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“I love it.”

Himiko responded quickly, naturally, just before popping another piece of sushi in her mouth. The small plates kept piling up, and Himiko ate without abandon. She wouldn’t be paying, after all, and she was a hungry, growing teenager with a completely unstable life. She would take all the free (and delicious) food she could get.

“It’s my favorite thing, ever.”

Himiko smiled widely, baring her teeth as she ate and got tiny grains of rice all over her reddened cheeks.

“What’s wrong with blood on your clothes? Besides, it’s not that hard to get out. Just use hydrogen peroxide. You must suck at doing laundry.”

‘Hurting people’– ah, so, he was one of those sorts of people. The kind that could never understand her. Oh, well. At least she got some food out of this.

“I do what I want, because I want to, because I like to. Everyone lives that way. It’s pretty normal.”

“Is that so? I don’t really understand what normal people think and feel like.” 

Dazai was the opposite of her. He had never once considered himself a normal person, he had always been someone extraordinary, in the mafia, in the detective agency, and in his lonely youth. 

However, he felt curious about this girl more than anything else. If it were Oda perhaps he would be more concerned about her well being, but Dazai just saw her as someone interesting. She reminded him of the lady doctor so much. 

“But... wounds hurt you know.” 

Dazais aid, like it wasn’t already obvious. 

Eto paused. She regretted it as soon as she did so. Why did she do that, for him?

Even so, she turned around, pulling his own coat tighter around herself. It dragged on the ground, but she still would not give it back. She wouldn’t return it, even if he asked for it.

“I…”

He was right. She was lonely. She was so lonely she could die, and she wanted to take the whole world with her. For a moment, she almost thought he might understand her, but then he just keep talking.

Eto stared at him, dumbfounded.

“… What the hell is wrong with you?” She finally snapped.

"Hmm, why are you asking such a stupid question?"

 Dazai said, and with his moment of honesty over. It looked like he was back to mocking her.

The corners of his lips curled into a smile. He ran a hand through his messy black hair pulling it back, so she could see his eyes. One fake, one real.

 There were no longer bandages covering half of his face he had pulled them away. He felt, somehow naked before her, and somewhat shy.

"I'm lonely."

“ And just what am I supposed to be honest about in the first place? “ Ogata responds, “are you saying I’ve been lying you about something? “

He watches him pulling out the bandages. There’s no surprise, the guy had been repeating it from the start, even  if the way he behaved made it hard to take so seriously. Ogata’s more surprised he’s got a serious answer. It’s something he can agree with even. All in all it’s better than him being a royal pain in his ass.

“  I guess it can be”, he mumbles, adding a quiet laugh  after. Thinking about it Ogata knows he’s not exactly innocent of it himself  either. 

Dazai casually laid his head back on the couch. He really liked to act like he owned the place. He looked like a lazy king lounging on his throne. It was a wonder that Ogata had not shot him yet. 

Maybe, there was something catlike in the way Dazai wandered from place to place doing whatever he pleased. Nah, no way. Dazai was much more like a dog strutting around making a mess by stretching his legs and getting his dirty paw prints everywhere. 

“A lie of omission is still a lie.”

Dazai said. 

“You never show what you’re really feeling on your face. I mean you hate me don’t you - but you don’t show it. It makes me want to keep annoying you just to get a reaction out of you.” 

Ogata sighs. There he goes cutting off whatever he was about to say. As quick as the anger came it runs off. How is he supposed to handle this guy anyway.

“ Well whatever… “ he mumbles as his eye wanders to the bottle at Dazai’s hands. He should hide them somewhere from now on. 

“ ….this is not a bar. “

“You don’t like being honest, but it bothered you just now when I wasn’t honest about my feelings didn’t it?” 

Dazai said, then he took another drink. He was pleased with himself, or maybe that was just the alcohol in his system. He clung to the bottle even tighter, as if he was using it as a replacement for a hand to hold. When his hands were empty he just felt lonely.

