Manage me; I'm a mess

Max: Lol

Max: The sex was good then she got a little weird, which is fair but I think there's something going on with her. I don't really feel like it's my place to ask though you know

Declan: Dude

Declan: I think you can ask after youve been inside her

.

Tilting his head to the side as he chewed, Max rolled his eyes a little. ❛ Yeah but we’re not the same, ❜ he reminded Declan with a small smile. Fine, it had taken some time, but he’d moved on. Especially after fours years. However, it didn’t mean he was over the guilt of what he did and seeing her again was weird because he didn’t know how to handle it. The last time he saw her she was still pretty angry with him, when he got the last things from their Seattle apartment and moved them to his place in the docks. He hadn’t known how she felt until they sat in that elevator together and him? He’d barely said a word, had he? As usual. Fucking idiot. ❛ God Dex, I’m eating. ❜ Chuckling as he shook his head a little, Max then shrugged. ❛ I don’t know… No.. I mean, I used to, you know… Wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t– Cheated on her, but I’m not sure I even know what I want right now. I didn’t really think she’d ever be back. ❜ That was dumb, her family was here after all, it was her home as much as his.

Clicking his tongue a smile came upon his lips. ❛ It is, isn’t it? ❜ he said in amused tone, however, he knew it wasn’t that hard. Cora was still mad, right? They hadn’t seen each other since the gala, after all. Ash wasn’t mad he was just… They just didn’t talk, for good reasons. ❛ She is… ❜ he mumbled, taking a sip of his beer. She’d been pretty pissed off when he came home that night after messing everything up but, he was glad she hadn’t tkane it with ease and actually stood up for herself, even if that hurt too. ❛ Yeah well, isn’t that what I’ve been doing for the past four years as much as I can? You only know half of it, man, ❜ he laughed a little before letting a proud grin over his lips. ❛ Thanks, I see you liked it. I hope you share with Cassandra, so she can see I’m not completely useless, ❜ he snorted out, leaning back in his chair.

They definitely were not the same, but Declan couldn’t help but think that things could’ve panned out a little better if he had some of Max’s level-headedness. He made a disapproving groan as he continued to devour the meal as if he hadn’t eaten for months. “You’re pretty good at avoiding the ‘yes or no’ questions,” Declan laughed slightly. Of course, life wasn’t as black and white as Declan was attempting to make it, but he just wanted Max to have some type of starting point with his feelings (or lack thereof). “A lot of things would be easier if people didn’t come back,” he mumbled under his breath. 

Eyes widened with glee as Max admitted that he’d been getting plenty satisfaction in the bedroom. “Is that so? You fuckin’ dog,” Declan punched him lightly. “We’re adults, but you know you can call me whenever, okay?” Eyes darted away from the other man; vulnerability wasn’t Declan’s strong suit. “You’re my...best friend, and after everything you’ve ever done for me? It’s the least I could do,” he trailed off, finally making eye contact. With a small grin, Declan nodded. “I’ll try to put a good word in for you man, but you might’ve fucked up royally. I’m sure she’ll have somethin’ decent to say about the meal,” he ruffled Max’s hair. “I’ll catch up with you later man, alright? Thanks again for the food!” 

Max: Fucks sake

Max: Not really but I mean, she initiated it, which was weird

Declan: I mean, youre def packin so I don't blame her

Max: Okay so remember how we talked about me sleeping with Harlow again and how it would never happen

Max: It happened

Declan: 💦🍆💦🍆💦🍆

––

The blonde couldn’t really remember getting the chance to meet someone new and speak with them without them having a clouded judgement of her. It seemed events really brought out the better side of people’s personalities. Or perhaps, they just weren’t as good at hiding their regular personalities, she wasn’t sure. Grace took note of the chip and nodded, there had been a few people in her life who’d dug out a chip from a pocket or a wallet, or had fished a dangling chain from inside a blouse or shirt. She got it. Cautiously, she pressed him, “How long’s it been for you?”

