Cy-ella

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Maybe it's Tobirama's responsibility to, if not catch the rogue Hatake himself, at least tell the clan that "ayo, we got a feral cousin, come get your mans" bc u can pry "Hatake are extremely possessive to other Hatake bc mmm pack" from my Cold. Dead. Hands. Another Hatake headconon u can pry from my cold dead hands is "Hatake's aren't meant to be alone, so they go a lil bit crazy if they don't got pack around". Which gives you a great way out from Kakashi being a suspicious motherfucker!

So people keep hitting Tobirama up bc hey, u got a lookalike that's fucking shit up everywhere and also fucking stole our kids maybe?!?! Dude! Not cool! And he's like "oh hell nah" and almost immediately sets out to go visit granny Kama (scythe, I know, incredibly basic of me) and when he gets there, he tells her all about this supposed Hatake that's causing problems and apparently stealing kids? Like shinobi kids. Real weird, maybe your reputation is getting even worse-

Granny Kama, Grandma Supreme, Head of the Hatake, Absolutely Terrifying Woman, smacks some sense into her grandkid.

First off, no judging family, you always have your family's back and give them the benefit of the doubt, especially with all the Hatake hate from all the boring stupid outsiders. So if there's a Hatake going crazy out there, you better sympathize.

Second off, stealing kids? Feral behavior. Clearly, this Hatake is in the middle of dying from mental health issues bc Hatake don't survive without pack, so this Hatake literally grasping at straws to not die, aka stealing people who could easily become pack. Again, sympathize and you're gonna offer your help or I will feed you to my wolf partner.

Third off, any kid, especially any shinobi kid, that's been stolen clearly weren't being protected enough and therefore the kids now legally belong to the Hatake, unless someone wants to challenge that? .... didn't think so.

Fourth off, you know, you don't have any kids, Tobi-chan, and no Hatake living with you in the Senju compound, and you barely visit, so maybe this is a sign from the gods that you should woo this mysterious Hatake and nurse them back to healt-

And that's about where Tobirama very rudely stands up, gives her a hug, and then leaves without another word (at least, it feels rude, but the Hatake don't really care about politeness, so it's not rude at all, he gave her a hug, that's the only part that would've been mean to not do).

Meanwhile, Kakashi is running through a forest with three kids that are barely keeping up and a fourth kid in his arms that he didn't have five minutes ago bc he has little to no self control. But he definitely does not at all have any problem with adoption or needing a pack or anything at all, really. He is so healthy.

A Great Fireball flies by over their heads.

Kakashi is NOT beating the mother hen allegations.

I honestly think it'd be kind of funny if u stick to canon and like, he's actually a little bad with kids / genuinley wants nothing to do with his team. BUT the Hatake thing ab them being serial adopters + not being good when left alone is also real. (Kakashi is just either an outlier or his instincts are buried under all that trauma + general avoidance of children as a whole)

So like. Kakashi is standing there, arms filled with children (that he did not ask for!!!) and everyone who looks at him is going "oh no,,, his Hatake instincts have overtaken him,,, he got so desperate he stole children this is literally so sad,,"

BUT NO !!! THESE ARE NOT HIS KIDS !!!! HE WANTS OUT !!!!!!!

But like. Also they've time traveled. There's no one to pass them off to or place to hide from them he's now their legal guardian as their sensei and also the only adult who can reasonably be trusted to care for them till they can get back home.

It's like one of those situations where ur mother is constantly asking when you're going to get married/have kids, and you can't just tell her to fuck off bc that's your MOM. So you just kind of squirm in ur seat and deflect

(And then eventually he slowly slips from genuinley wanting out to actually seeing them as his kids but also being DEEP in denial about it

Kids?? What kids?? He doesn't have any kids. Those brats??? Nah he hates them (he says while pausing to buy their favorite foods in the middle of a life or death chase)

Anyways ->

A) @eularin, you're a genius

B) I wanna propose an alternative, the Uchiha hear him out and decide he has to do a ghost marriage to Obito in order to keep the eye. So instead of Kakashi lying ab being married to Obito he is actually now legally married to his (not actually all that dead) ghost (oops)

Not that he fuckin knows it tho!

Also this way the Uchiha get to own his ass (and sharingan) + also get Sasuke and the other bonus children (they mostly care about Sasuke)

Anyways uhh.

Really big fan of taking the half-hatake Tobirama train and then also saying he's Kakashi's uncle (his mother was sisters with Kakashi's grandma) and saying Kakashi actually resembles him a decent amount

It's shown up a couple times in my fics actually. Every time I sprinkle a little "When he glares he resembles Tobirama" line in my fics my depression gets a little better

But my point is -> there's SOME kind of implications with Sasuke being a little Izuna look alike running around w a guy who resembles Tobirama. I don't know what implications (Tobirama doesn't have his reputation for being a mad scientist yet or else I'd say someone do a "clones gone wrong" theory) but like. Idk there's potential for smthn there

but THEN some uchiha tries to take obito's sharingan back in like the woods or whatever and tobito. fucking. Loses It.

he's worse than a feral hatake. he's ripping up this uchiha because that's HIS eye and therefore NOBODY can touch kakashi EXCEPT FOR HIM. obviously this causes even MORE confusion when ppl find out that this potential? very likely? rogue uchiha is killing anybody that even Breathes rudely in kakashi's general direction.

this somehow leads to the misunderstanding that,,, maybe the HATAKE is also kidnapped? by that uchiha? is he protecting the kids from this clearly crazy man? are they on the run from him? are they working together????

