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More than just a plot twist of 2017 — now it feels more reality, a best Christmas present and one of testimony of God’s glory.

I still feel that this was just a dream and just couldn’t believe that I’m one of the 1,114 passers over 2,093 examinees. Now, here I am— a full-pledge Customs Broker. 

Draft photos

It wasn’t easy but I’m sure we can do this together.

We we’re close to giving up but I’m glad we fight together.

Tiring but we continuously sharing our hopes and dreams together.

From broke to BROKER together  ❤

October 29, 2017 

Sky ranch, Tagaytay

Here’s a late post that crossed out one of my bucketlist. 

The first time I rode ferris wheel when I was four or five years old, I could still remember how fearful I was. It took several years to get me ride again on that crazy ferris wheel, like I’m already twenty one. I saw nothing in space as promising as the view from a ferris wheel.

It’s been a while and a whole lot more happened since I last posted here and yeah like I couldn’t leave this blog just easily.

There are some reasons why I stay hiatus for so long..

We’re having a slow connection

I can’t able to use laptop because of my sister. She’s busy working with her thesis.

And lastly, I started my tutorial class and review for our board exam which was taken last November. During six months, I was occupied with papers and books that all my time was spent preparing and studying everything for the exam. I almost gave up social medias and ditched party and other events. It was a big sacrifice for me. 

Life Update:

I lost my phone during review days and I’m having hard time using blackberry phone hehe

I still have GERD and soon.. I’m getting abdominal ultrasound. Praying for a positive result!

because of my GERD, I continuously lose weight.

and because of my GERD again, I’m still developing healthy eating habit.

Thanking God for giving me another year to live. I’m already twenty one. Do I look like my age? lol

Learning some guitar chords

Got my hair straight :)

Wearing contact lens instead of eyeglass

DAD’S FINALLY HOME 

Sam and I has reached our first anniversary ♡

I PASSED THE CUSTOMS BROKER LICENSURE EXAMINATION !!!!! (and Sam) 

It’s the last quarter of the year and still I’m holding on to God’s promises. I thank the Lord for making it all happened specially the time I was struggling during my review, I can’t thank Him enough for everything He has done to me. And as for this blog.. it will remain written for His glory.

MY FIRST TRIP ABROAD & FIRST TIME GOING ON A PLANE (alone)  ✈

I had absolutely no experience with this sort of travel and found myself relying heavily on my mother’s advice and suggestions. She told me what to pack and how to pack; lending me a nice outfit to wear on the plane, a sky blue ripped jeans and jacket that went over a nice blouse. Packed up all my stuffs in my two carry on bags. 

My cousin Eliza had invited me to come to Singapore as her graduation present for me. She booked flight two weeks ago and I’m really that surprise and a bit nervous to think that it was my first time and alone. My heart was pounding as I walked through the doors of the airport. Walking through the automatic doors I enter the airport for the first time on my own. My fear was overwhelming as I got closer and closer. I was thankful for a free wifi at the airport that helped me calm down.

I walked up to the counter to get my boarding ticket and then I proceeded to Immigration office that took me so long. Finally, I go down at the designated gate where the plane is already open and ready to board.

The flight attendant, who was wearing an orange dress said, ”Welcome aboard flight 3K764 to Singapore”. I sat on the best airplane seat: window seat and sat right with an Indian man beside me. The engines roared as I got more and more scared. The plane started to move down the run way. My hands started to shake as the plane got faster and faster down the runway. So then finally we were in the air and that’s when I calmed down. Three hours and fifteen minutes later I was on the ground. When I landed in Singapore Changi Airport I realized I was going to have to do it all over again when I go back home. 

Even though I was nervous I still got through it. If I do go on another trip in an air planes I won’t be nervous again. I suddenly miss the feeling of riding on a plane.

Thank you Lord for a safe and sound flight :)

Have you experienced a time when you knew you were where God wanted you to be, but the storms were overwhelming?

Today, I felt lifeless to start my daily devotion but the urges of my spirit lead me to open my Bible and to find out what God has something to tell me. The story of Matthew 14:22-33 reveals a lot to my heart today.

“Jesus walks on water” is one of the famous story in the Bible (if we ever read our Bible as often), and today, I get astonished from the learnings beyond of this Word. The question written above is likely relate to the disciples and even to us. (?)

Christ made them to get into the boat when He knew a storm was coming. As to our lives, storms occurred and so we have little faith and doubts. We tend to put all the negativity into ourselves and blame. We want Christ to hurry and calm the storm. But yet we fail to notice that storms are tools of God for us to see His majesty. If He had simply calmed the storm, the disciples would have missed His majesty. His majesty was the whole point.

And to walk by faith through our storms. It seems like a big requirement until we realize Christ does far more than that— He walks on the water during our storms.

We can be smack in the center of God’s will and still go through terrible storms. The truth is, not all the storms in life result from either sin or warfare. Some occur like clockwork to purposely rock our boats. However, if Christ has appointed our place in the storm, we can be rest assured that He has purposes to show.

If we have this storm that currently happening to us right now, we had no idea why, nor do we have many answers now, but be certain God is directing our events.

It’s a tricky holiday to celebrate Father’s Day without a father. You know it’s June when those father’s day advertisements appear on social media and television.

You never really think about how triggering those ads are until you no longer have a Dad.

Today marks the first ever Father’s Day without my dad. And I imagine it never gets easier. I don’t know if he’s fine, what he is doing right now. My head has loaded a lot of questions. Since dad and mom parted, he also chose to part from our family.

