among the stars

“Hm?” He answered immediately, turning around to meet your tired eyes. This same routine had happened so often that he had learned to not feel bad about waking you up because he couldn’t sleep. You really didn’t mind, you just wanted him back in bed cuddled up next to you.

“Cold.” That was all you could muster out in a tired whisper. Thankfully, it was all Kevin needed to know that you wanted him back under the covers. He shuffled over sheepishly as you opened up the blanket for him to crawl under with you.

You sighed as soon as you were able to wrap your arms around his body and could feel the warmth that washed over you almost immediately. You rested your head back on the pillow and watched Kevin’s eyes drift to the ceiling, blinking several times, but never falling down to look at you.

“You thinking about something?” You asked quietly.

You heard him sigh. He took a while to respond, but you didn’t rush him. You focused on the little skin exposed on his chest from his pyjama top, drawing little circles on the spot to relax him.

“Just… us, I guess. Thinking about everything, but mostly just you… and me.” His eyes flickered to you for a split second before settling back on the ceiling. 

“What about us?” 

“Are you tired of this?” The question was filled with worry, and you knew that ‘this’ referred to more than just what your mind immediately jumped to.

“No. Are you?” 

“No… but I still feel bad.”

You understood what he was feeling. It was almost impossible not to feel some frustration with the sacrifices you both had to make just to be able to date each other. It was hard, but it was worth it. You just had to reassure him of it at times.

“I know, Kev. You know you make me really happy, though, right?” The way you said it was almost like a promise to him; a promise that he would always make you happier than anyone else. 

“I know I do, I just wish I was able to do more, you know?” You hummed, trying to fight back a yawn and listen to everything that was plaguing his mind, but it slipped past you before you could stop it. 

“I’m sorry, I know you’re tired. I’ll be okay. You can go back to sleep.” He turned on his side, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Will you be able to sleep?” You pulled him just a bit closer, craving more of his body warmth and comforting embrace.

“I’ll try. If I can’t, I promise to still keep you warm.” He smiled fondly at you as you got comfortable again, adjusting the blankets to cover you properly and shuffling your head on your pillow.

“I love you.” You mumbled, closing your eyes and letting the tiredness wash over you in waves. You felt Kevin’s lips press against yours, but it was soft and fleeting, only lasting for a second before he pulled away.

“I love you too. Sorry for my brain.” He whispered back.

“I love your brain, too. I just wish it was nicer to you.” You said, half asleep at that point. You couldn’t see Kevin’s half-hearted smile, but you felt him pull you even closer until your head was resting on his chest instead of the pillow. The last gesture assured your brain that you could really fall asleep again. Kevin always slept better the closer he was cuddled up to you, so you had hope that sleep would finally grace him as well.

Every time he thought he could start listening or maybe contribute in some way his mind continued to wander. The most random of things popped into his head: what should he have for dinner? Did he turn off his bedroom light when he left the dorm today? Are his pillowcases done drying? All of these things swam around his subconscious like a never ending cycle.

A single kick to his leg brought Heeseung out of his never ending turmoil. Looking over to see Jungwon had kicked him titling his head towards the manager who was still speaking about the up coming tour schedules. He felt a sense of relief that his manager had not yet noticed that he was spacing out. He nodded at Jungwon, an affirmation that he would be listening from here on out.

"The U.S tour will be lengthy so get all your affairs in order before then.." His manager drowned on. The meeting would go on like that for the whole of another three hours. Heeseung's head felt heavy when The manager had finally left the room, leaving the seven Enhypen members alone to dwell on what was to come in this upcoming tour.

"Hee, man are you good? you spaced out for awhile there" Jake said, crossing his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose. Heeseung envied Jake's inability to let idol life stress him out. He had spent far too long letting the boulder sized ball of anxiety take over his life that he couldn't even imagine for a second what it felt like to let everything go, to not stress about getting choreography right, or not messing his lines up. The weight of his own expectations of himself crushing him every waking moment. "Yeah sorry guys, didn't sleep well last night " Which wasn't a total lie, Heeseung really hadn't slept well. The only thing he didn't mention is that not sleeping well was a nightly occurrence, it was the normal in Heeseung's life. His fellow members did not need to know that though. They didn't need to know that their Hyung was falling apart at the seems. That sometimes he felt like giving up idol life and moving across country to live a quiet life alone.

He couldn't tell them that, he didn't want them to worry about him. Even more he didn't want them to think him ungrateful. This opportunity that he had was special, it was something to call home about. He should be proud, he should be happy. Instead he felt trapped, how dare he? There he sat in a conference room, in HYBE. one of the most sought after labels in all of Korea and here he was wishing for a normal life, with no fame, no fortune, no Engene. He felt guilty, he felt sick to his stomach. He didn't deserve what he had here.

That was a hard pill to swallow, a hard realization that he had to face. It was way too embarrassing to admit to his fellow members. He couldn't let them down by being ungrateful for his blessings, no he wouldn't do that to them. So, he was forced to choke down these feelings and continue to sing, dance his way through life even if getting up on most days was the hardest thing he had to do.

"We're going to all get dinner then head back to the dorm's you down?" Jay asked, breaking Heeseungs endless thoughts on how much of a screw up he was. Heeseing shook his head, fixing his hair under his hat. "I think I'm going to take a walk, clear my head. You guys go ahead I'll pick up something for myself on the way back. I'm not sure how long I'll be" They all nodded, rising fromm their seats, whisking out of the room not before leaving a pat on Heeseungs back as a goodbye.

Once the room was cleared Heeseung released a sigh, his head falling to hang between his legs. Heeseung allowed himself a total of three minutes to wallow in his self pity before he too left the room in a blur.

LATER

Heeseung roamed the streets of seoul, the wind blistering his face as he continued to walk along the semi-crowded sidewalk. His face-mask was pulled high over his mouth and nose. The hood to his sweater pulled over his beanie covered head. He felt secluded enough not to be seen. He had just wanted to take a walk like a normal person with no chance of getting recognized and heckled on the street. He had been walking for about forty-five minutes now undisturbed. He felt confident that no one had seemed to know he was Heeseung from Enhypen. He was grateful for that short time of normalcy. It was uncommon nowadays. He only had a small amount of privacy everyday, in small spaces like the bathroom at the dorm or when he was alone in a conference room he would sneak into briefly when at the HYBE building for meetings. When times like this presented itself Heeseung allowed himself to appreciate it.

Of course, in true Heeseung's life fashion his small sense of normalcy had to be disturbed. It came in a hushed whisper at first, Heeseung's ears perking up as soon as he heard, "Is that Heeseung from Enhypen?" He scolded himself for being too stupid to think one of his engene wouldn't recognize him. Even in an outfit he thought was stealthy enough to get him through the crowded streets of Seoul unnoticed. It progressed in a few giggles then steady footsteps following behind him. He cursed himself for leaving without security or not telling anyone where exactly he was going. "Excuse me?" A girlish voice said behind him, followed by a few giggles. "Are you Lee Heeseung?" he ignored the question, his footsteps growing quicker hopefully signaling to the group of teenage girls that he wanted to be left alone. That of course didn't work. The quicker his footsteps became the quicker the girls did. Soon he felt himself sprinting towards a random path. Trying to find anyway to get away from the forming crowd of girls and their fan-girling.

Heeseung made his way around a corner, the sound of the rushed footsteps behind him being his only driving fuel to get away. He continued down the street, spotting a small alleyway not too far in the distance. He was far enough away that he could split down the alley and hopefully lose the crowd of giggling girls behind him. His blood pumped to his chest as he continued on down, not sprinting down the alley until the very last second. He found the door of a small unknown business wide open, it looked empty void of any customers or any person that could possibly recognize him. Good, he could hide in here until the crowd of girls died down and he was safe enough to make a run for the HYBE building.

He entered the small store quickly making his way behind a huge section of bookshelves lined with rows and rows of books that would make him invisible to the outside looking in. This was perfect he could hide in here while the crowd outside dispersed. He held onto the bookshelf his breath coming out in small pants. Heeseung rested his head against a row of books finally able to level out his breathing enough to calm his rapidly beating heart. When his heart had finally settled down he took a peak around the shelf to look outside of the ajar bookstore door.

Voices still echoed outside in the alley. Distant shouts of "Have you seen him?' "Where did he go" still being heard from outside. Heeseung took the time to turn, sitting himself on the floor leaning against the huge shelf. He brought his knees to his chest, his head spinning from finally settling down. He couldn't believe how stupid he was, to even think for a second that he could go for a walk outside to clear his head like any other person. Nothing was ever that simple and to the outside world he wasn't just a person. He was the king's jester so to speak. He was entertainment to all of the people around him, his privacy meant nothing to them. He was here only to give them pieces of himself. Days like this made him hate idol life. Something he used to cherish more than anything else.

Heeseung looked around at his surroundings. He had already gathered that he was in a bookstore but finally he was able to really look around. It was a small cozy shop that he definitely has never seen before. He wasn't much of a reader so things like bookstores weren't really on his radar when looking for things to do and places to go during his off days. The bookstore was cute. it had its normal rows and rows of bookshelves filled with books of all different genres. It had an old smell, it didn't smell bad just old. This bookstore felt loved.

Heeseung turned slightly to see a smaller sized grand piano in the corner of the tiny shop. It had taken up a big portion of the small shop. The piano was beautiful. The black paint was chipped on it. The black on the keys semi faded, someone had loved it, took care of it, used it often. Heeseing smiled softly at the thought of someone sitting here day and night playing the piano softly as people browsed the store looking for the most perfect book to indulge in.

The thought brought Heeseung a sense of peace. Peace that quickly transformed itself into envy. He bet that whoever ran this shop enjoyed the small things in life. They didn't have to run from groups of teenage girls on the street, they didn't have to work six days a week preparing shows and exhausting themselves all for the pleasure of someone else. No, this person definitely played piano, read and talked about perfect stories all day, enjoying their perfect life. Heeseungs mood turned even sour at the thought. He rose from his spot on the floor peaking over the shelf one more time to see if he could spot anyone still lingering near by.

He wasn't able to look for long before the sound of a soft voice broke him from any concentration he had. "Sir, do you need any help?" He jumped in his skin. Turning around quickly, coming face to face with a girl. Her head was titled, a perplexed looked on her face. "Are you...hiding?" Heeseung assumed that she had not yet pieced together who it was she was talking to. He wished for just a second he could pause time, not wanting to have to face this girl who will in no time recognize who he is, ruining all the hiding he just did. She'll alert the girls that still lingered in the alley and they'll run here in an instant.

"Shh" He said quietly, putting his finger to his face mask just over his lips. "Are you sushin-" The girl started to say, Heeseungs eyes widened. Waving his hands in front of himself "Please don't tell them I'm here!" He rushed the words out. The girl quirked an eyebrow at him, confusion written all over her face. "Who..." She drawled out. She pointed around the empty shop "There is no one here, sir" Heeseung let it register in his mind that this was the second time she had called him Sir. Maybe she didn't have any idea who he was. It was probably wishful thinking but the idea calmed him down just a bit. The panic quickly set in, if she didn't know who he was then he definitely looked like a crazy person to her. "I'm..sorry" he let out. "I was just leaving"

"Are you in need of help?" The girl asked, her voice like honey. Heeseung could tell for sure now that this girl had no idea who he was, he wasn't certain if that was because of his mask, hoodie and hat or if this girl just really didn't pay attention to media, either way he would take either one over the screaming girls he encountered just minutes prior. "No, no I'm alright. Thank you for your time" He quickly bowed, sending her a small smile he knew she couldn't see due to the mask then rushed out of the small secluded bookstore in a hurry.

LATER

Another day, another what seemed like endless meeting. Enhypen's team was in full tour planning mode. Nonstop were they talking about schedules, music, choreography and stops for upcoming shows. It was a loop of responsibilities that didn't have an end. Heeseung felt like a puppet, like an inanimate being, being controlled by a higher power for the entertainment of someone else. Heeseung didn't feel real, everyday he was loosing himself to the void of life. He felt robotic whenever he responded to his team and managements questions.

His day to day life was set to auto and he did only what he was told, said only what he was told. The only thought that belonged to him was the when he was thinking about the bookstore and the girl who worked in it. When did life get so bleak that he started to envy someone who lived such a simple life. He's only ever known wanting what he has In this moment and now here he is, wishing for everything but. Heeseung thought of the old warn out piano that sat in the corner of that run down bookstore, how loved the beautiful instrument was, how he found himself longing to go back, sit on the bench and press the keys one by one.

He was truly taken aback how that girl really didn't recognize who he was. Heeseing wasn't cocky, or self absorbed at all, he just wasn't dumb. He knew how popular Enhypen was, practically every young girl knew who he was, so when he finds a strange girl around his age that doesn't know who he is, while that's rare. It made him want to go back to talk to her. He longed for conversation with someone who didn't want something out of him. Sure he could talk to the other members but it wasn't the same. He wanted to talk to someone who didn't know him, didn't know what he did everyday. He wanted a clean slate. Heeseung debated risking it all and going back to the bookstore, just of a glimpse of that normalcy just once again.

He and the other members would be flying to Japan tomorrow, any chance of going back to the bookstore was shot. Heeseung knew what his priorities needed to be and no matter how much he wished to go back he knew he couldn't. Not yet at least.

"In Japan we need everyone on their A game, no distractions. We have a lot prepared. These shows need to be perfect." The Manager said to the group of seven boys sitting at the conference room table. "There will be a line of interviews ready too. We expect you to use your media training wisely.."

Heeseung found himself once again tuning out the team. Thinking of the bookstore and surprisingly of the girl whose name he didn't even know. He knew once he was back from Japan, the first thing he would do is find out.

IN JAPAN

Heeseung always thought Japan was beautiful, from its bustling businesses to its delicious food and fashionable people roaming the busy streets visiting all the shops Japan had to offer. It used to be one of his favorite things traveling to Japan with the rest of the enhypen members. Today, he didn't feel that way. Today Heeseung felt that finding joy even in such a beautiful country was elusive.

All the members were due to be at in interview in under an hour. Heeseung, of course had a hard time concentrating on business, his mind elsewhere like it was often nowadays. He had to remind himself several times this morning to get it together, to concentrate for at least a few hours and get through these first round of interviews. Heeseung was worried that he would alert the other members of his void of emotion, he had to do some serious acting in order to get them off his back. A task he knew would be difficult since they knew him pretty well. They knew when he wasn't all the way there.

Heeseung was naive, he knew that the members were aware of his quarter life crisis, he just prayed that they would hold off on confronting him. He would get his act together soon right? This over whelming self doubt surely wasn't going to last too much longer. Right? He did his best in reassuring himself.

Heeseung shook the thought away readying himself for the interview he was currently getting his hair and makeup done for. The manager was prepping them on things they might be asked and the proper ways to answer them. Most often then not interviews went smoothly for Enhypen. Personal questions weren't really asked too often. Which Heeseung was incredibly grateful for. The boy didn't feel like talking about himself right now. He was hopeful that most the questions were about the group as a whole and not so much about them individually.

Finally after what felt like forever, The boys were called over to take their places on the stools set up for them. Soon enough after they got comfortable the interview was in full swing.

"The hints for this up coming comeback seem very different then anything else you guys have ever released. Would you say this is definitely a different vibe than what your fans are used to?" The interviewer asked, adjusting his tie Jay cleared his throat and nodded his head "I would say its different, I think this comeback is a lot more personal to who were are as people, its not so much about the vampire concept were all used to." Jungwon nodded along with Jay. "We feel more human in this comeback if that makes sense?" The interviewer chuckled nodding his head along with what Jungwon was saying.

Heeseung looked at the interviewer his eyes narrowing at the cue card he had in his hand, he read the text on the top of it. His mind drifted to a magazine that he had briefly seen at the small bookstore he visited the other day. It had the same print on the cover.

Heeseung assumed it was one of their magazines. He found himself lost in thought of the bookstore once again, would this company publish the magazine with a feature of Enhypen in it? Heeseung hoped not, for some odd reason he liked that bookstore girl had no idea who he was and he wanted to keep it that way. What if he decided to go back and she recognized him? He dreaded that feeling. Although small and rundown, Heeseung was starting to look forward to going back and acting like someone normal. He wanted that tiny bookstore to be his getaway from all the fame and the immense pressures of Idol life.