His reaction wasn’t the typically reaction; she’d had this conversation before, at a bar with a guy or two, and they’d swiftly excused themselves or insulted her. She laughed when he asked her and she closed her eyes, “Sadly, no. He was a good lay, though.” After he commented about how usually the husbands were the ones to cheat, Grace nodded, she dropped her head a little and busied her fingers with the bar snacks - she picked at the shells of the pistachios before she shrugged, “I guess. It was messy, I hated myself for putting the kids through that divorce.” She winced and took a moment for herself before she turned to him, “It was my problem though. The kids were my problem.” Grace shrugged again and shook her head.

Declan was sure that the woman would’ve asked him the same question if she was sober. She didn’t appear to be someone who shied away from conversation, given that she just admitted she had an affair to a near stranger. “A bit over six months, I believe? I uh, I lapsed a while ago so sometimes I get sort of confused with what my actual ‘sober anniversary’ is,” he chuckled. Declan’s memory was shit, but he also didn’t want to over-focus on the days, minutes, seconds that his blood was clean from any toxins. It made the cravings that much worse. 

“I don’t have kids, but it sounds like it was heading toward divorce whether you fucked someone else or not,” he shrugged. “Might’ve been a bit cleaner had you kept your bedroom clean, but what’s done is done, y’know?” Declan reached in and grabbed his own handful of pistachios, reluctantly cracking the shells. “You still see your kids?” he asked, curious as to what went through an actual parents mind. 

-

She thought about Val briefly, her own best friend and her struggle with taking things too far.  Harlow didn’t know where she’d be with out the other woman. “You’d be surprised.” Harlow offered, gently. “You probably take care of him in ways that you aren’t even aware of.” Friendship was a two way street, despite sometimes it feeling like one person carried most of the load. Her eyes glanced up at his as she listened to his offer. She was caught off guard to say the least. “That’s very generous of you.” Harlow smiled earnestly, feeling some of her nerves roll off her shoulder. She hadn’t expected him to be so nice - overly nice. “We?” Her brows furrowed for a moment, eyes glancing at the dog wondering if this was the other half of the we to which he  referred.

He smiled softly, eyes fluttering down to the ground. Declan didn’t think he had helped Max in any way, shape or form, but there had to be a reason why the other man liked him so much, didn’t there? “Thanks,” was all he could muster out. It wasn’t the time or place for Declan to pry for information about himself, especially since it had taken him so long to remember who the woman was. “Oh! Uh, yeah, my girlfriend and I live together. We’ve got a dog,” he looked back into Harlow’s eyes. “She’s lovely, and Coco is nice once she sniffs you, which it seems that she has,” he chuckled. “We make pasta every Sunday. Swing by then!”

There were many reasons why Declan couldn’t be right in any given circumstance and this was proving to be one of them. Cass could feel her jaw clenching with every grin, every click of his tongue, every time he snickered even! He knew exactly how to get under her skin, but the issue wasn’t the fact that he was presently burrowing his way under it, it was the fact that she still had this unholy claim to him, one that made her immediately go into some feral defense at even just the thought of someone else coming in between them. Her pride had been knocked down a peg! But she couldn’t admit that to him, then it would just be even more lucrative evidence for him to use against her. 

Just as he was digging back about his actual whereabouts that turned out to be true, she was quick to drop her piece of fruit when he took out his phone, her hand immediately gripping around his wrist. “Não tão rápido. Passe o telefone.” But he relented and soon the two were embroiled in a game where Cass tried with all her might to jump as high as she could to reach the device while Declan’s arms stretched further and further up. But he was laughing! “I’m not kidding about the fork, it’s going straight to your kidneys if I even see Snapchat on there.” She almost seethed. 

Eventually the two toppled over onto the ground, with Cass getting the upper hand to straddle on top of him, disarming him briefly to let go of his phone, only for her to find …the calculator app was open. She clicked back and saw his usual folders, a picture of Coco and her laying together in bed was his background screen. Cass quickly checked his Venmo transactions, saw that it was to thank a few techs at the studio for their work or for picking up the tab for lunch. He was being a pompous ass about it, but he was innocent. She could feel him chortling from beneath her and she couldn’t help but swat at his face, light but with meaning. “What is it about getting me riled up that’s so enticing to you?” She questioned as she leaned closer to his face, lips inches apart from his, though she managed to pull herself briefly away from him, if only for a moment.

