not a wizard

why would a fish need sunglasses

what the hell i just say

sleeping on the floor is making a comeback after i was in the woods for 12 hours and fell asleep on my doormat after getting home.

maybe it shouldn't. I woke up convinced there was a portal opening to the rat dimension next to me but it was my headlamp

you need to go back to the rat dimension they need your help

sometimes ill go onto jackbox.tv, name myself "SCARY GHOST" and just type random codes in until i find a game and then just vote randomly

hey boss can you show me where the forklift's self-destruct is so i can keep it from falling into the hands of enemy warehouse crews?

momentarily had the thought “shout out to my platonic harem” and then remembered that’s called friends

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

i trusted you

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

goodbye 2023👋hello 𓏏𓉔𓇋𓋴 𓇌𓅂𓄿𓂋 𓇋 𓅃𓇋𓃭𓃭 𓎼𓅂𓏏 𓄿 𓅓𓅲𓅓𓅓𓇌 𓃀𓅱𓇌𓆑𓂋𓇋𓅂𓈖𓂧 𓅓𓄿𓇌𓃀𓅂 𓉔𓅲𓋴𓃀𓄿𓈖𓂧 𓇋𓆑 𓉔𓅂𓂕𓋴 𓎢𓅱𓅱𓃭 𓅃𓇋𓏏𓉔 𓏏𓉔𓄿𓏏

my egyptologist friend says this is a (very poorly) phonetically transcribed english phrase "this year i will get a mommy boyfriend"

okay you werent supposed to know that