A Canvas Of Silence

I resent Twitter for a lot of things since Elon took it over but not the least of which is kickstarting the tumblr habit I had successfully kicked several year ago. Catch me here shitposting and venting like it’s college again.

I am simply too broken down this week to be an adult. Between unexpected conversations shaking my confidence and big deadlines at work, and then the big sad of saying goodbye to my sister’s sweet pup, it is so much. And the gutting of even more civil rights. And having to post about it. As a result, I made some stupid mistakes today because I was moving too fast to catch up for the level of heaviness I’m feeling. And the ol’ anxiety disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria of the adhd are flaring hard. Plus the wildfire smoke making me dizzy and feel almost sick. I need a vacation so badly. Or a career change lol but I don’t know if I’m ready to address the burnout of it all. I miss writing stories. I miss taking photos. I miss feeling creative instead of overwhelmed.

Not the narcissist in my inbox today

I miss my adhd meds

Also finally getting on adhd meds only for my insurance to change and everything be snatched away waiting for approvals is breaking me a lil tiny bit

In this new era of my life, I’m going to keep my energy for myself. You hurt me? I’m not going to chase you. You can’t make time for me? After three times of me reaching out and getting ghosted, it’s on you to want to make a plan. The ADHD superpower is I can pick up with almost anyone like no time has past, even if I’m shit at keeping in touch and it’s been several years somehow. Because to me it doesn’t feel like any time at all. But I’m tired of not feeling good enough, and I’m not going to play high school level games anymore trying to make people want to spend time with me. You specifically don’t invite me to a party and expect me not to see social media? It’s not high school. I’ll subtweet on tumblr like it’s 2014 again until I feel like I can move on.

Landlords, and capitalism and housing markets as a whole, are trash