed buildings slowly worn down by the sand and heat.

Yet he walked up to what appeared to be a door, though it looked more rusted shut than a usable entrance. You didn't question it as he started pounding on the metal. "Woo! Open up!" A beat past, then another. He pounded on the door once more. "Wake your ass up. It's not that early. No one else is around."

When you were beginning to question if this was truly the right place. After all who would live in a house half buried in sand? Like it was sinking at the weird angle it was leveled. But the door did creak open, a lanky man with wild black hair sticking up from sleep holding something up that you couldn't see from your angle. Some weapon probably.

"Mangi? What the- if this is some new weird way your ability manifested that's kind of cool." Tone heavy with sleep still, it was clear the man was happy to see the taller one, putting away the weapon and grinning. Then he glanced your way. "Or not? What is this? You never bring anyone to visit me."

You didn't have to see it to know Mingi rolled his eyes. "I'll explain when we're inside if you don't want any sand getting in."

"Right right, come on in." He stepped back, letting the two of you inside. You tried to get a look around, but once more your sight was only of the stranger and the heavy door he was pulling closed, muscles bulging with the effort.

"That must be heavy." You blurted out, brows furrowed with concern at the effort it took to shut the hulking metal.

The man, Woo(?), smiled at your concern. "I got the muscles for it, don't you worry your pretty little head about it. I'm Wooyoung by the way, a friend of Mingi Mangi's is a friend of mine. Make yourself at home." "We're not friends." Mingi barked out before you could reply, tossing you down on some cushions. A couch apparently. "I just need a safe place for a bit to keep an eye on her."

Your eyes took in the surprisingly cozy living space as the two chatted.

Wooyoung didn't seem too keen on keeping you out of the conversation though, making his way over and taking a seat next to you, that wide grin still on his face. "Oh? Well does she have a name?"

Mingi tensed at the question, but Wooyoung wasn't paying attention. Of course Mingi didn't know, he didn't ask. And what would you say anyways? You hadn't told anyone your name since your parents died, too scared of what would happen.

"You can just call me whatever you like. I'm not usually around someone long enough to exchange personal information." You said instead, which was mostly true.

"But I gave you my name, isn't it only fair? And you'll be with Mingi for awhile." The other pressed, making you a bit nervous.

He had a point as well, yet you still didn't want to indulge it. The name you hadn't spoken in so long. Was it really even your name anymore? Trying to think of your parents calling out to you, all you could picture was the way they told you to run even as they were killed.

Your discomfort must have been obvious, Mingi swooping in and picking you back up and away from Wooyoung, making a sound that was like a warning growl. "Wooyoung-" "It's okay!" Not wanting the two to fight, you were quick to speak up, placing a hand on Mingi's chest as if that could stop him. "It's just… I don't remember my name. Only my parents did and for the longest time I tried not to think about them. It always made me sad, because I'd inevitable think of the last time I saw them. So please, call me anything. I really don't mind. In fact it's nice to see what people come up with! Mingi called me rat- well mouse. I guess I am quite skittish like one." You rambled on, wanting the tension to ease up.

They were friend's, they shouldn't fight. Mingi should be nice to him even! If he cared so much about the man.

"Oh you poor little goose, you sound very proud of that." Despite the almost playful nature of his words, Wooyoung's brows were pushed together in sympathy or something akin to it. It was jarring to see such emotion directed at you after the way Mingi had been treating you.

Or perhaps this was the first time someone looked at you as if they were acknowledging the pain you had gone through.

The smile you offered the man felt watery. "Goose? Am I goose-like or something??" You giggled, feeling Mingi's arms tighten around you in an almost defensive manner.

"You are so tiny I could break you in half." Mingi unhelpfully supplied.

"Yah! Don't threaten Miss Goose like that!" Wooyoung pointed a finger at him while your brain was still processing what had been said.

It definitely did not register as a threat in your head.

Rolling his eyes, Mingi set you back down on the couch, hovering a moment before facing off with his friend, arms crossing over his bare chest. "Whatever. You have someone here Wooyoung. Want to tell me about them?"

At that, the other looked away. "No getting past you huh? I was actually going to send word to Yeosang to have you come visit me. Got someone I need you to check out. They sought refuge but… well they wear a jacket with the insignia-"

Mingi's whole demeanor changed then. Becoming rigid, fierce. Any ounce of warmth gone from his visage as he stared at a nearby door that was shut. Like he could see behind it. "Bring them out."

Immediately his eyes flickered to you once more, the hardness from the first meeting was back. Fear wanted to over take your heart once more, but you fought back. Now that you believed you knew him a bit better, you didn't want to fear him. He also seemed more dangerous to you whenever you let your fear show.

"I normally would have you stay where I can see you, mouse, but I'd rather not let you meet someone else who also wore the insignia. Wooyoung, can she use your shower?" He glanced back at the man.

You no longer cared about what was going on at the mention of a shower. How long had it been since you could enjoy getting clean? The layers of sand probably stuck to your skin even under your clothes?

"Yeah sure but she'll have to use your clothes. You're welcome to wash hers in the meantime." Wooyoung waved his hand as if shooing you both off.

Immediately you stood, bowing and thanking the other before you were quickly thrown over a familiar shoulder. At this point you should expect it.

As Mingi carried you to what appeared to be a bathroom, you waved and smiled at Wooyoung who looked quite taken back by Mingi's behavior. And then the bathroom door was shut. "Stay here a moment."

He was in an out in a flash, setting a pile of clothes on the old warped counter. "The shower works but careful of the crack in the ceramic of the tub. Wash up well and just leave your clothes there." He pointed to a wicker basket that must be a clothes hamper of sorts. "Don't leave until I come get you."

And then he was gone.

No complaints on your part, you stripped quickly and turned on the shower. When warm water came out you squealed in happiness. Not too hot, which was perfect for the heat outside. Something nice and cool on your overheated skin, getting rid of all the sand from the deepest crevices of your body.

Sometime between washing your hair with the soap provided and just standing under the cool water to soak in the sensation there was a knock on the door and Mingi's deep voice through the wood. "Call when you're done."

It was some time later when you were dried and wearing clothes that were far too big on you. The shirt hug off one shoulder completely, tucked as much as you could into the jean shorts that went halfway down to your knees. If not for the clean pair of underwear he got from somewhere, you would be concerned of accidentally flashing your gracious host or Mingi.

One of those did not spark the embarrassment you expected it to.

Mingi retrieved you when you knocked on the door, his expression one of shock and something else you were unfamiliar with as he took in the sight of you in his clothes.

"Why are you hogging little goose! Let her free you big brute!" Wooyoung called from behind when Mingi made no move to let you out of the bathroom. "They need to eat. Come on."

Your stomach growled at the mention of food, the aroma now reaching you. Had you taken that long in the shower? For him to make a meal of all things?

When Mingi still didn't move, you ducked under his arm with a squeaky "excuse me". Spotting Wooyoung in the small kitchen at an old table, you waved and made your way over. Since Mingi didn't stop you, you supposed it was allowed. "This smells delicious."

"Thank you, cooking is a passion of mine. Have to have those in this forsaken wasteland right?"