Dazai sat up and tugged at the bandages around his neck. He pulled them away and revealed underneath several rope burns, from failed suicide attempts. The rope always ended up snapping or he had some other bad luck. Or maybe it was good luck because it saved his lives. 

“You’re right, I seek out pain from others. I like to make them angry.” 

Dazai said, before taking another drink. His whole body was covered in bandages and wounds like that. 

How many times had she heard that excuse from the ghouls that hung around her? They were always so clumsy, running into doves, and… oh.

“Liar,” she spoke softly, looking up at him from her seat on the concrete. “You’re shivering. You’re hurt, you…”

Eto blinked. Then, she just pouted. Why had she even bothered to listen to him?

“You… are one of the worst people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

He probably heard that a lot.

Killing him was likely out of the question, but, nothing was stopping her from stealing his coat and fleeing the scene.

“Then, I’m leaving. I won’t be your source of amusement any longer.”

"Wait, don't go."

The truth slipped out of his mouth. He hated the truth.

It was rare for Dazai to be this straightforward about his feelings. He had only been telling so many jokes because he was hoping this small girl would smile just for him. Just one little smile would be enough.

For some reason even though he had just met her, he could not stand to have her looking away from him. He wanted the girl to keep her one eye focused only on him.

He was a criminal, murderer, a failure of a human being and so was she.

"You'll be lonely." He said finally. "When I saw you, I thought you looked so lonely you could die. If you're going to die anyway, you should commit suicide with me. At least that way you won't be alone."

As soon as they entered, Himiko scoped out the exits, as well as the quickest route to them and to the restrooms. She, too, was planning on leaving Dazai to pay for the bill by himself.

Himiko popped one piece into her mouth, then another only a few seconds later. Delicious. It was almost as good as…

“…?”

Himiko wiped at her face with her sleeve– quite un-lady-like.

“Why?” She mirrored his question back at him; it seemed like a silly thing for him to ask of her.

“It’s ‘cause I like to.” Sometimes she did so for self-defense, or for battle, but her answer referred to most of her stabbings. She did what she liked, because she wanted to, and it was as simple as that.

"You like the sight of blood?" Dazai asked. This was a completely normal conversation to have, while they walked up to a sushi vender. Dazai had picked a conveyor belt sushi place because it was the cheapest possible.

He wasn't the kind of man to treat a stranger to expensive sushi. He wasn't a kind man at all. In fact while the conversation continued, he was still trying to think of a way to get out of paying for it. Oh, if only Kunikida were here he could ditch him with the bill.

Eto thrashed suddenly in the trash, only to fall out after Dazai due to his movements. She wanted to stay there, maybe die for a little while, knowing that she would inevitably have to get out anyway. Teenagers could be so temperamental. 

“Shut up already!” She snapped at him from the cold ground. “I hate you, I don’t understand what you want from me!”

She would have continued in her shouting at him, but the smell of iron hit her nose despite the stench of garbage. Her body’s natural instincts forced her attention to the blood staining his clothes, and for a moment she paused. Eto finally looked up at him, confusion plainly evident on her face.

“Now, you’re injured…”

“… What are you still doing here? I don’t… I don’t get you.”

“I’m always injured. It’s what happens when you’re clumsy.” 

Dazai said, chipper as ever. No matter how much his body was shaking, he never let his pain show on his face. 

Dazai wondered if that look on her face was one of pity, or hunger. He was used to receiving both looks from women, not that he disliked the attention. He wished he had his trench coat back to cover up, but because he didn’t, he stretched out instead a lone cat in an alleyway.

Suddenly, he told a joke. 

“Oh, this?” He said pointing to his dislocated shoulder, and bandaged up arms. “I just fell down the stairs, missy, don’t worry about it.” 

“ … “

Ogata frowns. This wasn’t what he was hoping to drag out. He’d rather get the intruder to leave, to stop prodding and poking but this guy’s harder to anger than most. 

