The Science Gladiators: A FanFic by Daniel Strauss
In case you missed it, Chapter 1 is here. And now, on with the story!
The sun sat high in the sky, beating down on Bill Nye the Science Guy as he trudged along the dirt path. It was around 12:30pm, as anybody who can tell the time from looking at the sun would know, so Bill Nye TSG and all his friends knew what time it was.
"Wake me up when it's all over, cause climate change is real and bad," he sang to himself, working on a new parody song to the tune of "Wake Me Up" by Avacii, a great artist. "That might be a little too dark," he thought to himself. After all, Bill Nye TSG's songs were often informative and funny, meant to educate, not to depress. Lately though, everything had been dark for him. More and more Bill Nye TSG looked around and saw people rejecting the basic tenets of science, claiming climate change was a myth, and now, even worse, choosing to get their science information from a Facebook page that stole ideas and failed to credit artists when reposting their work. Heck, they basically claimed to be the word of god. God...Bill Nye TSG laughed to himself. He wasn't even sure he believed in god, but here he was, blaming someone else for claiming to be him. "Science is so crazy," he thought.
Behind him, Albert Einstein was helping Isaac Newton, who was growing more pregnant by the day [AUTHOR'S NOTE: THERE IS MORE MPREG IN THIS FANFIC, I MAKE NO APOLOGIES], along the path. Their true love was so beautiful that sometimes Bill Nye TSG would just sit and be amazed by it because it was so pure, and science couldn't even explain it. He couldn't wait to meet their baby, which would come out of Isaac Newton.
Up ahead, Neil Degrasse Tyson was leading the way. Bill Nye TSG thought back to when Neil had first asked him to join him on this journey.
"So, what brings you down to my science lab on a day like this?" Bill Nye TSG asked, putting away some bunson burners and Erlenmeyer flasks.
"I need to ask you something, Bill. It's important."
"If this is about the universe expanding, I'm afraid I'm way ahead of you. Decided I'm not selling my Porsche just yet though. Just kidding, I drive a hybrid, it's better for the environment."
Neil didn't smile. Bill Nye TSG was shocked, usually Neil loved his jokes, especially if they had a serious undertone that was about science. Maybe he should change the subject.
"Hey, did you hear that Isaac Newton is pregnan-"
"Bill, what do you know about these?" Neil cut him off mid sentence.
Neil produced a bunch of pictures that looked like they had something to do with science.
"What do you know about these?"
Bill Nye TSG looked over the images. "Well, they look like science inspired art. I wouldn't want to say too much about them or make any claims though, since I don't know who the artist is."
"Exactly!" Now, Neil was getting animated. He almost knocked over a bunch of test tubes that were full of green liquid that was part of an experiment. "Someone is stealing these images, posting them on a Facebook page and also a website, and, I suspect, trying to find a way to ruin the joy of science."
"Neil, what are you saying-"
"I'm saying that whoever, whatever this is, is trying to turn science into some kind of soulless, disembodied thing, that, some day, may be as inconsequential as a Facebook post shared by somebody you don't even like but met in high school and grew up to become a jerk."
Now Bill Nye TSG was the one who wasn't smiling. Neither of them actually were smiling.
"I found some coordinates using my science space telescope that I think may lead us to the source of these posts. Here, look, by lining up all of these images and projecting them onto the night sky, I deduced this structure may be the source of it all. I don't know what will happen to us there. I've told everyone at 'Cosmos' that there might not be a second season. You might want to prepare."
It was sound logic. Bill Nye TSG turned and looked at his lab for what he knew might be last time. As he did, thoughts raced through his head. "Science rules. Inertia is a property of matter. T minus 7 seconds." He knew what he had to do. Bill Nye TSG grabbed his lucky bow tie.
They had come to a fork in the road.
"Which way?" said Albert.
"Yes, which way do we need to go?" said Isaac Netwon, who was also there right behind them, and holding his massive belly which was full of child.
Neil looked at the sky. "I'm...I'm not sure. Let me check the map. Wait-where's my map?"
Bil Nye TSG froze. It couldn't be! That voice! If it was who he thought it was, they were in big trouble.
He turned to see a man as bright as an orange peel holding their map above a lighter.
"Oh, too bad. I guess your map got...fired." said Donald Trump.
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