"Heeseung!" A sharp voice broke him from his thoughts, he glanced at Jungwon who had a furrowed brow quirked in his direction. "I'm sorry, say that again?" Heeseung stuttered out looking around the room at all the eyes now on him. One set of eyes stuck out to him more then the others, His manager looked more angry then he's every seen him before. All chances Heeseung had at hiding what was going on in his raging mind was gone. He'd been caught and he knew for certain there would be hell to pay once leaving the interview.

--

Heeseung was right, there was hell to pay and he was paying it right now. In this small room at the hotel. The room was filled with all seven Enhypen members, Enhypen's management and some of their staff. All eyes were on him as he hung his head low, the embarrassment from today's interviewing consuming his entire body.

"We have dealt with your spacing out for far too long. It's been unnoticed thus far until you went and embarrassed us all with it today. What were you thinking?!" Heeseung had no words, what could he say? He messed up. He let his resolve down. He was failing at covering up his inner turmoil. "Honestly Heeseung are you okay? You haven't been the same for weeks" Sunoo murmured sitting down next to Heeseung resting his arm on the older boys shoulders.

"My head just hurts" Heeseung mumbled trying to find the right words to get them off his back. He wasn't very sure that he could talk his way out of this one though, everyone in this room knew he was lying. It was not a simple headache that made Heeseung mess up today.

"That's an unacceptable response. You need to get your act together or the consequences will be dire. You will do damage control tomorrow with the interview we have first thing in the morning, do I make myself clear?" Heeseung nodded to the manager. "Yes" he said lowly, his head still hanging down in embarrassment. He couldn't bring himself to look at all the people he had let down today.

The staff and Management walked out without another word, leaving all seven boys to deal with the aftermath of the serious conversation that just took place.

"Heeseung.." Sunoo whispered into the quiet, awkward room "Let us help-"

"I'm fine." Heeseung spoke firmly cutting Sunoo off. "I'll get it together ok?" He looked around at the six boys, their worried expressions making his heart sink to his stomach. This is what he wanted to avoid the most. The longing looks of pity from the people closest to him. He couldn't burden them any longer with this.

Heeseung rose from his seat and walked out the door without so much as a single glance at the remaining members in the room.

BACK IN SEOUL

Heeseung did the damage control he needed to do the day after the disastrous interview like he was supposed to do. The rest of the Japan tour went without a hitch. The members and management seemed satisfied with Heeseungs act. The boy felt as if he could breathe after getting everyone off his back and he intended to keep it that way.

All the boys have been back from the Japan tour for a week now and with such a busy schedule Heeseung was unable to return to the bookstore yet. While on break from filming an en oclock episode today Heeseung took it upon himself to search all the bookstores in the area searching for the name of the old bookstore he was trapped in. He found it after a lengthy look on the internet, all the well known bookstores over shadowing the one he was looking for in particular.

When he had finally found it he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at the name. Its simplicity had made Heeseung feel oddly calm. The little bookstore that had been plaguing His mind for the past month had been named "Bound" What a sweet, simple name. He loved it, and today he was determined to visit Bound and find the nameless bookeeper who had equally plagued his mind.

That's exactly what he did as soon as the en o'clock episode had been wrapped for the day. Heeseung suited up in his face mask, beanie and hoodie and made his way to the bookstore as stealthily as he could. Fearsome of getting caught once again Heeseung hurried along. When he had finally reached Bound he was relieved to find the door was closed today and not propped open like it had been the day he had hid in there.

The door made a chime as he entered the small store, the smell of old books greeted him, he was never more happy to smell it before this. He took a look at the magazine rack that he remembered looking at when he was in here for the first time. Luckily the issues hadn't changed, they weren't updated to the ones that Heeseung and the rest of Enhypen were on. His breathe of relief left quickly, his shoulders relaxing slightly.

"You're back" A voice said from behind him. The boy turned to look at the same girl he had been thinking about for the past month. "I am" he said smiling at her. "Anyone following you today or are you stalker free?" The girl teased, grabbing books from a massive cart next to her and adding said books to the shelf in neat rows.

"Yeah sorry about that" Heeseung winced "sometimes I'm a little paranoid." He played it off, not trying to give too much away about his life but also trying not to look like a complete crazy person at the same time.

"No problem" The girl hummed. "Are you here for a specific book today?" She continued to add books to the row, switching some around as needed. She looked completely comfortable. Moving around the shop like she was floating, her movements so effortless as if this life hasn't tainted her at all. She moved like someone who was content, who had loved what she was doing and didn't intend on stopping anytime soon.

The same envy Heeseung had felt looking at the worn out piano the first time he was here was back but instead it was directed at a person he believed had used that same piano. "I'm not sure.." Heeseung trailed off "I'm not much of a reader" he remarked looking around the shop at various books. It was suddenly becoming overwhelming how much reading material there was out there.

"That's ok!" The girl said excitedly "I love helping people find their preferred genre. What are you into?" She jumped a bit in place, the excitement clear on her pretty face. It made Heeseung feel fuzzy, not used to such an energetic person this close to him. It was dizzying looking at her, his mind went blank. What did he like? That was a question he couldn't even answer. He must look so lame to this girl, who was probably just trying to do her job.

"I-i don't know" Heeseung admitted sheepishly "I like playing games?" He said unsure. How stupid was he; games really? What could that possibly have to do with books.

"Okay" She smiled at him "That's a start. There are a lot of books with games or even books that take place in video games. How cool is that?" This girls energy made Heeseung a bit uneasy in a way that wasn't familiar to him. It wasn't a bad uneasy feeling though. He felt drawn to her, like she was a light that he needed in such a bleak and dreary life he had been living recently. He had known this girl for such a short time but the pull he felt to her was as compelling as it was scary. This girl was a mystery wrapped in a big pink bow. So effortlessly bright and shiny. He needed to know her name, he needed to know her.

"What's your name?" he blurted out, completely abandoning the topic of books and taking a leap at formalities right away. Heeseung realized that he could possibly be scaring this girl away, but the overwhelming feeling to get as much information about her was all too consuming that he found himself not caring much.

"Y/n" The girl sheepishly replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yours?" Heeseung felt struck. She really really didn't know who he was. That excited him. "Heeseung" he replied. "It's nice to meet you" She quirked her head to the side, the smile on her face widening a little bit. "Why are you in a bookstore if you don't read?"

The question caught him off guard, he didn't know how to answer it. How could he. He didn't want to tell her he came to talk to her or that he had came because this was the one place he felt normal in. He just shrugged in response "Looking for new hobbies and what not.." He started to walk around her grazing his fingertips against the various books. The shop was small enough that he could walk a little ways away and still be able to talk to her directly. That and the fact that it was completely empty in here save for Y/n and himself.

"oh- I see" She teased nodding her head "You're pretentious."

Heeeseung started to nod "Yes I- wait no" He looked over at her in bewilderment. A grin graced her face stretching her smile wide. She was teasing him and he loved it. "I'm just taking up a new hobby that's all" He continued to walk around, stopping at the piano. He placed his fingers over the keys, slightly running his fingertips over the various keys imagining what notes he would play for what songs. Y/n trailed behind him slightly, Watching him in keen interest.

"Do you play?" she asked setting a book she had in her hand down onto a random shelf. She joined him next to the piano. "A little" Heeseung admitted "Not much" Which wasn't a total lie. He played music for a living he just didn't want to go too far into the details of it.

"Do you?" he asked her. She nodded sitting down at the piano "My mom taught me when I was a little girl, I'm not so good anymore but I love the instrument it's beautiful. Especially this one even though she hasn't been played in awhile" He sat himself next to her on the bench. He made sure to keep his distance not to make her uncomfortable by being too close to her.

He pressed down on a random key, then soon he allowed his fingers to glide over the keys playing a familiar melody. He turned to look over at her, her face held a small smile. The smile struck him, she really was beautiful. He slowed his movements continuing to look at her as she watched him play the old piano beautifully. As soon as he was done playing, he felt a breath leave his lips. The nerves in his body dissipating.

"You call that only playing a little?' Y/n said, looking over at Heeseung in amazement. "That was beautiful" Heeseung bashfully looked away from her. He was slightly embarrassed with how vulnerable he had just been, with someone who was practically a stranger to him. She didn't feel much like a stranger though, and something tells Heeseung that his playing on the piano had made her feel the same way. She was smiling at him still, it rendered Heeseung paralyzed in his seat. When he looked at her a lot of things made sense, but also a lot of things didn't make sense. That didn't bother him though, cause her smile didn't need to make sense. It just needed to exist and he'd do everything he could to make sure it never went away.

This feeling was a scary one. Boy was he in trouble.

--

Over the course of a few weeks Heeseung found himself at Bound almost everyday of the week after work. Him and y/n sat at the piano, playing and talking for hours. Sometimes he would watch her put books onto shelves or organize displays while they talked about random things. He learned that Y/n loved green tea and Tteok-bokki when it was cold. She told him how she would sometimes leave the bookstores door open so the stray cats could wander in and she could feed them. They laughed about the same elderly lady who came in every Sunday night to buy a new erotica novel. He told her things about himself as well, he told her how he loved to play games on his computer late into the night even if he had to work the next morning. He told her how he hated the taste of mint chocolate ice cream but would always look for it at the store because one his best friends loved it. He told her how he loved music and sometimes he would write songs at the park in the middle of the night if he couldn't sleep.

He told her so much yet so little, because even though he wanted Y/n to know everything about him there was one thing he hoped she would never discover. He dreaded her finding out that he was an idol. He loved this thing they had going on, it felt too normal, too good. He didn't want to taint it by telling her about his tours, or his fans or his money. The little world they had built in this small shop was more than enough for him, he wouldn't risk ruining it by letting the real world creep in. So he lied. He told her he worked at a small company further into the city, that that was the reason he mainly came to see her in the evening or why he sometimes would have to go on business trips away.

He loathed lying to her but it was the only way to stay in this perfect bubble they had formed around the two of them.

Heeseung was currently finishing up recording vocals for a new song they were making. He felt antsy he wanted to finish and hurry over to Bound. He had planned to bring Y/n a green tea from a small cafe he really enjoyed that was on the way to the bookstore. Sunghoon, Jungwon, Sunoo, Ni-ki and himself sat in the small space outside of the recording booth while Jay and Jake were in the booth recording lines. His leg bounced in anticipation causing Sunghoon to look over at him.

"What's with you?" Sunghoon asked suddenly, the other boys looked up from their phones to see what Sunghoon was talking about. "What?" Heeseung said "I'm waiting till they’re done, so I can go for a walk"

"a walk?" Jungwon questioned not believing Heeseung's lie at all. "You're going on another walk? you've been on a walk every single day for the past two weeks. How many walks do you need." Heeseung looked down at his feet unable to lie straight to their faces. He couldn't possibly tell them the truth. They would absolutely ream him. They all know how bad a dating rumor would be right now. Especially after the mess Heeseung had caused in Japan. They couldn't afford more bad press. "It helps me clear my head" Heeseung spoke softy still not looking the other members in the eye.

"I hope whatever you're actually doing is worth it Hee." Ni-ki says from his place on the couch across from him "And that you're being careful." The youngest boy looked worriedly at his hyung but didn't pry any further then that.

"I am" Heeseung responded "And it is worth it."

---

Heeseung made his way to Bound, two green teas in both hands. There was a bounce in his step as he made his way to the open door. Before entering Heeseung heard a soft melodic giggle come from inside. A tightness in his chest formed at the sound. It was beautiful, he knew it came from Y/N. He could have sworn he memorized her laugh by now. The softness to it made his insides feel like mush. He walked through the door of the bookstore to be greeted by Y/n bent down petting a small orange cat. The cat was eating out of a tiny dish that looked handmade from clay and painted a pastel pink color. He could easily see the sculpted cat ears that stuck out of the top of the small dish.

The scene before him looked straight out of a rom-com when the male lead sees the cute girl for the first time doing something utterly adorable he couldn’t help but fall in love at first sight. Y/n was humming along to a song Heeseung recognized as a song they played on the piano together a few days ago. It must have been stuck in her head. The thought gave him comfort, has she been thinking about him as much as he’s been thinking about her? He really hoped so.

He laughed a little which seemed to startle the girl who was peacefully petting the cat. She whipped around facing Heeseung with a narrow to her big E/c eyes “Heeseung! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” She rose from the ground dusting off her jeans before sending Heeseung her bright signature smile.

“Is that for me?” She asked coyly pointing to the cup in Heeseungs hand. “Nah, they’re both mine” Heeseung said playfully bringing both cups closer to his body.

“Oh.” Y/n let out, a blush dusting her cheeks at the embarrassment “Sorry i assumed…-“

“I’m joking!” Heeseung laughed thrusting the cup of green tea towards her “Of course it’s for you” Y/n’s eyes widened, the blush spreading further across her face and neck. “Thank you” she whispered sipping the tea slowly. “Green tea, my favorite”

“I know it is” Heeseung boasted. He turned to the cat who was now licking the small food dish clean. “Who’s this little guy here?” He bent down petting the cat behind the ears. The Cat gratefully accepted his petting titling his head and letting out a little pur.

“This is Duck” Y/n said cheerfully “He’s a stray cat that always visits me. I feed him food everytime he stops by” She bent back down joining Heeseung in petting the cat softly. "Why Duck?" Heeseung questioned the goofy name for a cat.

"He waddles a little like a duck when he walks. It's the cutest thing ever" Y/n explained like it was the most normal thing ever. To Y/n it was probably the most normal thing ever. The stray cats were just a normal occurrence in her simple life. The envy crept back into Heeseung's thoughts, he hated himself for it. He decided to push the thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on what he came here to do.

"I can't stay too long tonight" Heeseung uttered "I have an early morning flight tomorrow" Heeseung set his half empty green tea down on the counter where they stood. "Oh" said glumly. "I hope you have a great business trip" She gave Heeseung a tight lipped smile.

The mention of a business trip made Heeseung feel queasy, the lie that hung in the air squeezed at him. He simply couldn't tell her in the truth, he would do anything to keep this serenity going. This was a special friendship he had never had before he couldn't ruin it. No matter how much it pained him to keep it from her, he would keep up the act and make her believe him to be just a normal young man with an equally as normal day job at a boring office in the city and besides was it really a lie? He didn't tell her directly that he was an office worker she simply just assumed it and he didn't correct her.

Heeseung seemed satisfied with that thought, it was not a lie just a small omission of the truth.

"I'm going to the states" He had told her as she began to walk around the store carrying books in hand readying herself to stock the shelves with various books. "Really?" she gasped in excitement "I've never been to the states i've always wanted to go!" She set a stack of books down onto a big empty table. A display in the making Heeseung assumed. "It's beautiful there, maybe one day I can take you" Y/n smiled slightly looking up at Heeseung "I'd like that"

It was simply thing to say, yet it still made Heeseung's heart pound in his chest. She could be doing the most simple things and Heeseung would feel like he couldn't breathe. "I'd like that too" He uttered softly after a while of just staring at her. "Very much" Maybe a little too much.

---

Heeseung was enjoying his day off in LA the day before the concert, the weather was nice, he had just finished a good meal and now he was taking a walk along a street filled with various stores and shops. Most of the boys were roaming around with him, going into different stores snd buying multiple things like clothes, jewelry and anything else that caught their eyes. Heeseung hadn't bought anything yet. Nothing in particular had really interested him. He really enjoyed watching the scenery.

The group continued to walk down the very bust street when suddenly Heeseung was tugged into a huge store with Sunoo. The older boy looked around noticing that the store was a bookstore called Barnes and noble. "I love this store" Sunoo beamed at Heeseung and Jungwon who had followed them.

His thoughts immediately went to bound and then to y/n. She would love this store there was no doubt about it. Heeseung started to walk around looking at the various books all in English. He found a small section in the back filled with romance books, the covers all pastel colored and bright. He noticed a book that he recognized y/n would talk about all the time. It was from an author that she wasn't able to order for the store, she always talked about how she wanted to read their books. Heeseung picked up four different books from the author and took them up to checkout to pay for them.

