A thirst that will not be quenched scrapes the esophagus like sandpaper on cement

What dust has been collected on a heart forgotten

On the bookshelf of fantasy, romance curled up and died against fraying fabric

A mirror in an attic reflects dreams that never left a pillow

The eyes, a pool of cold coffee, feel desperate and wet. Frozen in time and replaying the moments where they were invisible

Pleading on your knees to the God found in the skin of a man

As hollow as the land he draws his lines in

Cold blooded and built of rugged cement blocks

Streams of red like tears painting the edges on the climb that never ends

A backpack for gauze wrapped around you for a deity that won’t smile down on you

Arms crossed eyes locked as you stumble and trip

He hopes you cry and beg for Him

Prove you’re worthy. Prove he’s worthy

Your gift is time that He allowed you to have.

Dry aching roots split beneath this stone caving in and crushing outreached ends

There is no water for this desert

Only water to clean the stone

Climb up again

Storms split the sky and knees as they crash against the stone

Stop and disappoint the God. Keep going and anger the God.

There is no winning a war meant to end with the throat on a blade

Tongue cut out and kept in a box

Only please and don’t receive

There will never be a turn for you

There is only the prison you’ve made yourself

I want to look back at these memories and be grateful we shared them

I’m tired of hating him

and missing him

and hating him some more

but mostly I’m tired of the dreams

where that look in his eye didn’t change

I wish my anger were true

and not a weapon formed in the face of truth

reality and my dreams shouldn’t be on opposite ends

If they had gotten along

we would have been closer to each other

and not

the edge

or a tear in my heart

a hollow cup to fill yours

hearts beating

to the whisper of obsession

unstoppable

unmovable

sacrifice your power

to get through the stone

carve up your self

just for a peak

in the end it’s just an echo of aching

the deafening sound of hollow

the cost of this heart

Calm

I was a million flames bursting at the seams

I’m sorry I couldn’t be the love you desired

A love formed by the cosmos meant to be

Impossible to ignore but my heart was a vacancy sign and you only stayed the night

How can something so cold and empty be a home for someone who always deserved more

I saw a future in your eyes that was nothing more than a dream

Snapshots of memories with your face scratched out

A love that was never meant to be but I would repeat the pain again and again if it meant I could get a chance to love you right

Why didn’t I love you right from the beginning

To be the water and sun that made you grow

I guess I just never knew you didn’t feel it too

To you it felt more like drowning right?

As if you were lost at sea

And I was waves crashing around you, pulling you under leaving you breathless and exhausted

But I thought we were swimming in the same place

Where the water is calm and all you can hear is the ocean kissing the shore

Because every time I laid on your chest and listened to your heart, time stopped

And in your eyes I saw endless possibilities.

Like that breathtaking, lost in thought “I can’t believe I’m just a tiny speck in this big universe” endless

And with you right by my side “we can rule this universe” type of possible

But in your eyes I only saw a reflection of myself

I was fighting this war alone

The harder I tried to make us work

The farther back you stepped

Until you stepped so far back I couldn’t tell the difference between love and a white flag

You can’t love someone so hard that they’ll love you back

And I held you tighter when you yelled those words.

“I don’t love you anymore”

As if my arms could put us back together

As if I could fix the shattered glass

And glue each individual speck back together

And no matter how much blood stained the glass I kept going

Because we were worth it

It lights up every nerve and grips the spirit

It’s the driving force when I crash my lips into yours as red light wraps around us like a blanket

It’s the goosebumps that dance like dominoes on my skin

Have you seen the many ridges of history in tree bark

Or the way cream blends itself into a fresh cup of coffee

The color of your eyes are unique to your soul

Thousands of words unspoken rest behind warm honey

My thoughts race against each other, colliding like bumper cars

At the center, I wonder if the passion I feel is always meant to be one sided

If I’m forever destined to feel loss at the expense of love

And if you are another goodbye, I relish hello and wish I could live in that moment

Doubt is just as strong a feeling, shackled to my mind and hope

My hands have tarnished every delicate petal

and ruined the calm of still waters

You deserve a love that makes mountains bow

And that feels like a grand finale

You are intricate, meant to be the muse for the finest of paintings

How I wish I could understand the details and brushstrokes that crafted your soul

And if that soul would mind making room for mine

I could list hundreds of wants, be breathless and feel like there’s infinite more

Mainly, I want to show you a world absent of pain

And a reason to believe that the universe crafted a path to each other

A course charted by constellations

And the water rushes on

The earth crumbles around me

And the once stable ground

becomes a sinkhole

I thought this was my manifested reality

where you grab my hand

and we build a home

but my hands are not hands

they are shovels

i am the one who created this hole

how long to be the gentle rain that kisses your skin

The roots that lay and move beneath you whisper your history

And from this soil, life grows

Tall oak trees stretch out towards the sky telling stories of your strength

I lose myself in the ridges that form a symphony composed of you

Your garden inspires me to water my own

To weather storms and sunny days

To lose and gain

I think of the cycles of life that must have been completed to create the poem that is you

The seeds planted and weeds ripped from the earth

Below us is the layers of the earth we excavated, an attempt at a foundation

On top of that, lay dew that whisper forgotten hope

It’s strange how fast someone you love can become a stranger.

Hands that once felt like a glove more closely resemble a ghosts

desperation here shows up as shaved legs lathered in lotion

It reeks of forced laughter and your favorite perfume

I desire a love that is as deep as my own

A love that only pushes to go as far as Infinity

Who grabs my hand if I need a breath and sputters for air simultaneously

Desperation looks like whittling a puzzle piece to fit

It is an ear deaf to your complete and utter disappointment