THE HUMAN SOUL IS A TREACHEROUS PLACE.

❝ I’m going to make this way harder than it needs to be. ❞

❝ Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that? ❞

❝ Speaking of funerals… why don’t you go ahead and die? ❞

❝ You took a life here today. You did. The life of the party. ❞

❝ Please don’t throw garbage at me. ❞

❝ Well, well, well… how the turn tables. ❞

❝ Just Do It. You were the “it” that I was just doing. ❞

❝ Decent people everywhere will get offended. ❞

❝ I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. ❞

❝ Who am I? I’m [name], the business bitch. ❞

❝ Oh, speaking of time machines… I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came. ❞

❝ I never smile if I can help it. ❞

❝ This is a dream I’ve been having since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now. ❞

❝ If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person. ❞

❝ Occasionally, I will hit someone with my car. So sue me. ❞

❝ I really enjoy being judged. ❞

❝ Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do. ❞

❝ I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. ❞

❝ They’re trying to make me an escape goat. ❞

❝ If I don’t have some cake soon I might die. ❞

❝ Your mom, you gay nerd! ❞

❝ I don’t want to blame anyone in particular… I think everyone’s to blame. ❞

❝ Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised. ❞

❝ Is this a video conference you’re having with… “Drake” featuring “Swizz Beatz”? ❞

❝ Should have burned this place down when I had the chance. ❞

❝ Nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself. ❞

❝ So everyone here knows pirate code? ❞

❝ Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw out your computer. ❞

❝ I have the worst attitude of anyone here. ❞

❝ And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.  ❞

❝ What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? ❞

❝ I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?! ❞

❝ You’re always saying there’s something wrong with society, but maybe it’s something wrong with you. ❞