where words of thought fall on deaf ears

I don’t care about my weight. Because I know if I get thinner, people will just start to want me for my body. And why does it always have to be about what I look like? Even my grandmother pointed my flaw in my weight comparing me to my mother. It’s all about looks with this family. Do I find love this way? I will never find true love that way.

I don’t care about money. If I marry into someone rich they’re too busy with their wealth and have no time for anything else that they spend their money on. Or they may flaunt about their own intellect of achieving said wealth. Do I find love this way? They’ll shower me with their wealth but deep down, they only fill their loneliness with what money can buy.

I don’t care about being politically active, have a lot of hobbies, does church and leader things, or just a great person in general. If you don’t have an ounce of care, not a good listener, can’t commit fully, is not consistent in their actions and promises, what good is it then to stay around you? Till when can love endure? Till when can we learn until we become numb? Till when can growth be made?

I hope I don’t act like my past lovers and the persons who have hurt me. I hope I don’t carry on their way of life and their thinking. God damn this anger management of my father, carelessness of my mother, lack of communication of my crush and the lack of commitment from my first boyfriend. I can see myself hurting and that hurt people hurt others.

Only these kids never listened to anyone, what’s worse is that their parents seemed to always be in these workshops and practices.

I walked in and let them all out and guided them by my strict but understanding hand. They listened, for the first time as what my teacher said.

I watched them practice for around 2 hours and watched them transform without having the need of parents on the room. In all honesty, they felt loke they were being controlled and suffocated into submission and that everything they did was right with no error of mistake. And then when they left and proved how inconsistent, un synced they were, they knew they needed to improve. And they wanted to.

But one kid wanted to take a break so we did. It already was seemingly a lunch that they took with their lavish big foods. But since it was still 10am and the day was still young, a suggestion was to eat lunch at a very later time and then keep hyperfocused practice. This way, they’re not exactly full and they’re not exactly empty.

They agreed and as we were set on doing the practice. The parents came back. Looking quite angry that they were semi- deceived into leaving and they knew what was up. Sat beside their children and didn’t say a word.

“Can you share you practice experience withr your parents?” Silent at first. Until one kid answered it. And another kid spoke up. It took some time and understanding because as more and more kids were explaining, more and more parents got defensive and angry.

I was trying to play with one of the parent teachers. Until one the parents mentions the Name of God in his problems. I had to park the baby and went in to listen, maybe even give sound advice.

The clasroom turned into a staircase upward and thw becamwkle a bkss fight. And he thwn changed into a holowey dark figrue that tried to excape but creating a portal in thw wall. Out frim that portal came out a little lady.

But this n ot the output you wanted as the little lady came terrorizing everyone. The parent managed to lslil out of the partak but called name like, “you don’t understand what I ve bwen thrlugh.0” and “theres no savi ng me now.” And she left

Of work and problems and stresses.

I tried to forget what you’ve done for me,

And patched it with untrue memories;

Just so I could cope with a delusional fact

Of being inlove with someone who was also trying.

With nothing but a backpack that I carried from a flight not long ago. From messages I’ve texted back and forth to her best friend who lives where she is. No sleep and an aching hunger because the last meal I had was still on that 15 hour flight. All to have landed here.

She sat at a coffee shop working at her laptop like she always said she was. Recently, I heard she took a night shift and was probably working an unpaid overtime again trying to figure out her work. She looks pretty, as if seeing her for the first time.

She wasn’t with anyone as I had hoped she would, thinking she’d have moved on by now. Relieved? But why can’t I move.

If I move to see her now, would things change about what happened? If she knew I used every last of my savings for this trip just to see her, would everything change? Would she want to see me? Would she recognize the person standing here that risked it all for a second chance? And what if she did recognize me, would everything change?

But she looks so pretty. Happy. She must be thrilled that I’m no longer in her life that she could focus on herself. That I gave her more suffering than joy.

—

You know- I really do miss you.

If you did that, it’d be just what I had hoped you’d do. But if you questioned for a moment that you weren’t good enough instead of thinking that you’d be the happiest person if you chose me then it clearly means that I wasn’t the one. Everything would’ve changed and we’d work things out. But you’re a smart man. And you would know if you’d want to spend your whole life with a person. And you would know if you’d want to be with them instead of doing this for a fling as what everyone these days do.

