I Fell Off The Corporate Ladder And Into The Pit

My old coworker from the lower planes invited me for me for a coffee chat by clawing the soul from my body and dragging it down to the benthic pits between the Third Ring and the Starbucks on Dunsmuir street

Blowjob? Footjob? Handjob? It’s clear. The root of all desire is Job

Being asked to sit in on a meeting but not participate is worse than being cucked

I overheard my boss doing cross-functional agile sprint planning about drawing and quartering me

If you accidentally send an email to the whole company they loose a Warren of foxes to bite your dick off and a large British man astride a skeletal horse charges through the brush to shoot you. Idk what his job title is but they call him the job hunter

It summer so you know what that means!! It’s the perfect time to become the all-in-one enterprise solution you were always prophesied to become

My yearly bathroom break is coming up soon and boy am I whimpering

Was automatically signed up for a mandatory work semenar and I’m really hoping someone made a typo

HR threatened to ‘unzip me like a file’ and recount all of the mortal sins in my README.txt

It’s imp(ow)ortant to break up(ow) the monotony of a desk job and keep(ow) your emp(ow)loyees engaged, so they p(ow)ick a random key on my keyboard every morning and heat it to 300 degrees (Celsius or Fahrenheit, idk)

This psychological torture session could have been an email

Sleeping at the feet of the CEO [10+ Hours] Delta Frequency (BEST SLEEP ASMR)