especially the lies

Thinking about how in the original pilot for Star Trek (the cage), they were clearly going for a romance angle with captain pike and number one, his dark haired second in command who is considered too cold and computer-like by other characters. You know. For no reason.

the sisko kirk hero worship homoeroticism would be entirely reversed if kirk ever showed up on ds9 thru his own time travel circumstances because the first thing that would happen is he would meet quark and the thing about kirk is there is nobody in the entire space and time of the universe that would annoy him more than quark it would immediately be like the worst day he ever experienced it would be like nonstop torment trying to understand why these things keep happening to him and then he would see sisko tactfully handling quark or god forbid see him getting quark to kiss the nagus scepter and like it would be over for him like sisko handling quark related paperwork would be the single most heroic thing hes ever seen like he would become immediately obsessed and bewitched

re: garak the sports commentator who knows nothing about sports. let me know who would be the best commentator partner to have with him in the booth ⬇️

Rom. Rom is delightful and Garak is never horrible to Rom.

intellectually i understand that ds9 probably has sonic washing machines or whatever but i think the station should have a coin-operated laundromat (you must go to quark's to exchange cash into Quark Coins to use it) and i think there should be drama wherein someone removes garak's wet clothes from the washing machine and leaves them in a heap on a table. and of course he finds out who did it by hacking the security cameras and promptly rigs the washing machine to explode the next time they use it.

julian always forgets to take his washing out and every time someone else puts it in the dryer for him to be nice. four years in and he still believes that there's a hidden transporter function in the machines that take the wet clothes and zap them over to the dryer automatically

Truly awful fifteen minutes in there late one night when both Garak and Kira turn up because they thought it would be quiet but no. Garak gnawing his knuckles in agony because Kira is throwing everything in together and not sorting them into piles for different temperature washes. Will she thump me now because I’ve spoken to her, or will she thump me later because she’ll know I could have saved her, and why is this my life.

Jake and Nog do, at some point, accidentally install a hidden transporter function, but instead of zapping your washing into the dryer, it zaps one sock per wash into the transporter buffer on the Defiant. Years later, this upsets a delicate first contact situation in the Delta Quadrant when O'Brien thinks to clear out the ol' buffer while in orbit and causes the heavens over a pre-warp society to rain socks for days.

ambassador garak jaunts around paris with big ass sunglasses on 24/7 not for fashion or mystique reasons but because his eyes are constantly running in the sun and he can’t be seen like that. end log entry

is he pissed about the hat because a) he wanted to be invited to the game, b) he wanted to be invited to the game so that he would have the chance to turn it down, c) he was forced to sew a bunch of baseball uniforms while also codebreaking for the federation and having a mental codebreakdown, d) the hat is ugly, or e) all of the above?

All of the above plus f) he holds organised sports in complete contempt and is angry and bitter about all the complex emotions his exclusion is causing.

at least give him a mic and and a speaker and set him loose. non-stop commentary but none of it is about the game: this is how the niners could still win

Breaks into the holosuite (has form), hides in the stadium roof, mysterious sniper shots take out the Logicians one by one.

Everyone from DS9 pretends they don't know what's happening.

When they come out of the holosuite, Sisko, Odo, and Bashir go looking for him, and find him quietly doing a little virtuous embroidery in the shop. Odo is harrumphing, Bashir thinks he looks more relaxed than he has done in weeks, Sisko returns his rent from the previous six months.