Ogata knew that already though. He can only laugh. Not in the same way as Dazai his grin is differently twisted even if similarly empty. He’s asked him so many times what he wants and there’s never really answer, or at least no coherent motive. This hasn’t really helped any. Rather than pissing off Dazai Ogata finds himself growing irritated to it all.

“ …and? Are you telling me to be nice to you?“

“ What the hell do you want to achieve telling me all that? “

“I’m trying to tell you that...”

It seemed the only way to get Ogata’s expression to change even a little bit was to get him angry. Dazai continued making himself feel at home. He had already taken off his coat. Underneath he wore a vest, a button up shirt, and bandages running up both arms all the way to his fingers. 

He held an empty bottle of alcohol in his hands.  Stolen from Ogata’s fridge. 

“I’m drunk.” 

Why?

Why did he like her? Why was he bothering her? Why was she the one always to be treated so badly by the world? 

She already knew the answer to that question– it was, because she was…

A one eyed bastard.

Her still frame suddenly shook, jerking backwards and upwards violently. Her eye changed color again with an audible snap, and her voice was a loud shriek.

“I am not!”

Perhaps it was due to how terribly she reacted, or how her kagune shot out of her back without her even realizing it– either way, the flimsy metal frame of the fire escape they had been sitting upon finally gave way, causing the both of them to fall down below.

Thankfully, an open dumpster had broken their fall.

Eto let out a whine of agitation. It was not a cry. She did not, would not cry. But, it came out anyway, and she hated it.

“I don’t like pain...” 

Dazai said as he crawled out from under her. He pulled himself out and then spilled onto the cold ground below. His clothes hung off his skeletal body, they barely seemed to fit his shape, the coat he was wearing was too long when he was wearing it but he had given it to her, and now he was wearing just the white collared shirt and bandages underneath. 

His clothes barely gave him any warmth. He was cold.  There was sticky and wet in the lower part of his stomach and his ribs felt bruised. 

Dazai smiled to ignore all of this. 

She wanted to remove his hand from her hair, loathing the sensation of being touched– yet, before she could yank his hand away, he yanked first. It was more than enough to set her off, and act upon her first instinct; that is to say, for her to lash out violently once more.

Her head jerked, and she sank her teeth as deep as she could into his hand. She tasted blood, and it spilled out on her, on him, and between them. His presence may have done something to her inhuman strength, but it did not matter. Like an animal, she bit down as had as she could and held on to him, ripping and tearing, as long as she could.

Eto did not even hear the majority of what he said. By the time she was forced to let go of him, if only due to her need to breathe, Eto spat his own blood in his face.

“I don’t like you at all.”

“That’s too bad, because I still like you.” 

Dazai licked the blood off his cheek. He tasted it. He wondered if this is what kissing her mouth would taste like. That thought brought a foxlike smile to his thin lips. 

He wondered if there was something he could do to get her attention. She seemed lost to shock and trauma. Small, frail, thing he was almost afraid to touch her. Women were so delicate. He pulled at the bandages that surrounded his eyes and pulled them off his face. 

“Your eyes...” 

He asked staring directly at her eyes. One of his eyes, was a glassy white.  Dazai pulled it out of the socket, for it was just a fake. 

Maybe it was because she had just vomited, but Eto felt her head begin to throb. She immediately blamed it on the person in front of her. The way he spoke, the things he said, the way he looked, that smirk on his face…

It was all so infuriating.

Eto went quiet, falling back until she sat back onto the cold metal the two of them were upon. Despite her trying to distance herself from him again, he still came close. His hand was warm, she thought, then hated it all in a second. She wanted to slap his hand away, but did not do so. She was tired, too tired to even think.

She pouted, lip curling outward, her cheeks puffing up. It only made her look all the more childish, despite the blood he had smeared onto her face.

“You’re pretentious– and a louse.” Eto spat her words at him. “Why do you insist on bothering me?”