His height was his natural defense, it would be ridiculous for him not to use it against his much smaller partner. Besides, watching her cheeks turn red as she attempted to jump and grab his phone was much too satisfying. He should be right about things more often! “I’m almost thirty, I don’t fucking use Snapchat,” Declan snapped back, sticking his tongue at her. The tug of war ensued and Declan was enjoying it way too much, even when they toppled over. 

She had him pinned and had his phone, her angry face a sign of success for Declan. “Please note that the calculator says 80085, which spells out ‘boobs’,” he plastered a smug grin on his face. “Ouch, fiesty,” he mocked her swipe, sending a light one of his own back in her direction. With an exaggerated sigh, Declan’s dark eyes slowly looked up at Cass, taking in the way her body looked on top of him. “Do you really need an answer to that question?”

––

She smirked once more and scoffed slightly as she replied, starting to feel a little buzzed, “You’re too kind. I mean, you’re not wrong.” Grace shrugged before she then smacked her lips together, mouth a little fuzzy, “Well, that’s true; I don’t even think I replied to that request, to be honest. I can’t remember.” She chortled, mostly to herself, for her own benefit before she scanned the room, her neck craned a little. She couldn’t see her wedding date so, she gave up trying to locate after several seconds, “It doesn’t matter and I don’t know if I should be grateful or resentful about the fact I was asked to be a plus one.”

Grace watched as the soda was squeezed out into the glass Declan had rested on the bartop and reached for her own beverage before she responded, “Weather’s getting nicer, back yard is probably the best place to be; away from prying eyes, right?” She gave a smirk before she then casually dropped her story, “My husband walked in while I was fucking another man.” It was her turn to shrug, “Kids have been with him ever since, you can just guess the things the single women had been saying about me before I got here.”

Declan reached into his pocket and grabbed his sobriety chip, a move he began doing once the urge to partake arrived. It was comforting, a reminder of how far he had come but he still had a long way to go. “It’s all lukewarm anyway,” he grinned. She looked like she was enjoying herself and the conversation was going swimmingly, better than most conversations he had with the townsfolk. “I’d say grateful; it’s a reason to dress up and stunt on all your enemies,” Declan winked. 

It felt like Grace understood him. The need to have privacy and to be away from people; it didn’t make him an asshole like others thought. Eyes widened and Declan couldn’t hide the grimace on his face. “Well, did you at least come?” he asked. It seemed ridiculous to throw a whole marriage and family away for lackluster sex, and he’d hate it if that was the case. “Normally it’s the dude that does that type of shit,” he commented, “I would know-- I’ve definitely been that guy.” The past was the past, however. “I’m sure you didn’t think you’d be called a slut past high school,” he grabbed his drink and chuckled. “Heart wants what it wants. Sucks that the kids were involved, but...,” Declan shrugged, “at least now they know they don’t have to stay in a shitty relationship if they don’t want.”

.

A small snort pushed out of his nose at Declan’s words but then turned into a quiet sigh. ❛ She was… She is, ❜ he shrugged a little. It was true though, his friend had been pretty fucked up most of that time and he hadn’t really met Harlow a whole lot either since the couple moved to Seattle pretty fast, mostly for Max to go to Culinary school but also to get away from the rumors. It hadn’t been like Max had been her actual coach though, it wasn’t that big of a deal. And he’d quit on his own terms, he wasn’t fired. Raising a brow at Declan’s question, Max stared at him for a moment. Would he? He shook his head. ❛ I don’t know. No. I’m over it. Her. I had to be, ‘cause of what I did, you know? There’s no way she’d take me back. I don’t deserve that from her, ❜ he said simply. Max still felt guilt but he knew there was never a way for her to come back to him so he had to get over it, so he did.  ❛ I got plenty of other people’s backs to blow out, Dex, ❜ he added with a small smirk.

Raising his beer again, he took a sip before going back to his food, ruining the perfect roundness of the rice on the plate within a few seconds.  ❛ No but I wouldn’t have said it to her face, ❜ he explained, brows raising for a couple of seconds before furrowing into a frown. ❛ That’s fucked up, dude, but thank you, ❜ he chuckled. ❛ Don’t think I’ve ever had angry sex, honestly. I can make it fun anyway but Harlow and I never really had fights and, well… Cora and I were just vanilla kids. ❜ Other than that it had been mostly short relationships with no fighting and a bunch of one night stands and there were no reason to actually have fights with those people.

