accept that rpf occupies an ethical gray area. rpf can be super fun and joyful, but it involves working with (the public images of) real people. therefore you as an rpf shipper have more responsibility than fans of a traditional media property to behave well and model good behavior for other fans. the onus is on YOU and other shippers to respect boundaries and maintain clear lines, NOT on the celebrity, who is simply a person living their life.

don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever interact with the actors or creators or public figures on any social media platform, or with anyone connected to them (friends, family, makeup artists, etc.). never. don't show them art, don't show them fic, don't ask them about your ship, don't ask them about the person you ship them with, don't don't don't. just don't.

keep your rpf fic locked. keep your rpf twitter private. understand the risks of engaging in rpf on platforms that use algorithms to serve fandom content to people outside of fandom circles (tiktok, twitter, insta). personally i think we should NOT be doing rpf at all on those platforms but i accept that there are thriving rpf communities there. (thriving rpf communities that often have terrible boundaries!!)

Who is you, Chiron?

the datasets that these tools, even grammar/spellcheck ones use, are built on stolen writing from the very creatives that these people are creating alongside. ao3 has been scraped and fed to these sets to take advantage of free writing. to not know this or care about this is a problem because fandom is a community.

at what juncture do we respect the community we are in, more than we crave the capitalist satisfaction of production? at what juncture do we collectively enforce community standards and practices that tell folks to reach out to other human beings for art and build connection in order to find a beta, to find a mentor to tell them how to establish boundaries with pushy readers, to tell them how to be a fan and support a creator, to explain how to comment and reblog and post on the same platform with people and ENGAGE with others. how do we guide each other in learning how to exist in a collaborative art remix of a media object we all love? how do we create tangible infrastructure in our social networks that affords us the benefit of each other and discourages manipulation, disinformation, and isolation?

we have to be open to dialogue.

to learning. to critique. to growing. to educating. to taking a breath and a moment. to being wrong. to being vulnerable in reaching out to others. to talking.

and when we aren't open to these things - when we seek One True Fanon Truth or idolize the canon/showrunners/authors/etc., when we cannot handle critique of our own work, when we police fans of color in our spaces, when we don't listen to concerns and make our own educated judgements, when we fail to discuss outloud WHY certain fandom community standards are the way they are and the history of how they came to pass - we let new and apathetic actors enact their own rules into our spaces, in bad faith, and for their own benefit. and we, collectively, are the ones hurt.

-Ilya just lost his father to an illness affecting the brain and the person he loves most just got a brain injury and he doesn’t yet know how severe

-Ilya has been made to feel unwelcome by his family for years and probably isn’t sure if Shane will be mad that he’s there, tell him to leave, be embarrassed that he’s there, or laugh at him for thinking he wants him there

-It’s also notable that this is one of the few times they’ve interacted where hooking up isn’t an option, and when it wasn’t an option in Russia Ilya reacted coldly to Shane and told him to leave, and doesn’t know how Shane will react to a situation now where the only thing he has to offer is his presence

-And Shane’s reaction is unbridled delight at seeing Ilya and he makes grabby hands until Ilya comes close enough to hold hands with him

-Ilya’s family have never had problems showing how they feel about him, which is usually insults and contempt. Shane is affectionate with him but clearly has emotional walls up a lot of the time. This is the first time Ilya has interacted with Shane where he has no inhibitions blocking how he treats Ilya, and he treats him with so much delight and love and affection, showing that the only thing he’s been holding back is just how much he cares, rather than any judgements

-When Shane asks Ilya to come to the cottage he doesn’t say “We could have so much sex” but “We could have so much fun”. Showing that Ilya is not just a hookup but someone whose company he enjoys just as a person

if you give a man the power to feed you you give a man the power to starve you.

so you’re on all the bank accounts. do you have an account of just your own that he can’t access? because he has one. do you have a way to get money into that account uncontested? because he does. do you have a credit card in only your name? he has one. do you alone qualify for a mortgage or car loan? he does. do you have employment history? he does.

have you considered that if he hurts you and you file a report or get medical attention, that will damage his career as a public figure, and his career is your only income? have you considered that unless you are 100% certain you want to divorce, it’s in your best interest to keep everything as quiet as you possibly can? have you considered that your husband plays a sport with high rates of CTE and drug and alcohol abuse which all correlate to rage and loss of impulse control? have you considered that at any time he can get traded and you’ll be off to utah in 24 hours? have you considered that your support system is a group of women in the same place as you who consider this all normal and even enviable? are you a good wife? are you a caring mother? are you a hot girlfriend? have you learned to find value in your commodification? if you broke up with your boyfriend and cut your hair and changed your name would your friends still be your friends? would your community still be your community? it all seems exciting and romantic and like a perfect story when you are 21 and he proposes on the beach. it seems like the way you want your life to go. now you’re 31 with 5 kids and no work history in a place you didn’t grow up surrounded only by women in your same situation.

and maybe nothing bad happens! maybe he loves you and treats you well. maybe he is kind and caring and a good partner and a good father and a good husband. maybe you are respected and valued.

Shane lies on Ilya's chest, hand fiddling with the cross on the end of his necklace. Ilya strokes his hair, waiting for the moment Shane remembers he shouldn't be doing this, then freaks out and says it can never happen again.

Instead, Shane asks, "Why do you sing along to the worship and campfire songs even though you don't believe in them?"