Feeling This

There's no easy answer. Well, maybe there is... I just can't seem to find it. The more I think, the more muddled everything becomes. My thoughts are made up of my own and the words and ideas of the people around me, the thoughts and ideas of the world. All of them clash, a constant stream of hypocrisy.

"What if I do this?" "Or how about that?"

An infinite amount of possibilities, both good and bad (all depending on your thought process obviously)...

Or maybe all options are bad. Maybe all our lives we're choosing the better of two evils to find something that resembles happiness, but is still truly bad, just not the worst option.

Some religions (including the one I came from and the one I'm currently learning and leaning towards) say that humans are inherently evil, that we are born into sin and continue to sin because it is our nature. Others claim that humans are naturally good, but our surroundings and lifestyles can turn our minds towards evil and sin. And others still say humans are neutral and either gain or loose goodness according to how we act and live. Which view is right and how do we know? I think I know, but I'm still learning.

Eventually, I'll have to make a decision and live with it. Maybe it'll work out perfectly and everyone will live happily ever after. Maybe it'll be okay: life will work out, but won't be totally happy. Maybe it'll be the worst decision ever and will tear life as I know it asunder. Maybe I need to take a trip: go explore somewhere and be one with my thoughts. Leave my cellphone behind to keep from calling anyone, to keep from being distracted from my purpose.

We want a happy life. We want to live the best life possible. We want to do the right thing... We want to be loved and give love: good, wholesome, unconditional love and support.

But there are always conditions. Even if we say there aren't, deep down we want to change something. We aren't perfect and we know it; therefore, no one is perfect and there is always something to change or improve.

But, what if the change is good? What if the change will help the person to live a better life? We want to help them because we care for them, but is it right for us to help them? What if they don't want to change?

Here we are... back at the beginning.

The brain is a ridiculous thing. It takes stress from one part of your life and spreads it out over everything, causing you to overthink every aspect of your life and look for, and even create, flaws where there aren't any... I just want to enjoy the best things in my life without wondering if I'm providing the best I can for everyone involved. I guess, deep down, I know I am, but there's always a little piece of me that asks, "Can you do more? Are you sure you're doing enough? Why aren't you being better than that?"