"you wouldn't want that in real life" yeah i know it's called playing pretend, try to keep up

*walks up to a group of children playing raptor* you wouldn't want to be chased by raptors in real life, i say smugly with my vast knowledge as an Adult.

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

every tree grabbed my ass and beat me senseless. so much so that my allergist scribbled more trees! and yet the lovely elm cradled and comforted me

it is human nature to weave strings of yarn, threads, or fibers together to make cloth and textiles

humans will see a soft cellulose plant material or downy animal coat and say is anyone going to twist that staple fibre in order to make a cohesive thread and then not wait for an answer

my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

btw this has graduated into me just saying "the trout population will be affected" and then not elaborating

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

they say that this camp was settled on top of a cracker burial ground and at night you can hear their ghosts wailing "dave said he had to work and can't come to the pioneer day grill-out" and "oooh grace brought jell-o 😀." scary, right?

they got trans bitches on here named shit like Die

sie haben trans bitches hier, die haben so beschissene Namen wie The

he was first guy to hang out with normal people. No one had done it before