died hopeless.

all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling. all this heaven never could describe such a feeling as i’m hearing. although we stick together, it seems that we are strangling one another. call me when you need me. can it be undone? can you see it coming now? darling, believe me. every demon wants his pound of flesh. even when i was a child, i’ve always known there was something to be frightened of. everybody lets you down in this brief hole of a town. heaven help me, i need to make it right. here’s to drinks in the dark, at the end of my road. holy water cannot help you now. hours and armies couldn’t keep me out. i believe there’s no salvation for me now. i can never leave the past behind. i can see it coming from the edge of the room. i cannot be returned. i did cartwheels in your honor. i don’t care whether i live or die. i don’t need a husband, i don’t need a wife. i don’t want your heart. it leave me cold. i don’t want your money. i had a dream about my old school. i heard your voice as clear as day, and you told me i should concentrate. i like to keep some things to myself. i never knew daylight could be so violent. i think i’m breaking down again. i wanna give you back the open sky. i was dead when i woke up this morning. i was disappearing in plain sight. i was screaming out a language that i never knew existed before. i wish to remain nameless and live without shame. i would give all this, and heaven, too. in order to get to the heart, i think sometimes you’ll have to cut through. in some way i’m there with you, up against the wall on a wednesday afternoon. it cries out in the darkest night and breaks in the morning light. it never makes sense it me. it seems a heavy choice to make. it talks in tongues and quiet sighs, and prayers and proclamations. it was all so strange and so surreal, that a ghost should be so practical. it was always standing next to me. it’s a conversation i just can’t have tonight. it’s a fine romance, but it’s left me so undone. it’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat. it’s always darkest before the dawn. it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back. it’s peaceful in the deep. it’s so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud. it’s the purest element but it’s so volatile. i’d do anything to make you stay. i’ll be dead before the day is done. i’m damned if i do, and i’m damned if i don’t. i’m going from road to road, bed to bed, lover to lover, and black to red. i’m going to leave my body. i’m going to let it happen to me. i’m going to raise the stakes, and i’m going to smoke you out. i’m losing blood, i’m gonna leave my bones. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. i’m not here looking for absolution, because i found myself an old solution. i’m ready to suffer and i’m ready to hope. i’m slipping underneath. i’ve been a fool, and i’ve been blind. i’ve been keeping myself awake. i’ve been wandering the streets for days and days and days. keep following the heartlines on your hand. looking for heaven, i found the devil in me. my body was bruised. no need to pray, no need to speak. no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out. now all your love will be exorcised. reflections still look the same to me. say my name, and every color illuminates. see, i have to burn your kingdom down. she wants the silence but fears the solitude. she wants to be alone and together with you. she was there all pink and gold and glittering. she’s a cruel mistress. she’s just like the weather. take what the water gave me. tell me what all the sighing is about. tell me what you want me to say. tell me what you’re running from. the arms of the ocean delivered me. the crashes are heaven for a sinner live me. the heart is hard to translate. the only solution was to stand and fight. the ships are left to rust. the words are escaping, and coming back all damaged. the world’s a beast of a burden. there is no salvation for me now. there is no space among the clouds, and i feel i’m heading down. they took your loved ones but returned them in exchange for you. they were there when i woke up this morning. though the pressure is hard to take, it’s the only way i can escape. time goes quicker between the two of us. we are shining and we will never be afraid again. we will find you saying it’s to be better now. we won’t eat and we won’t sleep. we’ll build our altar here. we’ll drag bodies from a ground. when it’s over, you’re the start. when it’s time to pray, we’ll be dressed up all in grey. when we come back, we’ll be dressed in black. when we come for you, we’ll be dressed up all in blue. when we first came here, we were cold and we were clear. will they keep me alive? with all my education, i can’t seem to command it. with no colors in our skin, we were light and paper thin. would you have it any other way? would you leave me, if i told you what i’ve done? would you need me, if i told you what i’ve become? you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said. you came over me like some holy rite. you can’t choose what stays and what fades away. you had jesus on your breath and i caught him in mine. your heart is the only place that i call home. you’ll scream my name aloud. you’re my head, you’re my heart. you’re the chemical that burns. you’re the only light. you’ve been holding up a long time.

 by  the  time  they  found  colin  in  that  godforsaken  house,   he  looked  like  lasagne  with  teeth  !     (   I’D  KNOW,    I  HAD  TO  IDENTIFY  THE  REMAINS  )   my  boy  is  not  in  the  realm  of  the  undead,    he  is  not  flying  around  in  the  ferment  on  magical  wings  of  flame.   he  is  in  an  OVERPRICED  rosewood  box  that’s  headed  six  feet  down  town !    so,   you  can  take  your  pain  &   you  can  shove  it  up  your  asses,   kids  !    IND.   COLIN  GRAY   FROM   JENNIFER’S  BODY.   BY  FRANCIS.

