The Ramblings of A Tired Queer

on my "don't walk to metlife" post I kept seeing people say that drivers would "bergentruck" pedestrians on the turnpike and it turns out that that's a reference to an Undertale meme where a character purposefully runs over people, but the portion of the jersey turnpike that goes to metlife is bergen county, and I had just instantly accepted that there was a term specifically referring to jersey drivers from there. I didn't even question it. Neither would you, if you had ever driven there.

do you think bowser ever gets anxious after kidnapping peach again that he went too far this time and he calls mario up in the middle of the night to make sure they’re still on for tennis and gokarting next weekend

painstakingly dialing mario’s landline on a comically small telephone only for luigi to pick up instead and he has to ask him to put his brother on the phone. not that luigi isn’t part of weekend plans, but like this is really more of a mario & bowser situation and it’d be rude to drag his brother into it if there’s a problem. so anyway then luigi puts the receiver down to go get his brother and bowser sits there tapping his claws on his table and this is agony, actually, he shouldn’t have called at all, it’s late enough at his castle so it has to be even later over in the mushroom kingdom. but just as he’s about to put the phone down, mario answers all chipper—mario mario speaking, who’s-a calling? which is a ridiculous question because there’s no way luigi didn’t already tell him.—and bowser has to ask him. look, mario, i know i dangled peach in a bird cage over a pit of lava the other day, and when you showed up, i let my son throw giant flaming hammers at you, and there’s no hard feelings about that, right? and there’s a few seconds of silence before mario laughs and reassures him it’s all in the day’s work of a plumber, an explanation bowser has never thought to really question since he only knows two plumbers and it does all seem pretty in their wheelhouse. and then he’s embarrassed for worrying so much so he tries to end the call quickly, but mario just ribs him about how badly he’s going to lose the next race, and then he starts asking bowser how junior is, and does bowser want any of the leftovers since he and luigi really do cook way too much for two, be a shame to let it go to waste. and by the time bowser manages to hang up, this has gone from leftovers into him and junior and the koopalings all being invited over to the mario household for dinner, so long as they don’t park their airship on the front lawn and leave the cannons at home.

TV shows don't have embarrassingly forced PS3 or PlayStation Vita product placements anymore. An obvious sign of cultural decline. Don't let anyone convince you that it's "because Sony doesn't make those anymore."

HRT doesn't care if you're innately trans. HRT doesn't care how you define womanhood. HRT doesn't care if you're taking it for the right reason or for no reason. HRT doesn't care if you're a gooner or a saint. It'll make your skin soft, your nips puffy, and your loads watery either way.

i love when sandwiches are like "the pickles were there. they didn't change anything. they didn't save anyone. there were just too many forces against them. but it still matters that the pickles were there."

even when i fucking askED FOR NO PICKLES

My mom once said something similar about including bacon in a batch of chili. You probably won't notice it's inclusion but your palate *will* notice it's absence. Salty, smoky, porky, umami undertones. That's why you add bacon to your chili

portal turrets were so ahead of their time actually because they’re autistic lil robogirlies who are ever so slightly chuuni and they’re adorable and polite and even though they could kill you in 10 seconds they’re incredible instant-lossbait and they go ahahaha >:3c and aaaa-auuu D: and awawawawa @_@ and other such noises

I agree with this post but also I have just been hit with the startling realisation that Chilchuck is who the dwarves thought they were hiring when they went to pick up Bilbo and now I desperately want to read *that* version of The Hobbit