lady death

she shrugs when asked about who it is she doesn't care for within rhysand's inner circle. "it feels a little impolite to say, but mor and amren are-" elain pauses to think on the correct word to use, giving her response real thought. "unsettling? more so amren. she just knows so much…" and yet she says nothing. well, elain can admit that's not entirely true. she understands she isn't someone amren or mor would necessarily choose over rhysand or feyre to have pleasant, idle conversation with. nor would they tell her the deeper truths they know without prompting. but it makes them harder to trust, and elain doesn't want to feel that way. "sometimes i wonder if it's done on purpose: the secret keeping. i'm sure it is."

silence that settles after elain replies, guilt beginning to gnaw away at it. she's glad when nesta speaks with enthusiasm, about what she's said and in general. the seer seems to have hit a few nails on the head, as has her sister. she also believes feyre wants what she didn't have in their childhood. "it's natural to want us all to be close," elain admits, knowing a major part of her wants the same as their younger sister. the difference is, elain can see why nesta doesn't; why she might take a long time to get there with them, if at all. "and it would be nice. but, so is peace." she reaches to hold her sister's hand, hoping to not have ruined the balance by admitting she sees value in feyre's dreams as much as nesta's.

she couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “oh believe me, they’re all keeping secrets. all of them hiding the danger of feyre’s pregnancy from her was proof of that.” she leans in close and keeps her voice almost a whisper just in case there’s any prying ears that would go running to rhysand. “despite feyre being high lady, the whole lot of them will keep her and us in the dark about anything if rhysand tells them to do so. it’s why you, feyre, and i need to stick together. it has to be us sisters before them.” she sighs, frustratingly so. “feyre doesn’t see it like that though, she doesn’t think rhysand can do anything wrong or would keep things from her despite being proven otherwise.” perhaps her youngest sister was so trusting and borderline naive when it came to her mate and the inner circle because of their upbringing and her desire to just be loved. it wasn’t lost on nesta how she played a part in that. “all of them have known each other for centuries and we are new fae to them. we’ve only known them for a few years, who’s to say they wouldn’t betray us.” she looks at her sister with an almost guilty expression. “to tell you the truth, if it came down to it i’m not even sure if cassian would choose me over rhysand. and he’s my damn mate.”

she clasps her hand in elain’s and gives her a reassuring smile. “i just don’t see why in order for the three of us to be close we have to be close with everyone else as well. it’s asking too much for everyone to get along and whether they all know it or not, they don’t even all get along with each other.” that detail always weighed heavy on nesta’s mind when everyone got together and she was able to sit back and observe how they interact with each other. there was also the power imbalance, whether rhysand admitted it or not. it specifically bothered her when it came to both cassian and azriel.

jessica alexander : anglaise, irlandaise.