"I suppose so. I don't really have one. I'm good at trading though." When a seat was offered to you, you graciously accepted, eyes wide at the food. It was not much, after all in a wasteland feasts were a rarity. But it was a meal. A home-cooked meal.

One Mingi did not join you for.

He disappeared into the bathroom, most likely to take a shower himself. But it gave you plenty time to eat yourself.

Wooyoung was good company. As Mingi had said, he talks a lot. He had a warm energy to him, carrying most of the conversation but still asking for your input. It was mostly about food, you even found yourself indulging his questions about what sorts of food you had discovered on your travels.

The fact he was in awe over the distances you had traveled made something blossom in your chest. He talked about Mingi, how he was always off doing something, probably saw as much as you had. That it was a wonder the two of you had never met before now.

Mingi was silent when he came out of the shower, plopping down at the table where half the food was finished between you and Wooyoung. He listened to the man regal a tale of Mingi getting in a fight with someone over the "stupid vehicle" he always drives. The tall man had some choice words to say on the matter, but Wooyoung laughed him off.

"Why don't you make sure your damn guest eats and isn't plotting your fucking demise or some shit?" Mingi snapped out after you laughed at something Wooyoung said.

That was the first time Wooyoung looked genuinely put off by something Mingi said to him. Almost angry. "Fine, I will." He got up, made a plate, and then disappeared into the other room.

Mingi snatched your wrist the second Wooyoung was gone, pulling you closer with a snarl. "I told you not to try anything."

Confused, you blinked owlishly up at him. "But… I'm not? We're just talking?"

"You're getting all bright and shit when you do. Pulling something weird with your ability." He hissed, dismissive as usual.

There was those confusing words again. You didn't have an ability though? "What do you mean ability? I'm just a traveler. You still don't think so?"

He wavered. Just for a moment. But the derision was back quickly. "My intuition says you have one. And all I can think about is that it probably has to do with illusions. You're making them somehow."

You could not be more confused, mouth agape as you just stared.

Mingi kept talking. "Mine has never been wrong about recognizing another with Adrenaline. I know you have it. I just can't figure out how it manifests. We'll have to test it while we're here. No need to bother Woo with playing host to you."

He let go of your wrist the second the door opened again, turning to his food as if he hadn't just flipped your world upside down.

"There. Happy you damn grouch?" Wooyoung huffed as he sat back down, returning to his food before he noticed the change in your posture. "What did I miss?”

"Nothing. Just a warning…" You quickly tried to amend, unsure if it would spark an argument between them or not. Hopefully not. "I have an ability I guess? He said we'll be figuring it out while we're here, so sorry if we bother you with that."

Wooyoung looked crestfallen. "Bother- you aren't a bother silly goose. Maybe I can put you two to good use instead?”

That perked you up. "Like what?" Helping might be a way you could prove yourself a bit more trustworthy.

Yet Mingi quickly intervened, dampening your eagerness a bit. “You aren’t doing anything.”

“Aw why not? Come on~ It’ll be fun! Oh I know, how about you two help me with dinner later?"

"I don't know how to cook…." You start, just for Wooyoung to wave you off.

"That's fine, Mingi does. He can teach you.."

"Absolutely not!"

"Why not? Don’t be rude Mangi. It’s just cooking. Maybe Goosey has a hidden talent for it or something? I know you have reasons to be wary but nothing can be confirmed unless you give her a chance.” It almost sounded as if Wooyoung spoke from experience.

Yet the words had Mingi even more tense, practically vibrating with emotions-anger most likely- as he glared at Wooyoung. The latter seemed unaffected by it. "It's… complicated."

After a few more moments of tense silence, Wooyoung let out a sigh as if he could blow away the tension. The look he gave Mingi, one of care and other mixed emotions you couldn’t name, made your own chest ache. “Fine, just you and me then? We can talk about it later. Just… being friendly doesn’t hurt sometimes ya know?” Words that sounded as if they’ve been spoken many times before.

"Caution can be necessary but can be damaging in many ways as well. It’s something anyone can struggle with." A new voice filled the air, soft and sagely.

Mingi jumped up quickly, grabbing a knife from the many belts around his waist and pointing it at the woman. Wooyoung jumped up with concern, ready to reach for Mingi should he do something.

The woman looked a bit embarrassed at the reaction of the two. "I just came to bring these out. I'll be out of your way shortly."

"Good." Mingi hissed, earning a warning look from Wooyoung who was now moving around the table to take the plate from the woman.

However you didn't want her to leave just yet. Something about her words rang true and you wanted to hear more. "How can it be damaging?" After all, you had spent most of your life on the cautious side as well.

"Don't listen to her. Just a tri-"

"Wooyoungie is right, being friendly wouldn’t hurt you know." You found yourself huffing out, not thinking about the consequences of your words. This was just the first thing you wanted to put your foot down on. "I want to hear what she has to say. Can't you trust your friends as well as you trust your so-called ability?"

The tall man went deadly silent at that, making no move at first. No one spoke until he put the knife away.

"Hi there, are you staying here too?" You asked, trying to be friendly while the two men seemed to have a silent conversation with their eyes over your head.

The woman, something regal about her, nodded. "Something like that. I'm sorry if my words confused you. If… you would like to talk away from them?" She asked, glancing at Mingi.

You supposed she didn't want to be around him. Which was fair. He wasn't being very nice. However the malice you expected to see was not there on Mingi's face. He looked… conflicted.

This was a vital point you supposed, to show that he could trust you to some extent. Trust you and trust his friend. And you hoped he would.

The joy you felt when he not only nodded but shooed you in their direction was immense. You didn't even think about how you were reacting, jumping up from your seat and kissing his cheek with a squeal before making your way over to the woman. "Thank you Mingi!"

You followed the woman into the room, missing the teasing remarks Wooyoung whispered towards Mingi but not missing the tell tale "shut up" the man barked in response.

He might be doing this for Wooyoung, but it still made you happy.

You found that you really liked the woman. She was quiet, but with an air about her that had you hanging onto every word. She explained her ability let her see what could come to pass, sounding quite forlorn about it.

But what you liked the most was the patience she seemed to have, letting you open up to everything that had happened with Mingi. They two of you put your heads together to try and decipher just what your own "ability" was that he seemed so dead set on saying you had.

"You're good for him." She had told you after listening to your story, a soft smile on her face.

It made you blush. "I don't know about that. He said… nevermind." You sighed, adjusting your position on the bed the two of you had been sitting on for the past few hours, it seemed, fresh glasses of water on the end table that Wooyoung had brought recently, teasing you both for your "girl time."

"I don't need my… ability to know. The way you talk about him is sweet. Even though he hasn't given you a good reason."

You knew her words were true, but you could not think of yourself being good for someone. "I… I hope he believes I'm innocent some day. I… I want to stay by his side. Know why he's lashing out so harshly."

She reached over and patted your hand, the soft smile somehow warmer. "Everyone needs time. Especially with this. But… I don't see him being unreasonable." The certainty she said it had warmth spreading through your chest.

What you couldn't admit was how terrifying it still was. You had thought for years that you just had to keep moving. Don't get attached. Don't stay in one place. No one will get hurt for you if you do that. No one else's blood will be on your hands.