Jungwon joined Heeseung at checkout looking at the stack of books in confusion. "Why are you buying those?" He asked, picking one of the books up, it had a pastel pick color with various illustrations of different flowers.

"They're for me" Heeseung lied, taking the book from Jungwon's hands "This is for you?" Jungwon didn't look convinced at all. Heeseung knew that Jungwon didn't believe his lie one bit. "Yeah, I want to read...romance novels more often in my spare time" Heeseung cringed a little at the lie, but it was better then telling the truth.

Jungwon gave Heeseung a strange look but decided not to question him further.

A little later after the team had all eaten dinner and it was time to settle down for the night Heeseung opened his phone snapping a picture of the stack of books sending a message to y/n.

Heeseung: found these today I know you've been looking for them so I got a few for you.

Heeseung didn't expect a response it was currently the early morning hours In Korea. To his surprise only five minutes after he sent the message didn't he hear a ring coming from his phone, Y/n was calling him. He answered right away not be able to get a single word in before he heard her groggily say "Heeseung why did you buy me those books? How much were they? I'll pay you back!"

The boy let out a soft chuckle "You're not paying me back" was all he. said, Y/n groaned on the other end "Heeseung, you have to take them back I can't let you do that"

"I wanted to. I'm not taking them back Y/n they're for you, they weren't expensive and I know how badly you wanted them." The line was silent for a brief moment, it made Heeseung nervous. Was y/n angry with him?

"Thank you." Y/n said softly "You didn't have to do that, thank you" Her voice was soft Heeseung felt like mush at the sound of her tired voice. "Don't worry about it." was all he could muster up in response.

"Aren't you tired?" She asked him "is it late there?"

"its not too late here, how was your day yesterday did Duck come and visit again?" Heeseung struck up a conversation not ready to let y/n go just yet. Her voice was soothing him, helping him feel relaxed. "Mrs. Kang came by today to buy the most recently erotica novel we got in, she asked me once again if I had a boyfriend." Y/n laughed "I told her I had my eye on someone but that I was still single, like always"

"Interesting.." Heeseung said jokingly "You've got your eye on someone huh?"

"Maybe.." The girl trailed off "He'll have to meet Duck's friends Maple and Ivy, he needs their approval." Heeseung let out a little laugh "I guess he'll have to arrange that soon."

"very soon if possible."

----

BACK IN SEOUL

Heeseung hadn't been back for even a whole day before he was setting out to see Y/n at Bound. He had his signature face ask, beanie and hoodie on walking along the streets ambiguously, a slight pep in his step at the thought of seeing Y/n after being on tour in the states for nearly a month. Him and Y/n talked everyday but it simply didn't compare to being in the small shop together, playing the piano and enjoying the company of each other. To say Heeseung was excited would be an understatement.

As Heeseung was nearing the door to Bound a sound had him stopping in his tracks, the piano was playing softly. It was a song he was sure he's never heard. before. He peaked his. head into the store. being careful to not be heard. Y/n sat with her back to the door, on the bench to the piano. Her fingers glided over the keys effortlessly as she played one of the most beautiful melodies Heeseung has ever. heard before. He watched from afar as she continued, pressing the keys down with such delicacy it made Heeseungs head spin.

She truly was a sight for sore eyes, he was mesmerized. Heeseung decided that this is something he wished to see forever, that this image no matter what happens from this day going forward would be something he would think about for the rest of his life. It was the first time he ever felt a love so deep for someone it was suffocating. He had known y/n only a short time but in that short time she managed to consume his entire being. His days consisted of thinking of her and only her.

The music started to fade out, the song ending. Heeseung didn't want It to end, he wanted her to play forever.

Once the music had ended Heeseung had heard Y/n let out a shaky breathe. She was crying, the small sniffle leaving her being another indication of that. Heeseung rushed her side, sitting down in the seat beside her on the bench. "are you okay?" he rushed out worriedly. Y/n jumped in her seat. Heeseung had scared her, she hurriedly wiped her face trying to rid the tears from her eyes that traveled down her cheeks.

"You scared me!" The girl exclaimed, resting a palm to her chest.

"I'm sorry" Heeseung said apologetically "Why are you crying" He repeated. Y/n just smiled "I wasn't crying" She let out an awkward laugh but Heeseung found nothing funny. He needed to know what was bothering her, he needed to know how he could fix it.

"Y/n." He said sternly "Are you okay?" Y/n looked down unable to meet Heeseungs eyes. "Today is December 12th" Heeseung was confused. He knew it was December 12th he just didn't understand why that would make Y/n so upset. The boy said nothing, hoping the confusion on his face was enough persuasion for Y/n to continue.

"Today is the anniversary of my mother's death" Heeseung felt his heart sink to his toes. Her mother's death anniversary was today. Here she was playing the piano so beautifully thinking of her mother who had taught her how much to love the instrument. Heeseung didn't know how to respond, sitting there frozen.

"I'm sorry" Y/n said quickly getting up from the bench in a hurry "This must be such a let down- ill understand if you want to le-"

"Tell me about her" Heeseung had said, cutting the girl off. "I want to know about her, tell me. If that's okay?" Y/n's fake contorted in shock, a clear indicator that she didn't expect Heeseung to asks about her mom. She found herself appreciating it.

"I don't remember too much about her to be honest" Y/n started looking down at the keys of the piano. "I was nine years old when she passed away. It's weird to describe but I don't remember defined details of her as much as I remember the feeling of her, remember the smell of her." Her words were a soft whisper, but to Heeseung she didn't look uncomfortable with the conversation, so quietly he sat giving her as much time as she needed to continue.

"She left me a letter." The girl said taking a shaky breath. "That was all I had of her after she had passed away, I read it every single night for the next four years..until the night my father found it. He ripped it angrily. The last thing I had of her" Heeseung tried his hardest to keep the surprise but also disgust from presenting itself on his face. "My mother committed suicide. My father was so angry about it that weren't allowed to talk about her, we weren't allowed to have things of her. He wanted to erase her entirely from our lives."

"My mother and father met here, at this exact store. My Mom worked here while she attended college. My father was from America, he was here for college and research projects he had. He loved the culture." Heeseung sat still, listening intently to what the girl was saying. He grasped every single word she said, not wanting to miss a single second.

"They loved each other so much in the beginning, got married quickly, had me ever quicker after that. They were the perfect couple. Until they weren't, I don't know what it was.. It was like a switch. My dad started drinking heavily around the time I turned eight. He became a raging alcoholic in no time. In becoming an alcoholic became the abuse."

"He started to abuse my mom, first verbally then physically. He was horrible to her. I would hide in the bathtub at night with the water running to try and drown out the sounds of him hitting her." A small tear escaped Y/n's eyes cascading down her cheek. Heeseung felt his chest tighten but still he kept perfectly still allowing y/n to take a moment to breathe.

"I guess after a year my mother had enough, she couldn't do it anymore. I went to school, my father to work. She wrote a note out to me, took herself into the bathroom and.." Y/n trailed off more tears escaping her eyes. Heeseung put his hand over hers squeezing lightly so that she knew he was here and for her to take her time as needed.

"I came home after school and found her. The note was the only thing that kept me from going insane. My father didn't cope. His drinking got worse, he got angry if any little thing reminded him of mom. So when he came into my room that night and found me reading the letter I was really ready for him to do the same thing to me that he did to my mom."

"But he didn't, he took the letter from my hands, laughed as I cried for him to give it back then ripped it to shreds in front of me. Sometimes I wish he would have just hit me instead, surely that would have been so much less painful then him taking the one thing I had left of my mom." Heeseung's thumb grazed over Y/n's hand still offering her the comfort of himself.

"I don't think I forgave him for that..Even after he later left. The same way my mom had." Heeseungs breath felt short. "The week of my thirtieth birthday my father woke up one day and gave me the best week of my life. I was too young and foolish, I thought he had changed just like that overnight. I was stupid back then" Y/n let out a little chuckle one that Heeseung could tell was in bitterness and not in amusement.

"You were a child..." Heeseung said "You couldn't have known."

Y/n smiled at him sadly. "He gave me the best week of my life, My thirtieth birthday was the best one I had ever had. I went back to school the following Monday and was pulled out of third period with the news that my dad had also taken his life."

"He gave me the best week of my life then left me. I didn't understand, sometimes I still don't understand. Mrs Choi took me in, my mother had known her when she worked here at bound, Mrs. Choi owns Bound. I've lived in this bookstore ever since. Oddly enough I think this store saved me in a lot of ways."

"How are you not more angry? How do you get up everyday and smile at strangers and hum along to little tunes in your head while organizing books. How do you not dwell on what your life could be like had your parents not done what they?" Heeseung questioned. He truly couldn't understand how she could be so strong.

It was marveling. The boy was also completely embarrassed at the fact that he had judged her so sharply in the beginning, coining her as a girl with a perfect life, with perfect parents. That wasn't the case at all, she was just so strong.

"I've realized you have to take control of your life before it takes control of you. If you dwell too much on the past you'll never grow and growth is the only way to change. I can't be angry at the I can't change, the things that weren't my fault. I can only move on and provide a life for myself that's worth living. and this life here, at this bookstore, well to me, that's a life worth living" The bright smile that Heeseung loved so much was back. He was in awe of her. In awe of her beauty, in her strength, in her innocence. It was unnerving how utterly beautiful she was, sitting here in the dim light of this old musty bookstore on an equally as old bench, playing an out of tune piano that sounded like it was on its last leg.

She was a person he didn't know he needed but now that she was here he couldn't imagine a single second a life where she didn't have this smile, where she didn't radiate such a sunshine that he felt the heat of it in his chest. She was bright and warm, and he was not. She made him want to be.

Heeseung looked in her the eyes a small smile on his lips, a rosy blush covered her cheeks. Y/n looked down sheepishly clearly embarrassed a little. "I'm in awe of you" Heeseung mumbled, watching as Y/n trailed her eyes back up to his. "Can I kiss you?" He whispered so softly she was beginning to wonder if he had even said it at all. Her nod was all the affirmation he needed.

"Please do" His lips captured her in an instant. It was soft yet heated, the perfect balance of him and her. The explosion of him heat she radiated melted away his icy exterior leaving him a puddle of himself. Heeseung wouldn't want it any other way. He reveled in the way his body gave way to hers, how his heart had chipped away at itself only to offer the pieces to y/n on a silver platter.

For the first time in all that he could remember Heeseung was ready to give himself away completely. Her hands had made their way around his neck latching at the nape and twirling the tiny pieces of hair between her fingertips. This was heaven Heeseung chanted in his head over and over. He's died, there was no other way this was happening. The boy felt greedy as he pushed himself into the kiss harder. He needed to cherish this, every last second of it.

When it was over and he needed to catch his breath he detached himself from her, a smile on his face wider then its ever been before. He had her and he wasn't letting her go anytime soon.

---

Heeseung felt giddy as he walked up the steps to the dorm that night. He had stayed another hour with y/n before kissing her goodnight and making his way home. Heeseung felt like he was on cloud nine.

The feeling quickly dissipated when he entered the dorm to find it filled with staff, the other members and his manager. His manager sported a sour expression as all previously mentioned people turned too look at him.

"Where were you?" His manager said getting right to it, wasting no time in questioning Heeseung. Heeseung struggled to think of a quick excuse, one that sounded believable at that.

"Out on a walk.." Heeseung started to say before a crash of paper on table startled him.

"Do not lie to me!" Heeseung looked down at the paper on the table, a very blurry picture of him sitting on the piano bench in the window of Bound on the cover. Y/n sat next to him her face as equally as blurry as his, her features not distinguishable at all.

"That's- That's not me-" He was once again cut off by the stern voice of her manager. "Jesus Christ Heeseung we know that's you." Jay said angrily. A mixture of hurt and frustration on his face. All the members sporting the same expression. He was caught in a lie, one he told them too. They were understandably hurt by it.

"who is this girl?" His Manager said pointing at the blurry picture of Y/n "She works at the bookstore, she was ju-"

"if you're going to lie to me it will be so much worse for you." Heeseung sucked in a breath thinking of a million and one things to say to try and get them off his back.

"She's a random girl I go and see every once in a while ok? She means nothing to me, she doesn't know who I am so I use her to feel normal. it's like a game, a hobby that's it." Heeseing felt disgusting as soon as the sentence left his mouth but it was the only thing her could think of it in such a short time. He was in-between a rock and a hard place here, back into a corner that was starting to suffocate him.

"You will stop seeing this girl, am I heard?' His manager stated giving Heeseung a look that said not to disagree with him. Heeseung meekly nodded watching as the staff and manager left without another word.

After they had all left Heeseung turned to see all members staring at him.

"She's not just nothing to you" Jake said "You like this girl"

"it doesn't matter anyway" Heeseung said shaking his head "not like I can see her again." Jungwon got up from his spot, sitting down next to Heeseung. "Why didn't you tell us?" The oldest boy just shrugged "It wasn't supposed to be anything, it just kind of happened and I didn't know how to stop it after that."

"You can tell us anything Heeseung." Jay said patting Heeseung on the back "You didn't have to hide this from us."

"I'm sorry." Was all Heeseung responded with, he needed to find out how he was going to continue to see Y/n without anyone really finding out.

LATER

It was cold today Y/n thought as she propped open the door to the bookstore. The girl was thinking of texting Heeseung and asking him to bring over some hot green tea when he was inevitably going to come see her tonight.

Y/n was fixing shelves and displays when she heard footsteps behind her, she turned with a smile ready to greet the customer "Hi, welcome to bound! let me know if you need anything, ill be more then happy to help you!"

There person at the door walked to her a hard expression on his face. "Y/n?" The Man said making Y/n furrow her eyebrows in confusion. "That's me...do I know you?"

"No, but I have something for you" The man pulled a small piece of equipment from his jacket, it was almost comical how movie like this man was trying to be. Y/n wanted to laugh but knew now was not the time to laugh at this stranger.

"I'm ordering you to stay away from Lee Heeseung or you'll be hearing from HYBE lawyers" The man said handed her what looked to be a hard drive of some sort.

"you're...ordering me to stay away from Heeseing?" The girl asked, all sense of amusement now gone. Instead it was replaced with pure anger. "You cannot come in here and order me to do anything!" Y/n stated firmly.

The man laughed, laughed! He was amused by this. "I can." He said "Lee Heeseung is bound by HYBE contracts, he as an Idol cannot be caught in dating scandals. Especially not in one with a nobody such as yourself. I hope you understand"

"An idol?" Y/n said bewildered "Are we talking about the same person here Heeseung is not an idol!"

"He is." The man responded simply "I suggest you search up Enhypen and watch that little hard drive I gave you. Now that's all, I'll be going now." The man walked out without another word. Leaving Y/n in a puddle of confusion. She hurriedly made her way to the computer connected to the register.

She opened google typing in "Enhypen" Her gasped was heard all around the small shop as the results popped up onto the screen. Sure enough there Heeseung with six other boys. Enhypen. Heeseung was a famous idol. He had lied to her.

With shaky hands Y/n plugged the hard drive in opening the file as quickly as she could. A video popped up, you could tell the camera had been hidden. The video focused on a group of boys and the man that had just been here. Heeseung sat down his head in his hands as the man questioned him of his whereabouts for the night.

Heeseung tried making his way around the question, trying to lie but it seemed that it wasn't working. The man questioned who the girl was in the piece of paper he was pointing at. A picture Y/n all but assumed was of her. All of this information was shocking, but nothing could have prepared for what was said next.

"She's a random girl I go and see every once in a while ok? She means nothing to me, she doesn't know who I am so I use her to feel normal. it's like a game, a hobby that's it." Heeseung had said in response. Y/n felt her heart contract then shatter in her chest.

Did he call her a....game? A hobby? Y/n was disgusted, she hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the small droplets land onto her shirt.

Lee Heeseung was a liar, a manipulator. He had shattered her heart in a fraction of a second. She was so stupid to believe his lies, to fall for him.

She was so so stupid.

---

Heeseung hadn't heard from Y/n in days. He also hadn't made the walk to the bookstore In the same amount of time. She wasn't answering any of her calls or text messages, Heeseung was starting to get worried. He hadn't figured out how to get to bound without being noticed by the staff and manager. They were watching Heeseung like a hawk.

