it seems my garden is in... bloom

Hannah Waddingham Masterlist Page

She’s in a rehab place after a short hospital stay because she’s losing her left side due to multiple strokes. Everyone else has been to visit her in either the hospital or this rehab place, but I can’t go. I don’t want to see her like that. But now I worry that everyone thinks I’m the worst person for not visiting her.

When my great nan died I saw her shortly before whilst she was in hospital, and that image of her looking very ill and frail is in my head whenever I remember her. Even after 20 or so years. Every other memory too, of course, but also her laying in that bed. I don’t like that I have that memory of her. That’s not my little nan.

When my grandad died it was during Covid times so nobody but a very select few were allowed to visit him whilst he was in hospital. He was in and out of hospital for most of 2020 and the last time I saw him was in his garden and it was wonderful. That’s the last memory I have of him and I love that, not him in hospital.

Last time I saw my nan was a couple of days before she ended up going to hospital, and like with my grandad it was a wonderful afternoon. She’s very sick currently due to cancer and other stuff, plus her age and we’ve now learnt she’s silently had multiple strokes. My mum says she’s not doing well and really feels like with the way things are going it won’t be much longer for her. My nan knows that I haven’t been to visit her because I don’t want to see her like that and says she fully understands. My mum gets it too. But I can’t help but think that everyone else thinks I’m the worst granddaughter in the world for not going to visit my nan just in case she leaves us suddenly and I’ve missed the opportunity.

So the last post I made was about my mum’s suspected cancer diagnosis - we now have the confirmation that she does have cancer in one of her lungs, but thankfully the mass is a manageable size and her numbers are low. That’s on the better side of results for that. We are now just waiting to hear from consultants how they wish to go about checking what was picked up on her hip/pelvis, as well as results for other tests, to see if that is also cancer to put a treatment plan in place. Overall, it’s a shitty thing to happen, but other than the cough she has from her COPD she’s in good health and spirits right now.

We were informed yesterday, however, that my Nan’s cancer in her lungs is back, and has also now spread to her lymph nodes. So now we’re at the beginning of further tests and waiting with her on that front. My mum has joked that now mother and daughter can fight through this together and somehow make a competition out of it. Her way of coping, I think.

And because that wasn’t bad enough; my dad fell off a roof onto some scaffolding on Tuesday and really hurt his back and shoulder. He is now waiting to hear from having his x-rays looked at further to whether he’s chipped his spine and shoulder blade, or it is only bad tissue damage to the area. He, understandably, is very sore right now.

Nephew number 1 was quickly taken to hospital yesterday because whilst at school another child swung a bag containing a laptop at his head, and now he has a pretty sizeable cut on the back of his head that he had glued and a decent concussion.

Nephew number 2 (his brother) hurt his knee a few weeks ago, being a typical 10-year-old and jumping off a swing. He did some damage to ligaments and tendons so is on crutches. Then, whilst at school about a week later, unknowingly placed a crutch on a stone and fell again, this time cracking his kneecap. He’s been really suffering with it since and further scans have shown that he now has a fair amount of blood pooling in his knee which’ll have to be drained. This is all happening to a moderately autistic boy too, you can imagine what a nightmare it’s been.

My mum has COPD and because of that has her chest checked regularly. Something has been spotted on her lung so she’s had to have loads of further tests to see if she has lung cancer. She’s got an appointment tomorrow to discuss the results of her PET scan and biopsy.

Fingers crossed for manageable results please! If it is cancer we just hope it’s the same type my nan, her mum, has that can be treated with injections.