Yet Mingi filled you with some certainty that he was safe to be around. That the real threat was whatever plagued him. That he could, and hopefully would, stop harm from coming to you. It was a surreal feeling.

He was a surreal man.

When you left the room to accompany them for making dinner, it ended up just being you watching Wooyoung and Mingi bicker in the kitchen. Wooyoung constantly teased him, often bringing you and the woman he called Magpie into the conversation. You were the one who mostly responded.

Mingi practically ignored Magpie's existence. Acting as if she wasn't even there. No one pointed it out, but you did pout about it. You had asked enough of him though, you didn't want to ask him to put aside his prejudice for the woman when it seemed like a losing battle to begin with.

When dinner was done, Mingi once more carried you to the table, acting as if your legs were incapable of working. The fact he sat you on his lap to eat further flustered you. Was this due to distrust or something else?

"I only have the couch and floor for bed options." Wooyoung said after dinner was done and you insisted on helping with the dishes.

"We'll take the couch." Mingi's tone left no room for argument.

Which you wanted to do, glancing at the couch and knowing it wasn't even big enough for Mingi. How were you both going to sleep on it.

Or did he intend not to sleep once more?

You found the answer later, Mingi picking you up to be chest to chest before laying down on the couch so you were on top of him. Your heart was racing, face to face with him beneath you, fierce eyes boring into your wide ones.

"Oh isn't that romantic~" Wooyoung teased from the other side of the couch, plopping a blanket over you both. "Rest up silly goose. Don't let this meanie eat you in his sleep. He can be quite the wolf." He winked before leaving you there a stammering red mess.

Mingi chuckled once the two of you were alone, his arm solid around your back and holding you in place. Your legs were tangle in between his, one of his longer limbs propped up while the other hangs off the couch and his foot rested on the coffee table. "Stop acting like such a virgin. This is the easiest way to make sure you don't run off." He hummed, pressing your head down to his chest- it was a nice, plump chest- and urging you to sleep.

But his words just had you even more on edge. Virgin. Well you were one. And it flustered you to no end that he called it.

What was worse was the chuckle he let out. "Oh you are huh? Don't get so squeamish, little mouse." His chuckle was deep and you could feel it in his chest under your ear, making you blush and squirm even more.

His hands tightened suddenly, holding you against him to the point you could feel everything. It just made it worse, your heart racing. Your hands tugging on his shirt.

You didn't know what changed, but everything felt different. Hotter.

Mingi had pulled you up so you were staring down at him, mere centimeters between noses, eyes locked. "You are… quite easy to read actually."

What did he mean by that? Why was he smirking up at you like he just caught you in a trap? Where was his hand go-

Oh.

Squeaking you grabbed his wrist in surprise, face burning, chest tight, but nothing as hot as your breast now in his hand.

"I can fit you in my whole hand perfectly."

Pushing up as fast as you could you were straddling his thigh and holding his hand away from you, a mess of emotions. Hot, flustered, particularly warm and fluttery in your stomach and lower. "Mingi-"

He grinned. Not in that near sadistic way when he would spare a grin your way. But it was still teasing.

And warm.

"You like that don't you? Want me to touch you, mouse?" He asked, large hands on your hips, moving up and pushing his shirt up in the process.

Whatever your expression was just had him chuckling again, low and deep that had your stomach doing jumps and tricks.

"Yeah… you are easy to read." His tongue darted out, running over his thick bottom lip and drawing your attention.

What did he see? Why was he looking at you like… that.

Like he was enjoying himself. Like he enjoyed the view of you sitting on him like this. Enjoyed touching you.

Why were you enjoying it? Especially from a man that scared the living daylights out of you just yesterday.

You were more confused by these feelings more than anything. Confused by the way Mingi scrutinized your expression; no longer with overwhelming malice but like he was putting together a puzzle and starting to see the picture.

Then "I'll stop, lay back down and sleep."

Not that he gave you a choice, pulling you back to his chest, tucking you half under his arm but making sure you were comfortable.

Too flustered to protest any more, you shut your eyes. Sleep didn't come quickly, but it did come. Lulled to slumber by the steady heartbeat under your head.

You woke to the rumbling of words in the chest under your head- but it was a stomach not a chest. You didn't move, flustered from the position and alert from the words spoken.

"We were kids ya know. Tortured. Experimented on. Killed if we didn't follow them or try to escape. We didn't ask to be hurt. But we could have stayed there and continued to be. We chose to leave and fight."

Mingi was talking. Snapping at someone low and mean. There was pain in his tone, his hand gripping the back of your shirt tightly. You gripped his side back, a poor attempt to comfort.

If he noticed, he didn't say anything. "I'd rather die fighting than die being a lab rat for them to play with until they don't think I'm useful anymore. Better me, someone willing to fight- willing to die- than an innocent fucking child who's only crime was being different." He spat, and then was up off the couch, throwing you over his shoulder.

You squeaked, gripping his shirt and glancing at who he was being harsh to. You weren't surprised it was Magpie.

"Tell Woo I'll be back later. If I stay I might bash your fucking head in and I am not about to do that to him when he gives a shit about you. He's better than the both of us." He snapped, grabbed his bag, and was carrying you out before you could say anything.

The sun was barely up, the light peaking over the horizon while the burning star was still hidden out of sight. It bathed the sand dunes with intricate shadows and warm colors, no doubt the grains still cool from the night however.

Mingi moved with a purpose over the dunes, and after the first you had a feeling you were heading to the settlement the two of you had stayed at prior.

It wasn't a long walk, but long enough for you to think about the scene you woke up to. The words hissed with years of pain. An anger that seem bone deep.

Should you ask?

Would he answer?

Pulled out of your thoughts you were set down much more gently than you expected, hands on your shoulders to balance you quickly. You had been right about the sand, it was cool on your bare feet. Grounding.

"Mingi?" You glanced up at him, curious as to why he had stopped. The settlement was in sight, seemingly still asleep. You couldn't see Wooyoung's safe house any more. So why?

The only answer was an expression on his face that was akin to anguish and the rapid breathing he was trying to control.

Hesitantly, you reached out and gripped his forearm, a gentle squeeze like a comfort. "For what it's worth, I think you are doing a brave thing. T-the fighting and rebellion. You're a part of it right?" After the day with Wooyoung, you had put it together.

The rebellion you tried to stay away from. For no reason other than the doubts you could help. You traveled. You could barter. And you were scared more often than not.

The men in the raids. The emblem they wore. You didn't pay attention to it other than to avoid anything with it. But maybe you always knew.

Mingi stepped closer, eyes wide as he processed just what you had said. "Wha- what happened to the shivering mouse who was scared of me hm?" It was clear he was trying to tease, but his tone was more questioning- too wispy to be teasing. Like he couldn't find his own breath.

He was right to question you though. You did. It hasn't been that long since he found you. Less time since he had his hand around your throat.

And yet… you thought of how frightened he had looked even as you were shaking with your own fear. You thought of yesterday as he had interacted with the talkative man who welcomed you, even if a bit cautiously. You thought of how close the two of you have been physically two nights in a row and how his touch seemed to be getting more and more gentle.

