So my sisters not coming home tonight so I'm able to sleep in her room. Well the light switch that controls the 1 set of lights in her room isn't in the room, no. It's the switch that's on the wall next to the bathroom 🤦‍♂️ This set of lights I'm talking about are like string lights that go halfway around her room that give you a little light, perfect for when you're about to fall asleep. Well I'm scrolling on here, smoking a cigarette, when I hear my moms bedroom door open and whoever walked out went to the bathroom. When they came out..they turned off the switch, leaving me in total darkness 😂🤦‍♂️ had to use the flashlight on my phone to find my way to the other light to turn it on 😂😂

Maybe it's that you fell out of love when you thought I did bc I am still hopelessly and madly in love with you. Have been the whole entire time. And now I find myself in this weird limbo of trying so hard to still be your best friend, all the while it feels like I am being repeatedly stabbed in the chest. I will think to myself : "this can work, we can stay friends" but then I accidentally look over at you and see your phone screen - stabbed. You bring up adventures with them - stabbed. I'm told by others you thought about how the wedding is gonna be, already - double stabbed. I go on FB just to go through my memories and a post is right on top - stabbed. And the worst part is, I can keep going. But I am trying so hard to be your friend and I continue to be stabbed over and over praying to the gods that I will fall out of love with you soon so it can stop hurting so much. But I'm still waiting for that day to come. I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one to do all this to him, things wouldn't be like this. I don't think he'd be able to sit there and take it and want to still be there for me. I feel like if I was the one to break up with him and get engaged 2 days later, he would block me. Tell me to fuck myself and dissappear. I've seen him do that to a few people lately since he started to stand up for himself. I am trying..I really am. I just don't know how many more times I can be cut until I bleed out.