NOW PLAYING: life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it - black box recorder
life isn't always perfect, Y/n shows you an example by allowing you to follow her footsteps through her life.
TAGS !! angst + mentions of death + murder + grief + primarily focuses on y/n's mother and bruce's relationship in the first part + barely any mentions of batfamily (SORRY) + bad descriptions (?) + ooc + bad grammar + etc (let me know if I miss anything) - I don't know anything about science, so this is very inaccurate!!
NOTES !! Sorry for keeping you guys waiting, school has been hectic lately!! I don't really like this as I thought I would, but I hope you guys enjoy!
LIST !! @iloveescara @abigaiili @fauna-the-bizzy-bee143 @elsyageorgia @sugark1ssezz @shycreatorreview
GOTHAM WAS NO HOME FOR USELESS PEOPLE,
you made sure to take note of that once your mother had died. It was a freezing 14 degrees in Gotham, the snow painted the whole city, up and down, left and right. There, you stood on the edge of the rooftop. Your uniform is abandoned behind you, leaving you in your tanktop and underwear. On your skin glistened burn marks, ones that just couldn’t stop burning and bleeding every time you scratched them. You had originally come up here to end it all. Gotham had enough of people like you, people who suffered too much but didn’t want to leave. Many told those who wanted to die, but were too scared to end their life, that “Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it.” It was the unknown but national motto of Gotham, and you took it to heart.
But, where did it all go wrong for you? Just a couple of years ago, you were the smiley-go lucky child who had, and still do, everything! So, why are you so empty? Why are you suffering? Why do you wish to die? Maybe, just maybe, it all started with the death of your mother.
Vivienne Sinclair-Wayne. Your mother, Bruce Wayne’s beloved wife. She was a Botanist, traveling around the world to study and protect endangered plants. She was also the very childhood friend that Bruce grew to love over the years. Many had said that they weren’t perfect for each other, that their tight schedules would clash into one another and lead to a divorce, but those many years that your mother was alive and happily married with your father proved them wrong.
And, even behind the closed doors, all those arguments they had, the secrets that were revealed, they stayed together, through and through. Because their love was deeper and heavier than Venus could ever hold.
It took 3 years within the marriage for Vivienne to find out about Bruce’s alter ego, the one hint she had was the young child that Bruce had taken in coming home with bruises on his body but a wide smile on his face. She didn’t like the idea of Dick being his sidekick, he was just a child who had lost his parents. She loved Dick, too, as if he was her own. Dick loved her as well. But, even then, she still stayed by Bruce’s side.
Years had passed Dick was no longer the Robin who flew by Bruce’s side, he took on a new persona as Nightwing and left Bruce solo. Vivienne stood by him even then, trying to fill the void. She tried hard, and it sort of worked, but what really helped was the kid trying to steal a wheel from Bruce’s batmobile.
There was another robin in the house, one who perfectly filled the void and fought alongside Bruce. He had a bright future, despite his backstory. And, he was just another non-biological son that Vivienne took care of. Everything was going well, keyword: was.
Jason’s death took a toll on the couple, even Alfred. The mourning period was hectic for both Vivienne and Bruce. Bruce’s grief was taken out on the villains and his time in the Batcave. He never found the time to rest, leaving his beloved Vivienne alone in the bed. Alfred scolded him, despite mourning as well, he tried to comfort him the best way he could, but it never really worked. Vivienne’s grief on the other hand, was more depressing. She stayed in bed all day, sleeping or just staring at the ceiling. She rarely ate and only sat in the tub as Alfred bathed her, when Alfred had to force her to shower. And, to put the cherry on the top, Vivienne had caught a glimpse of a letter from Bruce’s old lover, Talia. In the letter, she wrote of the possibility of being pregnant but ending it on the note that she wouldn’t want the child to be raised in Bruce’s hands. This had angered Vivienne only because she knew that if Bruce had read that letter, he would do whatever he could to convince Talia to let him raise the child, only because of the loss of Jason. Vivienne didn’t want for Bruce to raise his old kid to be a soldier, to be stronger than the fallen warrior. She didn’t even want Bruce to read the letter, anger boiled over her as she re-read the letter plenty of times. She wasn’t angry at Talia, she was just angry at the timing. She wished for the letter to have been sent at a later time period, when things are back to being normal, but Vivienne didn’t know when that time would come, so she had hid it where Bruce would never find it, with Alfred’s permission.