He had to see her. The risk was starting not to matter him. He added to see y/n make sure she was ok, damn the consequences he had to see her in the flesh.

That's how he found himself outside of bound getting ready to open the door to the shop. For some odd reason his stomach was in absolute knots, something felt wrong. He wrapped his hand around the door knob and pulled.. but it didn't open. Was the store closed? He looked into the window of bound to see it completely empty inside the lights turned off.

Heeseung pulled his phone out sending y/n a quick message asking her if everything was ok and why the store was closed.

No response.

Heeseung made his way back to the dorm completely confused on why y/n hadn't been answering her phone and why the store could be closed for.

Heeseung returned to Bound everyday for six more days after that. Each day the store was locked and closed no person in sight. Finally on the seventh day Heeseung pulled the door to find it unlocked.

Y/n sat on the floor of the store clearing shelves readying herself to put new books on to them. Her hair was in two French braids, blue overalls adored her small frame. Heeseung let out a small at the sight of her. She was so beautiful even doing the most simple of things.

"You're alive" Heeseung teased from behind her. His teasing fell upon deaf ears as she completely ignored him continuing to add books to the shelf in front of her.

"Hey.." Heeseung trailed off lightly grabbing her shoulder to turn her around. Y/n filched, throwing herself back and away from Heeseung's grip. "Don't touch me!" She said angrily.

"Wha-" Heeseung started to say his confusion taking over. Why was she acting like this? He had never seen her so cold. "Get out" She spit out angrily looking at Heeseung with a hatred he didn't think was possible for her.

"wait y/n hold on what's going on?"

"Don't you have music to make? Tours to go on? Huh? Lee Heeseung of Enhypen?!" Her words were like poison to his heart, a single lethal dose rendering him completely still. She knew? How did she know? Of fuck, this was bad. Very bad.

"Let me explain-" Once again Heeseung was cut off by y/n's icy comeback "No. Get out. find a new hobby"

Hobby? She called herself a hobby... The realization suddenly hit Heeseung like a tidal wave. She knew what he had said, she found out in some way what he had said about her at the dorm that day.

"We need to talk, Y/n let me explain please" The boy begged following behind Y/n as she walked towards the door of the bookstore. She yanked the door open. The frost from the cold temperatures rushing in was no match for the pure icy panic that soured through Heeseung's veins at this very moment.

"Get out. I never want to see you again Lee Heeseung" She turned to look away from him, a single tear falling down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away refusing to let him see her in this vulnerable of a state.

"I'll be back" Heeseung said walking out the door, he turned to face the door once again readying himself to beg for forgiveness once again. He wasn't quick enough as he was met with the slam of the door and the daunting sound of of the lock being turned.

---

Heeseung hadn't left his room in days feening sickness. He knew he couldn't go on much longer like this, he had obligations with Enhypen. Soon enough he knew the other members were going to start questioning him. He was beginning to not care though. His manager had somehow found y/n informing her of who Heeseung really was and what horrible things he had said out of pure frustration and determination to get the label off his back. He didn't mean any of it. He just didn't know how to convince y/n of that. She officially hated him and he deserved it.

He had lied to her, about who he was even after she had given a piece of herself to him when she told him about her family. Heeseung felt like scum, he felt undeserving of y/n. She was too pure, too good and he just wasn't. He was man who had it all and wanted none of it.

A knock at his door has Heeseung looking up from under his blankets. "Hey man, how are you feeling?" Jake said entering his room with a cold water bottle in his hand.

"ok" Heeseung said weakly not looking Jake in the eyes.

"You're not sick are you?" Jake observed sitting down next to the heaping pile of blankets that was Heeseung.

"No" Heeseung admitted, sitting himself on his. "what happened when you left to the bookstore the other day?" Jake wasn't dumb he knew that was where Heeseung was going. He just wasn't expecting Heeseung to come home a complete shell of himself.

"Y/n knows what I said about her that night when Manager was questioning me about her. He must have told her." Heeseung looked down at his hands a ball of emotions wadded itself up in his chest.

"I messed up so bad Jake" Heeseung mumbled "I think i've lost her for good"

"You don't just like her" Jake said matter a-factly. Heeseung shook his head finally looking Jake in the eye. "I love her" He confessed, his welling up in tears. "I love her and I lost her because I'm an idiot who lets my management run my life"

"So don't let them" Jake said "Don't let them run your life. Go there and tell her how much you love her"

"She hates me Jake, she won't hear me out"

"Make her. Make it hard for her to refuse you. If you love her this much I can only imagine how much she must love you. That's not something you should give up so easily man. Especially with how many non genuine people we encounter all the time."

Heeseung found himself nodding along to what Jake was saying. He shouldn't give up, not that easily, not that quick. He was going to head over to bound and get to hear him out no matter how long it took.

That's how Heeseung found himself outside of bound once again, this time the knot in his stomach had grown tenfold. He could very walk in here and get pushed out again, and that would destroy him. He added y/n to hear him. She was the one thing in his life that made him feel human. He didn't feel like a robot when he was around her, his life didn't feel void, he lived when he was near her.

He grabbed the door knob and opened the door to the store. The sound of the piano playing rang around the empty shop. Y/n sat at the piano, on the same bench they've sat at so many times before playing the same piano they've played time and time again.

"Please don't kick me out" Heeseung had said in a rush. Y/n jumped turning around with narrowed eyes. "Heeseung you need to g-"

"No." Heeseung said simply. Shock spread over the girls face. "No?" she asked "Did you just say no?"

"I did" Heeseung said simply. "I need you to hear me out. If you still want me to leave afterwards then I will, I'll leave and I'll never come back. Just please" Heeseung said with a sense of desperation "Please let me talk"

"you have five minutes" Y/n stated, still sitting very still on the bench. Heeseung took a second to formulate his thoughts. He didn't think he could get this far in all seriousness. He was expecting to be kicked out right away again.

"Time is ticking" Y/n said rolling her eyes. Heeseung knew it was the entirely wrong to think it but she sure did look adorable when she was annoyed.

"I love you." He said "shit I mean- no like okay." Heeseung stuttered out, his cheeks turning dark pink as he stupidly rambled.

"I do love you, I just- god I'm messing this up." Heeseung sat down next to y/n on the bench. He made sure to leave a space between them so that she didn't feel uncomfortable.

"My name is Lee Heeseung and I'm one of the seven members of a famous k pop group called Enhypen" Heeseung said in earnest. "I didn't tell you when I first met you because I was so relieved that you didn't know. and I know that's not excuse but when I ran in here, I was running from a group of fans that's were following me. you not knowing who I was, was such a relief I couldn't tell you."

"I could have told you after that day, when I kept coming back but the truth is I was scared. For months now I have been feeling nothing but normal. I am so sick of people who trying to know because of what I do and not because they actually want to know me. I was fearful that you would look at me completely different if you found out who I was." Heeseung took a big breath in before he continued.

"As for calling you a hobby, I'm sorry. I panicked. The managers and staff cornered me that night demanding I tell them who you were and what I was doing with you so just blurted out the first bullshit I could think of to get them off my back. I didn't mean any of it. I'm serious when I say I love you y/n, and I'm sorry for lying to you but I promise from this moment forward I'm done lying."

Heeseung watched y/n's face looking for any indication of what she was feeling but he found none at all. She was incredibly hard to read.

"The five minutes are up" She said after a minute of silence. Heeseungs head fell low the only thing he could do was nod. He rose from his seat on the bench making his way to the door.

"Lee Heeseung of Enhypen." Y/n called to him silently. Heeseung turned to look at her.

"I didn't say for you to leave" She smiled a slight tilt to her head. Heeseung's look of confusion must have amused her because she let out of the loudest laugh Heeseung thinks he has ever heard from her.

"I love you too Lee Heeseung of Enhypen"

"You can stop calling me that" Heeseung said walking up to Y/n circling his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him.

"But its fun, plus you love me.. you have to deal with it"

hee only knows bits of html and css, but if you’re watching a boring online class he will appear by your side and snatch your laptop from your hands, laughing maniacally. despite your protests, he’s already opening the inspect window to change your teacher’s name to something dumb like “poopy pants”. he modifies the whole call — from your classmates’ questions in the chat (that now are quoting a random meme) to the class name (which, at the moment, is named “heestory”).

he does the most stupidly cheesy things for you and he’s not ashamed at all.

heeseung once created a python program in five minutes and yelled “babe, come see what i did!” from his room. you thought he’d show you a complex project, but it was just a white page with “how much % of the day do you think about lee heeseung?” written in the middle.

you tried typing out numbers smaller than 10 to joke around with him, only for a message to pop up:

The lights dimmed, and it was as if the jazz bar never existed in the first place. The worn seats occupied by drunks who liked to pretend they had taste, sofas in the far corner reserved for big shots and well-established scum with pretty young accessories on either arm, the bar that sold everything under the rays of the dying sun and evil moon, it all disappeared with the dawn of the spotlight falling upon your alluring silhouette. A simple, yet elegant sleek black dress with a hint of shimmer that graced your curves seemed to shine in the glimmering illumination. The delicate silver accessories were stars in the hypnotising sky, the allure of an unreachable universe becoming overwhelming as your hands glided over the length of the microphone to find purchase on the stand. The music, starting from a low rumble, was an echo of the abyss surrounding you, manifested only at the softest inhale. After what could have been the drums and trumpet, or could have been the heavens announcing the beautiful singer’s presence finished their spontaneous introduction, Seonghwa had the pleasure of forgetting his purpose, at least for as long as the song lasted. He could drift into a sultry paradise, seduced by what had to be a siren’s call, and regard the customers of the Morpheus bar with something less than loathing.

As soon as he cleared the last of the russet coloured drink he had ordered in one gulp and set the glass down on the bar, shutting his eyes momentarily to focus on the warmth of the alcohol running down his throat, Seonghwa found the fingers of his right hand softly drumming out the song in accompaniment, each digit hitting one note, another, again and again. Back in the day, it had not been often that his visits to the bar occurred at the same time as the one and only Y/N’s performances, but when they did, he swore he could see the smog clear and tomorrow become a certainty. The music consumed him whole and even though he knew down to the second when the magic would be extinguished, a part of him still retained the hope that the spell would never be broken. Not when the only encore he could guarantee for himself was another torturous raid on an establishment such as this one, or another feverish witch hunt for those who had regained their ability to feel and to think freely. All in the name of a faceless leader who even Seonghwa himself had only met a handful of times despite being in a high ranking position of Guardian Inspector - above the standard white-clad machines, above the so-called officials clad in military uniform, he was in charge of ‘keeping civil hands clean’. At what cost? Perhaps his own emotions were the price.

The dark-haired man caught himself wondering how many people in this bar could enjoy themselves to the fullest. How many of these poor unfortunate souls that succumbed to the rush for easy money and easy love were true followers of hedonism, and were spending their days in an enviable bliss? Biting his lower lip, Seonghwa regarded his surroundings with a subtle scorn. He was well aware that he was to blame for it all too; The regime, to retain the ultimate, unwavering control over the citizens, even those who wholeheartedly believed they were well-hidden from the authoritarian judgement, was a supplier of one of the many pleasures after all - toying with people's weakness before the formidable seven sins only to lead them into full submission. The Strictland government, despite propagating ‘human emotion being a disease’ had anything anyone could ever desire, and Seonghwa was one of the many agents to guarantee long term partnerships, addiction to the illusion of a better life, and most importantly, stability and security for the people who had taken him in all that time ago when no one else would, and had given him a chance. 

While he was the bringer of demise, the counter of profits drenched in crushing dread and the hand of twisted and subjective justice, at the same time, Seonghwa believed that it gave him all the more right to judge the society he was a part of. After all, he was not the one being fooled. Inevitably, his glimmering orbs settled back on the singer’s gently swaying form as they broke into the chorus, and nearly shuddered as your gaze, from languid, half-lidded but oh so appealing eyes, met his, only for a split second but it was as if hellfire itself embraced him and greeted him like an old lover. Each lyric - a personal address as you moved along at a sensual pace, the song smoother than the most expensive silk. He smirked to himself as he caught his ponderings accelerating uncontrollably, attempting to squash them under a sober, calculating fist. You were no fool either. An entertainer, measuring out each attack like a venomous serpent, not threatened, seeking fun in the reveal of vulnerability of your listeners - each one believed that you existed for them and them alone, and in the hypnotic state added bill after bill to their already hefty tips in the hopes that at least some would reach you, and you would give them that beautiful smile, maybe something more. Truly, a shame that the owner of Morpheus owed the regime a lot more than all the tips, so-called donations and what, compared to the rest of the money, was "honest" earnings all combined. The Captain of the Inspectors in charge of this little project had gotten a little too nice as of late, at least that was what Seonghwa had concluded, but it was not him who was going to pay for it, naturally.

Twisting his head, Seonghwa took note of the familiar faces that appeared at the entrance to Morpheus to join the rest of the Inspectors that were posing as regular customers, cleverly dispersed among the filth that reeked of dependence. Of course, dependence on what the regime was selling. There was no other way about it. Nodding the two men a curt hello, Seonghwa let his eyes trace back a swift path to the magnificent performance. He paid attention to how your dainty earrings glinted even in the lowered light, and how, with every subtle movement, he could see the gorgeous dress tighten just a little around your body. You were so out of place in this scene, an angel in the darkest pits of hell, a little bird struggling against the wiring of a cage, curling inwards, growing smaller until the last flutter of the wings. As he was caught up in admiring your beautiful style, grace, and listening to your sweet, warm tone, one of the two newcomers, a fellow brother in governmental salvation to Seonghwa, tapped him lightly on the shoulder and occupied the seat beside him.

“As flashy as ever, Woo. Might as well tattoo ‘trouble’ on your forehead,” he motioned towards his not so inconspicuous suit that made him look more like a mafioso rather than an average joe. Seonghwa had to admit, however, that the outfit looked too damn good on him, but this was going to be just one of those things he was to take to his grave. The man did not need his ego fed any more than what the ladies he finds as company for the less busy nights not hounded by the lower ranking Guardians provide.

“I’d carve a pretty smile on that face. Not even a hello?”

“Hi San,” Seonghwa deadpanned, looking past his friend who he noted had tied his hair into a low ponytail, and right at the other half of his duo. Wooyoung and San, two peas in a pod, and probably the last people one would ever wish to see if they were in trouble with any of the Inspectors.

“Aren’t you mean today… what, pretty star over there didn’t give you attention?” Wooyoung retorted with a smirk creeping onto his lips. With a raise of an eyebrow and a shake of the head, Seonghwa dismissed any thoughts of peace that he had been imagining, settling back to regular business.

Rolling his shoulders back, he let the scene come and envelop him. It was no coincidence that so many of the Inspectors had gathered, especially with Wooyoung and San now closing in the arrivals. It did not take a genius to guess that Captain had changed his terms, and this was no longer going to be an ordinary shakeout for money or customary information gathering from the owner of Morpheus. The owner had stalled for far too long, had strayed from ‘good practices’ of a loyal rat, and it was time to set an example for others. Disease was the human emotion, and this bar was a breeding ground for thought crime, was it not?. Lowly, lonely creatures who gathered here were all examples of where society had gone astray from the perfect vision Z had put forward, at least… most were. Those who had forgotten the meaning of feeling despite having regained the ability, those, to Seonghwa, were the true vermin. He regarded the few gathered who were most definitely not meant to be part of this story. A middle aged, haggard man with flushed cheeks and what had to be his fifth glass of the cheapest liquor on the menu. Some bigshot from another town who he recalled some of the Inspectors in charge of patrolling the area identifying this morning - no ties, no money, just a lot of ambition that was to amount to nothing. A few lowlives here and there who were faceless, in shades of grey. All not meant to be here, and yet by some stroke of fate, here they were to remain. Finally, he drifted back to the main act, still at the centre of the stage, the sole luminance among the tainted - those who had no hope in making Seonghwa feel anything but numbness. You were the only one working here. Earning your meagre pay - he had discreetly checked the bar’s balance books when the old man behind the counter was too distracted to care for a person of his kind strolling into his office that was concealed in a dark corridor. It was shameful how you were still in this far less than grand establishment, sharing your angelic vocals, despite obviously not having any compensation nor appreciation of your efforts. Perhaps the moments on stage were the only time when you felt alive; the thought would not leave Seonghwa. After much investigation playing pretend, he was confident in his conclusion: you had not changed.