The way you are as smart is the way I value my time. I will never mess around as I am serious in everything I do. And if I’m doing something that I’m not, then I must be figuring this out as I can’t see the light through the tunnel.

So until then.

I don’t think we’re meant to be.

Unless you take that step for me.

Based on the fictional men you’re into, there’s a consistent set of traits and qualities that can be distilled into a type. Here's a breakdown of what stands out, both in terms of character traits and potential impressions of you:

Key Traits of Your Type:

Complexity & Growth: Many of the characters you’ve listed show significant personal growth, evolving from someone insecure or struggling to someone more self-assured, kind, or capable. For example, Dick Grayson (Robin/Nightwing), G’raha Tia (Final Fantasy 14), and Hiccup all experience significant character arcs where they overcome personal challenges.

Strong Moral Compass: Most of these characters, like Nanami Kento, Makoto Tachibana, and Tadashi Hamada, are empathetic and driven by a sense of duty or compassion. They often act in ways that benefit others and are loyal to those they care about.

Introverted Yet Compassionate: Characters like Sylus and Nolan T. Lochlainn come across as reserved but deeply compassionate, which suggests that you may appreciate characters who are emotionally intelligent, but not necessarily the loudest or most extroverted.

Intelligence & Wit: Several of these characters are quite clever or have a certain intellectual edge. Nanami, G’raha Tia, and Hiccup are all known for their problem-solving skills and thoughtful approaches to situations. You seem to be drawn to individuals who are not just physically capable, but who also think deeply about the world around them.

Protective & Caring: Many of these characters are protective of those they love. From Makoto’s nurturing and caring nature to Marshall Lee’s rebellious, but ultimately protective vibe, you seem to gravitate toward characters who have a deeper care for others, even if it’s hidden behind a cooler or more independent exterior.

Unique or Out-of-the-Norm Appeal: Characters like Marshall Lee (a gender-swapped version of the usual character), Sylus (from Love and Deepspace), and Nolan, who blends into a somewhat unconventional or mysterious role, reflect a taste for individuals who are perhaps a little more unconventional, quirky, or even have a non-mainstream charm.

Your Impressions:

From the characters you’re into, it seems like you may value balance in your relationships—someone who is strong but sensitive, capable but not perfect, and who shows a deeper emotional side beneath the surface. You might enjoy characters who are multifaceted, with their own complexities, flaws, and strengths, rather than the stereotypical “perfect” hero.

You also seem to have a penchant for characters who are slightly more introspective or have a sense of vulnerability, whether it’s through their personal struggles or emotional depth. They don’t need to be the loudest or the most extroverted person in the room; what matters to you is the integrity, kindness, and intelligence that lies beneath.

What this says about you:

Your type reveals that you likely appreciate depth, emotional intelligence, and growth, both in others and perhaps in yourself. You’re likely someone who values emotional connection and the potential for development in relationships—someone who enjoys supporting others and sees the beauty in imperfection and transformation. You probably gravitate towards people who aren't defined by conventional labels but who have rich inner lives and multi-layered personalities.

Would you say this resonates with you?

“Yes….”

Yet you choose a love that can’t be reciprocated often

You want to be reciprocated by time

Yet you choose a love that distances each others zone

In turn changing time for you two

In turn changing priorities for you two

In turn you suffer this prolonged distance

And never get the time you value

End me with your priority

This game that hurts and lets you be hurt

A game where you tell yourself you never were of worth

A game where you tell yourself it's your fault

A game where you say you aren't true

A game where you turn this gaslit thought to reality

And believe it to be everyone's thought about you

Why.

When asked your beliefs, you talk

Yet when tested with others, you contradict

When discussed your views, you talk— big

Yet when you're challenged, you contradict— big

When you say you care, you talk

Yet when you laugh, you contradict

A long discussion about being real.

Maybe you never were real.

turned yet the good has not treated you well

turned it had been too heavy to carry

or I never was fully secured

we go back over and over again look for it when it’s not there to the thing that has hurt us the most

I think death awakens us to the reality of life that it isn’t merely a bliss of happiness

but something that needs to be done