A year and a half later, another kid just had to come. Tim was determined to be Bruce’s sidekick, and he was smart, too. It didn’t matter how many times Bruce had rejected Tim’s begging, Tim had always lingered by Bruce’s side for acceptance, and for Vivienne’s as well. Vivienne didn’t like the fact that a kid was trying to put his life in danger just to wear a costume around Gotham, she didn’t like it at first when Bruce had Jason running along, and looked at what had happened. So, she thought the same would happen to Tim.
And so when she saw Tim wearing the costume with a smile on his face, she knew she had to let her anger out at Bruce.
“You’re putting some kid that you barely know in danger? Do you not remember what happened to the last one!?” Her voice echoed from the study as Tim listened.
“Vivienne.. Don’t.” Bruce’s voice was firm but careful, he didn’t want to remember what had happened to Jason as he finally left his grieving period.
“No! History is going to repeat itself, no matter how hard you train that boy. He has a life, Bruce. I don’t want to see it get taken away from him. I can’t, not again.” Her shaken voice rang through Bruce’s head, he was contemplating on whether he should go through with his plan or listen to his hurting wife.
“Gotham needs me, Vivi, and I don’t think I can do this by myself.” He held her hands in his, his eyes searching for hers. He noticed the way her lips trembled, her hand pulling away from him and finding a place on her stomach.
“We need you, Bruce. I also don’t think I can do this by myself.” Vivienne took this chance to tell Bruce that she was with child, and Bruce’s reaction?
His eyes widened, he was finally having a child of his own. Some would say that this was a miracle, and it was, of course, but Bruce had only kissed Vivienne and left the Manor with Tim. She cried that night, never sleeping as she awaited for the safe arrival of Tim and Bruce. Alfred consoled her, giving her tea and had told her that Bruce was going to come around. She smiled at him, tears still falling. Alfred was always right.
Bruce made sure to keep a watchful eye on Tim, putting Tim through harder training to make sure no accident or deathly injuries ever occur. And alongside that, he took care of his pregnant wife with the help of Alfred. He was worried when Vivienne first told him about the pregnancy, but now he was certainly ready. He bought everything for the baby: diapers that Alfred had recommended, a crib suitable enough for the baby, baby formula, and clothes. When Bruce learned that they were getting a girl, he was excited. This would be the first little girl to roam around in the Manor and he wanted to make sure that she’d enjoy living there.
Tim enjoyed the new addition in the family, he played with you with every chance he got. You loved Tim, too. Little you would wait in your crib every night for Tim and Bruce to go into your room and tell you goodbye as they went on a mission. Little you would wait in your crib every night as the front door of the Manor would open, signaling that they had made it home safely. Little you would sit in your high chair, being fed by either your mother or Alfred before Tim would pick you up and hold you. He loved being your older brother, even though you guys weren’t blood-related.
This happy routine continued for years, until the days leading to your fifth birthday.
“Y/n, I have something for you.” Your mother’s sweet voice called for you as you played with your dolls.
“Yes, mommy?” You responded with a smile, holding the expensive doll in your hand.
You watched as she pulled a box from behind her back, it being wrapped with a pink bow. You smiled beamingly, you were already spoiled as it is, but you were still grateful for whatever your parents had got you.
“What is it?” You happily asked, shaking the box to see if you could guess what it is, but no sound was heard or movement made.
“Why don’t you open it up?” Your mother sat down on the floor with you, her soft hand going through your hair. Bruce had watched from the doorframe as he leaned against it, his arms crossed and a soft smile on his face.
You hurriedly untied the ribbon, opening the box as crinkling paper was heard from inside. You gave your mother a quick look before taking the paper out, revealing a pinkish-green and lavender butterfly-shaped cloth. You smiled greatly, you had always loved butterflies as your mother would call you her ‘little butterfly’ or ‘little papillon’.
“Thank you, mommy! I love it so much.” You hugged her tightly with the cloth in your hand. It wasn’t much but it was already better than everything in your room.
After hugging her, she looked at you with a sad expression.
“Listen, baby. Mommy has to go away for some time, alright?” She told you carefully. Your eyes saddened, you didn’t want her to leave.