I love Regency Romance, don’t get me wrong, it’s one of my all-time favourite genres, but I really feel like there are not enough people who appreciate the non-romance shenanigans that the rigid code of politeness in force in Approximate-Regency-Period England allows. Where are the stories about:

1. Someone accidentally wanders into the wrong social group without realizing it, Certain Things are never openly discussed, ergo two discreetly gay dudes have been effectively members of a smuggling operation for like 4 years without anyone noticing the misunderstanding. A Discreet Communication Carried For A Friend is a  Discreet Communication Carried For A Friend, after all. 

2. Elderly matriarch of large and successful family is discovered on her death to be the widow of the wrong Sir Henry, at no point did anyone notice because It’s Rude To Pry, entire family has been slavishly obeying the whims of a completely unrelated stranger for 30 years purely because she turned up and announced that she was Eccentric Uncle Henry’s widow. 

3. Trans dude makes his first foray out in male attire, meets a bunch of Lively Young Gentlemen while out drinking, they’re friends now, his entire made-up-on-the-spot backstory is accepted without question, nobody questions him for the next 50 years because he’s Lord So-and-so’s Dear Chum and therefore is just presumed to have been vetted at some point. Once or twice a Fellow Chum finds out, is mildly shocked, and then Never Speaks Of It Again Because One Does Not. 

4. Being a werewolf is HELL when it takes 2-3 hours to get dressed to socially acceptable standards and all the best parties are on full moon nights so people can see to drive home. 

5. Angry ex shows up to be poisonously sweet at a party, it is Literally Unthinkable to be so rude as to tell them to leave. 

6. All your friends are 100% down to help each other cover up a scandal. So far your friends-group has concealed 1 lesbian affair, 2 het affairs, smuggling, extortion, and 2 murders. 

AHA WEVE FOUND IT

the making began Yesterday.

first katyas parter Was in fact able to find me a mold at good will for 2 dollars, right now it is soaking so i cannot show you a picture but trust me, it exists and it is lovely.

second thank you to everyone who sent me in their recipes for pashka. i am eternally grateful. but, i have decided that i will be combining several recipes together for a few reasons:

i know for a Fact that my great aunts version has farmers cheese and sour cream in it, not cottage cheese.

Some People in my family get pissy about eating raw eggs

i feel like this is the proper course of action for any good eastern european girl: making something so uniquely unique that it is impossible for anyone else to replicate.

this of course led to the Third step of the evening, as in yesterday evening, which was gathering the ingredients. this was much harder than i anticipated. because it took three stores.

store 1 (the fresh market) had the appropriate sour cream and golden raisins (which i have decided to use as a mix in) but only salted macadamia nuts. store 2 (safeway) had the macadamia nuts but Nothing else. store 3 (wegmans) had literally everything else i needed Including the candied fruit gummies.

i of course informed my sister of the improvements:

though, my sister was substantially less excited than i was:

i then ate half of the fruit gummies in the car back and came to the conclusion that they were Not in the original recipe because the texture was wrong.

see. no one knows what the fuck was ever in this cake. as seen above. there were definitely tiny macadamia nuts and chopped up candied Somethings (maybe maraschino cherries? and something else green??) but i did not have the time nor the desire to go to a polish deli to hunt for the mysterious candied Things.

could i have asked my great aunt what was in the recipe?

yes absolutely. she's quite alive and well. but after the infamous Walnut Cake Fiasco from christmas eve, during which i had to make walnut cake. for christmas eve. (and no you cannot have the recipe) i decided against asking.

so i decided to Fuck whatever was in the original cake and do my own thing. after copious amounts of research, i have landed on using my macadamia nuts, golden raisins, orange and lemon zest and juice, vanilla bean and vanilla extract. of which i happened to have a fuck ton of because i just made homeade vanilla extract.

and now that it is no later than 11:23pm, it is the perfect time to embark on the task of Trying Not To Fuck Up The Pashka.

in our quest i managed to forget once again that i 1. live in a college town with 7 bars and 2. its a friday night at midnight. so as we traipsed along to 7/11 we got to sing along dramatically to baby by justin bieber that was being blasted by one of the bars. we then got slushees, went to the gas station for the evaporated milk and saw three frat boys decked out in gucci loafers and vineyard vines and all three of them had their cards decline on 1. voss water 2. an ice cream sandwich and 3. a celcius.

but!

