ANTI-CAPITALIST AFFIRMATIONS

i am allowed to spend my time creating things, even if they are not beautiful.

there is no such thing as a "real job." all forms of work are real and valid.

there is nothing that i need to accomplish to be worthy. i am already worthy.

doing nothing is good for my soul.

i am not defined by what i produce.

my worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements.

i do not need to monetize my hobbies, it is enough to spend time doing something i love.

I’m in my Lady Macbeth era 😉

tinnitus can be extremely debilitating. mine still sometimes keeps me awake for hours at night, despite having gotten better over the years. it can make it difficult to concentrate on anything else.

the more you are exposed to loud sounds, the higher the chance of getting tinnitus, and the worse it will get. even if you already have it, or already have hearing loss, you should be wearing protection in places like concerts and clubs.

you can have both hearing loss and tinnitus.

there are many ways to find relief for tinnitus, and it may fade on its own, especially if you take care of your ears, but there is no known cure.

It's bad. It is so bad. Not only does it suck now, it sucked then! If you don't wear earplugs, you aren't getting the full sound at a show. There is too much noise for your ears to filter. Earplugs will help you to get the best out of your experience, you won't feel like you shoved cotton balls into your head the next day, and you will still be able to hear conversations when you are 30.

I've had tinnitus for literally as long as can I remeber(modern problems I guess 🙃) and I am determined to ensure it doesn't get worse, so I always wear these when I go to concerts. They really are life savers!

Just look up ear muffs for concerts and some should turn up, but they might also be sold as ear protection for construction/yard work or shooting ranges, since that's what this sort of thing is usually intended for. (They also work if you have noise sensitivities in general. Honestly, it's just good to have a pair on hand imo, concerts are just the main thing I use them for.)

It's both so nice and so depressing when I get into lecture mode.

I enjoy it and I can often tell that others enjoy it as well AND it always drives home the feeling that I've simply wasted my life.

Had I actually done what I should have done right out of grad school and tried to get a teaching gig, I bet I could have done it. And I would be nicely ensconced in academia teaching writing just like I intended.

It really feels like it is too late now. Not just time-wise, I barely remember anything about academia anymore and I have essentially nothing to show for my time away, but personality wise.

Hard to teach as a job when I can't guarantee I'm actually going to do... well, anything. Am I getting out of bed tomorrow? Am I going to do any sort of paperwork that needs doing? Am I going to do anything I'm supposed to do or agreed to do? Am I going to remember to take my meds? Am I going to bother to take them when I remember? Who knows? I don't. And I'm totally ungovernable when I get reactive. Can't exactly lose my temper, red out, and punch a student. They frown on that, I hear.

*Sigh* I know I'm good at teaching. I'm just not a teacher. And I'm not sure that I would actually make a good one if I actually was one. And it's all a moot point anyway right now. Just kinda wish it wasn't.