for @deadtalker,  happy birthday faye xo

❝ On your left. ❞ ❝ Don’t say it. Don’t you say it. ❞ ❝ Need a medic? ❞ ❝ You should be ashamed of yourself. ❞ ❝ It’s your bed, right? ❞ ❝ You must miss the good old days, huh? ❞ ❝ I’ll put it on the list. ❞ ❝ I’m sure they have a good reason. ❞ ❝ Relax, it’s not that complicated. ❞ ❝ You doing anything fun Saturday night? ❞ ❝ You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she’d probably say yes. ❞ ❝ Too shy, or too scared? ❞ ❝ You seemed pretty helpless without me. ❞ ❝ You want to be a hero? Is that it? ❞ ❝ Well, this is awkward. ❞ ❝ I think that’s overstating things. ❞ ❝ You just can’t stop yourself from lying, can you? ❞ ❝ I’m not obliged to do anything. ❞ ❝ It’s called compartmentalisation. ❞ ❝ Nobody spills the secrets, because nobody knows them all. ❞ ❝ I do share. I’m nice like that. ❞ ❝ I thought the punishment usually came after the crime. ❞ ❝ We can’t afford to wait that long. ❞ ❝ This isn’t freedom, this is fear. ❞ ❝ For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right. ❞ ❝ You’re always so dramatic. ❞ ❝ The world has changed, and none of us can go back. ❞ ❝ Sometimes the best that we can do is to start over. ❞ ❝ I’m here to ask a favor. ❞ ❝ You lose someone? ❞ ❝ What makes you happy? ❞ ❝ If you want, you’re welcome to use my machine. Might be cheaper than the one in the basement. ❞ ❝ Well, I’ll keep my distance. ❞ ❝ I don’t remember giving you a key. ❞ ❝ My wife kicked me out. ❞ ❝ I didn’t know you were married. ❞ ❝ There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. ❞ ❝ You’re a terrible liar. ❞ ❝ He told me not to trust anyone. ❞ ❝ Anyone gets in my way, they’re gonna regret it. ❞ ❝ It kind of feels personal. ❞ ❝ I only act like I know everything. ❞ ❝ I’m not gonna ask you again. ❞ ❝ Bye-bye, bikinis. ❞ ❝ First rule of going on the run is don’t run, walk. ❞ ❝ My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations. ❞ ❝ I have the exact same glasses. ❞ ❝ Shut up and put your arm around me. Laugh at something I said. ❞ ❝ Kiss me. ❞ ❝ Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. ❞ ❝ I just wondered how much practice you’ve had. ❞ ❝ Nobody special, though? ❞ ❝ Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience. ❞ ❝ You just make something up. ❞ ❝ The truth is a matter of circumstance. ❞ ❝ That’s a tough way to live. ❞ ❝ You know, it’s kind of hard to trust someone, when you don’t know who that someone really is. ❞ ❝ Who do you want me to be? ❞ ❝ Who’s the girl? ❞ ❝ You need anything before I leave? ❞ ❝ Want some milk? ❞ ❝ I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but I guess I can’t tell the difference anymore. ❞ ❝ There’s a chance you might be in the wrong business. ❞ ❝ If it was down to me to save your life, would you trust me to do it? ❞ ❝ I hear the crab cakes here are delicious. ❞ ❝ That is a terrible, terrible idea. ❞ ❝ I wasn’t sure who to trust. ❞ ❝ Your work has been a gift to mankind. ❞ ❝ You shaped the century. ❞ ❝ Society’s at a tipping point between order and chaos. ❞ ❝ If you don’t do your part, I can’t do mine. ❞ ❝ See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues. ❞ ❝ I just kind of wanted to be alone. ❞ ❝ We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. ❞ ❝ I’m with you to the end of the line, pal. ❞ ❝ I don’t know if I can do that. ❞ ❝ I think it’s time you know the truth. ❞ ❝ The price of freedom is high. ❞ ❝ Did you write that down first, or was it off the top of your head? ❞ ❝ You smug son of a bitch. ❞ ❝ I’m sorry, did I step on your moment? ❞ ❝ Are you sure you’re ready for the world to see you as you really are? ❞ ❝ Did you get my flowers? ❞ ❝ You’re the best and the most ruthless person I ever met. ❞ ❝ You know, you’re a lot heavier than you look. ❞ ❝ I had a big breakfast. ❞ ❝ Please don’t make me do this. ❞ ❝ Unless you want a two-inch hole in your sternum, I’d put that gun down. ❞ ❝ This is gonna hurt. ❞ ❝ Man, shut the hell up. ❞ ❝ You know, there was a time I would’ve taken a bullet for you. ❞ ❝ You’re out of your depth, kid. ❞ ❝ I’m not gonna fight you. ❞ ❝ You’re my friend. ❞ ❝ You’re not going to put me in a prison. ❞ ❝ You’ll know where to find me. ❞ ❝ I’m headed to Europe tonight, Wanted to ask if you’d come. ❞ ❝ You might not want to pull on that thread. ❞ ❝ This is the age of miracles. ❞ ❝ There’s nothing more horrifying than a miracle. ❞

 by  the  time  they  found  colin  in  that  godforsaken  house,   he  looked  like  lasagne  with  teeth  !     (   I’D  KNOW,    I  HAD  TO  IDENTIFY  THE  REMAINS  )   my  boy  is  not  in  the  realm  of  the  undead,    he  is  not  flying  around  in  the  ferment  on  magical  wings  of  flame.   he  is  in  an  OVERPRICED  rosewood  box  that’s  headed  six  feet  down  town !    so,   you  can  take  your  pain  &   you  can  shove  it  up  your  asses,   kids  !    IND.   COLIN  GRAY   FROM   JENNIFER’S  BODY.   BY  FRANCIS.