what a wonderful name for a wonderful experience

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door

To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.

Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll

ending a social interaction with a friend and thinking "I think we grew a little bit closer today." in my head as if I'm a dating game protagonist

lie when your mother asks why you’re laughing so hard bc let me just tell you explaining this to her will not be as easy as it seems

project hail mary is a touching and poignant film that leaves you asking questions about humanity like, "wow what if all mainstream media was genuinely good" and "what if book adaptions actually gave a shit about the book in question" and "what if studios hired actors that could actually act, and then let them get a lil wacky with it"

#Don’t forget ‘what if puppetry was treated as a serious artform’ (via @specialagentartemis)

weary and wary are not the same word and have very different meanings and if i see one more person use wearily when they mean warily I’m gonna combust

thank you for this reply you get the funny crown today with bonus points for accuracy

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

“word hashtag my word #myword” has done irreversible damage to my vocabulary

Cats crave routine so much that if you don't give them any, they'll invent some for you and then get pissed off if you don't follow the secret rules that they decided for the household