S F S

this is definitely a taboo topic that no one really talks about but i’ve definitely thought about it. i honestly think about everything. it helps me understand why i am the way i am. & when you understand yourself & get to the root of who u are, your better able to change the things you don’t like. i think for me personally, my achilles’ heel was my self esteem. i think being labeled as the cute girl since i was young made me think that that’s all i was & gave me a weird complex of feeling the need to live up to this girl everyone says i am. that’s the thing. you can be given something widely redeemed as good but it can become a negative just based on the fact of you having poor self esteem to being with.

i noticed that of all the things i struggled with something i never struggled with was having a big ego. especially as i got older & in comparison to people around me. that’s something that took me a long time to build up. & honestly now i’m finally to a point where i don’t hate myself haha & see me for what i am & not something so repulsive. i always wondered why i struggled so much with accepting myself considering most people would think as a “cute” girl that that’d be delusional. & i essentially realized it does not matter what the fuck u look like in order for you to accept who u are. a lot of models or attractive people literally look in the mirror & feel disgusted. & on the other side lot of normal looking, below average people look in the mirror & just don’t care. they’ve accepted it & they’re happy. it’s such a weird discussion even referring to yourself as cute. but this is me just being objective to the best of my abilities & answering this it to shed any light that the chase for perfection or gaining self acceptance from how u look on the outside isn’t real. please believe that. it never ends & you’ll never actually get what you’re looking for. it comes from YOU.

im not niave to the fact that objectively my life has definitely been altered due to the fact that im “cute”. i ended up getting scouted to model cuz of it, more than half you guys probably wouldn’t even follow me if i wasn’t & i know that there’s almost an underlying privledge that comes to cute girls especially. like a free drink or strangers being nicer to you. but i just never felt connected to what i looked like. it’s all luck. luck about everything that’s me. that i was born in Canada with parents who wernt living on the streets. & even having my mind was all luck. i could have been anyone. so being cute or whatever never felt earned or really deserving. i was aware of it but it never made me feel differently. it was just like this thing that’s now almost apart of your identity that you’re gonna have to figure out how to navigate.

essentially yes, im aware of all the ways my life has changed due to the fact that i am a “cute” girl. but being pretty or whatever u want to call it doesn’t guarantee you to feel better about yourself. & same goes with not being cute. it doesn’t necessarily make you reject who you are. no privilege based on looks ever made me feel better or more confident because none of it mattered when u just dont the way everyone expects you to feel. that’s why i say it doesn’t change your life as much as you’d think or hope.