numberer 1 crab fan

i think everyone in the whole world forgot that mystery doesn’t have to equal crime

sometimes it’s just like. what happent ?

crossfaded off a block of cheese and an apple waylaying every traveller on the road

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

Blocking for being funnier than me

genuinely they have probably saved people.

they HAVE saved people actually i’m 100% sure of that. i’ve learned about so many recalls i would’ve had no idea about otherwise !!!! from the bottom of all of our hearts thank you mamoru

i dont personally like bernard (sorry bernheads) but i do really like the concept of "first boyfriend". the First Boyfriend is not always someones actual First Boyfriend and sometimes people skip the First Boyfriend entirely, but First Boyfriend is defined as "someones first real boyfriend who is Just Fine." there is nothing special about First Boyfriend. First Boyfriend tends to last a long time because there is nothing to really hate about First Boyfriend. First Boyfriend is perfectly affable. First Boyfriend likes to Look at Cars/Birds/Manhole Covers/Comics/HB Pencils. First Boyfriend will sometimes play A Video Game. you can bring First Boyfriend home to your Parents and they will say "First Boyfriend seems Nice." nobody has anything to say about First Boyfriend other than the fact that he is Nice. First Boyfriend has no particular strong opinions on anything other than what types of pen are nicest to write with. First Boyfriend just wants to do Whatever You Want To Do. you can watch First Boyfriend eat a Burger at a Cookout and he will put ketchup And mustard on it, to be daring. First Boyfriend likes Bread And Butter Pickles. First Boyfriend will be dated for far longer than you would think simply because First Boyfriend is so forgettable. You can bring him along on vacations like a waterbottle. He tends to blend into the background of all photos. he doesnt ever seem to really Need anything. he is just Happy To Hang Out With You. There's never anything Wrong with him. You never have any real arguments or intense discussions or differences of opinion. He's just kind of there. he's like peel and stick wallpaper in the shade Beige. Eventually First Boyfriend will be broken up with and the breakup will not even hit that hard because the relationship was always just kind of middling for both parties, but it lasted so long that yeah it kind of was upsetting. bernard is First Boyfriend to me. Your dad never actually really remembers his name.

like that's just bernard to me he's the plain vanilla ice cream in a cup of boyfriends. i want them to break up in like a year for no big or dramatic reason and i want bernard to live like a perfectly normal average life post tim where nothing ever truly bad happens to him. i want him to be 2 years into a relationship with somebody else as their like second or third boyfriend (no important capitals needed he's just their boyfriend) and he's like in the middle of being photographed on family vacation in the group photo when he remembers how tims family always made him stand on the outside of the photos w/o touching tim (so he could be cropped out later) (they didn't actually say that to him but it was the vibe) and his new partners mom is crafting the caption to mention him and he's like Wait A Minute. THEY WERE RUDE!

The thing is tim isnt trying to be mean he is just seventeen years old for the seventeenth year in a row. none of this is like. people actively trying to be mean to each other (maybe damian is trying to be mean like who is this blonde in My House) it's just people learning the ropes of relationships and not actually being quite right for each other and not communicating as quickly or effectively as they could have due to all the situations being non-emergent. teenagers and young adults having teenagey young adulty relationships. this is the kind of thing that just happens in the world and it's kind of enchanting to me as a concept but not enough to write about it or read about it in a serious fashion.