Dumb Dolly🌻

Dear Me,

You’re so lovely OMG i like looking at your pictures respectfully of course 😏

I’m at a very low. I’ve been having a Menty B for days. This overwhelming sadness has a strong fucking chokehold on me. I have kept in feelings for M O N T H S. I have felt numb and had not cried in what feels like forever. Last night I broke down and it’s like the water gates have taken over and have had me drowning in this despair. I feel like I’m suffocating, drowning, I feel like I want to vomit. I forgot what overwhelming sadness has felt like. I forgot what all these feelings feel like. I forgot how to process these emotions and to get through them so I can overcome them. I don’t know how to be strong when all I’ve ever been is strong strong strong. I feel weak for feeling anything. I feel weak for not being okay. I feel fucking weak. I’m pathetic and weak for having these feelings that aren’t happiness. I just want to know how does one overcome this? Will it ever be okay? I want to scream. Break something. I’m breaking, so why can’t something else break? I feel empty, would vomiting help me know that I’m not empty? I feel alone, so why not push everyone away already? In a river no one would know the tears you have. No one knows how strong you’ve been tryin to be and how hard you’ve tried to hold on and overcome your demons. One minute I feel like I’m healing and I’m thriving and I’m growing, the next I feel like I took 20 steps back and I’m back into this routine of not being okay, not feeling safe, not feeling like I’m enough or worthy. I feel completely broken.