Max may have been the only person aside from Cassandra that he truly cared about. Seeing him like this-- heartbroken wasn’t necessarily the correct word, but Declan didn’t know what else to describe him as-- it was uncomfortable. As Max took time to think, Declan quietly began putting food away in his Tupperware for tomorrow’s lunch. “Just because you had to be over it doesn’t mean you are dude,” he rolled his eyes. “I had to be over Cassie because of losing contact, but it doesn’t mean I was.” Hopefully Max would get the point, but Declan wasn’t so confident. “I’m sure you’ve got a black book with tons of guys and girls who’re waiting to get plowed by you my man,” Declan grinned, “but the point is, after everything is said and done and you both are lying in a pile of sweat and cum are you wishing that it was Harlow next to you?” 

The roll of his eyes should’ve been enough for Max to know that Declan didn’t believe a word he said, but it was water under the bridge now. Besides, he got to rub it in Cass’ face! It was too good of an opportunity to pass up. “It’s difficult to be angry at you Vargas, I get it,” Declan sipped his non-alcoholic beer. “And Harlow doesn’t seem like the type to hold anything against you or want to slap you around. She seems like the type that just wants to be held and loved or whatever,” he shrugged, taking another drink. Declan had a lot of assumptions of this woman who he barely knew. “I don’t know much about Cora so I can’t speak on that, but I’m tellin’ you Max, if you need to get over any of these people you gotta fuck fast and fuck hard. And this rice? Fuckin’ killer,” he added as he closed off his tupperware. 

In an effort to keep him humble, Cass could only hum a sound of approval. There wasn’t a moment where his phone wasn’t going off the hook with proposals, ideas, and he seemed to enjoy the fast-pace of it all. After all, he was finally in his element on his own terms, wasn’t he? With his forehead pressed against hers, she couldn’t help but give a cheshire grin. He wasn’t wrong about the fact that the move could have been an absolute field day considering their status in the world and how there were some things they couldn’t keep private to themselves. But this moment right now? It was as private as it could be, it was theirs to relish in and she was going to savor every last moment of it. “Has she always liked you or was she just praying you wouldn’t end up sinning with the devil, hmm?”  Bypassing all of the good reasons to be legally married wasn’t Cass’ intention, it was just a topic that they hadn’t touched upon. To say the least it was disarming her in a way as she didn’t have many smart remarks to retort back at the man. That was when he was playfully bantering about what her dream ring would be. “I could care less if the carat was bigger than my backside,” She admitted with a slight smirk. “I think I’ve always had that dream that the ring should be sentimental, I fixated on this trend where the ring would come from a family heirloom or something. Belonging to the grooms mother, an aunt, a grandmother, just a maternal figure who mattered. Cause what else tells a woman she’s wanted in a family then being given a piece of the family, you know?” Cass wondered if she sounded like she was blowing smoke, but it was the truth! She didn’t need Tiffany’s or Cartier, she barely cared if the jewel might have belonged to a royal across the sea, or even a Kardashian. The only thing that mattered was what made her feel like home, and as she looked at the terrain of Declan’s lips, the way his eyes sparkled at her, and the way her stomach flipped into butterflies. She couldn’t help but shake her head. “You really have no idea the effect you have on me, do you?”

Declan let out a soft laugh and shook his head gently. “Alright, she didn’t like me at first,” he admitted before going into detail about their first meeting. “I’m pretty sure she said I was too skinny and that I couldn’t protect you from the wind, then cursed me in Portuguese.” He pulled her closer, though he was careful not to wrinkle the dress. Yellow was a fantastic color on her. 

“Honestly, I don’t think I could find a carat larger than your backside,” he smirked as he stole a squeeze. Listening to her explanation, it made sense. It was extremely logical and sentimental, but...how was Declan going to get his mom’s ring? He wasn’t even sure if it had been buried with her or if his dad pawned it. And there was no chance in Hell that he was going to call his dad up, not after his last surprise visit. “I respect all of that,” he eventually said with a hint of sadness. “I don’t want any generational curses attached to the ring to come back with us,” Declan told her, shrugging as they continued to sway softly. “I might be being dramatic, but...” his eyes drifted to the side before her voice brought him back. “I could say the same about you, you know,” he grinned. “Is it in bad taste to leave early and go home to watch Top Chef?”