You were on the tattered poster plastered up outside - the one and only, shows every Friday night. Perceive and behold the spectacular ethereal being as you sang songs that spun threads out of a spectator’s very soul, blood trickling from the cracks in their shattered form turning to gold. You sang their… his pain, promised him his glory, soothed and comforted him. Seonghwa was well aware that you were the sole reason that he had shifted his visits to Morpheus to this particular day of the week and monitored the illegal location so closely, otherwise, your face would never grace his corrupt, bleak vision. You did not deserve to go with the rest. When breaking free, one was not supposed to fall into another trap, and yet, here you were. You were not meant to be here, littering the ground that you stood on as the last of the gunpowder would settle on your perfect skin, your long, alluring eyelashes. The onyx-haired man felt a shift within himself as he mused the outcome of the unspoken plans - by the way in which Wooyoung leaned back onto the counter, a grin dancing on his features and by the way San was acting particularly kindhearted to the lonely staff who was rushing about, struggling to keep up with the visitors’ habits, he knew that tonight, they were not planning on hearing any cries for mercy. They were here to complete a mission for a higher purpose. And that mission was far from the sweet music which he had loved his whole life, and finally found again.

“They’re not supposed to be here.” he mumbled, his voice obscured by yours, echoing across and elevating to a sensual culmination.

“Aren’t we all? We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do. Think of them as a sculpture or something if it makes things easier,” Wooyoung took out a rolled up bill to put between his lips - a habit that he had formed after a few too many hits on the back of his head by San, an interesting approach to make a man quit smoking. He called it ‘smoking capitalism’, earning quite a few chuckles from the Inspectors, Seonghwa included. 

“So say someone’s going to scope the ring to clean it up a bit, would you let them hit our favourite auntie?” he asked, referring to the friendly cleaner who was probably the only one in the entire city who did not bat an eye at the violent matches that Wooyoung managed under the wraps for the regime, instead cooing over the fighters he brokered for and giving the men an extra helping of her home-cooked delicacies. In many ways, she was a mother figure for the Guardian Inspectors, despite her being at risk, every day, of being taken to the Red Humans should one of them be in a ‘different kind of mood’ on an arbitrary morning.

“Definitely not. But this singer. Who are they to you?”

“A pawn.”

“A pawn?”

“Mhm. I can pawn them in for rewards.”

“Suppose they are pretty enough, if that’s what you’re thinking of…”

“Goodness, take the pimp out of the bordello but can’t take the bordello out of the pimp. That business was shut a while back for you, no?” with a groan, Seonghwa retaliated at Wooyoung’s rather out of pocket suggestions. Over the many years of serving Z in not so ethical ways, the man had tried on a few too many hats and seen a few too many hats to retain even a sliver of compassion towards anyone except those closest. It was understandable. Odd, but understandable.

“Kidding. But for real though, what’s the use?” Wooyoung bit down on the bill softly, gaze following San who had moved towards a couple of underlings that had gathered in a booth off to the side, towards the far corner of the bar. Clearly, he was checking if they had read the room.

“Say, isn’t it Captain’s niece’s birthday soon? We don’t exactly have a musical act to hand since…” Seonghwa trailed off, knowing that Wooyoung knew what incident he was referring to, involving an accusatory phrase, a short temper and a very professional shot from a sniper rifle from the boss’s office window into the temple of a figure that was storming away from one of the many Inspector accommodations. Another one to fertilise the soil with.

“Smart. I’ll give it to ya. If you sort the business out before showtime, pretty thing’s all yours.” Wooyoung responded, patting his side where, underneath his shirt, Seonghwa knew was a holstered pistol. Pushing himself away from the counter he stood up, adjusting his long, leather coat and glove. It was not that he had a particular preference, but ever since entering the new life upon being pardoned for feeling, a life where he had to say found a home, he could not help but wish to always look just that little bit more put together, even if only to appear loyal. 

“Cheers. I’ll get them a nice candle-lit dinner to soften them up and then inform Cap’,” sounding purposefully sarcastic, Seonghwa mumbled under his nose, well aware that this was not a method that had ever been in use. One glower and curt phrase had always been enough - the rest was simply the heart’s doing masked by odd humour. 

“Awh, look at you, how sweet and lovely. What a darling,” Wooyoung teased, sending Seonghwa a wink. The music was fading away, the last notes landing on his ears, marking every moment.

“One more word and you’ll be the main course.” with his index finger he poked the centre of his fellow Inspector’s chest in threat, maintaining a cold expression.

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m going to be roasting out here tonight, so make it hot with pretty thing.”

“Filth,” the taller man spat, knowing that attempting to counter his friend was nearly impossible - out of all the people he knew only Captain could fully round him in, and even then Wooyoung had a smile on his face, much to Seonghwa’s confusion.

“It’s not me who is with the heart eyes.”

“I just saw an opportunity,” playing with the leather piece that buttoned up to protect his neck, he eyed you, waiting for you to finish. Unknown to you, you did not have much time left before your very life would be placed on a scale and thoughtlessly pushed to lose against the weight of usual Strictland business. Such was the violent, catastrophic illusion of order, such was the structure that had been Seonghwa’s twisted saving grace. He was going to be doing you a favour by taking you away, won’t he? Either way, you would be out of work, and he was helping you with a little job search from one of the highest payers - chivalrous and kind hearted, that was who he was. How else could the Inspectors form any partnerships and feast on forbidden fruit otherwise? Who was he kidding - a soul like you was not meant for a life like this. But he had to try. He needed time to think. 

“Sure. Sure. An opportunity to grab the gorgeous star for yourself.”

“Oh shut up will you?” snapping, Seonghwa were desperately trying to cut the conversation short, seeing the window for him to make a beeline for the edge of the stage, towards which you promptly setting off after finishing your set, and receiving a dismal lack of applause - what else would he expect from the crowd gathered in Morpheus? Especially when the stench of iron and the final judgement was mere minutes away from materialising.

“You know that’s not my style.”

“Yeah, yeah. Be good. Hope you did not block my mustang,” throwing one last comment behind him, the solemn man was off, only barely catching Wooyoung’s half-hearted response.

“Have I ever…” 

The mission was simple. Since he was dismissed from the less than pleasant task of wiping out the bar, considering that two more senior Inspectors had made their appearance and were clearly more in the know of what was brewing, Seonghwa had only a couple of minutes before all freedom would cease to exist. And then, no heaven could bestow mercy upon neither him, nor the beauty he had come here to save for no logical reason, instead relying on some hazy version of hope and nostalgia. He had parked his ink black ride around the block - out of sight for unwanted eyes, and perfectly positioned for getaways just like this. If you could catch the Inspector’s drift, that was. One could only pray that the dazzler on stage was just as dazzling when it came to reading between the lines. He had perhaps even less than the estimated time to explain himself before Wooyoung and San would call the owner over to get the real evening show started. Time was ticking along with the skyrocketing pace of his heart as he stopped you on your tracks with a slightly outstretched leg, only to move forward and cast a shadow over you.

It was difficult to remain level-headed when, even at such proximity, in the normally less than flattering lighting, you were nothing short of a deity. Something out of fairy tales, stories of royalty or angels in kingdoms far far away, those that were not supposed to exist. But here was one, staring right into his eyes with your beautiful expressive orbs, as deep as the history that Seonghwa had raced here to try and reignite. A universe in your irises, an all-consuming black hole in your pupils, beckoning Seonghwa, leading him into a stupor before he stuffed his hands into his pockets, bringing himself out of the momentary trance by force. Time was not on his side, and he knew that it would never be unless he kept on running.

“Lovely song, that was.”

“Indeed. ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ is one of my favourites. Did you enjoy the performance?” Your speaking voice was different, of course, but nonetheless struck that stunning familiar chord within Seonghwa, one that should never see the light of day if he were to remain how he had to be. It was terrifying, how he was ready to let go of his resurrected image as an Inspector for a chance to turn the past into the present. 

You were polite. The features of your alluring face were hinting at a genuine interest, an appreciation of every movement, every breath you were taking. Though, in Seonghwa’s own line of work, particularly in the stage of undercover investigation, this was simply the usual. Show a smile, bat the eyelashes, make business, disappear. Genuine interest was an artform, but even if you were indeed expressing it in the way with which he was familiar, it felt so natural that he almost wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe this daydream who had come to change the colours of his occasional Fridays, his hunts for those straying from what Z had deemed ‘right’, leaving glimmers of memory to last him through the weeks when he had to be numb to life itself until he could come and see you again. It did not mean much to you, most likely. You were strangers in your respective new lives, and had Captain not made the decision to teach the owner of Morpheus a lethal lesson, you would have remained that way. Drifting together for a few hours, remaining distant, and drifting apart again. A forever flowing story that was to rekindle a starcrossed ‘once upon a time’ but never have that sought after resolution. A dream that reminded Seonghwa of why his unlikely survival was a blessing. As your eyes revealed a hopefulness, a plea for praise, Seonghwa gave you a soft smile.

“Of course.”

“I look forward to seeing you, you know.”

“O-oh?” Seonghwa could barely contain his surprise, the previously cool demeanour cracking into a raised eyebrow. Could you remember?

“Yes! You always sit at the bar, second stool from the left. And order… what is it… a brandy, right?”

He would be lying if he were to say he was not surprised by your suddenly chipper attitude. Almost like you were a kid who entered a candy shop for the first time to see all of your favourite treats, you excitedly revealed to Seonghwa your observations. While it was endearing to see, the shuffling behind him, along with the idea that he was not the only one intently observing left the Inspector with a sense of unease, nearly throwing him off from the initial goal that motivated him to brave talking to you in the first place.

“In…deed?”

The singer, who was previously an astounding yet distant figure captivating all who cared to look even once, rapidly transitioned into someone who he almost found endearing, the keeper of far too many qualities that cemented the rightness of his decision. You were not meant to be here, he repeated to himself. Mutters around the bar were getting louder, and as the rest of the musicians filed out of the main hall and crammed into a tiny room off to the side, in Seonghwa’s peripherals he noted San’s steady, seemingly innocent amble between the scuffed round tables and equally unpleasantly antique chairs.

“You are the only one who listens, so, how could I not notice? Actually, I wanted to talk to you properly, or at least say thank you but didn’t want to impose.”

As much as he wanted to sink into the warmth of your words and allow you to recognise him on your own accord, the rippling commotion that was finally rearing its ugly head spurred him on and struck his heart with an icy, calculating mace. He had a minute tops, knowing Wooyoung’s love for never counting down to zero before beginning.

“Well, let’s talk. Outside,” The black-clad man tried to walk off, aiming for the dark corridor at the end of which was the fire exit, but when you did not move, rolled his eyes.

“I was thinking I could buy you a drink-”

“Cute. Another time though,” seeing the tinge of disappointment in your gaze was new, and entirely unexpected, but gave Seonghwa plenty of leeway to sway you into following him, “since you watched me enough, I bet you can guess who I am. Or, what I do for work. Right?” 

A steely glare, leaving nothing open to interpretation. For additional evidence, he demonstratively adjusted his coat, loosening the belt he had tied around his waist to reveal a leather holster, discreet, gun always within reach. Attentive to detail as ever, you took note of the inconspicuous design of the pistol before he let it disappear once again under the fabric - in this city, there were few who had access to any form of weaponry, the items being so highly regulated by the government that it was nearly impossible to purchase or get licensing. Your mind began to list off options; Seonghwa clearly was neither a standard Android Guardian due to the lack of mandatory uniform, nor a scruffy criminal whom you had gotten used to over the time that had passed, nor part of the police force, nor a Class 2 Prestige Academy student. It only left an answer that shook you to the core. Of course, it was not that you did not hold the assumption in your heart. As a matter of fact, you had previously assumed that you were used to greeting people from different walks of life, all gathered in the same place, at the same time for what you wanted to believe was a ‘good time’. That was what drove you to live the life that you were living. Exist in this space, despite your pay and your security almost always not being enough, but you would give even that up if that meant you could keep your freedom.

Seonghwa was effortlessly graceful, determined in every step and gesture, not a single movement wasted. In a sense, it was as if he had purposefully learned and memorised the most efficient adjustments of the body, letting himself metamorphose into a lithe, agile animal. It was terrific, and terrifying, how at any moment he could pounce, and you would never know when until it was too late. For this hint of a reason, you decided to follow the man’s unspoken command, only whispering an airy inquiry after the other musicians, which he coldly dismissed:

“You need a better band anyways.”

---

The gravity of the situation only began to settle in when the biting breeze outside of the stuffy bar hit you, seeking opportunity to tousle your locks. The strands that had managed to fall over your face were trembling, the only sign revealing your suppressed distress as the last of Morpheus's dusk-like illumination was shut from your vision with a confident slam. Your eyes widened as you watched the Inspector, or in other words, your personal grim reaper, flip a lock on the door - previously thought to be inaccessible to anyone except the owner, done so masterfully as though he were the one who had installed it in the first place. An exit, a saving grace for innocents inside, turned into a dead end - more symbolic than one would ever initially assume. He trailed up the length of his arm stopping for a moment at the material that covered his shoulder, listening to leather hit leather. Seonghwa could only find calculated resolve within himself. This was the usual for him, and that after weighing all the options, he had logically come to the conclusion that the demise of the people inside was indeed the most attractive option.

As you heard the first shot resound inside of Morpheus, you shuddered, but did not dare stop following the man in the trench coat as he strode on ahead, hands remaining in his pockets. To any onlooker it would seem that he was relaxed as ever, out for a late night walk in a neighbourhood he knew better than he knew himself. Breath in, breath out; you were trying to remind yourself of the simple act, focusing harder than you had ever done during your performances. Imagining your diaphragm stretching, letting the lungs take in as much air as possible and-

Another shot. Breath knocked from you, balance off kilter, you desperately wanted to run. Anywhere. Maybe you should have stayed, not picked up on the subtle offer of your life being spared. In that way you would not have to live with the guilt of not having said anything to your fellow bandmates, not having said thank you to the owner for… what was there to thank anyone for? Out of habit, you lifted a hand to brush over your ear, echoes of the time when you had first felt emotion rippling across your body, making you shiver. You were all fools misled by hope for a brighter tomorrow in a world that was permanently overcast. Where did this running lead you? Where did your wistful song guide you? Back into the arms of the apocalypse - broad-shouldered with hair the colour of ink, the last thing you would see before disappearing for good. At least you should thank your former so-called colleagues for the information about the common demise. Tears welled up in your eyes as you obeyed the lean man’s orders and practically toppled into the black vehicle parked by the Morpheus, a lonesome yelp masked by the gunfire and indecipherable orders. 

You had no idea where he was taking you, and you did not dare ask. The man reminded you of all you had been trained to avoid in your new life, a threat, a weapon, a soldier. His gloved right hand remained resting beside the gearshift, while his left coldly gripped the steering wheel. Not a single one of his muscles appeared to be relaxed, and not a single movement had a semblance to anything natural. An automaton in the driver’s seat, you wanted to feel comforted by the idea that you were the only one truly human in the car, for the idea that someone as brutal as a Guardian Inspector could be conscious or decisive was too strong of an agony. 

At the same time, in the moments where the Inspector turned his head to check the surroundings, you noted something familiar. He dashed past the blue, purple and aquamarine signs that lined the streets of the district you had learned to love, himself turning into a painting. Be it in the angles that formulated his stern face, or in the elegance that he was unable to conceal, the past crawled out of a long-forgotten cavern in your psyche and gnawed at your nerves, just out of reach of realisation. Perhaps in another time, you had known him. Perhaps in one of the banned art pieces, you had seen him. At the same time, this could not be the first Guardian Inspector you had encountered - they were all similar enough in demeanour, so what was another face? Equally as entitled, above the law. Above a runaway like you. You were vermin. The enemy. A traitor to the Academy, to Strictland, to Z himself. Or so you were told. The only thing that could be different about this Inspector, was that he could be your last.

