Step Into My World

Hi, so I realized my main blog can't be made private. So I'll be moving to posting on a private blog instead, a new one that I just made. I haven't really been on tumblr for a long long long time because lack of space on my phone and lack of motivation to write sometimes. It's not that I don't have thoughts I want to just throw out there, but I just didn't have the effort or motivation to do it. I still want to sometimes if I really want to, but I think I'm gonna move it to a private blog instead. I don't want people to worry about me because I think I can manage myself most of the time and don't need to be worried about. So that's that. I won't delete what I had on here because to me it's my thoughts and memories of the past. If I could have made the whole thing private I would but Tumblr doesn't have that option sadly. Good bye to this main blog.

Never travel with my parents again and never volunteer to do any planning. Honestly I don’t know why I keep forgetting that I don’t get along with them. And the fact that they don’t communicate like a normal human being. I seriously can’t deal with them. Fucking agitates me so much. I swear my dad never fucking listens to people when they talk. He always thinks he’s always right, when he’s not. You can’t even fucking talk to him. Like talk for a few seconds and he starts sounding like he’s agitated and annoyed. And I can tell. Honestly you can’t even blame me if you think my temper is short and bad cause guess what? I probably learnt it from him growing up. And I hate it when people have all these opinions but then when I ask you for your fucking opinion you give me none but get annoyed/mad/upset at me for asking or not doing something that you’re thinking about. I seriously can’t deal with these people and I wish I don’t have to. And I absolutely hate it when they always undermine me. Like you think I’m stupid or something? I obviously have more experience in travelling in the more recent years (don’t want this to be compared to him travelling when he’s young cause that’s a whole different generation where things are different). I know what I’m doing and I know what I need to do. I’m a pretty frugal person too so I know how to look for the best deal.

Now that being said, last night was maybe the first time that I’ve had a dream where I attempted suicide. I was saved of course. But first time I’ve ever dreamt about attempting. I’ve maybe thought about it a lot throughout the years since I was young but I’ve never felt that I have that I can ever go through with it for various reasons. Like I know myself that I won’t let myself get there. It only remains as thoughts and repetitive thoughts. So that kinda shocked me that I had it in a dream. That’s when I really know the anxiety and stress from work and life has really spilt over. I need to really get out of this situation because it really isn’t gonna get any better.