the first day of my life

You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

Please, how do you know this?

quicksand does not have any hands

OK I'm in the pussy 👍. Now what

Extract the artifact and get out of there STAT!

i very much want to clarify before people get mad at me: i am not saying this is a thing that matters genuinely literally at all ever. i just am curious if most people care or are even aware of this.

i can handle one (1) Event™ per day. whether it be a phone call, an appointment, trip to the grocery store, play date with a friend, etc. only one, that's it. any more than that and i am Stressed

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

the guy you made up to get mad at does exist btw you just haven't spent enough time in the reddit comments section

maybe I like talking about the weather okay…… it’s not awkward to me. we’ve both been outside today and the sun and clouds were there too, let’s discuss.

Dont unfollow me I can post about something you care even less about wait

we can’t talk here contact me in my dream tonight

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

#MyFly