A sharp stabbing sensation spread from your temples and what had to be through your skull, jabbing into bone and into the cerebellum. Nauseous, you shut your eyes and clutched your head in a futile attempt to seek some form of relief. The car roared, and a sudden stench of rubber and concrete penetrated through every crevice, choking your senses and making you taste the acrid pollution. One turn, another, your organs were being jolted back and forth as the monstrous engine urged on by none other than the embodiment of oblivion dragged the car across eternal misery of long-abandoned districts.

“Oh goodness…” a feeble whisper left your lips. You reached out to grab hold of the door handle, peering at the grooves to find at least something to focus on. His vision was swimming in your eyes, etchings of your surroundings morphing into repressed memories. 

A boy marching beside you to class, head held at the angle commanded to all academy students. A young man, dressed in all white with black locks parted in the middle. A solemn stare, unreadable, though not fully blank as it should be. But at the same time, how could you, another student of Prestige, detect that something was not quite right? Since when could you feel? You lifted your head cautiously to try peeking at the Inspector again, but he was frozen. Only the abrupt tightening of his gloved hand around the steering wheel and a determined turn reminded you that he was not quite an automaton. 

“I must be dreaming…” you blinked away a teary blur, and clenched onto your dress for the remainder of the journey, feverishly recounting whatever lyrics you could. Your little safe haven, your precious prayers to the arts - truth which you had discovered after abandoning everything you could have been.

Your hand moved on instinct to the side of your head, feeling for what once had been the hub of your consciousness. A chip that made you feel right at home, heartless, but with a purpose. Forty years of education, an eternity to serve something greater than you; clear goals, a mission for your generation and many that would come after you. Hand in hand, you were soldiers of a catastrophically closed-minded society; at the time, however, you could not be ‘happier’. Or rather, more numb. Because you did not know of negative nor positive, you could not experience either, and so remained in a stable equilibrium, just as the superpower of this forlorn land had instructed. Disease was the human emotion. You were ‘healthy’. Until that boy appeared in your life, and revealed himself to you.

Bright-eyed, hopeful, excited. So unlike anyone. And against better judgement, you let the inklings of curiosity drip over your heart, and the beginnings of affection take flight. Dark hair, dark eyes, tanned skin, a smile brighter than the sun, a soothing mellifluous voice, vowing to you that you could build another life together. A life much more beautiful than one constructed with deception and hollow propaganda. What could a little tap of a breaker do to you? Apparently, it could change your destiny. 

As you massaged your temples, you locked gazes with the man in front of you, but met the boy from your past in the mirror. That same worry, knotted eyebrows, concern and care so evident you could touch it if your fingers grazed his cheek. You could not move, even when he turned back to the road, and continued to stare at the rear view mirror in the hopes of seeing your daydream again. You had to be wrong. This had to be you hallucinating. You must be just… afraid. Out of your mind. And so you were recalling one of the few times when you thought the world could do you no harm. 

“Get out,” a command. As cold as steel. The engine was still roaring in your ears, despite the surroundings having gone dead silent.

A click. The doors unlocked. You could run if you wanted to. Though you were fully aware that the action would shorten your lifespan to a mere few seconds. You remained seated, gaze falling onto your lap, and listened to the painful succession of sounds that led the man to open your door, and roughly grab your upper arm.

“I said, get out,” you followed him like a rag doll, knowing that any attempts to resist would put you into even more danger. At the same time, even though the Inspector was obviously attempting to instil terror and a twisted respect for him, he could not face you. Consciously he made an effort to barely raise his lashes, thus keeping his scrutiny concealed. Reading through his hesitation was easy enough.

He could not keep his hand on you for a second longer after you stood up straight, darting away as though you were an open flame. The man cleared his throat and locked the car, before gesturing towards an abandoned building that loomed over the gravelly opening where you had completed your journey. Comically, it reminded you of Prestige, even though the latter was of much larger proportions and possessed a more unique shape. Perhaps it was the fact that this block, what used to be an apartment building, was crumbling, made you think of the academy’s inner workings. Rotting away. The cogs in the machine tearing each other apart.

This might be your end or your beginning, you were not sure which one. With an astounding loyalty, you let yourself be guided into the long-forgotten cement fortress, up exposed stairs with metal railings, past walls left bare, illuminated by an exposed moonlight, laying down a carpet of silver. It was oddly easy to think that life was beautiful when it was likely going to be taken away from you. The walk was silent, and the longer it lasted, the more at peace you felt. The odd step rang out and echoed like the gunshots you had heard, so surreal that you could barely believe it. It must have been a joke. Fireworks, or someone just being a little boisterous. Morpheus had seen so many colours of Z’s regime, it could not disappear now… oh who were you kidding. It was done for. You little version of an escape. Your space to feel.

As you made sneaky glances at the Inspector to your right, who not so ceremoniously had loosened his coat’s belt once more to have easy access to his gun, you could not help but think of the boy. You had followed his advice, made a run for it while he had been taken away by the Red Humans. Two youngsters who betrayed the regime. But who was truly free? The one who had been exterminated, or the one who had to live in fear, but at least felt the ruthless emotion?

The enigmatic man slowed down, and so did you. He made a turn, so did you, acting as his shadow. You were certain that you were probably breathing at the same rate. An empty hallway, lined with equally empty rooms and destroyed apartments. From a humble abode to rubble, you could see the horrific vistas of the district, and the drop to the cold ground below. No wall, no security, no certainty. It was only you and your fate in the form of a man who seemed to possess too much of a likeness to the keeper of your fragile adoration.

The Inspector walked in front and turned to face you. You froze, burning under his scrutiny. Eyes like scalding cold ice, assessing you, condemning you. Your best listener, now listening to your terrified heart. For what could be the last time, you felt alive. As the man reached into his pocket, you prepared for the worst, however, he only motioned with his head for you to follow him. Confused, you obeyed, finding yourself in a more secluded corner of the floor, one which had remotely retained the appearance of an actual room. Stuck in the same few seconds, there were no further commands from the Inspector, causing your mind to wander, and lips to move on their own accord:

“I should not be here.”

“Neither should I,” he deadpanned, though his choice of words was unsettling. Wasn’t he on a mission?

“I should be dead,” you persisted.

“I should have more blood on my hands.”

A pause. You were in shock, pointlessly clinging onto your own upper arms, stuck in a false embrace. Like prey that had been cornered, you were beyond the point of trusting survival instincts. You simply wanted for the interaction, or dare you say, interrogation, to be over, so you could be given away to the Red Humans, to whatever the afterlife had to offer, in peace. If you were to be melted, then so be it. If your departure were to be short and sweet, so be it. But a little question in your head still remained, a persistent worm which you decided to unleash given your hopeless circumstances:

“Then why-”

“It is pointless to ask when there is no answer,” the man answered coldly, not sparing you a glance as he picked at a filthy off-white tulle which covered a blown out window - now just a frame, with his gloved hand, glaring at the pitiful greyness outside the abandoned building before wiping the hand off with a handkerchief produced out of the pocket into which he had stuffed his hand.

A few steps separated you, but you knew better than to try and make a run for it – the man was armed, and you assumed that the gun you spotted was not the only weapon in his arsenal. He was menacing, unpredictable, and very dangerous. Alongside that, as much as you hated to admit, but the Inspectors were nothing short of extraordinary when it came to their expertise and training. Unlike Android Guardians, they were the leading forces, capable of high-risk decision making and unparalleled critical thinking. If you were to try to describe them, you always ended up thinking of chess. That was what they were playing whenever they were out in the field.

In fact, it was for this exact reason that you were concerned about this Inspector’s behaviour – it was out of line. Inefficient. Sub-optimal. You wondered if this was a new strategy or there was a higher plan; there were so many possibilities that your head could start spinning. You dug your fingers into rapidly cooling flesh, waking yourself up from the distressed rumination. What was the Inspector going to do to you? You had followed his demands so far, and weren’t putting up a fight - what more could he want?

He was unreadable. Gestures unpredictable, expression stoic, he regarded you with an air of superiority characteristic of people from his class. Serpent-like and calculating eyes, regal nose, facial structure reminiscent of a statue, plush perfectly shaped lips – all were a nod to his upbringing, you bet. He did not feel real. Reminiscent of automatons that the regime sometimes used in place of regular Guardians during high-volume riots, he was what one would call the ‘ideal specimen’. Down to the strand of wavy hair that fell on his face, he was a beautiful painting of your worst nightmare. Life had been unkind to you, you decided. It only showed you something prettier than the night lights when it was the last thing you would see.

The man stepped towards you, and your eyelids slammed shut automatically. You did not wish to see your death. The sound of leather against leather, the tied coat belt, the creaking of ancient rotten wood planks under lacquered ankle boots. He must be getting ready to end you. Were you too high profile to be lying with the other bodies in the club? Were you more dangerous in the Inspector’s view, being a singer, or as one could say a ‘spreader’ of inappropriate entertainment. Was this treason? Terrorism? You were not sure – the sentence changed more than the weather. But were you an enemy? With confidence, you had to answer with a Yes. Having escaped the regime, and according to those who had helped you regain some parts of your past self, having had a part in the uprising within Prestige Academy, you were the worst kind of citizen of Strictland. Disobedient, unchanging, and influential. You were waiting for the cocking of a pistol, for cool metal to hit your head, and for the world to go even darker as you collapsed on to the floorboards. The man had to be taking out his gun. He must have taken you away from the raid to be particularly ruthless. A sadist? Maybe. You had no time to judge.

You felt the fabric of your shimmering dress under your fingertips, and imagined you were preparing for a show of a lifetime. You counted your inhales and exhales like you would do before a performance, and conjured an audience in your mind. More rustling, another step. He, that boy, no, young man, was in the audience. Still in the Prestige Academy uniform, but the chip was long gone. He was giving you an encouraging smile eager to hear what you had achieved in your time away from the academy. Leather caressed your hand and you flinched, comforted only by how cautious the action was. Hand turned to raise your palm to the omniscient skies, your illusions combined with reality - what was Seonghwa to give to you?

Funny, how in critical moments, the mind could give you what you had longed to forget. Seonghwa. His name tasted sweet, with a bitter aftertaste. A fine wine, dizzying, addictive. A handsome, talented student who had the future ahead of him, only to throw it away for the taste of something more ‘real’ in his eyes. Something cold was being pressed into your palm, reminiscent of a large bullet or a device your fingers could remember before your mind. Your eyes shot open and were met with a dream and a nightmare. Finally, it hit you. Behind the Inspector’s facade, a mask crafted by years of experience and brutality, was the same boy, who, just like now, pressed a breaker into your palm.

“Wake up.”

Your gaze fell to the intricate metal handiwork, spotting the carving of an ‘A’ contained in a circle right at the base. The taste of anarchy, an uprising, revolution, a hope for something better flowing through a tragic story you two had written. At last, it had a resolution, and you were more than content with who was holding the lethal pen. You stared at the breaker. The very thing that brought you out of an eternal somnolence, submission to a regime. You had woken up then, and never could sleep.

“Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer… the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…” you lifted your head once more, staring into Seonghwa’s softened eyes. He had matured, his features having become siren-like, dangerous, seductive. Befitting his character. You smiled sadly, “...or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and, by opposing end them?” He remained quiet, as if he was the one waiting for you to decide your own destiny, “Shakespeare. Hamlet. Ever read it? Or do they not let you?”

“I-” he cleared his throat, concealing a pang of nervousness, “I am familiar with his work.”

“Mm, isn’t that a criminal offence?”

“What is?”

“Reading work exploring human emotion… sounds like treason to me.”

“Reading does not imply sympathising.”

“But you do.”

Again, a heavy pause. Seonghwa rocked from one foot to another one time, another - an old habit? Or an attempt to convince you that he was at least a fraction the same?

“I… I do not,” before you could scowl, he continued, “‘Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once’. I am more partial to this way of thinking.”

“Ah, the irony of it all.”

Your hand formed a fist around the device, and you kept on searching for fragments of the man you loved inside of the new Seonghwa before you. In flashes, you spotted glimmers of gold, feeble hints for something that could be concealed in the depths of his soul. 

“So, are you going to make me a valiant person?”

“What?” 

“Wasn’t that what you were supposed to be doing?” feeling a little more brave, you taunted him, wishing to see what his limit was. Whether he was lying to you just to set you at ease and make his job easier. So he could see one final sense of betrayal in your pupils.

“We are already dead, Y/N.”

---

Music. A universal language. The biggest risk for a community that someone wanted to silence. So you hummed one song after another, head leaning against Seonghwa’s shoulder as you sat on the concrete floor, in the corner of the room that was barely holding itself together. Bathed in silver light, you shared with him the luxury of reminiscing, mourned what had been lost only to have the feeling be replaced by a budding desire to wish upon anything at all.

Seonghwa might have lied to many of the Inspectors, and was in danger of facing a fate worse than extermination, but at least he did not lie to you. And because he did not lie to you, you were here; you were real. He could have the pleasure of having you beside him, wrapped up in his leather coat; your dress was not exactly ‘inhospitable conditions’ material, as pretty and befitting as it was. You were refusing to let go of the breaker as though it was the tether to a more sunny past, not that Seonghwa would ever dare pry it out of your hands. So long as you could keep singing for him forever. Even when music were to cease existing, and when the sky would fall down, he would still hear your voice. How many times had he visited Morpheus in secret, outside of his official inspections and scouting missions? How quickly had he transferred into a field role just for the chance to find you? How had he managed to remain alive even though his sentence had been supposedly set in stone, and he was still feeling? With each question, the answer grew blurrier and blurrier, until it no longer existed. Perhaps this was a manifestation of destiny. You were supposed to meet again after so much turmoil, so you did. Curious.

“What song do you like?” your voice, sleepy, serene, cut through his ruminations. Seonghwa looked down and to his side, meeting a gentle gaze. 

“What song do you want to sing?”

“Mm, no that’s not an answer,” you snaked your hands around his arm and pulled him closer. 

“But I like everything you sing. Because you sing it.”

“Sweet, but I’m at a loss.”

“Then let’s be quiet. Together. For as long as we can.”

“There’s not too long left, is there?”

Your question was rhetorical. Both you and Seonghwa were aware of it. Time in Strictland was not governed by the individual but by an unforgiving system. A person, or perhaps a symbol, holding the clock with an iron grip and making the hands fly faster and faster until a second was an impossible measure. Involuntarily, he sighed, causing wisps of steam to escape his lips and rise to the exposed armature of the floor above. With cooling temperatures came the cooling heart, and it was difficult to tell what it was that you loved. What was it that made you feel alive?

“You know, they gave me a choice,” Seonghwa began. There was no reason why he should be telling you about what had happened to him, but the sombre atmosphere seemed to bode well for a confession. You did not interrupt, choosing to remain passive, resigned, “either die for what I believe in, or admit I was wrong.”

“Funny how they gave you a choice,” the infamous ‘they’. The Guardians, the regime, the enemy. Now turned into a friend. Interesting how life changed.

“Definitely was not what I expected.”

“You sure they didn’t say ‘sike’ at any point and you just got lucky?”

“I don’t think they can miss,” a simple, but sharp fact. You bit your lower lip, “...anyways. You can probably guess what I chose to do. The only caveat is that I admitted I was wrong… for a different thing.”

“Do tell.”

“I was wrong for putting you in danger, Y/N.”

“Nothing we could do about that. We were two fools in love.”

Seonghwa detangled himself from you, only to grasp your free hand in his, place the other on your thigh and meet you face to face. Misty-eyed, his rationality was growing frantic, and you knew that at any moment he could snap, and only the clearing night knew what would happen then.

“But I was the one to jolt you out of a peaceful existence. I was selfish-” After years of doubting himself, sinking into a destructive illusion where he would march alongside others like a machine, he was breathing. Much to his regret, it was a sensation far too sweet and heavenly, worth every revolution and rebellion.

“I don’t regret it.”

“...What?”

“I would put this thing to my head time and time again if I had to,” you raised the breaker to eye level, attempting to get at least a smile or a chuckle out of Seonghwa. Much to your dismay, it did the opposite. You would be lying if you were to proclaim you were euphoric. 