"I don't have a reason to be scared of you when you aren't hurting me. When you listen to me talk. When you give me your clothes and keep me safe, even if you are doing so for different reasons than care. You could have killed me that first night. In my sleep. Or any time really. But you didn't." You offered a smile, moving your hands to his torso and gripping the fabric of his shirt. "You don't want to hurt someone who doesn't deserve it and I think you think I don't."

Wherever you had gotten this confidence was beyond you, but you fully believed it.

Mingi did not think you were a threat. He did not want to hurt you. Not any more at least.

He looked shaken by your words, hands clenching but not gripping your shoulders; just resting there. He didn't speak, but he was trying based on his mouth opening repeatedly.

Pride swelled in your chest, that you could render the large man speechless. Shaken. When he often moved and spoke with unwavering conviction and confidence. In this moment he seemed off kilter.

It didn't last long. He was throwing you over his shoulder again as soon as he found his bearings. And as if to punish you for the feelings you incited in him, he smacked your ass. Squeezing the plump flesh a second after and keeping his hand there as he started his walk again.

No longer face to face, he spoke, voice gruff "cheeky little mouse. Maybe I should teach you a lesson."

You didn't mind the lick of heat that ran down your spine at his tone. It had been far too sensual to be a threat.

As he carried you into the settlement you realized, with warmth blooming in your stomach, he never denied what you said.

Unfortunately, the punishment was having you sleep and eat alone in the same room as the night you had spent here. Mingi left you alone to go handle things, and you were left with your thoughts.

Imagination drew up visages of what you thought Mingi would have looked like as a child. Afraid as he is experimenting on- not that you can conjure up such images, just blurry feelings of a scene.

Did that mean he had no family? No parents?

Would you have experienced the same if you had been captured when your parents were killed?

These thoughts and more ran through your mind as you lay there, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for your not-really-captor captor to come back.

About midday he did, stepping into the room and pausing as his eyes landed on you.

You offered a wave and small smile, trying to be welcoming.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he shut the door. "I never locked the door you know."

"I know." You had never heard the click. And he didn't tie you up. "Why would I leave?"

That had him pausing again, expression void of any discernible emotion as he stared. He shook whatever thoughts he had and climbed onto the bed, boxing you in. Eyes locked on yours he said "what sort of mouse enjoys being trapped?"

"I'm not a mouse, ya know. I just… Have no reason to leave." The admission had heat running up your neck as you turned away rather quickly. As if you could hide from him.

He laughed, low and deep. You could see a wide grin on his lips in your peripheral, deepening your blush.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I told you I wasn't afraid of you anymore-"

"Oh I know, mouse. But that doesn't mean you want to stay with me."

Your fingers twisted in the worn sheet under you, catching your bottom lip between your teeth as heat flooded your nervous system. "I-" Did you want to stay with Mingi?

He was making you feel so small right now. Probably intended to make you feel trapped, his body easily covering yours. He could wrap his hands around your throat in an instant.

He could… but he won't. The playful glint in his eye when you turned to meet his gaze once more said that much.

"If I wanted to stay with you… Would you let me?" You spoke the words so softly between you, like a secret that would shake the world if spoken too loudly. In a way it was, it would shake your world.

It seemed to shake Mingi's. The playful glint was gone, a whirlwind of emotion in his blue-gray eyes.

Unintentionally you held your breath, waiting for some dismissive remark or a threat or something. All you saw in his expression was conflict.

"Why?" He finally croaked out, as if he couldn't fathom you- or anyone- wanting to stay by his side.

It was a good question. One you weren't sure you could answer. "I don't know exactly. I- I've spent my life on the run. Hiding and never staying in one place for long. I guess I realized that isn't much of a life. Just because I am afraid someone will get hurt for me, like my parents did, shouldn't keep me from people."

You thought particularly of a silver haired woman, one who had spent only a night with you and it was the closest you felt to someone in so long. The fact you crossed paths with her again was… well it felt like you were being given a chance for something.

Wooyoung's chattering self wormed his way into your mind- your heart. The woman in his home that listened to your troubles, even when you could tell she was guarded and feeling awkward.

But most of all- the man above you. "You face your enemy head on Mingi. Even though I think… I think you are afraid of them. Of what they do. You still fight them. You told Magpie you would rather fight and die than have them harm another innocent child. That's… really cool of you." Offering a smile, you brought your hand up to the dangling necklaces between you. Silver and gold, loud and unnecessary for battle. Like he was saying look at me. I'm too cool for you to touch. "You don't run, and maybe I'm hoping that I can get some of that courage if I stick around."

Like a broken spell he slapped your hand away and sat up, still caging you in with his legs as he glowered down at you. "You don't know me, little rat. Don't act like you do."

"But I want to" you shoot out quickly, not wanting to back down.

"No you don't" He hissed, grabbing your hands and pinning them to your sides when you reached for him again. "I don't- I am not as brave as you think I am. I-"

You wanted him to open up to you. You hoped he would. His sight faltered, a gasp leaving his lips as he stared down at you, eyes glassy.

Then angry, growling as his hands moved to your shirt and he yanked you up. "You're doing it again! Stop it! Whatever fucking illusion- I don't want to see this. I don't want-" a sob. That was definitely a sob he broke off on.

"I want to get to know you Mingi. Tell me? Please?" You fought off your fear, focusing instead on being pliant and safe for him. You wanted Mingi to trust you.

He bent over you, face buried into your chest as his hands shook. "I run when it matters most, mouse. You shouldn't-"

He didn't continue.

You couldn't ask.

The shirt was getting wet, sticking to your skin. You didn't move, letting him do… Whatever this was.

Maybe he was right, that he did run when it matters. Maybe you did too.

He didn't get up until your shirt was drying and he was no longer shaking. He avoided your eyes, but you could see his were red.

The urge to embrace him and comfort him was strong but you reeled it in, just watching as he swung himself off you and sat on the edge of the bed. He pushed his white and blue hair out of his face, the strands looking oddly soft but wild.

"I have a theory about your ability. We're going to kill some time here and figure it out. Give Wooyoung time to head home and deal with…" He sighed, shoulders drooping.

So he was changing the subject? Not even bothering to address what had just happened? Was this an example of how he runs away?

It made you want to stay even more. To follow. Scurry after him like a mouse looking for the scraps he'll drop. Scraps of himself, pieces he will let you glimpse.

Maybe you finally lost it mentally, thinking of yourself with such an analogy.

"Okay. What do you think my ability is?" You can be patient, follow his lead. All you have is time.

"Illusions. Like a camouflage or mirage. Those bastards had us doing all sorts of tests for our abilities, I can remember some. Some of their explanations. The… Chemical that gives us our abilities have different triggers. There are those that are constant. Part of us. Like my sixth sense of sorts, it is always present, always beneath the surface. But most are triggered. At first as a defense mechanism or as a response to feelings. That bi- Silver goes invisible. I think yours can work like that, but it's different.

"Yours changes how you are perceived, based on how you are feeling. When you were afraid of me, I saw what I was afraid of on you. Your ability manipulated my sight so that I would feel what you feel towards me." Mingi finally ended his explanation, finally glancing up at you.