––

“It’s not that I hate it.” She winced, not really sure she wanted to open that box but, it was usually easier telling someone you didn’t know about your troubles rather than someone you knew. Still, she chortled, “I’m here mostly because I was plus-oned. And, there was the promise of the open bar, so…” She shrugged. As Declan introduced himself, Grace nodded and angled her body toward him slightly, “Grace. I live in Goldfinch, too. Surprised we haven’t ran into each other yet.” The blonde gently quirked a brow before she nodded, “To be honest, I’m not really all that sure I’m really that welcome in this town, either. I don’t know if there have been any rumors but, I’ve been trying to mostly stick to myself.”

A humorless laugh escaped his lips as he nod in understanding. “You don’t have to explain to me,” he said, “it’s a complicated emotion, especially if you’re just a witness to it.” Declan put his empty soda glass back on the bar, where it was promptly refilled. They must’ve hired the best bartenders in the area, because this service was quick. “The best part about being plus-one’d is that you only have to answer if you’re eating the fish, the chicken or the beef. Who plus-one’d you?” he asked with a curious smirk. 

Ah, a neighbor. This was a chance to expand his social circle, a chance to grow his outside support system. Or maybe, just to have another person to grab coffee with. “I spend a lot of time in my backyard, so...” a shrug, “it would make sense that we haven’t run into each other before.” Declan snorted, a bit relieved that he might’ve not been public enemy number one anymore. “So what did you do to piss everybody off?”

She narrowed her eyes at the taller man, the smugness that exuded from him was something that made her realize she must have had the misfortune of walking into a music snob. She prayed to God that he wasn’t going to fall into a tangent about bands she’d never heard of before and why they were the greatest revelation of the millennia. “Good to know, dude.” Rose offered, “Glad that it’s got such sparkling reviews.” The last bit was more of a bite to his very vague stance on the album he was holding. 

Rose was fine with getting back into the groove of flipping through more records when she heard the man continuing on, apparently having heard her muttering about Math Rock. Did he have the echo sensors of a bat? “I’m not sure I follow, the only thing I understand is if it’s a definite repeat or a skip.” 

“4/4 is a time signature,” he rolled his eyes. Wasn’t music a class in most elementary schools? “If you listened to Ariana Grande and then listened to a classic waltz, you’d realize that the waltz moves faster because it’s in 3/4, ala, a different time signature,” Declan wasn’t sure why he continued to harp on math-rock, perhaps it was because he was bored or because music was near and dear to his heart. It was his goddamn livelihood! “I understand if it’s too advanced for you, again, it’s not radio music.”

Walking through the space, Cass was pleasantly surprised to see so many people approaching Declan to offer a handshake. With things getting busier around the studio, she found it rarer for him to have a moment to himself, though Sunday’s were always off limits. That was usually when he suggested they unplug for the day and enjoy life, each other, and copious amounts of pasta. “Business doing well?” Cass whispered to him as a businessman walked away after handing Declan his card. She couldn’t help but beam at him with pride, he was really doing it! Building the empire she knew he was capable of ruling. 

As the question circled back to her about her mother and the role she would play should she choose marital bliss someday, she shrugged. “Ever since…” She began, the statement lost on the tip of her tongue. Ever since her father had passed, she had been harboring so much resentment that she didn’t give herself a chance to grief the other small moments that she had been robbed of. She didn’t want to admit that it stung she couldn’t have a father who loved her giving her away. As her shoulder froze slightly, she willed herself to breathe through the thought. 

“It would make sense for it to be her by my side, wouldn’t it?” She offered with a small smile. That was when her eyebrow raised, just as she grabbed onto his hand to drag him into the middle of the dance floor for a slow dance. Her arms wrapped up around his shoulders, her body pressed to his own, and as they swayed she looked up into his brown eyes intently. We’re essentially married. “Are we?” She teased, “I don’t see a rock weighing me down.” 