But I still have a father. I always have my dad in my heart. I love my dad who used to be my motivator when I was seven. He is my inspiration to pursue arts. His discipline made me frightened at him but so worth it. Growing up with a strict dad is a trap but in the end, I’m thankful to dad for being so protective as he was. Because it turned out there’s a tons of awesome things I learned in life. Credits to my dad who play a military role even though he’s not. If only he's here, I would love to make him coffee and bought him his fave food and I think that too much for him. A small effort we do for our parents after all their sacrifices is precious to their hearts. If only, I would. I could.

It sounds so cliché, but now I understand the significance of Father’s Day. That is what Father’s Day is about, right? It is about recognizing your dad and how much he does for you, and saying thank you and I love you.

FINALLY !!!!

We are half way this 2017. How come that six months left before this year will end? Days are passing by like a glimpse of an eye and the quick tickling of clock.

Over the past month I was idle and discouraged about life (not so) and now, here I am again, starting over and over again what I mostly did for almost years of being here, of being a lazy blogger. But really it’s not my lazy bones but I just want to get real and have a heart to heart talk with you, my dear tumblr blog (with you, if you ever read this).

I’m in that moment when you eat, read a book, do something and rethink your life and your attitudes and you just want to put your feelings out. All emotions come together. I come here to sum up all things happen for six months.

From January, I really dare myself to do more, to give the best I could and I didn’t fail. Seeing my complete name on the list of official graduating students was the very first answered prayer I got this year and the progress I made in my acads is real until February, the first graduation practice and I am late haha! Valentines day came, Sam surprised me again with a date before the hearts day will end. Also, hooray for his first birthday with me. Here’s to more special events together! March, I remember our cramming days. Those last examinations we had to overcome of being a student is no joke. The peculiar feeling of cosmetics on your face, having a graduation pictorial is real and to finally got my toga is a bliss. Beautiful things happen when God say’s “It’s time”.

April came and so my mom is home. To Him who sits on throne, I finally graduated and whatever reason that took me five years in college, it’s HIS perfect time. Those tears and stress nights of thinking what life throws at me that made me hopeless and drowning to walk in life’s situation. But see.. whether you get drowned and almost sank. Let us avoid the tension of the waves. Don’t worry, our lifeguard walks on water. I came to perceive it, do we not perceive it? God is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland (Isaiah 43). And definitely I thank God. May, I was enrolled in our review class and started our tutorial class. The same God who walks on water is the same God who is with me, us today.

May is hard for me, it is different compare to those previous months. I didn’t have to hide about what happened lately obviously this is my blog and this is the real me. I’ve been quiet to write my feelings about my relationship status recently, I don’t just want to write about it and maybe regret it the next day because of my sudden emotions. It was a very emotional month for me (either for Sam too). We prolonged a mistake that we could just end it in a snap because of our prides and sinful natures. That was our first big fight in eight months of relationship. But eventually, after weeks of fight and full of pride, we get to calm down, hear each other’s side, understand and forgive each other. I couldn’t elaborate more about this but maybe I will publish it in another blog post.

Kill the flame before it grows into fire.

Lose your pride or lose the person you love.

Juneeee, already half of the month and God is really unstoppable to bring us breakthrough and blessings. Sometimes I still wonder things even though I knew deeply in my heart what is the truth.

“I am sinner” BUT I AM SAVED BY HIS GRACE

“I didn’t deserve all these blessings” BUT JESUS DIED FOR ME, KNOWING SOMEONE DIED FOR ME IS ENOUGH.

“I often forget to pray and struggle to talk to Him” BUT CHRIST IS OUR GREAT HIGH PRIEST, HE INTERCEDES WITH US.

“Do I think God can do this?” BUT WITH GOD NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

My own hard head has made a liar out of me more than once. I have offended the Lord many times to the point of putting Him on a test where just to settle my doubts. And to rethink and look back over the past months of 2017, GOD HAS PROVEN HIMSELF FAITHFUL. He revealed himself everyday. Are we not aware? or maybe we hate the things God is showing us? Mine is both, I admit.

Okay, sorry for so inadequately trying to put my feelings to words, and this is kinda sort of preaching hehe I really love talking about God. I just hugging the chance to update my blog. Still catching up! :)

“Well, this is what you always wanted. Are you happy now?”

I’ve been telling myself this question over and over again while facing myself in the mirror. How vain. How crazy it is to have worked out the thing I know I am going to be happy and contented but really it didn’t. 

“Uhm, I guess so.” I whispered to myself. 

I am a health conscious. I did and tried a lot of workout, my every day fitness routine at home and gym. Yes, until now, I go to gym. I despised my thick thighs, longed for a slim and toned body, and wished my fats would just leave  quickly and disappear. 

And now here I was. I already get the body I want. Not that sexy but far from what I looked before. I later recognized that, no, I was not happy now that I had this, my weight, I looked more smallest than I’d ever been.

It wasn’t enough for me to feel good when people saw me physically and I was more unhappy to saw their same reactions which was gave me sadness. I posted my profile picture weeks ago (shows above on the right side). I changed it not to get likes, not to get people’s attention, not for somebody else but only for myself. And people have their own opinions that I fully respect. 

“What’s with being thin?”

“Thinner?” and followed by a sad emoji. etc

And mostly my college mates told me so. Even people passed by my way and noticed my physical look asking me if I feel ill or if I’m having an illness or am I sick and whatsoever that defines my body now.

I know those people are my friends for real. So there’s nothing wrong about it. No issues. Okay

I’d envisioned feeling so much at this weight. A happy, healthy, precious one. Now, I realized, that I was now ‘here’ and more miserable than ever. It was a turning point. Recognizing that the number on the scale was never my problem. My problem was that I never felt like I was good enough. That is part of making that turn. I thought if I looked a certain way and was thinner, I’d automatically be happier, be on a trend, and be liked more.

And in all honesty, I was going to need to make, but I knew it would be a game-changing one. I’d like to make it a change. Self-love.

As my Beloved said to me in the Song of Solomon, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.”