There was some sense to it, his theory, though it was hard for you to work through it when he had given you another piece of himself. Alluding to his childhood, the training he was forced through. The implication that he doesn't remember all of it.

It was a lot to process, so you focused on what you could. "How um… how do you know it's not just fear?" You wanted to know about your so called ability, after all it was why those men had gone after you.

Had killed the only family you had. Continued to hunt you like prey.

And maybe there was a way to use it- this ability. A way to make a difference. Stand your ground.

"Because-" Mingi pulled you out of your thoughts, his expression now hungry in a way that had your stomach doing figurative flips. "When you got flustered, when I touched you, there was another illusion of sorts. I saw you not only shirtless but marked up and looking as if I just fucked you dumb. A sight, I'm sure, was meant to turn me on. Despite the fact I could physically feel your shirt."

Well, with the heat burning just under your skin and the ache between your thighs, you were sure he was now seeing a similar visage.

If he was correct.

"Mouse-" He turned towards you, swallowing hard enough you couldn't help but watch the way his throat bobbed. "Reel it in baby, we still have a long day ahead of us."

He made true on that, pulling you out of the room after finding you sandals since your shoes were forgotten at Wooyoung's. After a light meal, the "testing" began.

It wasn't anything cruel or harsh, just emotionally draining. Testing what emotions trigger it. The distance it works. If you could willingly force a perceived illusion onto him from thought alone.

You couldn't just make yourself feel something toward him and it was unpleasant when he would get snappy at you for it. Something he stopped quickly when your annoyance at his attitude did manage to incite an illusion of sorts.

He got some of the people in the settlement to join in, though briefly, so by the time the two of you stumbled back into the small room and onto the just as tiny one bed, you both had a pretty good handle on your ability and triggers.

It was funny actually. You had been so worried about learning about the men of the raids and what made you a target before- believing that knowing would take away the last bit of freedom you fooled yourself into thinking you have. But now that you knew about the lab rats that took those with Adrenaline - Mingi had explained during your training montage- and about your own ability, you felt free.

No, not freedom. Control. You felt like you had control over your life for once.

That you didn't need to run or hide. That there were other options for you.

That you could provide safety, just as you had wanted to do so with Silver so long ago.

It had you grinning as you sat on the bed, watching Mingi as he slid the deadbolt shut, effectively locking you in here with him. No fear sparked at the action, but heat did. No one would disturb you, making this now the safest place for you to be.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He cocked an eyebrow, closing the distance between you while fighting off his own grin.

"Like what?"

"Like… hm, you're happy to see me? Didn't I tell you mouse-"

You waved your hand to dismiss his half baked warnings. "You never answered me. Earlier. When I said I wanted to stay with you. If you want to train me and my ability, that means I get to stay right?" You asked, widening your grin.

He barked out a laugh, shaking his head as he pushed you back onto the bed, manhandling you with ease. There was no malice behind it, no real force, but you sort of enjoyed it. You weren't going to tell him that just yet though.

"You really want to stay with me?" He asked, climbing over you, muscles moving in a way that reminded you more of a predator stalking it's prey. "I think you're smitten with me. Find me hot. Want my cock? Little Miss virgin."

Heat ran up your chest at his words, charring the skin of your cheeks from the inside it feels like. Your body betrayed you, no doubt giving off your emotions and with your ability too. It would be nice to control that part, so you could be turned on in his presence and be spared from his immediate teasing.

And for reassurance that he wanted you in turn because of yourself, not whatever your ability made him see.

He groaned, head falling forward to rest on your clavicle. "It makes it easy to read how you are feeling, that's for sure, but I am afraid I wouldn't last long when you look like the perfect fucking wet dream. I'm hard already, baby. Try and reel it in- Ah that can be a great way to train you. Like a pet."

You gasped at his words, hands gripping his biceps as his nose brushed against the skin of your neck. "Do you think I can? What if I never get a handle on it well enough? I wouldn't want to have to focus on that while you're making me feel good, Mingi…"

Another groan. "Good point. Maybe I should shut my eyes. I'm sure the sound of you whining and moaning with each thrust would be-" "Mingi!" You were hot all over, legs pressed together as you felt his mouth on your skin.

"Yeah just like that-" "Mingi-" He nipped at the flesh just under your ear, causing you to whine.

His hands moved to your thighs, squeezing and rubbing them as he pushed them wider. A second later they were wrapping around his small waist.

Your whole world tilted as you felt a hard bulge in his jeans, pressed against your core. It made it hard to think, to breath right. Soft whines left your lips as he continued the assault on your neck. Kisses both soft and harsh, trailing over your flesh. Some were on the tender skin of the left over bruises from when he had choked you, inciting delight instead of fear.

It occurred to you, somewhere in the back of your muddled brain, this was a distraction.

He kept you pleasantly in a state of bliss with the kisses, hands kneading your flesh and his hips beginning to rock against yours. A glance down and you noticed his eyes were clothes tightly, but not in pain or concentration. Like desperation.

A roll of his hips applied pressure just right for your head to fall back, his name falling from your parted lips like a reverent cry. You had never felt like this. This pleasure, this desire, burning a sizeable hole in your belly up to your chest but mostly in your core where it throbbed.

The underwear you wore was wet, sticking to your folds more and more with each press of his bulge to your core. You wished the clothes were gone, that you felt his member poking and prodding and then slipping in deep to chase away the intense emptiness that had found it's way into your inner walls.

His lips never left your skin, the heat from his breath burning as much as your own desire. His spit joining your sweat, making a mess of your neck.

The pull of your shirt up had you whining, the roughness of his own shirt scrapping against your hardened nipples as the force of his rolls had your whole body moving on the bed. His large, rough hands found the supple flesh. He wasn't gentle, but not too rough, squeezing, kneading and pinching.

"Fuck, baby, get a bit louder for me. Cry my name. Cry." His tone was rougher, but hot. Husky maybe? It didn't matter, just that the tone of his voice had you obeying instantly. You pulled at the back of his shirt, holding on and even trying to meet his hips. The pleasure from each roll was building and building, driving you to something that was a rarity even by your own hands.

Tears pricked your eyes when you were finally on the precipice. It was right there. A harsher flick of his hips, a slight difference in angle as you realized you were babbling his name like a chant. That you needed it more than air.

It was the wetness of his tongue on the shell of your ear as he whispered "cum for me" that released the knot holding it all back. Your underwear was soaked, hips jerking so much he had to grip them to hold them still while he chased his own. A moment later, when clarity started to find you, did you feel the way his hips stuttered and he drooled against the flesh of your throat.

It took some time for the heat between you both to dissipate. For Mingi to straighten your limbs and pull away, halting all protests with a kiss to your forehead.

"Good pet. Get some sleep now, we'll head back to Woo's in the morning to clean up. I forgot your clothes there but they're clean." His tone was strange: warm but somewhat distant. He didn't look at you as he got up from the bed, turning off the small light.

Only when you were facing the wall, heart finally beating at a normal pace did you acknowledge the blaring truth.

He never said you could stay.

“Still carrying you like that?” Wooyoung's familiar voice had you lifting your head to see him as Mingi passed. The man was smirking and you returned the smile.

