always an angel, never a god
on trinity santos being a child of immigrants, a gymnast, and the most overworked-overachieving high schooler around
TW: allusions to CSA, discussions of eating disorders
₊˚ʚ trinity can’t remember the last time she wasn’t exhausted. she’s up each morning before the sun — pulling her hair back and wiping restless sleep from tired eyes so she can make it to 7am training before school. then, she’s back in the car when school ends, changing into her leotard in the back seat.
₊˚ʚ trinity doesn’t leave the gym until it’s dark once more. dinner is dumplings from the chinese place across the street and trinity eats on the drive home. dinner is followed by a rushed shower and a night that doesn’t end until homework is complete.
₊˚ʚ most of the time, trinity’s up past midnight cramming for exams and finishing all her assignments. she works while her hair dries and ice packs sit on her knee & hip. after three years of recurrent injury, trinity’s gotten good at ignoring the way that her muscles keep trying to split themselves in two.
₊˚ʚ at school, trinity doesn’t have friends. it’s a catholic girls school where she’s the only asian kid, the only non trust-fund kid, and the only one with weird food at lunch.
₊˚ʚ trinity tells herself the other girls are dicks and that she doesn’t care what they think. she doesn’t need them, they aren’t worth anything. trinity says it so often that at times, she starts to believe it. yet she continues to spend her lunch periods in the library studying over coffee or an energy drink. and if she lets herself eat, at least she’s there alone.
₊˚ʚ in moments trinity isn’t proud of, she’ll find herself zoning out and watching the girls who come in in pairs — imagining herself in their shoes instead. she imagines being wanted for who she is, not merely who she’s moulded herself to become.
₊˚ʚ it’s a weird juxtaposition and trinity knows it. she’s always surrounded by people, wether at school, home, or in the gym. her classmates all have their cliques and in theory, trinity has her team. but everyone feels so far away. trinity knows if they weren’t stuck together for 6+ hours a day, none of them would give her a second glance.
