work in progress

      E                 Am Something inside me is trying to tell me

      E                 Am I don´t know how to listen to it

      E                 Am Maybe I never learned to give it a

      E     Am voice       never came out with

Hm          Hm Spoken words

      F           F My inner eye

      Hm          A Only shows up when I´m alone

      Hm          A Seeing what nobody else can see

      Dm          Dm Not even me

      F           F My inner eye

      Hm          A Rooted too tight don´t know how to bring it

      Dm    Dm Outside

      E                       Am Lately there moments where I try to grasp it

      E                       Am But I´m still too tired, too weak and too desperate

      E                 Am And when my voice finally tries to

      E                       Am Speak up they just say that´s not really me

      E                 Am And again               it gives up ´cause they

Hm          Hm Never saw

      F           F My inner eye

      Hm          A Only shows up when I´m alone

      Hm          A Seeing what nobody else can see

      Dm          Dm Not even me

      F           F My inner eye

      Hm          A Rooted too tight don´t know how to bring it

      Dm    Dm Outside

      Hm    A don´t know how to bring it

It´s not just avoiding events More like feel odd the second I leave my place Whole body tense Praying to meet nobody in the staircase

It´s not just dreading conversation More like overwhelmed when buying milk and bread Didn´t look up nor speak up enough cash, quickly swiped card and just fled

avoid going out in daily life eye contact is too much analysing every word afraid of being judged

footsteps in the hall please let them not come in my room all alone still no chance to relax back around others way too soon

Surrounded by strangers at the mall feels like pure, painful torture hearing every single one of them talk and they all talk about me-for sure

even worse with acquaintances people I know but not close not a single word in my head I feel awkward and exposed

It´s often described as a shadow but that´s too softly explained cause it´s not simply following me It´s inside me, forever enchained

The thing is, I sense it coming I try to run, to fight it, to stop I´m restless and try to escape deep down I know I cannot

I feel so much all at once then I slowly begin to fall get consumed by this blandness till suddenly there´s nothing at all

Listen, I need you to understand all well-meant words are pointless I hate that you tell me about light when all I want to do is sit in the darkness

I hate that you tell me how I feel at those times when I can´t feel myself this only makes me feel more alone and misunderstood, nothing else

Listen, that’s not how I feel that´s how YOU feel Or you think I feel Or you wish I would feel

Sometimes I want it to come back past ache feels as familiar as present joy I think I’m missing a part of me or maybe this is the real me

Who am I? What makes me me? And even more important Who do I want to be?

What are my values? And have they changed over time? Do they change still In situations when other people opinions become mine?

How can I know what´s wrong But still not be able to change Why aren´t I still in in delusion Clueless but happy, blind but strong?

Why can´t I be happy? Why am I so sad all the time? Will I ever be satisfied? Ever learn? Is it too late already? Will I ever stop yearn?

Why am I overestimated by all who know me Their opinions higher than my talent But underestimated by people who don´t Mistake my choice to not overexpose as bland

I wish somebody would see me Just the way I am Good sides and bad sides Weakness and strength

Would you watch me fail And still give me a chance Would you watch me succeed and still know I bleed? Why do I bend to be what they like? I have to pretend for the rest of my life Does anybody know All of this is just a show?