Hand on Mingi's side to hold yourself up, you waved. “I'm used to it by now. Easy traveling.” You offered up, having just accepted your fate that this was how Mingi was going to carry you, even if he no longer seemed hostile towards you.

No, whatever was between you both now was something far different. Not that you could name the strange heated tension. Lust maybe? You've never wanted someone like that.

Until Mingi. Until yesterday.

Laughing, Wooyoung shut the door. He turned just to find you both no longer moving. Not that you knew why.

“What is she doing here?” Mingi hissed beneath you, his body tense under your hands. “It better be news on Mouse, Yeosang.”

Yeosang? Wasn't he-

Quickly you scrambled up, accidentally yanking Mingi's hair to push yourself up and peer over his head at who was in the room. There was the far too beautiful man, and then, even without the silver hair, you could recognize her. “Can I get down Mingi? I want to talk to-”

“Fine fine.” The man huffed, dropping you down next to him with his arm wrapped around your waist and holding you against him. “Stop your squirming little one or I'll tie you up again.”

You couldn't help the heat that bloomed over your face at the reminder, gripping his shirt to stop your squirming as he so eloquently put it.

“Hi Mingi. I did look into it and she's clear as far as I saw. It would have helped if you gave me a name though.” The blonde huffed though it was more of slight amusement and resignation than actual annoyance.

The tension immediately leaked out if Mingi at that, you could feel the way his muscles relaxed at the confirmation. Even if the both of you had figured things out, it didn't hurt that he still had his doubts.

He nearly dragged you to the sofa, moving before you realized he was. When you nearly tripped over your own feet, he just manhandled you up, swinging you forward, and then unceremoniously dropping your back on your feet in front of him. “Thanks. Are you staying? Do I have to play nice with this bi-”

“Mingi.” The blonde cut him off the same time you did, though his was in warning and yours like a plea.

Mingi ignored Yeosang and glanced down at you instead with a glare that lacked his usual malice.

You didn't hesitate to continue your plea even if you didn't think he would listen. “Please don't. I don't know why you dislike them but please?”

His jaw clenched, heated gaze flickering to your lost acquaintance of sorts. “She knows why I don't like her. What she did. Or didn't do.”

For a second the air cracked with palpable tension, making you shiver. Silver flinched and you wanted to reach out and soothe whatever wound Mingi just poked at, but in the next instant the tension was zapped away.

To your surprise, and everyone's perhaps, Mingi moved to sit on the couch right next to Silver, pulling you down on his lap so you were facing the woman. His arm was around your waist, gripping your side a bit harshly but you didn't mind.

No longer were you scared of him. No longer did you think he would harm you. Or that he even disliked you. The new marks he left on your neck were probably proof of that, as was his jacket that swallowed your frame.

“You said you missed them right. So talk. Don't expect me to acknowledge them. I don't like cowards.” Mingi snapped out, starting soft and ending harsh. You got the impression he wasn't talking about just one person though. His words yesterday had you believing he thought of himself as one of those cowards.

Still, it was more than you could ask, glancing down at Silver's hands with a silent question to hold before you started chatting away.

Asking about them. How they knew Yeosang. When it appeared they didn't want to talk about it, you offered up parts of yourself.

Places you visited. How you would like to visit the bar maybe and have a drink with her. And Yeosang. Even declaring you would drag the man beneath you.

Mingi let you chat, adding nothing to the conversation unless he was directly spoken to by either you, Yeosang or Wooyoung. It wasn't lost on you how he didn't acknowledge Magpie.

It wasn't lost on you that with the hours of chatting, Mingi never stopped touching you. Not unless he was pulled away by one of the others or the restroom. Or when he had you clean up and change into your old and now clean clothes like the original purpose for coming back so soon. It wasn't lost on you the bit of disappointment on his face when you stepped out in your own clothes, or the devilish smirk he gave when you slipped his jacket back on instead of your own.

He stayed as a brooding presence attached to you. You just accepted it. After the discovery of your ability- or at least deducing what it probably was- he stopped being an enemy.

You almost wanted to say friend but… a friend doesn't mark up your neck with his mouth or touch you intimately. They definitely didn't dry hump each other. But you most definitely did not bring any of that up surrounded by his actual friends. Instead the topic of your ability was enough. Explaining it to Silver and the others who would listen.

That Mingi wanted to teach you how to control it. The room was far too heavy at that statement and you had no idea why.

It was dinner time when you were no longer sitting on Mingi(after his shower finally), but he was next to you sitting on the arm rest, his thigh against your shoulder, talking to Yeosang about… something you hadn't been paying attention to. Plans for tomorrow you think?

It was with a ringing alarm that everything seemed to stop. All eyes on Wooyoung as he ran for it almost desperately.

He speaks to Magpie for a moment, too quiet for you to hear but he glances your way.

“Mingi, can you take this one? Use the radio, it has a tracker.” Wooyoung suggests, tossing the old radio to Mingi who catches it with effortless ease “I…I have to stay back.”

The next second you are hauled up by his hand on your bicep. He pockets the radio and is already on his way towards the door. You follow without thinking. “You sure?”

You notice Yeosang and Silver are quickly trailing after you both, something set in their shoulders that breeds trepidation in your stomach. “We’ll fix it, Wooyoung. Count on us. We’ll bring them home.” Yeosang offers as if to appease the other man.

Then the four of you were outside. And as you suspected, you were swooped up onto Mingi's shoulder again. Any humorous comeback that might have filled the space wasn't spoken. The tension was too heavy to let it.

“I have my vehicle nearby. We can take that. It's a bit of a walk.” Mingi announces, already setting off to the nearby tiny settlement he had left the car at. The same settlement you two had spent the other nights at, learning what made your ability tick. Just over a few dunes.

Thankful you didn't have to walk over the sand, you just held on as the two followed. They seemed tense. You didn't like how tense everyone was.

Yet all you could do is offer a disarming smile. A wobbly one that betrayed your own anxiety, too scared to ask what was happening.

So you didn't.

The night was long and tense. From Wooyoung's to the car and then holding on for dear life in the vehicle as Mingi's reckless driving ensued. The delay for gas seemed to make the tallest even more anxious.

He must have a bad feeling about this, and yet he we was still rushing. Perhaps he thought things would end badly if they didn't make some imaginary deadline.

He made you hold onto his arm as he drove as recklessly as usual, his hand finding your thigh when he wasn't using it. You had a feeling it wasn't to keep you seated.

Nothing was spoken all night. Hours over sandy dunes, half hidden roads, all in tense silence.

It broke when Mingi shut the car off suddenly and pulled it to the shadow of some rubble. He apparently decided the rest would be done on foot, considering you were thrown over his shoulder seconds later.

Without the vehicle there was no lights, just utter darkness before dawn. It made it hard to see the expressions on your companions faces, but you could still hear Yeosang complain about the lack of vision.

"We're getting closer" Mingi's chest rumbled under you, his hand tightening when the sound of gunfire and angry voices- an angry roar actually- reached you. He was taking off in seconds.