“But, why? Will you be here for my birthday?” You asked, eyes gleaming at her. She gave you a sad smile and patted your head once again.
“I’m sorry, but I got called in to attend a trip all the way across the world for a research project, so I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend your huge party. That’s why I gave you that gift earlier.” She watched as you looked at your hands, so she hugged you once more before pinching your cheek.
“Don’t worry, you’ll always be my little butterfly.” She said with a happy tone, her hands moving around you to tickle you. Your face lit up as laughter erupted from your mouth. She always knew how to cheer you up.
When she left your room, she walked through the halls in silence with Bruce. With each step, the lights dimmed. The silence got louder. Bruce wasn’t very fond of her going across the world just for some flowers.
“Vi-” He started off as soon as the door to their room closed. Vivienne had cut him off.
“Bruce. I have to do this. This flower, it’s not just some regular flower; it’s powerful. It could be the cure to cancer or to anything.” She was determined as always. Her strong and beautiful eyes glaring into Bruce’s softer ones.
“I-I know, but.. You're going all the way to the darkest parts of Indochina.. I can’t let you go- it may be too dangerous, especially with all the sightings of the meteorites and- I. .” He took a deep breath with his hands on his waist, he knew that her going would be too dangerous. He did his own research, and there were signs of meteorites, huge ones. Not only that, but scientists have reported some dangerous debris from the rocks have been toxic enough to kill at least 5 humans if caution isn’t taken, and Vivienne was going to do research in that region, he just didn’t want her to risk her life.
“You can’t go. I won’t let you. It’s too dangerous.” He finally said firmly, but he knew that she wasn’t one to back down. “I don’t care if that flower can cure cancer or save the whole population, you can seriously die if you’re not careful and I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”
“Bruce.. you’ve been doing the exact same thing for years for similar reasons. You think you can save Gotham, and I think I can help save the world, at least a small part of it. You have to understand, Bruce. This isn’t just some silly research. This flower is in serious danger of endangerment, and the meteorites are the last worries. If this flower ends up in the wrong hands, everyone is done for. That’s why I have to go. I need you to trust me.” She pulled Bruce’s hand and wrapped hers around his, his chest rose and fell. His breathing became deeper and his exhales were sharper. He had only nodded, his eyes closed in fear he was making the wrong choice.
And, so she left the next day, her family waving goodbye as she boarded the plane. And when you could, you talked to your mother through face calls from Bruce’s phone, the reception being horrible but manageable. She was safe, every time she called, she was safe. And, that’s how she arrived back in Gotham: safe.
It was a week after your birthday, and your mother had promised to throw another party once she was able to go home, but she was stuck doing final tests on the flower. She was almost done, almost able to leave and go back to you.
You sat by Tim in the library with Bruce’s phone in your hand as she facetimed you, the quality and the audio was significant as she went over the quirks of the flower.
“It turns out that this resilient camellia had made contact with the debris and fluid that came from the meteorite pits. The fluids enhanced the flower’s durability and even stronger vitamins and minerals, increasing their components to be highly valuable. There’s even a chance that their increase in vitamins and minerals could help cure major diseases. After a run-through of this test, we’ll be able to see if that’s true-” Vivienne spoke until the alarms blared. She looked around, noticing the scurrying of her coworkers. She sensed that something was wrong, following protocol for safety. She picked up the flower carefully and placed it in its secured potted case with patches of grass and fluttering butterflies. Then, a coworker came inside.
“Vivienne, hurry and take cover! We’re being attacked!” The coworker spoke in a loud and clear voice, she rushed by Vivienne’s side, grabbing her by the arm and pulling on her to hide.
“Karla, what the hell is going on?” Vivienne asked as she grabbed her phone quickly before being pulled underneath a counter. She had forgotten about the call she was on with You and Tim, who were both worried as to what was going on.
“All I know is that some strange men came marching in the place with explosives and guns, demanding for the flower. They began to shoot up the place when we declined.” She quickly explained in a stern but shaking voice. The alarms were so loud at this point and with this information, Vivienne was now scared. She doesn’t know what the outcome of this attack will be, she just hopes she’ll be one of the ones surviving the night and going home to her family.
