the first day of my life

noooo dont turn off your phone im literally inside it

trust that garlic and i are well acquainted

really annoying to have no energy no matter how much sleep you get

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

Boass can I go hoame I lack the human spirit

what companies who sell you anti aging stuff don't want you to know is that if you're chill about aging, your perception of attractiveness changes as you get older. there is no "wall" where you suddenly become ugly and unfuckable because in my experience what actually happens is you get into your thirties and suddenly realize that people in their thirties are hot as fuck and the "flaws" that the beauty industry wants you to panic about are a feature not a bug, and based on the std statistics in nursing homes I don't really expect that trajectory to change.

*does five minutes of work* ok now i deserve a three week break. No consequences please 👍

adhd riddled fucking website

guys raised by fly's

It's Thick Thighs Thursday. Bite a thick thigh today!

why is everyone so mean. how aren’t you tired

smoking the shit that turned the clock wise