The downside to being hauled around was the view: you had no idea where you were going, or what the others saw. Whatever they saw when dawn broke and light illuminated their faces enough to see their expressions, their features were twisted with old pain and shock.

Like seeing a monster that they thought they had been rid of.

Mingi nearly dropped you at whatever he saw, making it hard to twist and see just what the issue was.

“We have to hurry,” Yeosang pulled Silver past you both, breaking through whatever shock had taken hold of them.

“Fuck,” Mingi cursed, hefting you back onto his shoulder, higher this time. “We need a plan!”

“There’s no time!” Silver yells after them, running towards the loud gunfire and shouts. Lots of shouting.

“You two, go after the one that needs help. Mouse and I will go help the other one,” Mingi barked out, already on the move to… well someone needing help.

After hours of silence it really hit that this was a rescue mission. A dangerous one. One you had no business being in.

Yet Mingi set you down when he reached the fight, glancing at you with a look of concern. "Make them afraid. You can do it." He shoved a gun into your hands and then turned to fight the men without a second thought.

The same men he fought the night he found you. The same men that took your only family away.

It was difficult to bite the anger back and bring forth your fear, willing the men to feel it. To be afraid enough to run.

Not once did you pull the trigger, instead taking note of how Mingi handled anyone who dared to aim at you. Who began to panic with the fear you were no doubt making them feel with whatever illusion they perceived you to be.

It was more than a little hard to keep focus when someone threw a car and leapt a great distance to another portion of soldiers. The loud noise had you dropping the gun, chest pounding with your own need to run. All you could do was confuse and frighten them and yet here someone was like a super soldier!

“San!”

An unfamiliar voice screaming an unfamiliar name shifted everything. You felt it. Saw the way Mingi froze after kicking away one of the armed men. Even the sand in the air seemed to still in this moment.

Your gut twisted with one look at Mingi's face. Eyes wide, burning with emotion. Shock, disbelief, hope and an insurmountable guilt you could not fathom.

It occurred to you he knew this San… and he had no idea he was who they were saving today.

The sight rooted him in place, even as one of the soldiers aimed at him. Mingi didn't seem aware of it.

The gun went off.

You acted without thinking. Pulse racing. Fear suffocating your lungs and stomach. You screamed something, unable to hear your own voice over the ringing in your ear.

Collision with the larger body was felt throughout yours, just to be overwhelmed by the shooting pain in your shoulder. The pain had your knees weak, falling to the sands beneath you the same second Yeosang reached you both.

At first you didn't hear what was said, the pain was too much. The ringing in your ears white noise. Your eyes worked just fine though, taking in the too gorgeous man ripping his own shirt to wrap your shoulder with bloody hands.

That was your blood on his hands.

It was your wound he was wrapping.

Silver shouted out Mingi's name and brought you back to the world, eyes flickering up to meet Mingi's horrified gaze. He looked frightened, staring at you as if you were dying in his arms.

The pain might feel like death, but it wasn't anywhere vital. Yeosang was handling it with precision. This might be the first time you had been shot but you didn't think you were going to die.

“We can save him. We have another chance. We can save Mouse. And we can save the lady San is trying to help. We won’t fail.” The conviction on Silver's voice latched into your own chest, even if the words were meant for Mingi.

Last night filled your head. The way he had cried. The sorrow that had filled his voice when he had admitted that he runs when it matters most. This was one of those moments, where it mattered.

And you still believed he was not a coward. You still believed he was capable of bravery and heroism and winning even when he's scared. Precisely when he is scared.

“Mingi,” you did not like how faint your voice sounded. The pain you could not hide from your tone, even with a smile. “I…I'll be fine. After all, I'm good at hiding, right?” Yes you weren't a fighter, but you were damn good at hiding. At surviving. And right now Mingi needed you to be okay, even if it was just so he can focus on who really mattered. You jerked your chin in the direction of the super soldier that seemed so important to him. To them. “Go.”

As soon as they ran off you started to crawl away, a feat with your injured arm. Holding it to your chest you made it to the nearest broken vehicle, standing straight up with its nose buried in the sand. There were a lot like that around now that you could take a quick second to grasp your surroundings.

You tucked yourself behind the vehicle, out of sight and hopefully safe. A good distance from the core fighting.

There were shouts, more gunfire. You could hear Mingi and Silver and Yeosang but could not decipher what was said.

The pain was intense now that there were no dire distractions. Breathing took effort. Keeping your eyes open as your head spun took more.

The battle was still ongoing when your consciousness left you.

When it returned to you, there was no sand or sun or fighting. No vehicle holding your spine up. You were laying down now, sprawled out on a bed. There was a dim lamp across the room, and when you turned your head to examine the room you found a figure bathed in that light.

It was Mingi, sitting in a worn leather chair, continuously running his hands through his hair. He wore new clothes. Clean clothes. And the strands he kept stressing seemed damp.

The lack of sand on his form brought attention to the lack of sand on your own. You felt clean, no longer in your own clothes and- with a wince you became acutely aware of your shoulder.

In an instant Mingi was up and at your side, brow furrowed with apparent worry and pain. "Don't move too much." The concern was even more evident in his deep voice.

"It's fine, just hurts… a lot." You offered him a smile, reaching up with your uninjured arm to run your fingers along his tense jaw. "I'm just happy you are alright. Is your friend okay too? The one we went to save?"

"How do-" his eyes had gone wide, breath halting.

You saw no distrust in his eyes, only shock. "Wasn't hard to figure out. I don't know the details but he sounded important to you and Silver."

"He is." Mingi blurted before flinching at how loud his voice had come out. "He is. He… well thought we lost him, a long time ago." He brought his hand up to hold yourself to his cheek, gaze soft and vulnerable on yours. "You said everyone needs someone to keep them safe… to be their safety. Right?" When you nodded, he continued on. "San was that for me. He's… he always made sure we were all safe and taken care of. With his ability we put blind faith in him. We thought he couldn't die. But that wasn't the only reason he made us feel safe."

Looking away, Mingi seemed to be battling with himself or searching for the next words. You let him, thumb brushing over jaw in silent encouragement. "We… We escaped. Silver, Yeosang, San and I… With a lot of other kids. Some of them help out with the rebellion. Some settled down or went into hiding. We had a plan, had help, but we got caught. I- I blamed Silver. She was supposed to keep us invisible up to a point. But failed. And so we had to fight…"

Tears brimmed his eyes now, blinking rapidly to stop them as he lowered his head. "By we I mean San. He jumped in and took the damage. Shielded us so we could run. I-I could have helped. But I was scared. Freedom was right there. And I was so scared of being taken back there I just ran. I didnt care about San or Silver or Yeosang in that moment. And when I glanced back, I swore I saw San bleeding. I thought he died to save us, but the only one I saved was myself."

By the time Mingi had finished recounting the clearly traumatic memory, you were sitting up and holding his head to your chest awau from your wounded shoulder. His broad frame was shaking with sobs, but you let him continue.

His hands gripped the back of your shirt, pulling you closer. "I don't remember tests the put us through but I remember the proving grounds. Where we saved San last night. I could remember every time I hurt another kid out of fear of getting hurt and tested on. There weren't many of us that had a constant type of adrenaline, and San's made it difficult to test but not me."