so my mold does not have drainage holes in it (as it is not the biblically correct one) this is not really a problem except for the fact that a vital step of pashka making is pressing the liquid out of it in the mold overnight in the fridge. mine turned out rather soupy and so i had the Brilliant idea to wring the liquid out blob by blob at a time through cloth napkins. which coated my whole kitchen in Cheese. and also myself. and katyas partner who stayed up with me to attempt the pashka. katya went to sleep like a loser. sometimes though, you have to coat yourself in cheese to find yourself. i do not know if i have found myself yet. will report back on that.

anyway the cheese draining method Worked and it Tastes Correct but!!! there was still more liquid that needed to come out so. i put the whole thing in a salad spinner basket in the cheese cloth in a bowl to catch the drips with a plate under it and 2 weights on a plate on top of it to press the liquid out. tomorrow morning once the liquid is drained i’ll put it in the mold.

i have no idea if this will work. but it Does taste good. so there is that. and at least my kitchen is no longer covered in cheese.

also to all of you getting pissed i was calling this cake. growing up it was quite literally called cheesecake so. hush. not everyone’s traditions are your traditions that’s what makes them traditions.

what Is tradition about this is that my great aunt would be rolling in her grave if she had a grave to roll in.

i fear i am still sticky.

also thank u everyone for figuring out the mysterious red and green cherry things. they do indeed look like the holiday fruit. if this works perhaps i will try again with the holiday fruit.

my parents do not know there is pashka.

i put some comically large strawberries on her

”alright,” my dad said, taking a bite. remember that he didn’t even know there was pashka until a few minutes ago. “how did you make the cake? because it’s really good”

and while this recipe was a pain in the ass to make, i will share it. with all of you.

HOW TO MAKE THE PASHKA

step 1. first you must be a little insane.

step 2. gather the ingredients: 2lbs farmers cheese, 1/2 cup sour cream, 1 stick soft unsalted butter, 2/3 can evaporated milk, 1 3/4 cups sugar, about half a cup finely chopped unsalted macadamia nuts, about 3/4 cup chopped golden raisins, 1 orange, 1 lemon, vanilla extract, 1 vanilla bean, cheesecloth, 6 inch vintage mold, salad spinner bowl or something else with holes in it, 5 lb weights, napkins, vodka (to drink yourself)

step 3: combine chopped macadamia nuts and chopped golden raisins into a container with lid. zest into it 1 whole lemon and 1 whole orange. add the juice of the lemon and the orange. add in a large splash of vanilla extract and a scraped vanilla bean pod. mix, cover, and put in fridge for several hours

step 4: press the farmers cheese through a fine mesh sieve with the back of a spoon into bowl. set aside.

step 5: put 2/3 cup evaporated milk into saucepan. slowly heat with 1 cup sugar. heat until it has taken on color and has thickened. stir a lot. remove from heat.

step 6: cream butter and 3/4 cup sugar with electric mixer paddle attachment. add sour cream and condensed milk. beat again.

step 7: add in the fluffed farmers cheese. switch to the beater attachment. beat at least 5 minutes

step 8: take the mixture a few scoops at a time into a cloth (not a paper towel) and wring out excess liquid over a sink. this will be messy. and sticky. wear clothes you don’t care about. now might be a good time to drink your vodka. scrape the napkin contents out into a bowl. it should still be liquidy but less wet. repeat for rest of bowl.

step 9: drain liquid out of the nut raisin citrus mixture. fold into the drained cheese

step 10: put cheesecloth into the basket of a salad spinner. make sure there is overhang over the edges. place cheese mixture into the cheese cloth. wrap excess cloth over the top of the pashka, weigh down with a plate and 5lbs of weights. place the salad spinner basket into a bowl slightly smaller than the basket so that there is room for the liquid to drain to. put in fridge for around 9 hours

step 10: remove pashka from salad spinner basket and place in your mold, place lid and weights on top of it for 1 hour

step 11: remove weights and plate. soak up any liquid that has been pressed out with paper towels. leave in mold until serving time

step 12: remove from mold, take off cheese cloth, place on plate. serve with strawberries. be very glad that you only have to make this cake once a year.

look up recipes (especially snack recipes) that are child/toddler/baby-friendly

one thing that stayed a beloved food we've kept all these years as a thanksgiving fave was pumpkin crescent rolls.

1 pkg active dry yeast

1 cup warm water (105 to 115 degrees F)

1 cup canned pumpkin

1/2 cup shortening butter is great

1/3 cup sugar

1 egg

1 1/2 tsp salt

5 to 6 cups flour

Dissolve yeast in warm water in a large bowl. Stir in the pumpkin, shortening, sugar, egg, salt, and 3 cups of flour. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough of the remaining flour to make the dough easy to handle.

Turn dough onto lightly floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes. Place in a greased bowl; turn greased side of dough up. Cover. Let rise in a warm place until double, about one hour. (Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched.)

Grease cookie sheets.

Punch down dough. Divide it into 3 equal parts. Roll each part into a 12 inch circle on a floured surface. Spread margarine on circle. Cut into twelve wedges. Roll up the wedges tightly, starting at the rounded edges. Place rolls on a greased cookie sheet with points down. Curve slightly. Let rise until double, 30-45 minutes.

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Bake until golden brown, 15 to 20 minutes.