Just before Vivienne could even say anything, the doors to the room they hid in were shattered from a bullet. The lights were off but the lights from the alarm flickered off and on.
“Hurry, check the place for any other fuckwads.” One of the armed men spoke.
“Look, Reg’, there’s the flower over there!” A goon had spoken with such excitement and greed.
You were still on the call, Tim had run out of the room and told Bruce what was happening, leaving you in the library as you grew scared.
“Mom..? What’s going on?” Your voice was barely heard due to the loud blares of the alarm but Vivienne had heard you.
She quickly picked up her phone as she remembered she was still on call. Karla’s eyes widened as she realized that you were there, her expression saddening but still wary of the situation. She watched as Vivienne put a finger on her lips, signaling you to be quiet, then as she signed to you with a sad smile on her face.
‘Mommy’s going to be alright, I’ll be home soon.’ She started to sign, making sure to assure you.
‘I have to go for now, but I promise to make it back to you, my little papillon.’ You nodded, feeling your eyes water. You watched her and signed back, but as you did so, you noticed one of the men coming from behind the counter with his gun pointed to the top of her head, and the scared and tearful expression on Karla’s face.
A scream was heard from Karla as the gun went off, the phone falling from Vivienne’s hand as she went limp. You screamed, too. You cried and yelled for your mom, then another gunshot was heard. That must’ve been for Karla. You froze, your mother was gone. You couldn’t believe it. Was this reality? Was this really the ending? Did Bruce and Tim ever make their way to the building? Would your mother still be alive if you never called her?
As you sat there with tears and the phone shaking in your hand, the man that shot your mother climbed over the counter and stood above the phone.
“Don’t take this personally, kid.” His gruff voice was loud enough for you to hear. He raised his gun to the phone and shot it, ending the call for you. You ran to Alfred, crying, the ability to speak gone. He knew what was happening, he was the one taking care of the cameras of the building in the batcave. When he saw you cry, he knew that your mother was dead, signing out of the comms to console you and himself.
‘M-mom..” You cried into Alfred’s chest, holding onto him tightly. “She’s-she’s gone, Alfried. She-he, he killed her. I w-watched it happen, Alfred. Do something, please.” Your voice trembled, your throat burning. Alfred could only rub your back as a tear slipped from his eye.
“Everything’s going to be okay, miss.” That was all he could say, even though he knew he was lying.
“No it’s not!” You pushed him off you, anger in your eyes.
“Mom promised to come back home, she promised to throw another party. She can’t just die like that. She can’t! I-I won’t allow it..” Before you even know it, more sobs came from your mouth as you fell to the ground, fists to the floor.
It’s been a year since your mother’s passing. You haven’t been able to speak to Bruce or Tim ever since. Bruce had buried himself deeper in work on the ones who attacked the building, just like how he had done with Jason’s death. Tim was doing the same, trying his best to hack into the accounts of the murderers. Alfred was the only one who helped you with your grief. The one who made sure you ate, showered, and slept well, just as he did with your mother back then. But, he was hurting, too. Visiting the grave of your mother, which was in the garden of the Manor, her favorite place, every morning and night, greeting her and cleaning her grave with every chance.
You felt guilty. You felt as if her death was your fault, that maybe if you hadn't rushed her to finish and come home, then she’d still be alive. Some nights, you’d watch Tim and Bruce working hard together, both not saying a word to each other. You felt bad, useless, prone to fix everything. You didn’t like being useless because you had sat there as you watched your mother get shot, uselessly. You didn’t run out of the manor with Bruce and Tim to help and save her. You were just useless as always.
You wanted to do something as revenge for your mother, you remember the story of how Tim became robin, you thought that maybe your father would let you be part of that life or at least train to avenge your mother.
One night, you marched in Bruce’s study. He had dark rings under his eye and a stubble beard growing. His hair was shaggier than his usual up-kept hair-do. His hands were rougher than before, all due to him training and fighting villains left and right. You became even more determined to help after seeing him like that.
“Dad..” Your voice echoed through the room, the silence made you feel small.
“Hm.” A small grunt was made from Bruce, he didn’t even look at you as he flipped through cases.
“Train me.” You started. “Train me to fight with you, to get revenge for mom.” Your voice was so clear despite your heart racing. You wanted this so badly, to be useful. But, the second your father lifted his head, his eyes dark and firm with no sign of life, you could tell that wasn’t happening.