“I- I’m… Y/N I’m so sorry…” you shook your head and pulled him in, until his exhales and inhales were tickling your neck. Hunched over you like a black-clad shield, Seonghwa was unmoving. Eyes darting down, you spotted that he had taken the pistol out of the holster, and upon a second glance to where he had been sitting, you noted its lonely presence, tucked away with debris and gravel.

“You are alive. And clearly still care enough to remember me. That’s your apology. And your punishment,” in a soothing gesture, you ran your fingers through his hair, cautiously at first, then turning your ministrations continuous, measured out when Seonghwa sat back down on the concrete, only this time nuzzled into you. 

“Sorry…” he forced out, choking up.

The moon counted down the time while lazily passing over the building. You were at a crossroads. In haste, Seonghwa had told you of the opportunity to serve the Guardian Inspectors, being a private entertainer of sorts, but he knew you would refuse. Fast. Becoming one’s own enemy was the one thing you would not follow Seonghwa into doing. And that is why he admired you. You were strong. You were truly alive. A bird soaring in the skies in spite of the risks of being hunted, being shot. Simply for the feeling of the wind under your wings, to be closer to the stars and to sing your song loud and clear, every note a celestial blessing. 

“Blue bird…”

“Hm?”

“I think I have an idea… if you are willing to go into hiding, that is.”

“Planning uprisings are we?”

“Oh they’ve been long in the works, my love. It is part of my job to close my eyes when necessary, and when convenient.”

“Are you about to be wrong again?”

“Maybe. Or very, very right. Depends on how the song sounds to you.”

---

Walking down the corridors of the headquarters, hands behind his back and appearance pristine, Seonghwa was nothing short of a model Inspector. Low ranking employees cowered before him and bowed, while his immediate colleague Wooyoung smirked, attempting to hook any information out. 

“So… where'd the pretty star go?”

Silently, Seonghwa handed him a slip recording the disposal of an ‘unnamed entity’.

“ Oh… well that’s harsh. What did they do, reject you?”

“Apparently once gone so far astray, one cannot be changed. I had to do what was best for the regime.”

“Such an example for others. Wow. Almost too good to be true, Park. Well, I’ll be reporting that the extermination and cleanup of Morpheus was successful.”

“You do that.”

While Wooyoung turned the corner, Seonghwa continued to walk straight down the metal corridor, eyes locked onto the very end. Morpheus was no longer, indeed. But your song was still ringing in his ears, and no doubt, there would be a time when it would resound over the many speakers planted all across Strictland.

Blue skies smiling at me

Nothing but blue skies do I see

Bluebirds singing a song

Nothing but bluebirds all day long

Never saw the sun shining so bright

Never saw things going so right

Noticing the days hurrying by

When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days, all of them gone

Nothing but blue skies from now on

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Even without a reaction from you, he bursts out laughing by himself. His laughter fills the room and bounces off the walls as you flip the page of your book and continue pretending to read.

He stops laughing. "Were they that lame? Hold on, I have a better one." Hyunjae gets up from his seat this time and plants himself right beside you, with his face a mere distance from yours. "Aren't you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day."

Another page flip. You entirely ignore the way his stare seems to bore through your soul, the way he seems to know just why you're ignoring him.

Hyunjae sighs, leaving your side to go back to his seat. "Y/N, you're allowed to laugh. I know you can see me no matter how much you try to pretend like you can't."

You decide to put down the book and call it a night.

***

"You're still going to ignore me, huh?" Hyunjae whines at you, pouting. "But I'm so bored."

He's upped his antics—today he had stood right in front of you in the hallway when you got home, trying to force you to step around him. It had taken everything you had to maintain a blank stare and walk through him. It wasn't so bad though. It didn't feel like anything after all.

"The unemployment life sure is boring, you know? All I can do around here is wait for you to come home. Yet you still ignore me." He waves a hand in front of your face, then shakes his head. "So rude, Y/N."

You go to sit down in your usual seat at the table, setting the same book in front of you. The same evening routine each day.

"You're on page 347," Hyunjae rolls his eyes. "The same page every day. Come on, Y/N. If you're going to pretend then at least make it believable."

He's not wrong. Though it's not the scene in the story that you were stuck on, but rather the sunny afternoon at the garden with him. He complains about the bees in his familiar scrawl within the margins, though even that is enough to remind you of how the sunlight had looked on his hair, how his smile had been bright enough to rival it.

Hyunjae leans over to take a look at your book. "Oh, it's that one. Did you enjoy the garden that much? We could've gone again if you wanted to." Then he leans back in his seat, a mischievous smirk slowly appearing. "Though I know there's no need to see any more flowers when you think I'm prettier than all of them."

Normally, you would've rolled your eyes at his words. Maybe you would've kicked him lightly under the table, scowled at him. And he would've just laughed, maybe picked you up out of your chair and carried you right to bed.

But none of those things can happen, so you go on reading. From page 347.

***

"You know, I'm almost starting to think that you're ignoring me because you're mad at me." Hyunjae props his feet up on the table this time. "Was it from the scare earlier? If it was, I'm sorry."

He's still on the train of trying new tactics every day, from attempting to jump scare you, to sitting in your usual seat. The jump scare worked a little better—you couldn't help the initial reaction to gasp and flinch a little. He saw that as a victory and kept trying to rub it in your face while you went back to pretending he's not there.

"Was it for calling you out about always being on the same page? Well, why would you read my notes in the book when I'm right here?" he shrugs. "So it's not really my fault if you'd rather listen to me ramble all night rather than read."

He's not wrong about that.

"Of course you'd rather pay attention to me. I'm hot and I have a nice voice," Hyunjae says with a smirk, doing a fake hair flip.

He sure can be annoying too, though.

The smile on Hyunjae's face doesn't last. It slips off easily just like the way your relationship had slipped through your fingers. He sighs. "What would you do without me?"

***

"Oh, I thought of something else today. You want to hear it?" Hyunjae asks, fully knowing you would have no reaction to his question. Once again. "Well, I thought about why else you'd be mad at me. Was it because of the time I was late for our date?"

No, of course not.

"I already apologized for that, but I mean. It was pretty shitty of me."

You reach for the remote to switch to a different drama. Watching TV had seemed like a good idea at first since it would be easier to look at him—you knew he would plant himself right in front of the TV and block your view after all. But the more you look at him, the more it feels as though everything is normal. The way his hair sits, curling slightly at the very tips. The little mole on his nose that you've run your finger across thousands of times. But most of all, the way he gazes back at you with the same loving eyes.

"I should've kept an eye on the time. It would've been so awkward for you to sit there as if I'd stood you up or something."

You turn the TV off entirely.

"It was fun afterwards though, right?" Hyunjae smiles fondly at the memories. "But I'm really glad you stayed. Thank you for waiting, Y/N."

***

"Okay, I remembered something even worse than being late for that date." Hyunjae stretches himself across the table in front of you, where you're back to reading your book. Page 361 this time. "You know what I'm thinking of?"

He must be referring to the time the two of you fought.

A smirk appears on his lips. "Nope, not that," he says as if he could read exactly what you're thinking. Were your expressions that obvious? You'd think that after a whole month of pretending, you'd gotten better at maintaining your resting bitch face in all kinds of situations. "Of course I know what you're thinking. You've always been easy to read, Y/N."

You can't deny that.

"Anyway," he shrugs, "I'm thinking that you're mad at me because of the time I wasn't down to define our relationship."

Oh. That.

"Hey, you can't blame me for that though; I may have been hot, but I thought I wasn't good enough for you."

Hyunjae as a bad boy. The thought makes you want to laugh now.

"I had to clean up a little first you know?" He pouts at you. "Lose all the bad habits and such."

You flip the page. How long would it be until you're done the book at this rate? Page 362 now. Out of 501.

"I thought I did pretty well. Quit the vaping, stopped skipping class. I got a job too." He tries to put on a smile, but he ends up biting his lip instead. His face falls. "But I guess I couldn't lose all the bad habits after all."

Yeah, Hyunjae, you couldn't.

***

Page 373 stares back at you just as hard as you stare at it.

The words weren't going into your mind today, but for a different reason than listening to Hyunjae's usual ramblings. It was the lack of his presence today. Was this a new tactic? Would he be hiding from you, trying to get you to go looking for him?

"Oops, sorry." Hyunjae suddenly appears in his usual seat across from you. He's in the same leather jacket and jeans as always, though you don't have to look up to know. "Am I late? Did I make you wait long?"

Where did you go?

"I see you still haven't made any progress even with me gone," there's a teasing in his voice. "Taking that as a compliment since that means you missed me."

You nearly snort. Of course you missed him. Was that even a question? You missed him every second of every day, even when he was right in front of you.

"I miss you too, Y/N," he says softly. "Please, talk to me."

***

"So you were thinking of the fight last time when I asked what you were mad at me for, right?" Hyunjae says casually as he peers at you. He sits beside you this time instead of across, all stretched out, sprawling his long legs across your lap as you read page 380.

Yeah, the fight.

"Okay, yeah. It was pretty bad. I wouldn't be surprised if it's the only thing you're actually mad at me for." He shifts his feet a little, moving them so that his boots no longer rest on your thighs. Not that you could feel his weight on you. Not that his boots would get your pants dirty. "I was just... really jealous, I guess."

Indeed, he was. Key word being really.

"The things I said that night—I didn't mean them." He moves his legs off from your lap entirely and then shifts closer to you instead. "It didn't need to be a big deal. I'm sorry."

There was no need for him to constantly apologize about the little things in the past either, though you get the feeling each apology wasn't actually for what he said they were for. He was sorry, but not for those insignificant things.

"But hey, you do know that I'm still hotter than Younghoon, right?" Hyunjae snorts, rolling his eyes. "He may have a pretty face, but you know I'm much more than that." Then he leans in so close that your arm is halfway through his body. "Surely, you still remember, right? You always loved to touch my abs when we—"

You close the book. Get up from your seat.

"Hey—I'm not done talking," Hyunjae scrambles to get up and run after you. "I know you can hear me!"

***

Page 413. That's when it happens. The murderer is finally revealed and on his way to getting caught. What would the rest of the book even be about now that the mystery is mostly solved? And why had Hyunjae picked a murder mystery novel to annotate when his little notes weren't even about the book?

Page 413 is the day when you finally scream. Out loud.

You're in the hallway upstairs when you spot him—Hyunjae standing in front of you with his clothes torn and covered in blood. Some of his limbs aren't bent the right way, and the hair that usually sits so perfectly is a mess. And he—he looks similar to when you saw him at the hospital on the day of the accident.

"Shit, sorry sorry sorry," he stammers, eyes wide. Then he disappears.

When he returns, he looks normal like he has for the past two months. But you can't see it when the tears that you've held back for so long now refuse to stay buried beneath the surface.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I didn't even know I could do that," Hyunjae says softly. He sits down on the floor beside you, fingers going to your cheeks to wipe away your tears. But the tears simply continue to fall and fall like he's not there at all. "I didn't mean to do that. Well..." his hands still, dropping to his sides, "maybe I did."

A silence stretches between the faint pattering of your tears on the floor and his silent ones. Your sniffles and his shaky breaths.

"I didn't want you to see that but I just—I didn't know what else to do. Because I couldn't stand another minute of this." His voice fills with despair so you finally look at him. You turn your head and gaze into his eyes that you'd been depriving yourself of for the past months. And you can see the hurt. The disappointment. The way he doesn't understand, would never understand.

"I miss you, okay?" Hyunjae continues. "I know you can see me, so why are you pretending that you can't? Why can't you just talk to me?"

"Hyunjae," slips out of your lips whether you intend for it to or not. "I've wanted to. So much, okay? You have no idea how hard it is to pretend like you're not there. Like—like you don't even exist."

"Then don't. Stop pretending, Y/N. There's no need to."

"And how am I ever supposed to move on? You're not going to be here forever; you shouldn't even be here right now." You wipe your eyes with the back of your hands. "It's easy for you to say when you can just move on. It's the people you leave behind that have to deal with—" A choked sob takes the rest of your sentence. "Why are you still here, Hyunjae?"

"Then," he whispers, "do you want me to leave?"

You shake your head. You weren't ready to say goodbye a second time. Not yet.

***

He's lying in bed next to you like it's just another regular day. And when you're still blinking the remnants of sleep away, seeing his face in the morning light makes your heart thud because it feels so real, as if everything were simply a bad dream and that he's really here beside you. That in this world, he's just fine. That in this world, seeing him beside you means that he's real.

But how could it be real when he's still wearing the leather jacket and the jeans and the biker boots? How could he be real if you don't feel anything when he places his hand on yours? When your arm passes through him instead of gently wrapping around him?

"Shh, you're thinking too loudly," Hyunjae mumbles. "Just close your eyes, okay? Imagine it. I know you remember what this all felt like."

So you close your eyes as he starts to sing softly, and as the sweet melody surrounds you, it's not difficult to imagine it. You imagine a warm Sunday morning with the sun streaming through the window, maybe the smell of fresh laundry and coffee in the air. You imagine the sleepy smile on his face, the way his hair would be all ruffled. You imagine running your fingers through his hair as he pulls you into a kiss, one that you complain about because of morning breath.

He's staring at you when you open your eyes. But this time he's not in the leather jacket and jeans—he's in that baggy white tee he wears to sleep. His hair is messy and there's a dopey smile on his face, and you could just about feel the warmth of his fingers as they slide between your own. The way he traces your features and brushes your tears away. As if he were living, breathing, tangible.

"Let's just pretend for a second, okay?" His voice comes out sounding a little sad despite his light words. "It's Sunday morning. Are we grabbing brunch? Or do you want to check out that new cafe just around the corner?"

"We could just sleep in a little more."

Hyunjae frowns. "That's such a waste of the day, Y/N. There's so much to do and so much to see in the world."

Those were the familiar words that he's always said, but now they only make your heart break a little at the bitter truth: Hyunjae would never be able to see the world now.

"Let's make the most of it, hmm?" he continues. "I say we go to brunch first. Get that bottomless mimosa there, then follow up with coffee at the cafe. You already know it's going to be a hell of a day when you're going the alcohol before caffeine route."

You try to put on a smile. "And then?"

"People-watch a little at the cafe. I would complain about how the barista drew your latte art much better than he did for mine. And you would laugh."

"Of course he would've drawn mine better. I'm the charming one here," you tease. "What kind of problematic people are we watching?"

"Hmm. An awkward first date where one of them just doesn't talk at all." Hyunjae finally puts on a smile too. "I think they're too busy staring at me."

You nod, humming in agreement. "You are quite nice to stare at, indeed."

"Then we'd take our drinks to go and maybe visit a park."

"Oh are we watching dogs now?"

"We are actually playing with dogs," he corrects, drawing circles along your wrist. "Petting competition. I bet they like me more."

"I wouldn't be surprised. They've always liked you more."

Hyunjae simply smiles at you.

The rest of the day is filled with familiar events: the garden you wanted to revisit, that restaurant where he was late to your date, a museum where the two of you had faked your age to get a youth discount. Wine and cheese at the exhibition as you pretend to be a rich couple looking to buy the perfect piece for your lavish mansion this time.

Then it would be coming home to a snack and a bath as you talk about your favourite parts of the day. And when you listen to him complain about the bees and try to scrub the red wine off his shirt, maybe you'd realize that simply living through the events of the day made you love him a little more. More than yesterday and less than tomorrow, as he always said.

"And then we'd fall asleep in each other's arms at the same time, obviously," he pokes you on the nose. "Well, actually maybe I'd wait for you to fall asleep first so I can stare at you without you wanting to fight me."

"I would wake up just to fight you," you laugh. "But could we stay up all night instead? What if I don't want the day to end?"

Hyunjae breaks into a soft smile. "Then we can do it all again the next day. We have all the time in the world, Y/N. That's what happens when you're in love."

You don't understand what he means at first. But when the next day starts, you realize that he's right. The look of love on his face and the feel of it in your throbbing heart—it's something that simply cannot be contained by time or by life itself.

***

"How did you know that I could see you?" you ask when he finally appears in the living room. A two day gap this time—it's the longest he's been gone so far. And yet, you hadn't worried about his absence because you knew that he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.

"Hi, Y/N. How was your day? I missed you too." Hyunjae raises an eyebrow at your question. "It was that first morning. You looked right at me and asked why I didn't shut off your alarm."

