I want to be small

A charm to lose 50+ lbs by July

💛💫🔮🌻🌿💝🌼👙🐞🍄🌞🍀🔮✨🧡

when you feel a craving coming on:

drink a glass or two of water, slowly

have a piece of fruit, like an apple

make some warm herbal tea with natural sweetener

go for a long walk or hike, put your earphones in and clear your head - walk with a friend if you’d prefer

if you’re still craving the food, have the tiniest bit of it, no more than a bite, and have another glass of water

distractions:

watch a long movie or start a new show

study! complete homework or begin revising for exams

write down your own thinspo imagines

do some online window shopping and look at all the outfits you want to wear at a smaller size

make your own thinspo playlist

do some yoga or meditation

things to keep in mind:

you already know what your favourite foods taste like - you don’t need to eat them again in bulk

imagine the amount of progress you’ll make tomorrow if you exercise self control right now

the shame and guilt that follows a binge is not worth it

the physical pain and exhaustion is not worth it

you’re not just affecting your weight, you’re affecting your overall health, your mental well-being, your skin

Also me the very next day at 3am:

…all boys with an eating disorder.

…all black people with an eating disorder.

…all adults with an eating disorder.

…all overweight/normal weight people with an eating disorder.

hunger:

Simple. Just wanting to get thin. To be beautiful. To look like a ballerina, or a model. That’s all I thought it was. So, so simple.

Right?

But recently I’ve come to realize- that’s not all this is about. Of course, wanting to be thin is part of it. A big part of it. But there’s more. I’m not just starving myself because I want to lose weight or because I want to be delicate or have prominent collarbones.

I’m starving myself because I want to be loved. But love doesn’t come free, and it so often seems like nobody will ever love me by choice. So I suppose, in a way, you could say that I’m forcing people to love me.

I’m forcing them to worry. To ask if I’ve eaten. If I’m okay. If I had breakfast, if I want their extra granola bar.

“Are you feeling sick?”

“Do you need anything?”

“You should take care of yourself.”

That is what I’m REALLY after. Tell me to eat. Tell me you’re worried about me. Tell me I matter, that I shouldn’t disappear. That I’m beautiful. That I’m wanted. Please tell me.