“No.” Was all he told you, his hands now free from the papers. You gulped, not wanting to back down. Not yet.
“But, Dad-” He slammed his hands on the table, standing up from his chair.
“No, Y/n.” His voice was loud and ruff, making you flinch.
“You do not deserve to be in this lifestyle. You will not be training or fighting for anything. It is my responsibility to keep you safe, and if I can’t do that, I won’t know what to do. You will not, under any circumstances, fight by my side.” He quickly let out, letting out a deep breath after finishing. You’ve never seen him like this, so angry. You felt like crying but didn’t want to be deemed as weak in front of him. You still wanted to make a stand, but it all seemed useless. So, you only nodded, lowering your head so he couldn’t see your eyes watering.
It took Bruce a few minutes to calm down, realizing that he might’ve been too harsh.
“I’m sorry, baby, but I just don’t want to lose you, too. I need you to be safe, you’re the only reason I still fight. After your mother, I-..” He couldn’t finish his sentence, it was still a sensitive topic for him.
“I’m sorry, Y/n. Just know I’m making this decision for your own good.”
For your own good.. You watched, with curious eyes, the newcomers coming in and out of the manor throughout the years. You watched how Bruce and Tim became even more distant. You watched others fulfill a role you wanted to be in so bad. ‘For your own good.’ You couldn’t help but scoff. Was he really doing this just for your own good or did he think that you were too weak? You chose the latter and stuck with it.
Stephanie Brown was the girl you wanted to be friends with. She reminded you of Dick, who you barely remembered, in a good way. She was the older sister you never had but always wanted, at least you wanted to think that way. She didn’t have the time to talk to you, dealing with the forever brooding Bruce and the deeply tired Tim, but when she did talk to you, it was always a brief “Hi!” or “Hey, how are you doing?” You didn’t mind, you knew that the role she carried was hard to manage, even for her. She wasn’t considered family but she was still the one helping to anchor the troubling two from self-destructing.
Next was Cassandra. She never spoke to you, always a silent and quick nod or a quick glance of acknowledgment. You didn’t mind that she was silent, after learning her backstory from Alfred. You just tried your best to make her feel wanted and to get to know her, even greeting her in sign language. She would sometimes sign back to you, but only sometimes as she never really stayed.
Three years have passed, making it your 9th year alive. You’ve grown accustomed to the silence from Bruce and the others, you knew it wasn’t to hurt you but because they were hurting. You just wish that they’d see that you’re hurting as well. This time, you worked with the background noise. Always waiting for others to speak to you rather than making the conversation. Dick began to come around a lot more, too. You thought he’d be interested in hanging out with you like he’d used to back then. But, then you found out the real reason why he came back: Damian. You had a half-brother, stemming from Bruce. One who was raised entirely differently from you. He was raised under the most known assassin, growing up to be one as well. What made it so shocking was that he was a year older than you. You guys started off on the wrong path, in which he had tried to fight you a couple of times for the Wayne title until he realized that you weren’t even trained. It baffled him, really, boosting up his ego. You had only wanted to know him, to hang out with him, but he made you feel useless, so you distanced yourself from him. Although Damian felt superior to you, he couldn’t help but feel curious. He wondered why you weren’t training, why you were so quiet, and why you’re barely around the family. He thought of you as a brat, at first, but when Alfred had told him the reason why you weren’t in training, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad for you but also protective.
He didn’t get too close to you, though. Sometimes, he’d watch from afar, sit on the opposite couch across from you in the library, notice what books you loved to read and prepare them for you for your next visit. Then, he began to come in the place of Alfred, bringing your food up to your room when he noticed you weren’t joining dinner. He’d always tell you to come down and to stop being selfish, as one would put it, but he had actually cared for you.
When you both began to attend Gotham Academy, that’s when you guys began to separate.
You felt pleasure in getting good grades, while Damian had to defend himself against kids who tried to bully him but failed in doing so. And, after those kids tried their best to make Damian feel little, they became the ones who walked in Damian’s orbit and acted superior to others. Then, you were alone, again. Just for now, at least. You soon found your own set of friends, too. You just didn’t know that your life would go downhill because of them.