Dazai continued to comb his long fingers through the green strands of Eto’s hair. He had never seen a woman like her. That was enough to get his attention. He looked utterly transfixed his one eye staring at her. Then, his eye lost that sparkle. A child, bored of playing with his toys. With almost no warning at all Dazai grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled as hard as he could. 

Not romantically, not affectionately, just violently. 

“When a little boy on the playground likes a girl but doesn’t have the words to ask for her attention, he pulls on her pigtails.” 

Dazai said letting go of her hair immediately. He smiled innocently at her like he had done nothing wrong, when clearly he had done everything wrong. 

“I’m a cute little boy.” 

Dazai said. In an un-cute way. He made a face no child his age should make. The disturbingly inhuman, almost doll like teenager kneeling on the ground next to her tilted his head. 

“ …hah. “

 Ogata watches him wander about the house. Ogata has only barely settled there himself but at least it’s away from the forced arranged roommates… But now this guy’s trying to make it his territory. 

“ Tsk. “

He brushes his hair back and clicks his tongue. 

“ Let’s say that’s true..  Are you feeling sorry for me or something? Oh poor Ogata always alone…. “  

His fake sniveling is as insufferable as ever. However he stops pretty suddenly as he remembers what this guy said back when he dragged Ogata out for drinking. Then it clicks.

“ That’s bullshit. You just enjoy being treated poorly don’t you— “ he then withdraws the words immediately.

“ No, maybe it’s more like you’d rather get treated poorly…? ”

“No, no, no. Please don’t hurt me, Ogata. I hate pain the most.” 

Dazai suddenly sat back up. He made a fuss waving his arms around. As he did the sleeves of his overcoat fell down. His arms were covered up in down with bandages. Wounds left behind from many failed suicide attempts. It was odd for someone who injured himself so easily, to claim he feared pain. 

Then his flailing stopped. He was still, unmoving. A corpse that had failed to die.  Dazai spoke in a tone of voice completely lacking in his usual cheer, it didn’t seem to contain anything at all. If anything, it sounded like, the whining noises a child might make. 

“Simple pain... heat, agony, I hate those things... I’m actually quite delicate you know, like a lady ” 

Dazai liked to seek out Ogata’s eye, even though Ogata usually avoided him. For Dazai it was a bit like staring into a mirror. Of course Ogata would never smile like he did.

It’s not like I’m seeing out death. It’s more like, I can’t live with the pain. It’s too much for me.” 

Himiko stopped. First, he says he can’t pay his own non-existent rent, then he offers her food? It just didn’t add up, not at all. Still, Himiko stopped, thinking things over in her mind.

At the end of the night, someone was going to get stabbed. Himiko didn’t mind if it was this man, or another.

So, she spun on her heels, facing him once again.

“Okay.”

“Let’s go get… sushi.”

The last time she had eaten something so decadent, her friends had been by her side, and Twice had been crying to her about something or other. She hoped that he was eating sushi somewhere, too, even if she couldn’t see her dear friend.

He reminded her of Kyouka, or maybe Akutagawa. Someone who killed because someone told them they have to. If he were a good person like Oda, he might have sympathized but... Dazai wore a fake smile instead. 

He ordered the most expensive sushi they could.  No conveyor belt sushi.  He wasn’t planning on paying for it. He was totally planning on stiffing her for the bill. 

That’s the kind of irresponsible adult he was. Dazai rested his elbows on the table they shared, and held his chin in both hands, staring at her like a curious child. “Hey, hey...” Dazai swayed back and forth. “Why do you stab like stabbing people so much?” 

Eto pushed him away with all her might; she expected him to go well over the railing, but he barely moved an inch. Were she not furious, she might have found it strange.

“You, you… ack!”

She paused to begin coughing some more, only to wipe her mouth (and face) with his coat’s sleeves. Despite her anger, despite it all, she hadn’t even thought of removing his coat.

“You’re terrible! I hate you! You’re the one who reeks of alcohol, not me!” As soon as she could speak again, she used her voice to lash out at him. “You’re weird, you ought to be running away from me! That’s what everyone else does! Get away from me!”