Your arm tightened around his head, heart hurting for him. He had just been a kid. They had all been just kids. "It's okay Mingi. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to act on that fear. And San… your safe space is back. You saved him and-."

"You got hurt because I froze." His words cut through your own attempts to comfort him. He lifted his head, the blue in his eyes vibrant beneath the tears. "You saved me. And not just with that bullet. I-" he cupped your small head in his larger hands, bringing his forehead to yours. "I have no words to explain how much you have grown on me. Baby I- fuck it."

His lips were on yours the next moment, full of reverent devotion and vulnerability. He was giving a piece of himself with every quick stroke of his lips that your own matched, taking him in.

You could not explain it either, how in a matter of days he had gone from your captor to someone you wanted to stay with for perhaps the rest of your days. You wanted to be a part of his life as much as Yeosang and Wooyoung were- no much more. You wanted his lips on yours and to be carried on his shoulder. You wanted to wake up to him and bounce around in his vehicle as he drives with reckless abandon.

You wanted Mingi and all that meant.

Head hitting the pillow again, Mingi had laid you down with a gentleness that betrayed the growing desperation of his kisses. He crawled over you, caging you in and keeping you safe from the rest of the world.

There was a knock on the door suddenly, but Mingi didn't pull away until someone stepped in and gasped.

"Can you not attack her the moment she wakes up, Mingi?" Someone hissed. A familiar someone.

You wiggled from under Mingi just enough to see over his bicep at who stood there. Silver. "Hi! It is totally okay I am totally okay right here. Mhmm pro-promise." Your breath hitched when Mingi's lips moved to your ear and nippled on the sensitive flesh.

Silver rolled their eyes but they didn't seem offended. "Well I thought you might want a drink with me. To help with the pain down at the bar but if you-"

"No no we're coming!" You stopped Mingi by covering his mouth, smile widening. "I-if it's okay if Mingi-"

"Course it is. We made up baby, don't worry." The man grumbled against your hand as he sat up. "Let's go have a few drinks with our friends yeah?"

Warmth flooded your chest, this time tears pricking your eyes. "Yeah." Then, much softer and with a sudden boldness you lifted up your arm. "Carry me?"

Now Mingi rolled his eyes, just to grin down at you in a way that was boyish and warm. "Always."

so the interesting part of reality tv is that it got big, really big, during a writers guild strike in the us. it wasn't the first type of reality tv, but it was when it got big, and the reason was that you didn't really need writers to produce it. so when the rest of the writing-dependent shows stopped (which is everything from news to talk shows to tv-series) you just needed talent (as in, "actors"), editors and producers to create very, very popular tv-shows like survivor, big brother, love at first sight, etc. i also want to say, that from what i've understood, reality tv is also huge in south korea, japan and china, and that they have a lot of talented reality tv editors and producers. we have imported several reality tv shows into the west from the east (and vice versa), both in taking the concepts and sometimes the full show. now, had you asked me about two years ago, i would've said that i don't really like reality-tv. i always found most of it pretty boring to watch. but then again, that wouldn't have been true, because i was an avid watcher of project runway, and then rupauls drag race. and those are reality tv shows too, but i think that if you ask me, why does project runway feel different from survivor, the answer would be. well, because the people have to have talent? its not just people trying to manipulate their way towards a win, but its talented people striving towards a goal. i think that makes it feel more real, because the talent is real, which makes the rest of it also feel more real.

see where im getting with this? so when i started watching kpop content (it actually started with chinese drama behind the scenes content, which then became dancing competition content, which then lead me to kpop), that same itch was scratched. its not people trying to find love, its talented people creating content, which makes it feel more real since the talent is real. which also means that you can kind of forget that in the end.. its both. good reality content is not about getting twelve people in a room where everyone is playing a role, because that doesn't make for good reality tv. good content is made by creating the framework for what you want to happen, and then populate this framework with challenges, objects and people that makes both expected and unexpected things happen within that framework. sometimes, the most savvy of the contestants are able to get to a reality show by accepting a role that is needed within the framework (like the villain, or the mentor), and play that role, but reality producers are more into casting someone who doesn't know they're playing a role, and then just editing around it until you, the audience, sees the person in the role the producers and editors want you to,

a very recent example is the human audience show ateez did. they got prompts, one of which was working outside of work (which mingi went online to say, using his lives as press conferences), and then they edited and pushed the narrative of what they were talking about were themselves - rather than about what mingi says was the original prompt, which was about office workers. you get all the classics; hongjoong acting like the tired leader trying to get the rowdy underlings to do real work, mingi being the "slacker", the idea of a very active groupchat that we etc. are these narratives false? probably not completely, but its also edited to confirm a framework that the producers and editors have already sat. they film for hours, they pick and choose the best bits and scenes, figure out what narrative that can craft from the bits and pieces they have, and then they edit it into what makes for compelling content. i do also think ateez have gotten more savvy over the years, both playing into and against the roles that they have both adopted and been edited into. the end-product is "stickier" because it feels like the, even if it isn't necessarily true. the fact that they're also talented, that they create music and dance and entertainment, makes the rest of it feel more real, i think. and part of this framework is like. the parasociality, the shipping, the roles. i think the problem is that were the line goes for where the reality (as in irl) and the Reality (as in the content) meet is just different for people depending on a lot of things. it depends on what we want to be true, what kind of content we like, our cultural understanding, our wants and dreams. but where does the line actually go? honestly, who knows. for me, personally, i put most of it into non-reality and am pretty happy with that. even when i ponder about mingi, i do know that what i ponder is not really him, because some of the things i value the most in people around me (politics, ideology, kindness) are things i just can't get to know about him. so no matter how much i ponder and think about mingi, i can't (and kinda don't wanna) know the truth. but at the same time... like i said, i watch reality tv, but i almost always stop after a few seasons bc there's a rawness to the first seasons that just isn't there after season 6, because by then the more savvy talent has found it. my favourite kpop groups and idols have always been people who feel honest, who have an edge of unpolished edges and roughness to it. i like ateez, because they feel raw and unpolished, even if that means that they sometimes create really rough content, and i miss the time of the outside-variety shows, because it was so interesting to see the edits that idols got when they weren't edited by their own staff (even if that also meant that sometimes these poor guys and girls got really awful edits). not to be Me and talk about the olden days, but before groups had their own logbooks, the behind the scenes stuff was often filmed by the channel. and there are several stories of how that behind the scenes stuff could get hi—jacked by savvy idols (jackson had so many tricks up his sleeve for this, he repackaged jokes and did the same thing several times so that it was more likely that the editors would keep one of the takes) to promote their groups. it hasn't gotten more real because now the content is in-house, instead, its just gotten a different edit. the in-house editing doesn't necessarily mean more authentic, it means (from what i've seen) that the editing serves a different incentive. jackson couldn't control the cut, so he controlled the raw content that went into the cut. now, the company (and maybe the idols, depending on how much say they have in the matter) control the cut. this can both mean that the content we get is smoother but also that the control is kept in-house. the loss of control isn't there in the same way, which means i have a tendency to view the self-made content as less authentic. but that isn't true, its just my bias showing through.