He gave her a knowing smile before informing her, “Well, as far as artists are considered, that avenue is doing well but you know what else needs to be recorded, mixed and mastered?” a pause before he spoiled the question, “Advertisement jingles. You can’t send companies iPhone demos that are going to play on the radio or TV.” It was a smart business move on Declan’s part, especially with the summer months coming up. 

Head canted to the side, Declan waited. There was more underneath than what she was letting on, but tonight wasn’t the night to dive into everything. Not in public. “I mean, she always liked me!” he boasted, wrapping his arms around her waist. Cass was doing more of the swaying than Declan, probably because of their height difference, but it remained intimate. “I didn’t think you’d want a rock,” Declan countered. “The moment a rock goes on your finger, TMZ would be all over it. They’d probably say Ben Affleck or A-Rod was the one who proposed to you,” Declan snorted. The news was funny that way, especially at this point in their relationship. “I really appreciate how you bypassed all the good reasons to get married and just skipped to the ring, by the way,” Declan pressed his forehead against hers, widening his eyes in jest. “Let me guess, you want something that’s diamonds all around and can be seen from space?”

Pollen. She couldn’t help but grin over in his direction, clearly witnessing yet another secret soft spot he seemed to garner. The outdoor ceremony had been held in immaculate conditions, something that looked like it was straight out of a fairy tale. “Hmm,” She murmured softly. “It’s strange but I don’t see anything out of place here.” She looped an arm around his waist, feeling his arm resting on top of her shoulders. If anything she was glad to have been in the presence of an undeniable love, never more grateful to be garnering one of her own. As they made their way back into the chateau for happy hour, she couldn’t help but hear the comments about how impressed everyone was with the ceremony and how beautifully everything had been arranged. 

That was when she heard Declan’s statement about who he’d have in his wedding party. She paused, her feet following suit as they stood beside each other and she looked up to see his facial features. Oh he was serious. A slight chuckle fell from her lips as she shrugged. There were plenty of people for her to call upon on her side, but she believed that he knew that and didn’t want to add any insult to injury. “I think I’ve always imagined my mother and Marcella above anyone else,” She admitted. “Though I think they’d just expect me to go to city hall without them at this point. It was then that it dawned on her that they had never really had this type of discussion before. They always jumped the gun into further into the future, homes around the world, children in the horizon, but the thought of marriage to each other? She blushed slightly. “I don’t know, would honest woman be a title I could carry on me some day? And is a doting husband something you want to be?”

“I guarantee when we get back to the car it’ll be covered in pollen,” he argued, though there was a smile on his face. Declan rubbed at his eyes and fought himself to silence any audible crying; the last thing he needed was to give Cass more ammo to mock him with. Walking back into the chateau, Declan shook some hands and engaged in some small talk with the other guests. 

His eyes sparkled as she admitted that she had thought about marriage as well, though he shouldn’t have been surprised. Between the two of them, she always had the desire for love, family and growing old together.  “Elena wouldn’t walk you down the aisle?” he asked, perplexed. God knew it wouldn’t have been her father, even if he was still alive. Declan nodded as she spoke, noting that City Hall wasn’t an option he had thought of before. “I’m not sure if I could be a doting husband, but I think I could be a pretty decent one. We’re essentially married...,” Declan trailed off before changing pace, “Besides, there are benefits to filing our taxes jointly, and if we ever proceeded with having children I believe it’d be easier for parent-teacher meetings and things of that nature.”

“I have not.” Grace smirked, she liked his gumption, “I just don’t enjoy all this…” She gestured in the general wedding party direction, “Bullshit.” The blonde dropped her hand back to the bar top and wrapped it around her drink, “What’s your story?”

“What, you hate love?” Declan laughed quietly. He was in that boat before, a pessimist about happily-ever-afters. Not that he wasn’t a pessimist still, he just had the pleasure of being a pessimist who was in love with somebody. “I’m surprised you’re here if it’s all bullshit to you,” he said, genuinely. A sigh escaped his lips-- he certainly had a story, but he doubted she wanted to hear it all. They’d never leave at that rate. After a brief pause, he looked back at Grace and told her, “My name’s Declan , I live in Goldfinch and uh...what else do you want to know?” he sipped on the straw before adding, “I’ll be the first one to tell you that most people at this event probably don’t care for me but uh...that’s fine. And what about yourself?”