"I did?"

"Yeah, quite impatiently too. I didn't even get to scold you for talking to the dead so rudely before you rolled over and went right back to sleep." He stops when he notices your wince. "Um. Too soon?"

"Yeah." You try for a wry smile. At least his sense humour hasn't changed, but even then, some things are too painful to hear. "So you mean all the effort I put into convincing you I couldn't see you was for nothing?"

"Yup, exactly. But it's okay though," he says dramatically. "It was fun watching you try to control your face."

"I can imagine that."

He laughs a little before a silence falls between you. The book on the table is still on page 413, right where you left it all those days ago. There was no need to pretend to read it anymore after giving in to freely talking to him.

"Can you feel it?" you finally decide to ask what's been on your mind. If the increasingly long stretches of his absence were any indication, it wouldn't be too long before he has to leave. "Where you're supposed to go next."

Hyunjae hesitates before he gives a small nod. "Yeah."

"Oh. What does it feel like?"

You reach out to him, letting your hand float in the air where his cheeks are. Letting your fingers trace over his features. Maybe it would look strange from the outside, as if you're really just writing something out in the empty air in front of you. But if he could feel things, maybe there's some part of him that could feel you too.

"It's warm. Inviting." He hums to himself a little, his gaze travelling all over you as if trying to memorize this moment. Trying to memorize you. "It feels like... going home."

"Oh." You look away briefly, holding onto the tears that were threatening to fall once again. "Should you go?"

Hyunjae shakes his head. "Not yet." The corners of his lips curve up the slightest and his eyes soften. "It doesn't feel like the right time yet."

"Hyunjae, is there something tying you here?"

"Maybe I just don't want to go." He gives a little shrug, suddenly avoiding your gaze. "Maybe I don't need it because all that warmth and happiness—I'm already have it, Y/N. It's what being loved by you feels like."

"No, no—Hyunjae, please. You can't—you have to go, okay? You can't stay here like this."

"I know, and I will when the time comes," he says lightly, resting his hand on top of yours. "I'm not sure when it will be, but I'll try my best to stay at least until you finish the book."

"The book?" You stare back at him, confused. "Do I have to finish it? What if I don't want to? What if I just keep pretending to read the same page just so I can keep hearing your voice?"

He opens his mouth but closes it again. Looks away. "You should. Finish it."

"Why?"

"I want you to."

You frown at his answer. "Does it matter that much?"

Hyunjae shrugs a little at that. Bites his lip as the sparkle in his eyes slowly dims.

"Okay. If it means that much to you, I'll do it."

And the next day, you pick up the book once again.

***

Page 467 is blank. Blank not from the lack of text, but from the lack of Hyunjae's tiny scrawl filling the margins. This page and the next, and even the one after that are filled with an emptiness that seemed to mirror the hole in your heart.

"Why did your annotations stop?"

Hyunjae stares at you for a minute in silence, eyes wavering as if debating whether to tell you what he has on his mind. But he seems to decide against it when he finally shrugs. "Guess I got tired of writing them. They weren't about the book anyway."

"I noticed," you nod. "What was the point of writing them if they weren't about the book?"

"Well, I know you wanted an annotated book as a gift. So I wrote in it, even though I didn't actually read the book."

"You—didn't read the book?"

Hyunjae shakes his head. "That's why they're not about the book. I just thought it would be nice to pretend like I read it but actually leave you some messages instead."

"Oh. You didn't have to do it then."

"I know you wanted it though," a small smile dances across his lips, "even if it was just a dumb idea you got from some random quiz online."

"Hey!" You reach over to smack him jokingly, and he dodges as he's always done. Only for both of you to soon realize what you've done moments later. The smile falls from his face.

"It wasn't dumb." He clears his throat. "I was just kidding. Actually, I kind of understood what made it so special after reading yours."

"You should've told me to leave you cute messages too. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Oh, this was just an excuse to not read the book," he laughs, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry about it."

"So um," you start tentatively. "Should I keep reading it even if there are no more of your notes?"

"Yeah," Hyunjae nods. "Keep reading, Y/N."

"Okay."

And when you look at him, the relief on his face tells you that maybe he doesn't want you to finish the book so soon either.

***

"I thought of a final reason you'd be mad at me," Hyunjae says slowly. His face is impassive, unreadable like it's been a lot of the days recently.

"I was never mad at you, Hyunjae. I was only ignoring you because..." You trail off. "Well, you know why."

"Yeah, but you have every right to be mad. And I'm sorry, I really am."

You immediately know what he's talking about. "Hey," you blurt, "let's not—please, don't go there."

"I'm fucking sorry, Y/N. I am, but it's too late. I should've listened to you. I should've—" he breaks off to wipe his eyes with his sleeve.

You shake your head. "Don't be. It's done, Hyunjae. Just let it go."

"How can I just let it go? I'll always be sorry to you, Y/N, but also to myself. You think I like being here, stuck like this? Like I'm nothing? Unable to do anything for you? In this," he gestures, "whatever limbo this is. Without knowing when I'll ever see you again, or where I'm going next, or how long I have left."

"Hyunjae, please. Stop."

He runs a hand through his hair in frustration, yanking on it as he paces around. "I said that I was going to do better. I promised you. Each time I'd said it would be my last ride, but I didn't mean it like this." Then he suddenly stops. "And then... this one really became my last. The one thing that I couldn't quit is what killed me."

Then he disappears, leaving you and the sound of your sobs alone in the room.

***

You finally get to page 501. Towards the end it's been less about the story and more about reading it for the sake of Hyunjae, because why had he wanted you to finish it so badly? So that you could discuss a plot twist or a terrible ending? Or brainstorm about what happens if it's left on a cliff-hanger? But he hadn't even read the book.

Hyunjae watches you as you slowly turn the page. You watch him as he watches you. You want to see if his eyes would give anything away, but there's nothing there other than the tint of sadness that you've been seeing a lot these days.

And there, on the last page of the book, was not text at all. It wasn't the final paragraph nor was it an author's note. The book had finished on page 500.

It was Hyunjae's own writing. A few neat lines in black pen.

500 dates with you, and maybe now it's time to start a new chapter of our lives. A new book.

Y/N, will you marry me?

"And here I've always thought that playboy Hyunjae would get tired of me," you mumble, closing the book before any tears could ruin it. "That he would break my heart one day and years later when I look back, it would just have been a fun time. A good experience."

"No," Hyunjae shakes his head. "Playboy Hyunjae would be stupid to let go of someone like you. Though I guess I'm not much better. Still so stupid until the very end."

"It's okay. I loved that about you too."

A single tear slips out of the corner of his eye. He doesn't brush it away. "We could've been so happy, you know?"

"I know. We were, and we still are, Hyunjae. We're happy. You've made me so happy since I met you."

"Then that's all that matters." He puts on a sad smile. "We have all the time in the world when we're in love, Y/N."

And this time, you understand him. It wasn't more than yesterday and less than tomorrow like he'd always said. Love in itself is something greater than all of the tomorrows that had been promised to you, and all of the tomorrows that had been robbed from him. Because even when tomorrow comes and the tomorrow after that, it will still silently sit on your shoulders and slip out with each tear and rest between the pages of a book left incomplete too soon.

"We never made it to 500 dates, did we?"

The hint of a smile falters. He shakes his head. "That's why my notes in the book stopped."

"They don't have to stop," you whisper, cupping his face. Wiping the stray tears. Going through all the motions in the hopes that maybe he could feel something even if you couldn't. "I'll continue them."

"Yeah, do that. That's good. I don't want you to forget me, but you can't miss me too much, okay?"

"Why, are you going to suddenly appear and stop me from missing you?"

He doesn't laugh at your futile attempt at a joke. "I wish I could," he says sadly. "Oh yeah, don't be too surprised when the flowers show up on our anniversary."

"You ordered flowers?"

Hyunjae nods. "Found this nice flower shop run by one of Eric's friends. I figured it would... be nice to have. When I would've actually proposed."

"You were going to propose on our anniversary?" The lump in your throat grows but you swallow it, trying to make your voice stay even.

"I thought we would hit 500 dates by then." He bites his lip, looking down. "You never gave me an answer."

You take his hand in yours. "My answer is yes, Hyunjae. I would marry you in a heartbeat."

"That's good." He looks up and smiles now, a genuine, full smile that rivals the sunshine at the garden that day. The type of smile that you've missed so badly. "I think that's all I needed to know."

The last thing tying him to you and to this world. He wanted you to finish reading the book so that he could find the answer he was staying behind to look for.

"Are you leaving now?"

"Yeah. It's time to go." Hyunjae gives a small nod. "Don't forget me, alright? I love you, Y/N."

"Thank you for everything, Hyunjae."

And just as suddenly as he had appeared in your life on that one sunny day in college years ago, now he disappears without a trace, only leaving the pain in your heart and the tear stains on your face as evidence of having been here at all.

***

It gets pretty silent in the house after that, like you're grieving him all over again. Was it selfish that he made you say goodbye twice? Was it more painful to have dealt with the glimmering piece of hope he gave, each night when he told you stories while you pretended to read? When he had made you pretend like everything was just fine, if only for a brief moment in time?

You complete the rest of the annotations in his book. Filling the rest of the empty margins with everything from the time he started telling you lame pickup lines to get a reaction out of you, to the time he complained about unemployment, to the time you finally gave in and looked at him. There were the days the two of you pretended like everything was fine. The times you planned out your hypothetical future as if weaving a story of your own.

When you finally get to page 501, a bouquet of tiny blue flowers shows up at your door. The card it comes with is filled with an unfamiliar writing, but it sounds just like Hyunjae, nonetheless.

Y/N! Don't forget that I'll love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow.

Heeseung: The Mongolian Invasions of Korea (1258-1269)

call summary˚ · • . ° . Living in the city of Jinju for your entire life, you’ve spent your youthful days thriving joyfully with your one and only childhood best friend; Lee Heeseung. And as much as you would hate to admit it, not only would you call Heeseung your friend, but also the first and only boy who has stolen your heart. But what was stopping you from confessing? Maybe it was the risk of losing him by your side forever? You weren’t really sure yourself. So as you tackle your own challenges of love, the world around you continues on peacefully. Yet an impending force of terror awaits your lovely city and the citizens in it, one that will sweep you off of your feet…literally.

trope ༊*·˚ Childhood Friends to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Jungwon: The Great Fire of London (1666)

call summary˚ · • . ° . Being an unmarried woman at 25 was already extremely hard. And being a bakery owner at that, added to the list of why you were going to get grey hairs earlier than the average woman. But you know what really tops the list? The Coffee Shop across from your own establishment. And to be more specific, its owner, Yang Jungwon, the annoying pest that’s been bothering you for over a year. Bragging about more popularity, playing nasty tricks to rile each other up, charming the other’s customers so you could whisk them away, and maybe accidentally kissing each other while you were drunk? Wait no that last one was definitively not a part of your daily agenda like the other ones. But everyone could see that the kiss was something that was going to happen between you two sooner or later and it really didn’t help that you enjoyed it. But who would know that the small smooch you two shared in that dingy bar, was going to lead something quite more.

trope ༊*·˚ Enemies to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Jake: The Typhoid Epidemic in Australia (1897-1898)

call summary˚ · • . ° . You were never really a sick person but your poor younger sister was. Diagnosed with pneumonia at an extremely young age, hospital visits were very common in your household and usually would lead you to take your sister to the very big hospital that was only a few blocks away. When Mama worked late out at night to provide for her two precious daughters, it left you to be the mother role for your sister. So when a night of fun between you two, leaves her in a deadly coughing fit, you rush her to the hospital and you break out in tears once you are told she was going to have to stay the night from how bad the fit was. Thinking that you were suffering all alone with your emotions, you don’t realize the cute pale boy next to you offering you a piece of his chocolate and when you do, he comforts your weeping body only to leave hurriedly once you stop your rain of tears, leaving you curious with your mixed emotions. Was it just you or was your heart beating a bit faster than usual? And why do you start to notice the boy every time you visit the hospital for your sister, ever since that painfully cute encounter?

trope ༊*·˚ Strangers to Friends to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Jay: The Sinking of the Titanic: (1912)

call summary˚ · • . ° . Being the only child and daughter of a wealthy businessman made it harder and harder for your sweet father to leave you so you can embark on a new journey all the way to New York. But you resisted, affirming him with your honeyed words to let you go, you’ve been his daughter for a whole twenty-one years, it was time for you to leave him behind in England. And how could he say no to his lovely child, so he lets you go, and after a few heart-wrenching sobs of goodbyes, you are finally on the very ship that would lead you to your destiny…maybe. The moment you arrive was pretty enjoyable, and so were the few hours after that, but you soon get in a little scuffle with a very distinguishable gentleman (spoiler alert he was not very gentlemanly like or distinguishable and served you horrible pain in the arse). But being stubborn was practically your middle name so why did you for some reason melt in the hands of another man who comes to your aid, easily submitting to his commands that he was going to solve it out for you…not that you really needed it, you were doing quite fine, but gosh it was attracting a lot of attention and wow that mysterious man was charmingly handsome. So you find yourself with that same man after that, spending your every minute with him, and it's safe to say you won't regret it. And hopefully, he doesn’t too but from his smile, you could guess that he doesn’t either.

trope ༊*·˚ Strangers to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Niki: The Pacific Theater of WWII (1939-1945)

call summary˚ · • . ° . You’re still not really sure if you regret bumping into Niki with your fruits or not. After helping him clean out the stain you’ve given him on that white shirt he was wearing that fateful when, at the ripe age of eleven, you’ve had the pleasure to stay friends with him up till these eight years and you plan it to stay that way, after finding out that you hate changes. But when the news of devastating deaths around the world finally catches up to your own country, you know that inevitable change was going to hit. First, it was the rations and the increase of government control in people's lives, not that it wasn’t already strict enough. And then it directed to more serious matters, something that you weren’t ready for; the draft for all men that were eligible to join the army and fight for their country. You weren’t ready for Niki to leave you behind nor was he ready to see your pretty face for the last time. But who knows what the future holds and what you’re devising in that witty brain of yours.

trope ༊*·˚ Friends to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Sunoo: The Great Chinese Famine (1959-1961)

call summary˚ · • . ° . It was no lie that you were very hard-working and were covered in a blanket of competitiveness. In school, in sports, with friends, in the field with your parents and siblings. And it was all driven by your personal dream to become a doctor. But socialism was starting to become more and more popular which means more people working to the bone to feed their families and others. This means no time for school or any academic approaches, so you just dropped out…completely. Disappointed and hopeless you try your best for your family, which works out! And you guess in awarding of your fruitful labor, god sends you, your neighbor from a few houses down to come and help you. Well to be honest it's more that in exchange for your family's help, he personally helps you. Losing his family’s farm a few weeks ago, Sunoo’s family is extremely grateful for you the food you give to them, especially Sunoo himself who’s always admired you from afar, never close enough to take a bite. So he grasps the chance immediately. For your family’s kindheartedness, he’ll tutor you, after all his brother was already a great scholar, so it couldn’t be that hard. Right?

trope ༊*·˚ Neighbors to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

Sunghoon: Sampoong Department Store Collapse (1995)

call summary˚ · • . ° . Working at a small drink shop in this enormous department store was never not busy. Various customers flocked in each day and never were you ever bored, always making some sort of drink or craning your neck into the business of the other customers. You usually wouldn’t recognize any of the people that came in, too many faces for your brain to memorize, but there was always this one boy who stood in the corner of the store, always ordering the same drink and always at the same time; two pm and coincidentally it was always the same time your shift started. Curious as you were you asked, and the moment you did, Sunghoon’s face appealed in a small smug, and unknowingly the immortal beings above you opened the book of fate had already encased the story of you two; the barista girl and her devoted customer. So it was no surprise when you find yourself, walking with the same man, hands interlocked with love, and walking in the same department store, years later, only this time, a small ring could be found on your finger.

trope ༊*·˚ Strangers to Lovers

warnings ˚ · • . ° . tba

coming soon!

again extremely sorry for the grammar mistakes....i made the descriptions 3 in the morning so it may not make sense :/

please repost and like<3