Eto shoved him away again, only to now notice how he barely budged. She shoved him again, and again, only with the same result. Why? Where did her strength go when she touched him?

“What… what is wrong with you?!”

Dazai simply squatted down next to her on his long legs. His face barely moved as she screamed, as if her feelings were not even reaching him. 

“Everything that can be wrong with a person, is wrong with me.” 

He said, being a little bit too honest. Dazai stopped for a moment and seemed to take that question seriously. He took on a deeply thoughtful expression. He crossed his arms, let his head fall down, and then even screwed his face into a silly expression. 

His smile returned as easy as ever. 

When she pushed him off of his toes and onto the ground, and all he could do was push himself up and lean back on palms of his hand on the dirty and cracked tar, his smile widened. 

“You know, most people fear death...” 

Dazai’s fingers were covered in blood, but he reached forward anyway to tuck her green hair behind her ears, revealing an eye that was red. Heterochromia. How curious. 

“But, why would I run away from death when she’s such a pretty lady?”

“ So readily admitting it… “ he mumbles before turning back to Dazai.

“ I’m not just threatening I will throw you out. “

However, dragging a grown man outside wasn’t exactly quality pastime, so he’d have to tolerate him. What possessed him to be this persistence, Ogata doesn’t know if he could ever understand it. The similarities? Differences? He felt both stacked quite high. Either way Dazai was always treading to his territory like the invisible line wasn’t there. 

“ Are you that desperate for company? “

“I know myself better than anyone else.”

“I mean, I’m such a lonely guy after all.” 

Dazai’s whole expression twitched. That wasn’t as much of a brag as it had sounded like in his own head. Dazai regretted saying it. Dazai regretted most of the things he said. Dazai lived a life full of regrets. 

Dazai stretched out all of his limbs taking up as much of the couch as he physically could. He was taller than Ogata by ten centimers, and if Ogata was planning on dragging him out, he would kick and scream and start to cry a little like a small child. 

“ Why would I kill someone who’s practically asking for it? “

“ I’m not some mercy killer. Get your euthanasia done elsewhere. “

He sighs as Bastard climbs up to his sholders, making its’ place there for now. Maybe he could try just grabbing him and throw him out like that. 

“ Disposing of you no matter what is a hassle, huh. “

“It’s okay, I’m human garbage so you can just throw me out with the trash on tuesday.” 

Dazai said, cheerfully. In a way his face was the complete opposite of Ogata’s, like a reflection in the mirror. Ogata always did his best to never make a face, and Dazai smiled but his smile never reached his eyes. 

The fox and the cat staring at each other. Their tails flicking back and forth, as they watch the other with sharp eyes. 

“If you don’t want to kill me, then you’ve got to live with me.”

Dazai said, almost taunting him. Perhaps he shouldn’t taunt someone who already thoroughlly hates his guts, but Dazai has never cared for what’s right or wrong, what he should or should not do. Dazai crossed his feet on the couch like he was planning to stay there for awhile. He might even take a nap if he got comfortable enough. 

Himiko’s eyes squinted, narrowing obviously in this man’s direction. He was lying, so much so that his story was falling apart as he was telling it. Yet, his confident tone did not falter one bit. That only made him all the more suspicious to her.

“You’re a real weirdo,” she finally stated, not at all noticing how hypocritical her statement was. She considered leaving, going on her merry way and forgetting all about the strange man she met in an alley way, but… he just kept talking.

“…”

“My name’s not Bambi.” Himiko responded calmly. “And– so what if I am?”

“That’s no good. You shouldn’t kill someone in that jacket. The color of red blood would look terrible with your outfit.” 

Dazai saw a little bit of Gin and Akutagawa in her. That was all. That was his only reason. He usually would have run away right now, because Dazai did not bother with other people in general. Instead, he stuck his hands in his pockets and followed her around like an eager puppy she had found in an alleyway, abandoned in some box. 

“Do you want to get some food instead?” 

Dazai said, scratching at the back of his head.